Will I hurt her?

[13788]

harpo78: I am getting married soon, and call me old fashioned but I am still a virgin & so is my fiance. Recently I was with one of my future (married) groomsman on a week-end away. We shared a room and to cut a long story short he saw my penis whilst showering/changing. He actually said 'Oh my god!' when he saw it.

Despite nothing else being said at the moment, he became alot quieter. The next day I confronted him and asked what was the matter, he said 'you have a big dick, I hope you don't hurt 'M' on your honeymoon.'

Well since then I've been very selfconcious. I've never been aware of my size. Never seen another penis untill I started researching on the net.

I'm not really that long, 7.5". But I am about 6 3/4" around.

When I am soft I don't shrink much about 5.5 and half the thickness.

What can I do to not hurt my fiance? This is really churning me up. Any advice would be useful.

Harpo78

 

[13788]

ThickTexan: Hey Harpo, I can understand your concerns about your size. I would advise you to go slow at first. Remember, you'll be doing a lot of exploring so take your time, even though it's hard to do when you've waited this long. It is very important to make sure that she is very well lubricated. If she's not then pleasure can turn to pain quickly. I would recommend a good personal lubricant such as Liquid KY or Astroglide. Be concerned but not fearful, just enjoy taking your time to see what works.
Congratulations,
Thick Texan

 

[Max]

Harpo,

I am in a good position to answer your question, and to reassure you, since I faced almost the same set of issues, though I wasn't totally inexperienced. In my case I got the sort of comments your friend gave you from a variety of people over a long period, so when it came to it, I was bound to be apprehensive.

So, just a few pointers. Most of this is pretty obvious, and there are many posts on lpsg which say it a whole lot better than I can.

1. It will help if she has some warning of your size. In my case that was both essential (I am 10" by 7" with a standard erection) and I suppose inevitable ... but if you think the sight of your erection (perhaps because of your girth?) will be alarming to her .. prepare the ground a bit.

2. The most obvious point of all. Lots of lubrication, lots of tender foreplay .. hold back, take your time.

3. It is your thickness that will be the challenge for her, and of course it will depend a little on how you (and she!) are configured .. do you reach maximum thickness only at the base, or is the glans very big as well? Even if the glans is huge if it is also well tapered this will help a lot. Just a very gentle insertion of the head (after preparing the way with your fingers) will be enough the first time IMHO. (Breaking the hymen happened to us almost without noticing it, but I think girls vary a lot in this respect.) No need to thrust once you are in that far, just enjoy the sensation of at last being inside and surrounded by her love ...

4. In my case I knew my length was likely to be a problem; while yours should not be. But that doesn't mean you have to use the whole lot on the first occasion. Allow for a period of gradually increasing depth. Be guided by her. You have all the time you need.

5. Above all ... Enjoy it, you have nothing to worry about, and your well-meaning friend has caused you a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

good luck

Max

 

[benderten2001]

Harpo 78: Welcome to LPSG! First, congratulations on your pending marriage. And as to being "old fashioned" in waiting--perhaps....but, you're also smart!...especially in this day and age. (I agree with you both of you in waiting) I'm happy that Max has already responded to your question...(I value many of the LSPG contributors and Max is indeed one of the most reliable. His wisdom has helped me out immensely from time to time.) Harpo, alot of what you are worrying about will work out in time. I recommend, too, that you both take your time, plan on emphasizing foreplay and lubrication certainly. But, let your wife help "guide you" initially as to what's going to be comfortable for her. Don't allow your size to intimidate you or her...While you are above average, you more than likley will find (as she will) that you are near the almost "perfect" size in many ways for a variety of pleasure for both of you. You size is an asset. And, really, no matter what size a man is, a woman desires tenderness, respect, and the feeling of intimacy throughout. Both of you are going to find this experience new...perhaps even abit "ackward" at first.
We all do the first time! My bet is you'll be fine. Just be patient. This part of your life together WILL work out.
And, let us know here how things go. We care!

 

[13788]

bigsoft: Max has given you very good advice. Just be patient and take your time. My wife's first reaction was, "You are not sticking that thing in me." But with a lot of foreplay and tender loving care, everything was fine.

Remember that women are very flexible. Babies are born from the same vagina. Just take it slow and easy.

 

[13788]

bradleeM: One thing not mentioned above was your friend's reaction. One thing that a lot of men forget when they see a flaccid penis that seems large to them is this:
they project onto the person viewed the same results that happens to them when they go from flaccid to erect.

