Wish I had kept quiet

[D_Phallus P Phyllum]

I suspect you are all posting in a troll thread.

 

[clandestine1]

I personally think being completely open and honest is the best policy. If you loose your lover because of openness and honesty, I wonder if it won't be worse in the end?

Most of us demand total disclosure in business deals that, IMO, are far less important than a lifetime relationship.

I hope someone can see the similarities and logic in this.

I personally try to answer any question from my wife about anything with complete candor, be it sex, business, vacation planing, whatever.

Women seem to have issues doing the same, especially about sex. Men would probably be the same if they had been sexually oppressed for so many years.

Just my humble opinion, thanks for listening (reading).

Thanks for the observation. It was a poor attempt to justify, I guess. My real point was the ambiguity of our standards for disclosure or I suppose I sould probably have used divulgence : to make known (as a confidence or secret), It has proved useful in other areas of our lives so why doesn't it make sense in the most of our relationships, with our SO. This is just my opinion and possibly question as to why so much mystery/dishonesty that can destroy a long term relationship and leave them suffering when it could have been avoided with honest and open communication.

I have to agree with everything you've said here.
Being absolutely 100% honest and open about EVERYTHING in a relationship is the ONLY way to keep it together for the long haul. My wife and I have been absolutely honest with each other about every one of our past partners, and although at times it is a bit awkward, it does give me a comfortable feeling knowing that she loves me enough to answer ANY question I ask, and doesn't hold back stuff for fear of "hurting me".
Dishonesty, in ANY form breeds dishonesty.
The funny thing I see here is that some people in this thread are equating penis size as being directly proportional to worthiness as a man, when we all know that's absolutely not true.

 

[B_Hickboy]

having a big dick does not make up for being a big dick.

So what's your excuse, Captain Obvious?

 

[Lady_V]

Like others have said, what exactly was the context in which you were praising your ex bf to your current husband?

Even if it were factual that his cock was bigger, there's still not a good reason that I can think of to actually say it.

It was a mistake which i much regret and was seriously looking for some advice about dealing with my mistake. When it happened he had been pressing me for information about whether my ex. was much bigger than him. I did my best to waffle about it but being a poor liar I got myself into a tangle and simply said "I could feel the end so I suppose he was a little bigger". Not being a woman of the world sexually I had no idea of the significance of "feeling the end" but he did so it brought even more questions. In the end out of exasperation i told the truth - my ex. was much bigger.

Since my original post my husband and I have had a long serious chat about the whole subject. Instead of waffling I have answered all his questions and he has promised to never bring up the subject again and I believe he won't. As i said before we are very happy. I believe he is genuinely not bothered by my revelations but he was frustrated by my difficulty in being honest with him about what much bigger actually meant but we've got over that now.

Thanks to those who offered advice earlier. Some of it was useful.

 

[4x4]

I agree, I can't think of any time that I would tell my wife that some ex was better, or prettier, or smarter or any other attribute physical or non unless I had some crazy intention of trying to hurt her. So I'm a tad dubious about OPs intentions about telling her current SO about her ex and his member whatever size it was. As my computer tells me all the time: Does not compute.

Maybe because she wanted an open and HONEST relationship ???

Add that to Mako Shark's post and the simple fact that she is 100% with him and completely should make him a "happy camper". It should also help them come up with some great fantasies.

Just my weird opinion :wink:

 

[4x4]

I have to agree with everything you've said here.
Being absolutely 100% honest and open about EVERYTHING in a relationship is the ONLY way to keep it together for the long haul. My wife and I have been absolutely honest with each other about every one of our past partners, and although at times it is a bit awkward, it does give me a comfortable feeling knowing that she loves me enough to answer ANY question I ask, and doesn't hold back stuff for fear of "hurting me".
Dishonesty, in ANY form breeds dishonesty.
The funny thing I see here is that some people in this thread are equating penis size as being directly proportional to worthiness as a man, when we all know that's absolutely not true.

Thanks, clandestine1.

I no longer feel alone for wanting total honesty in life in general obviously beginning with personal relationships.

The major disadvantage to this concept, that I can think of, is that we will never be elected to public office. Thank goodness :wink:

 

[4x4]

I agree, I can't think of any time that I would tell my wife that some ex was better, or prettier, or smarter or any other attribute physical or non unless I had some crazy intention of trying to hurt her. So I'm a tad dubious about OPs intentions about telling her current SO about her ex and his member whatever size it was. As my computer tells me all the time: Does not compute.

I don't think that it is a question of "better, prettier or smarter" but the total package. I have yet to compare two people that wouldn't fit it that mold, pros and cons. We use that daily to choose wives, friends, collaborators, etc. etc.

