Wish I had kept quiet

[petite]

A question for the ladies though, including of course Lady V; why don't you want to talk about your ex bf even when your current bf is willing?

Fear and respect.

Regarding respect: I don't share secrets told to me by one friend with another friend. I show respect for my friends by being trustworthy and my friends know that they can trust me because I'm not indiscreet about other people's secrets with them. Likewise, there are certain things I feel bear the same weight without being given the explicit request for discretion, in my own personal code of conduct in regards to how I treat others, and penis size is one of them because of how sensitive most men are about size. I would feel that I was betraying someone's trust if I divulged those kinds of details, because of how I suspect those men would feel about my indiscretion. I'm one of those people who strives to maintain a good relationship with my ex-boyfriends and lovers. I also feel that if a current lover knows that I refuse to divulge certain kinds of details about previous lovers, then he know he is safe being himself in bed with me because I am proving that in the future I would not betray his trust either. I realize that most people are not so cautious, but I am a very private person, and I suspect that makes me more sensitive towards others when it comes to respecting their privacy.

There's also fear of what could happen. For me, there isn't a big enough possible payoff for me to take that risk, given the potential consequences, if you know what I mean. What do I gain by having that conversation? Maybe a few minutes of entertainment. What do I risk? Oh, so much! When I look at my options, the choice for me is clear. It's not worth it.

So many men and women here on LPSG have shared personal stories about happiness ruined by insecurities caused by indiscretion that have illustrated the fears that I have had about the consequences of sharing too much. I've also experienced some of that firsthand from lovers who have been indiscreet and caused me to experience unpleasant feelings that have made me wish Pandora's Box had not been opened. While I know that men who are confident like you exist, unfortunately one cannot truly know how confident a man like you really is without first taking the risk that you aren't as confident as you seem to be, and I'm risk averse when it comes to things like that, our future happiness.

It seems like a much wiser strategy to have a general policy of non-disclosure.

 

[Gillette]

Well, if she says he isn't bothered, then we must take her word for it.

Why?

I don't take someone's statement as fact if there are clues that indicate the contrary. Why should I accept her word for his feelings? I'm not accusing her of lying as she's reporting his words but that doesn't mean he was being honest with her or even himself when he said that.

I like asking my partner about her past lovers. It does not bother me. I am one of the most confident guys you will ever meet; in and out of bed.
She told me she had a guy whose cock was pretty long , sharp and very hard. It turns me on when i recall her words and i sometimes ask her to recount the details.

Pretty long and sharp.

'Pretty long' isn't the same as 'much longer than you', and sharp doesn't strike me as a positive descriptor for cocks. Combined with your own impressive size I'm not surprised it doesn't bother you. Not only is there no direct comparison being made but there's a negative attached to the description.

"Much larger than you" is a direct comparison and puts the recipient of the comment in a position of being lesser.

Even though it turns me on, i have come to realise that she doesn't really like talking about it so, i have stopped asking her.

The OP similarly want her partner to stop asking so I was surprised when she dismissed the suggestions made that would either alleviate concerns that she preferred the larger partner or help make him larger (again to alleviate concerns of being lesser) and that she'd do so with the contention that it doesn't bother him.

I suspect otherwise which is why I asked if he asks for details about all her past lovers be they larger or smaller. A question only she can answer.

A question for the ladies though, including of course Lady V; why don't you want to talk about your ex bf even when your current bf is willing?

We don't want to feed potential insecurities.
We don't want to indulge possible SPH fetishes.
We don't want to engage in a threesome that might be suggested should just hearing about it lose it's charge and they want actually see it happen.
We may have actually enjoyed sex more with the other partner and not want to dwell in the memory of what we no longer have.

 

[playerclient]

Appreciate comments and advice but last few replies are going astray. My husband is not bothered he just wants more and more information now and again like size to the nearest millimetre etc. !!!!!!!!

Well, he's obsessed, and something is feeding that obsession. But if, as you say, he's not "bothered" ("troubled" is what I take you to mean) by it, then I want to turn the question back to you:

Why are you bothered by it if he's not?

