Wife Material?

rtg

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Hey gents, I’m interested to know what traits you would consider to be “wife material”? Or just relationship material if marriage doesn’t interest you.

Also, I’ve always thought that a man wouldn’t want to enter anything serious if I “give it up” too quickly. What are your opinions on this?
 
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There are really two questions here. I’ll answer the first the same way I answered it to my son. “Wife material” is essentially a best friend, and that’s essentially someone you can trust / be vulnerable to. There’s a lot more to it than that, but the internet is only so big... ;). Ask more specific questions and I’ll try to answer more specifically.

As far as giving it up too quickly... I’ve screwed a lot of women, but only loved a few. They were the ones I didn’t take home from a bar, etc... I was in love with them before we ever had sex, and for a lot of reasons other than sex. Maybe that’s just a coincidence. I’m 50 and have been married 25 years.
 

Hatt_101

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I'm not looked ng to get married yet but in the future say but qualities is say I like are ones like Herodotus said a best friend would be ideal someone that has very similar interests and likes the same things I do.

As for giving it up quickly that's not a factor it's her decision whether or not she wants to do that in it would not negatively influence my decision to be with her if I truly enjoyed her company. I don't see it as a problem especially since the majority of guys would give it up on the first date if it were an option.
 

socalfreak

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Wow.
Well... Ok.
In no particular order:
Smart. So we can learn from each other.
Funny. I have a odd/dry/dark/Daffy duck Sense of humor. If you can't appreciate some ridiculous in your life, I'm not for you.
Compassion. Especially for animals.
Healthy sex drive.... And fun. If you only want missionary on Saturday nights with the lights off.... Uhh... No.
Strength. Especially mentally. I can bulldoze a conversation. It's a bad trait. It sucks. Having somebody who can stand their ground and keep me grounded is invaluable.
Effort. I don't quit.... The tattoo on my back says "fight to the end". You don't have to succeed all the time... But, you have to try like hell. I respect that. If I respect you, I trust you. Not many people get to that point.
Be physical. I like doing physical fun stuff. Can't do dinner and a movie my whole life.
Agree to disagree.
I am no day at the beach. Don't take it personal.
Be supportive when I need it. You'll get it back a hundred fold.

There's more. But, that's a good start. Lol
I got very very very lucky when I met @Snarky_succubus . One in a million.

As far as waiting for the right amount of time before being intimate with somebody....
If the chemistry is there, it's there.
Anyway... Hope that's what you were looking for.
 

GoingOnABoeing

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For me it would have to be someone who gives me my space, has a good sense of humor, respects and doesn't interfere with my friends, doesn't complain about my expensive hobbies, and into open relationships.
 

MennoCoehorn

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I pretty much agree with Herodotus.

Wife material is the best friend you can trust with anything, tell everything, share all secrets, expose weaknesses, have good laughter, enjoy spending time together, support each other, be proud of each other, have satisfying sex....

But I know there are people who hide things, fetishes, fantasies.... from their spouses.

The most important thing of course is unconditional love.

I don't fall in love easily....and as Herodotus, those I loved I loved long before I had sex with them.
But it doesn't mean that if it wasn't that way I would not start having feelings for them.

They were so unique and so amazing...clever... that most likely I would fall deeply in love with them no matter how quickly or slowly they "gave it up".

Oh.... Respect. I would not be able to fall in love with any woman I don't respect.
When I see an independent hard working confident woman (and with confident I do not mean some crazy feminist ostentatiously trying to convince the world how strong she is)....that is just something that raises my interest and heart rate.

I am too sleepy to continue writing.... maybe I'll finish it tomorrow.
There are more things to add....
Sluttiness.... and ability not to feel pain during intercourse... I've split up a few days ago... So I've added those two.


Have a good one,
M.C.
 
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1078791

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“wife material”
What a good question, thx. Herodotus really said it in the simple from, but very true. If something were to happen to our marriage of 27 yrs I would still look for these qualities, tho I won’t be looking to wed.
As for giving up to quickly, we each progress at our own pace, and we should.
 
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njfellow2002

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Hey gents, I’m interested to know what traits you would consider to be “wife material”? Or just relationship material if marriage doesn’t interest you.

Also, I’ve always thought that a man wouldn’t want to enter anything serious if I “give it up” too quickly. What are your opinions on this?

Wife material is anyone that you can respect, and respects you back in like measure. Someone that you enjoy spending time with , find attractive (of course), and have similar values, and you can see a future with. All of that criteria is totally different for each person.

I'm not sure what 'too quickly' is for you. Statistically, people who are going a date (as opposed to a 'hookup site") will have sex after the 3rd date. I'm guessing if you can get through a couple of dates, you would feel some chemistry and explore those waters. Again, I'm talking about dating, not hooking up. Remember the old saying that 'we date, so we can stop dating"
 
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ronin001

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I am incredibly shallow, so when I initially meet a woman, either casually / professionally; I seldom get interest sparks, if there are such things 7 times out of 10 I say to myself , nice lady / pretty lady and that is about it ( this is the shallow me typing now ) .

