Will getting in shape make my gf more attracted to me?

jared7577768

Admired Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 11, 2006
Posts
243
Media
315
Likes
994
Points
498
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
This is going to be embarrassing, but she's worth it.
My gf and I have been together for 20 years. I love her more than anything, and I try to make sure she knows that on a regular basis. We communicate, we share the same interests, we love spending time with one another, I make her laugh a lot. I think she's wonderful and bright, and if you even glance at the pics in my albums you'll know that I absolutely worship her body and consider her my living sexual fantasy...there's nothing I wouldn't do to try to please her.
So...
She doesn't seem to find me attractive...or at least, she's not drawn to me physically in the same way I am to her. Maybe once a month (or less) she is inclined to have sex, but the rest of the time she has no interest.
Now here's the real embarrassing part...Physically I am:
-6 feet tall
-Pretty good looking and have all my hair, and it is thick
-OVERWEIGHT...I weigh 250lbs
-Not physically active (clearly) and very soft
-Very hairy
-Small penis: 4" erect length and 5" erect girth.
I *think* I've got a pretty good personality and the things that are supposed to "count" in a real, loving relationship...which again, we *do* have.

Can't do much about the penis except the occasional pumping before sex (which she ALWAYS responds to positively even though she denies any interest in my pursuing it).

But if I got into really good shape...low body fat, toned up...maybe an ass that's halfway decent to look at...do you, as women, think it might increase her sexual attraction to me? Assuming I'm not too skewed in my perception of myself and our relationship...would that increase *your* physical attraction to someone you were in love with? Thanks!
 

jared7577768

Admired Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 11, 2006
Posts
243
Media
315
Likes
994
Points
498
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
This is a hard question to answer. Can i ask, how did you look when you met her?

Fair question. We met in college when I was 19 and she was 21. I was in pretty decent shape...not buff or anything but a fairly good body-fat level. Weighed about 200 and pant size was 36. We both gained weight over the next few years (and I quit smoking). About 10 years ago we both lost a lot of weight through weight-watchers...I got down to 185 and a pant size of 32. And no, she wasn't any more sexually attracted to me then, however I was still pretty soft...I had lost the weight from diet and walking, but did nothing for strength training. So I was thin, but with no muscle tone...just kind of "weak" and flabby. And no definition either. After a year or so of "thin-ness" we both started putting on weight again, and a couple of years after that we got back to our overweight status. She is holding it much different than before...she is much more hourglass-shaped than the first time and her breasts are several cup-sizes bigger. So her weight gain has just made her more attractive. I, on the other hand, am just as dumpy as before. So in our 20+ years together, I have been out of shape much more than I've been in-shape.
 

Jillang

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2010
Posts
584
Media
0
Likes
18
Points
53
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
You have been dating your gf for 20 years and you are worried that she isn't attracted to you? Did I read that right? All I can say is that you are doing something right because there is no way I would date for 20 years. My guess is that she doesn't care too much about how physically fit you are but she will appreciate the effort? Obviously I don't know the details but just because you have different sex drives doesn't mean she's not attracted to you. It sounds like you have a good relationship but you are just concerned she doesn't find you attractive physically. Why not discuss it with her? She obviously finds you attractive in at least some ways.
 

jared7577768

Admired Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 11, 2006
Posts
243
Media
315
Likes
994
Points
498
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Thanks for the feedback. I guess we just consider ourselves as married...we clearly plan on spending the rest of our lives together. I have spoken to her about it, and she tells me she is physically attracted to me but, frankly, I have a hard time believing it. Not just because of the lack of interest in sex...but additionally it's the complete absence of those little things...gestures, comments, glances, touches...you know? Not talking about public groping or anything, just those occasional, subtle indicators that validate you as a physically attractive being. If you are genuinely physically attracted to someone, you can't help but occasionally and involuntarily indicate that you feel that way. Same is true if you are *not* physically attracted to them, regardless of what you say. Again, I'm not talking about getting mauled in the parking lot or anything...just some semblance of a desire of contact. I want to feel attractive to the person I love most in this world.
 

EllieP

Worshipped Member
Gold
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Posts
9,923
Media
4
Likes
22,052
Points
318
Location
USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
I think you're the one putting too much emphasis on the physical as the cause and not looking into what's happening with her. She sounds to be around my age, and I know that I go in cycles where I desperately need to touch him to where I want my own space for a while. He understands it, or at least he claims he does. Doesn't stop him from wanting to touch me, and I'm ok with that sometimes.

Don't worry about how she views you're physical condition, but I would still recommend that for your health that you at least begin some kind of exercise regimen. And I'm only saying that because I'm a bear for fitness. I wish my husband would actually gain weight but just for his own health and not because I like guys with more meat on their bones.

Keep adoring her and start getting fit. Things will work out for you.
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

Account Disabled
Joined
Apr 26, 2006
Posts
1,280
Media
0
Likes
25
Points
183
Sexuality
No Response
My short & sweet answer is lift some weight & ask her to marry you!! Problem solved. ;+)

I have to agree! Anyway wouldn't YOU feel better if you lost some weight? for your own health and peace of mind? And i know that marriage isn't as popular these days but maybe your relationship needs a little something to spice up the sex life again? Have you even asked her if she would like to get married? Long term relationships are all about working to keep it interesting. If that's what you want then add something new. You two sound a lot happier than most of the couples on here! Talk to her.
 

helgaleena

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2006
Posts
5,475
Media
7
Likes
43
Points
193
Location
Wisconsin USA
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Female
If you are both not straying, the only thing left is to be your own best friend and do what you can for your own health and happiness. If you think of yourself as overweight and soft, change that for yourself, not just because of what others think.

Did you used to have much more sex 20 years ago? After 20 years, libidos can change. Her sex drive and yours may once have been in better sync. But you need to weigh the pros and cons of the entire relationship before stepping out.

It's never fair to say that there is something wrong about one person's sex drive differing from another's. Also Toxin has a point too. Your sex life might be in a rut.

Couples counseling, or at least a long heart-to-heart, may be in order. Tell her you don't feel loved, but taken for granted. She may not even realize. She may need to imagine how it would be without you. Gestures of love are not always in a style that the other can easily note, as we all have different 'love styles'.

Good luck to you both. You sound like good friends.
 

jared7577768

Admired Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 11, 2006
Posts
243
Media
315
Likes
994
Points
498
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Thanks to everyone for your time and your supportive words! The bottom line is that we are very happy together, and we have always been each other's best friend. There is no chance that I'd ever cheat on her, and what we have as a whole is much more fulfilling than anything from the purely physical realm could provide. I think I'll start taking better care of myself; get healthy, physically fit, and then take things from there. Thanks again!
 

BBClovingMILF

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Posts
212
Media
6
Likes
74
Points
263
Location
West coast
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Thanks to everyone for your time and your supportive words! The bottom line is that we are very happy together, and we have always been each other's best friend. There is no chance that I'd ever cheat on her, and what we have as a whole is much more fulfilling than anything from the purely physical realm could provide. I think I'll start taking better care of myself; get healthy, physically fit, and then take things from there. Thanks again!
atta boy!! happy to help! :tongue:
 

SprinkleMe69

Expert Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 26, 2010
Posts
7,459
Media
0
Likes
244
Points
223
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Twenty years!?!?! Wow. :smile: It's not you. It could be hormone related and she may have a low libido. I think it's great that you want to get into shape but do so for yourself. ask her to join you in the weigh lifting. Endorphins are awesome! Best of luck to you and your lady.