This is where a lot of misconceptions are created. Your friend may well double or triple in size when he goes from flaccid to erect and he looked at yours and thought my goodness, he is probably huge when he is erect!!!

In reality your friend may be larger than you when erect.

Remember babies come thru there...........the vagina is the most elastic of organs/muscles in the human body. And yes some girls are not as elastic as others.

As was stated you have a great size and you will find that you will be fine. Your fiance most likely will prepare herself for the event also ahead of time. I would suggest that the two of you go at least to 3rd or 4th base so that both of you are aware of what the other has. Penetration determines virginity, anything up to that point is allowed and even encouraged. But your girlfriend has probably discussed these issues with some married woman at some point and also read books.

One thing more about your friend, you may want to ask him if he has told anyone about your size. The worst thing here is that he jumped to a number of conclusions and has planted the seed of misconception in the minds of people that will talk to your fiance before the wedding. You do not want to have any other issues to have to deal with before the big event. You may also want to expose her to reading material that relates to your concerns .

 

[13788]

Donk: [quote author=bradleeM link=board=relationships;num=1041222091;start=0#5 date=12/30/02 at 15:01:40]One thing not mentioned above was your friend's reaction.  One thing that a lot of men forget when they see a flaccid penis that seems large to them is this:
they project onto the person viewed the same results that happens to them when they go from flaccid to erect.

This is where a lot of misconceptions are created.   Your friend may well double or triple in size when he goes from flaccid to erect and he looked at yours and thought my goodness, he is probably huge when he is erect!!!  
[/quote]

That is an interesting comment because I have had the same theory. My penis does grow a fair amount in length (7" flaccid to 11" erect) but I wonder if some guys who see it flaccid assume that it grows to 14" or more. This might explain why some guys who see it in the showers seem to find it mind-boggling rather than just mildly impressive.

To the original poster: You have gotten good advice from all the other posters here. All I would add is that you and she should both be prepared for the fact that it will probably be at least a little painful for her the first time simply because she is a virgin, regardless of your size. Sex is just one of the many adjustments to each other that you will have to make as newlyweds and I'm sure you will be successful with all of them. Congrats and best wishes.

 

[13788]

Alligator_Jack: "That is an interesting comment because I have had the same theory. My penis does grow a fair amount in length (7" flaccid to 11" erect) but I wonder if some guys who see it flaccid assume that it grows to 14" or more. This might explain why some guys who see it in the showers seem to find it mind-boggling rather than just mildly impressive. "


mine goes from like 3 to 11, so i assumed it was all relative, and when guys weer like 6 and 7 inches soft, i thought they were gigantic and i wasnt that big, lol

 

[13788]

9cyclops9: I don't know about the "A baby can come out of the vagina, so a big penis can go in" theory. I guess it is true, but remember, it takes 9 MONTHS of preparation by the woman's body to be able to deliver that baby. And even then, it hurts like crazy (I don't know from experience, but I have it on pretty good authority ) So IMO that is not a very good analogy. But I wouldn't expect you to have any really serious problems getting it in unless you are over 7 inches girth. She will adapt to it even then. Or so I've heard.

And congratulations on waiting until marriage. That's what I'm doing too! Good idea!

John

 

[13788]

huge_cock_have_pic: Will you hurt her? Well, if she is also a virgin--yeah it will probably hurt some at first. But that is true of most virgins. Several things you should know. A). You have a good sized dick but it isn't as massive as your friend led you to believe. B). The size of it soft may very well be a turn on for your future wife. C). How good the first and future experiences are has a lot to do with you. If you are all about yourself, then it will probably hurt like hell for her and be totally unsatisfying. But if you continue to look into how to please her and think of her, then you and her will be just fine.

BTW--Am totally glad I don't double in size on erection. 17" hard would be toooooooooo much of a good thing.

 

[13788]

ruscular: first off I have a 6X8.5 when erect. My dick is not perfectly round in thickness, more oval shape so the widest part is just over 2.8" inch in diameter. I have had it dificult but not impossible. I have always thought that woman being slower to acheive orgasm than men, that the key to great sex is to please them first. They can still have multiple quicker then men as well, so by the time you get off, they can still acheive getting seconds and third and so forth. So learn to use the finger and tongue. After that I used the tip of my dick like a tongue I ride over the lips and rub but hold off entering untill she gets hot and desperate. I used virgin Olive oil instead of jelly, because it has no petroleum product, which can contribute to cancer. But as I prod into her I go half an inch by half an inch. And each tiny rocking motion forward is coincide with each breath. the key is to try to breath and relax like if your doing yoga. Then once she takes you in comfortably then let her take over, and be on top or whatever. If you still manage to not get off then in the end you can take over. usually my goal is to arive at the same time, but it doesn't always happen. The first time will not be easy, but at least the practise will be fun.