However if I get see this person again, her other positive traits may endear themselves on me. If I find that she is intelligent / witty / funny / shares a hobby / likes anime / likes the outdoors Etc, then any combination of these qualities would make her someone I would like to spend time around.

Someone with a sense of self, who has a life of her own; but is willing to share it with me. In the same breath, someone who acknowledges, that I have a life, a few friends , family traditions, hobbies etc. Hopefully she realizes that i need a little time now and again to carry on the life I already have. I would grant her the same space for her friends / family hobbies etc.

The next steps, on the road to love would be mutual trust and respect. Pick a few of the above qualities and you have a winner / keeper
 

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I think the wife material aspect has been covered and is pretty dead on.

As for the "giving it up too quickly" in my opinion that is some out dated shit. Sex for many is an important aspect and i can't keep track of the number of people I've known who are just not on the same sexual level as their significant other and it usually leads to problems. I've had relationships where we fucked on the first date, in several cases they made the first move, said they'd rather know right away if the sex was good and i'd have to agree. On the other hand I've pursued women who wanted to wait, only to find out after that first time the sex was trash, Had one woman she seemed decent, we had a bit of history[i'd gone to school with her sister] had her life together, had goals, she was pretty, we went out for a month and a half give or take, she didn't want to move too fast after her last relationship, it finally happened and the sex was just awkward, she wasn't used to my size, she only wanted it missionary and again due to size it was very slow and lastly oral was a no go giving or receiving, she thought it was unsanitary, slept together a couple more times but i broke it off shortly after.
 

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On our first real date, my wife and I expressed ourselves sexually, as was the custom in those days.

like @Herodotus, I’ve been married (nearly) 25 years.

It’s difficult to look back and say whether my wife was good wife material. To be honest, both of us might have made different choices in hindsight. But here we are and we’ve made it this long. We must be doing something right.

I think the best wife is a woman who doesn’t get tired of having you around, for whatever reason and for however she manages it.
 

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Thanks all! I really appreciate your responses :)

A couple of you said that you have to respect her.... what are some things that would establish respect? For me, I think that if I jump into bed straight away with a guy (if I’m trying to pursue more) that I’m not really respecting myself and he won’t respect me either. But maybe that’s not the case? I used to not care and would sleep with a guy whenever but it never really had a good outcome...
 

njfellow2002

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A couple of you said that you have to respect her.... what are some things that would establish respect?
Great question: Remember that a person only treats you the way you allow yourself to be treated. Same goes for respect. Withholding sex (using it as a manipulative tool) would make me lose respect for a woman quickly, because she sees sex as a tool in the relationship. If a woman lays out ground work about her life (work, time with family, etc) and shows me that she has priorities that came long before me, and I'm a part of her life, not the entirety of it. I have to earn my space in her life, as she has to earn hers with me. That builds respect. I hope that helps.
 
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If everything goes according the plan: personality and compatibility. Of course, attraction is fundamental.

Every guy wants to settle down with a women we can enjoy the rest of our lives with, just like you girls.
 
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rtg

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Great question: Remember that a person only treats you the way you allow yourself to be treated. Same goes for respect. Withholding sex (using it as a manipulative tool) would make me lose respect for a woman quickly, because she sees sex as a tool in the relationship. If a woman lays out ground work about her life (work, time with family, etc) and shows me that she has priorities that came long before me, and I'm a part of her life, not the entirety of it. I have to earn my space in her life, as she has to earn hers with me. That builds respect. I hope that helps.
Thankyou! This is very insightful and helpful. Do you see someone who wants to wait until they know a person better as withholding sex in terms of being manipulative? What if I was to say that I was celibate unless in a relationship? I’m trying to understand how men may perceive me. I haven’t decided on the celibacy thing yet... I haven’t even been on a date so figure I don’t need to yet lol. But I don’t want it to come across as though I’m trying to manipulate someone into a relationship... the reason is really about protecting myself from getting attached too quickly.
 

MennoCoehorn

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Thanks all! I really appreciate your responses :)

A couple of you said that you have to respect her.... what are some things that would establish respect? For me, I think that if I jump into bed straight away with a guy (if I’m trying to pursue more) that I’m not really respecting myself and he won’t respect me either. But maybe that’s not the case? I used to not care and would sleep with a guy whenever but it never really had a good outcome...

Hi,

This might be very individual.

For example:
Apart from other things, a woman earns my respect if she is independent, capable, not relying on others, if she is trying to move forward with her life, learning new skills, etc.....

I totally disrespect anyone (men or women) who is happy with their miserable lives, living from one day to another without any desire to be better.

Regarding your question about jumping to bed straight away and you perceiving it as "not respecting yourself".