Why don't you just spill all the details he wants and say, "There. I told you everything. I have nothing more to say about it, and don't want to/won't talk about it again." ? Otherwise it seems like he will remain a nuisance about it for you. Maybe he'll just get off from hearing all about it.

 

[fire77]

A question for the ladies though, including of course Lady V; why don't you want to talk about your ex bf even when your current bf is willing?

I don't think I can add anything else to what petite said. :bowdown:

I do talk about my ex partners but in a nice way, things like he was kind, trustworthy, helpful and so on. I always avoid saying anything about their testosterone related parts.

 

[helgaleena]

A question for the ladies though, including of course Lady V; why don't you want to talk about your ex bf even when your current bf is willing?

Who says I don't? I love to analyze just about any subject to death. I tend to strike my listeners as a bore after a while. Decades of experience with lovers has taught me that it's better to pay attention to the one you are with at the time. You lucky readers on the net can scroll down whenever you like.

 

[blaquehorse]

It is great to have ladies who can talk the talk. Conversely, i do understand those who'd rather not talk about an ex.
Personally, i don't quite enjoy talking about my ex gfs with my partner, BUT, not for any of the reasons listed above. Talking about my ex with a sex partner just doesn't do it for me.
Going back to Lady V, maybe you should chat with him over a glass or two of vino and calmly tell him how it makes you feel when he asks about your ex.
Someone could worry about hurting his feelings but, i mean, he is your husband so you know him. Tell him in a way that would make it sound ok.
They say, sometimes, it is not really what one says but, how one says it.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Fear and respect.

Regarding respect: I don't share secrets told to me by one friend with another friend. I show respect for my friends by being trustworthy and my friends know that they can trust me because I'm not indiscreet about other people's secrets with them. Likewise, there are certain things I feel bear the same weight without being given the explicit request for discretion, in my own personal code of conduct in regards to how I treat others, and penis size is one of them because of how sensitive most men are about size. I would feel that I was betraying someone's trust if I divulged those kinds of details, because of how I suspect those men would feel about my indiscretion. I'm one of those people who strives to maintain a good relationship with my ex-boyfriends and lovers. I also feel that if a current lover knows that I refuse to divulge certain kinds of details about previous lovers, then he know he is safe being himself in bed with me because I am proving that in the future I would not betray his trust either. I realize that most people are not so cautious, but I am a very private person, and I suspect that makes me more sensitive towards others when it comes to respecting their privacy.

There's also fear of what could happen. For me, there isn't a big enough possible payoff for me to take that risk, given the potential consequences, if you know what I mean. What do I gain by having that conversation? Maybe a few minutes of entertainment. What do I risk? Oh, so much! When I look at my options, the choice for me is clear. It's not worth it.

So many men and women here on LPSG have shared personal stories about happiness ruined by insecurities caused by indiscretion that have illustrated the fears that I have had about the consequences of sharing too much. I've also experienced some of that firsthand from lovers who have been indiscreet and caused me to experience unpleasant feelings that have made me wish Pandora's Box had not been opened. While I know that men who are confident like you exist, unfortunately one cannot truly know how confident a man like you really is without first taking the risk that you aren't as confident as you seem to be, and I'm risk averse when it comes to things like that, our future happiness.

It seems like a much wiser strategy to have a general policy of non-disclosure.

bears repeating....

petite's position is perfect.

 

[nutcouple]

petite might be right but the door has been opened.......just give him the details he wants, it obviously turns him on !!

 

[deleted628208]

Just joined LPSG looking for advice.


Stupidly a couple of years ago I admitted to my lovely husband that my ex. had a much bigger penis than him.


To my relief it does not appear to bother him at all but he will not let the subject drop.


Every few months he raises the subject one way or another when my mind is in a much nicer place.


I usually get annoyed because I don't want to go there and he gets annoyed with my reluctance to humour him.


Will he ever lose interest ?.

If he doesn't appear to be bothered, he's probably like me... interested in a voyeuristic sort of way. Case in point... I'm big (8.5 x 5.5), but the guy my gf was with before me was a little bit bigger (9 x 6). It's a HUGE turn on for me to hear about it from time to time. Just indulge him one of these days. Jump on him out of nowhere, undo his pants, start stroking him and lean down and whisper in his ear and give him some nasty blow-by-blow details of the hottest sex you had with your larger ex. He'll likely love it and won't bug you about it again... at least for a while.