 

[13788]

Tender: [quote author=ruscular link=board=relationships;num=1041222091;start=0#10 date=11/23/03 at 15:14:25] I used virgin Olive oil instead of jelly, because it has no petroleum product, which can contribute to cancer. [/quote]

where do you get this small piece of info ???

Tender

 

[13788]

ruscular: Remember reading about it from a tanning bed seminar that I had to go thru for certification for tanning bed salon in Oregon. There was a talk about various tanning lotion that was good for the skin, and apparently the petroleum in tanning lotion was aslo bad for the plastic bed liner as well. Even if you tan outside your better off using an indoor tanning lotion with vitamin E added. Anyway the woman are more vunerable to the lubricant with petroleum than I would be. Not only is Olive oil is safe, but also great for getting toxin out of the skin. I used it from time to time before I shower and massage my body with it. A very common practise in India to wash your body with a natural plant base oil.
I also like to use a little warm up olive oil for lubricant for playing hide the helmut between a woman's breasts. Though a good big towel afterward would be needed.

 

[AllDixNeedLuv69]

1--get some good lube--lube isnt just for gay men
2 --if you eat her pussy like guys say--make sure you wet finger alot and finger her as licking--
3-- this works for a woman and gay men who are about to take a cock inside them---lube your cock up whether you are in doggie style or you laying on your back-and she sits down on it--let her take it inside her slow as she wants--let her get balls deep on it --meaning all the way down on it--let her stay there letting the walls of her vagina adapt to your cock then let her begin moving in and out and there is nothing wrong with asking if she is ok--
how i know this is i know a guy he was virgin when he was 25---and he knows i am gay and the reason why he never did anything was because he had seen porn where guys are huge--i showed him porn where guys werent so huge and assured him size is fine as all cocks need attention--he leans back from where he was sitting on the couch and pulls it outhalf hard--he stroked it few times got it hard--he was a solid 7 inches at least medium thickness-- but had a big head and i told him there wasnt anything wrong with that dick--he was like really--i said really--and i told him if he was gay and was interestedi wouldnt turn it down..

i know a guy thats 51 years old and has never had sex with anyone---he uses toys like a fleshjack to take care of his sexual needs--says real sex with real people scare him--

hope this was ok--if wanna talk more let me know as well as anyone else--

 

[hzs3fg]

1--get some good lube--lube isnt just for gay men
2 --if you eat her pussy like guys say--make sure you wet finger alot and finger her as licking--
3-- this works for a woman and gay men who are about to take a cock inside them---lube your cock up whether you are in doggie style or you laying on your back-and she sits down on it--let her take it inside her slow as she wants--let her get balls deep on it --meaning all the way down on it--let her stay there letting the walls of her vagina adapt to your cock then let her begin moving in and out and there is nothing wrong with asking if she is ok--
how i know this is i know a guy he was virgin when he was 25---and he knows i am gay and the reason why he never did anything was because he had seen porn where guys are huge--i showed him porn where guys werent so huge and assured him size is fine as all cocks need attention--he leans back from where he was sitting on the couch and pulls it outhalf hard--he stroked it few times got it hard--he was a solid 7 inches at least medium thickness-- but had a big head and i told him there wasnt anything wrong with that dick--he was like really--i said really--and i told him if he was gay and was interestedi wouldnt turn it down..

i know a guy thats 51 years old and has never had sex with anyone---he uses toys like a fleshjack to take care of his sexual needs--says real sex with real people scare him--

hope this was ok--if wanna talk more let me know as well as anyone else--

Um, it's been nearly twenty years since the original post.

The guy is either happily married, having learned how to please his wife without destroying her, or they are long since divorced for one reason or another.

 

[masonjames]

Take your time and get her excited. Lot of foreplay. I am a litter thicker than you and have been married 52 years to the same woman. She might experience a little pain to begin with but she will get use to you very soon and will love the girth. Men have a misconception that women can't handle girth. Not true. The vagina will accommodate all but the most outrageous cock sizes . I would think length would present a bigger challenge for her. A woman's Vagina is only so deep but can stretch for girth.
You do have a big dick but take your time and she will love it