I just disagree. Sex makes us feel good.
If you make yourself feeling good it's not a sign that you don't respect yourself.
It is a sign that you are a healthy human being.

You asked what is a wife material.
I can tell what a wife material is not (to me):
Woman sexualy inhibited by "third parties". With that I mean anyone but herself.

I perceive such women as slaves of other people's opinions. Not attractive.
It shows mental weakness. I personally do not want to have a child with a woman who is mentally weak.

Therefore, if a woman wants to have sex and she does it because it makes her feel good, then that is a woman for me. Mentally independent and free. Hot.

I have kind of lost respect to a female friend of mine who is unhappy and sexually unsatisfied in her marriage and instead of doing something about it, she just prefers remaining unhappy.

She doesn't cheat on her husband although she can. She said that on her holiday she is going to do it so I brought her some condoms - but eventually she didnt do anything.

She has a mental block that prevents her from feeling happy and satisfied. How low is that.
I cannot stop myself from perceiving that as a subhuman way of thinking and living.

So, apart from other things that I have described in my previous post, my wife will also have to be sexualy uninhibited. Common terms used for such women are: slut, easy, whore, etc.
Examples of true feminine independence.

That is a wife material for me.
 
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Sagittarius84

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Do you see someone who wants to wait until they know a person better as withholding sex in terms of being manipulative? What if I was to say that I was celibate unless in a relationship?
I dont think it's inherently manipulative, but it can come off as very opportunistic to a man that is initially and genuinely into you. I cant speak for other men as to how they receive it, but i see wanting to have sex but opting not to as a bit of a red flag, a way of possibly commoditizing or incentivizing the experience. I personally cannot develop a relationship in celibacy, not that I don't respect those whom do.
And therein lies the rub...ones dating preferences are always going on some level drive away some potentially great partners and attract some problematic ones
 
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rtg

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Hi,

This might be very individual.

For example:
Apart from other things, a woman earns my respect if she is independent, capable, not relying on others, if she is trying to move forward with her life, learning new skills, etc.....

I totally disrespect anyone (men or women) who is happy with their miserable lives, living from one day to another without any desire to be better.

Regarding your question about jumping to bed straight away and you perceiving it as "not respecting yourself".

I just disagree. Sex makes us feel good.
If you make yourself feeling good it's not a sign that you don't respect yourself.
It is a sign that you are a healthy human being.

You asked what is a wife material.
I can tell what a wife material is not (to me):
Woman sexualy inhibited by "third parties". With that I mean anyone but herself.

I perceive such women as slaves of other people's opinions. Not attractive.
It shows mental weakness. I personally do not want to have a child with a woman who is mentally weak.

Therefore, if a woman wants to have sex and she does it because it makes her feel good, then that is a woman for me. Mentally independent and free. Hot.

I have kind of lost respect to a female friend of mine who is unhappy and sexually unsatisfied in her marriage and instead of doing something about it, she just prefers remaining unhappy.

She doesn't cheat on her husband although she can. She said that on her holiday she is going to do it so I brought her some condoms - but eventually she didnt do anything.

She has a mental block that prevents her from feeling happy and satisfied. How low is that.
I cannot stop myself from perceiving that as a subhuman way of thinking and living.

So, apart from other things that I have described in my previous post, my wife will also have to be sexualy uninhibited. Common terms used for such women are: slut, easy, whore, etc.
Examples of true feminine independence.

That is a wife material for me.
Wow... that’s rough.

I’m not sure if you are implying that I’m “sexually inhibited by third parties”. My question was purely about how men may view women who jump into bed too quickly. It wasn’t about me doing or not doing something because of how others may view me. It is my choice to not jump into bed straight away because of my own self-respect. If a guy can’t wait then he can go and find someone else.

I disagree with you that sleeping around is “true feminine independence”. There are so many more things that I value above that. I’d prefer to focus on equality in that a woman isn’t labelled as a slut or whore for sleeping around. But my preference, and which is also my right with being a woman and a feminist, is that I choose when I’m ready to give my body to someone. Not that I give it to someone because that’s simply what they want.

And the fact that you encouraged your friend to cheat on her husband is horrible.
 

rtg

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I dont think it's inherently manipulative, but it can come off as very opportunistic to a man that is initially and genuinely into you. I cant speak for other men as to how they receive it, but i see wanting to have sex but opting not to as a bit of a red flag, a way of possibly commoditizing or incentivizing the experience. I personally cannot develop a relationship in celibacy, not that I don't respect those whom do.
And therein lies the rub...ones dating preferences are always going on some level drive away some potentially great partners and attract some problematic ones
Thank you for being honest. Sigh, this is where the issue comes in for me... I’ve been with guys who have claimed to have wanted a relationship but then after I sleep with them it’s clear they weren’t genuine. So maybe the next question is, how do I really know if someone is genuinely into me vs they just enjoy the chase/challenge to get in my pants?