 

[SaintsFan]

Appreciate comments and advice but last few replies are going astray. My husband is not bothered he just wants more and more information now and again like size to the nearest millimetre etc. !!!!!!!!

I am a lesbian and agree w/some other posts. Why would you even say something like that to begin with? My current gf bragged to me about all of the encounters and hot chicks she has been with. You know what it totally pissed me off. What was your point in even bringing this up? I mean I have been w/several good looking women with larger breasts that my current gf but sure as hell not going to say anything to her about that.
Were you trying to belittle him? Make him feel inferior? That's what it did to me. JMO

 

[Drifterwood]

It seems like a much wiser strategy to have a general policy of non-disclosure.

I'm not looking to start a fight, but off the top of my head, I can't think of many women who have disclosed more private information about past lovers than you on this site. Maybe I have been misreading your posts in the past.

People are more than the sum of their parts. I think that people who have hang ups about this are probably insecure in their relationship and in themselves. As for people who want to shove previous experiences down their patner's throat, they are probably insecure as well.

That said, it is clearly some kind of turn on for some men.

 

[petite]

I'm not looking to start a fight, but off the top of my head, I can't think of many women who have disclosed more private information about past lovers than you on this site. Maybe I have been misreading your posts in the past.

LOL, yes I've revealed personal experiences, but since you don't know who I am, you are not a part of my social circle, and you do not know the names of people I've dated, could you say that I've disclosed anything about anyone? You don't know who they are and you can't identify them. Telling a story about a woman and a man having sex in a particular position isn't revealing like saying that Sarah Palin and Obama got it once in a McDonald's bathroom during a chance meeting in Pittsburgh in 1992. The lack of specific details in my stories is intentional. I'm anonymous and so are the people I've talked about and I make sure of that. I think that you'd be shocked by how much I don't reveal, on the basis that I'm afraid that someone might recognize details of the story and identify the person that I'm talking about.

Also, I've never discussed penis size of anyone I've ever slept with on LPSG. Seriously. Go back and read all my posts. I have never discussed anyone's size except in relative or vague terms, such as "the biggest one" and "the smallest one."

 

[Drifterwood]

Seriously. Go back and read all my posts.

:wink:

 

[petite]

:wink:

:lmao:

 

[B_Hickboy]

People seem to be mighty selective about what they reveal. Why is that?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

People seem to be mighty selective about what they reveal. Why is that?

I could answer that but I don't think I will.... :tongue:

 

[D_Gaylegate Greatfloppye]

I was wondering why you would say that in the first place. Was it to get back at him for something he said? I'm sure most men don't want to know how much bigger your ex is. He may always wonder if he is good enough for you. Would you want to hear how much hotter his ex was?

 

[B_subgirrl]

I was wondering why you would say that in the first place. Was it to get back at him for something he said? I'm sure most men don't want to know how much bigger your ex is. He may always wonder if he is good enough for you. Would you want to hear how much hotter his ex was?

Huh? Is this the thread you intended to reply to?

 

[B_subgirrl]

I was wondering why you would say that in the first place. Was it to get back at him for something he said? I'm sure most men don't want to know how much bigger your ex is. He may always wonder if he is good enough for you. Would you want to hear how much hotter his ex was?

Huh? Is this the thread you intended to reply to?

ROFL :biggrin1:. Apologies Big BRI :smile:. I thought I was reading another thread - no wonder I was confused :biggrin1::redface:

 

[ConstantComment]

The less information about the ones before the better. I've dated a couple of guys who wanted to brag about the jewellery gifts and expensive dinners that they gave the one(s) before. All that does for me is set up a threshold for what I can reasonably expect from them. If you need to brag about experiences with your past lover(s), brag to your friends not to your current lover.

As far as what you should do now that the jeaannie is out of the bottle, all that I can imagine is to turn it into a fantasy. But I wonder how many men would go with that.