Thanks for your patience with my stubbornness. Even that, for some folks, would be a quality for others the opposite. Should I hide it?

:biggrin1:

 

[4x4]

It was a mistake which i much regret and was seriously looking for some advice about dealing with my mistake. When it happened he had been pressing me for information about whether my ex. was much bigger than him. I did my best to waffle about it but being a poor liar I got myself into a tangle and simply said "I could feel the end so I suppose he was a little bigger". Not being a woman of the world sexually I had no idea of the significance of "feeling the end" but he did so it brought even more questions. In the end out of exasperation i told the truth - my ex. was much bigger.

Since my original post my husband and I have had a long serious chat about the whole subject. Instead of waffling I have answered all his questions and he has promised to never bring up the subject again and I believe he won't. As i said before we are very happy. I believe he is genuinely not bothered by my revelations but he was frustrated by my difficulty in being honest with him about what much bigger actually meant but we've got over that now.

Case closed. You sound like a women that any man would be lucky to have. Hope you are having a great weekend.

Thanks to those who offered advice earlier. Some of it was useful.

 

[Intrigue]

I don't think that it is a question of "better, prettier or smarter" but the total package. I have yet to compare two people that wouldn't fit it that mold, pros and cons. We use that daily to choose wives, friends, collaborators, etc. etc.

Thanks for your patience with my stubbornness. Even that, for some folks, would be a quality for others the opposite. Should I hide it?

:biggrin1:

Its not that I'm not open with my wife but I personally think that some people have insecurities and until we can both deal with them being honest has limits in the respect that you should be careful with their ego and introduce what you may think they can handle. That being said it is not always possible to sugar coat and sometimes the brutal truth must be said but I still don't think its necessary to point out differences that may cause further insecurity in your SO. That is probably because I was at one time very insecure and sensitive to such subjects. Since then I have gained much confidence but the carelessness of one person and their comments had a negative effect on me for quite sometime. Its all in how you handle it, I think. But my approach isn't the only one nor is it going to work for everyone. Its a situation you sometimes just have to feel out for yourself.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

can I use this as my signature?? Even tho I am on the hunt for a big experience... I find this true in many cases :biggrin1:

sure...

 

[Phil Ayesho]

So what's your excuse, Captain Obvious?

Don't need one... no woman has ever accused me of being a big dick.

 

[D_Ming_Vais]

having a big dick does not make up for being a big dick.

:You_Rock_Emoticon:

 

[petite]

I don't understand why anyone here is talking about dishonesty. No one has suggested lying. If I say, "I don't want to discuss my previous partner's penis sizes." That's completely honest. I'm being truthful. If I don't tell him how large they were, I'm not being dishonest.

If I said, "They were all smaller than you" and that's untrue, then that would be lying and it would be dishonest, but no one in this thread has suggested that, so railing against how harmful dishonesty is here is a moot point. Everyone agrees that dishonesty is harmful.

Complete honesty doesn't mean full disclosure. They aren't the same thing. You can be completely honest and not reveal absolutely everything when your partner demands it, which seems odd to me as an expectation from one's partner. I wouldn't expect my partner to tell me things that he's not prepared to share with me before he's ready to do it, and that's not being dishonest. To me, that's respecting him by giving him time to open up to me naturally. Accusations of "dishonesty" used to try to force him to reveal things to me just seems like a sort of relationship fascism, manipulating him using false accusations of unethical behavior. If someone used that logic with me, that I don't tell him everything he wants to know when he wanted to know it and he thinks that's a problem, I would feel like he was behaving in an abusive way towards me.

 

[B_crackoff]

I agree with Petite - honesty doesn't mean full disclosure.

Whenever I've mentioned anything about a previous relationship, in a positive light, with a subsequent GF, it's always ballsed up, even innocently.

Forget about them finding pictures of a gorgeous ex, or one with pert natural breasts the size of watermelons - fondly reminiscing about a restaurant, or a place you've been with another woman is a minefield.

People just feel like they're being judged & compared to someone else, or worse, you enjoyed, or did more exciting things with them.

I know that it's hard not to share intimate exploits with your "best friend", & that your own history is important to you - but to maintain a healthy current relationship, whilst minimising exacerbating a loved one's insecurities, couples are better off concentrating on the history that they're making together.

 

[Bravo55]

I think, like so many other aspects of a relationship, handling discussions about topics like this come down to what I consider two of the most important things in a relationship: Respect and Responsibility.

If partner A asks a question that partner B would prefer not to answer then it should be ok for partner B to not answer. Or maybe partner B avoids answering by using a deflection. In either case Partner A needs to respect that.

Let me give you a personal, real experience. I have been married for over 30 years. Before we married, my wife had sex with only one other man. Before we got married I asked the dreaded "How do I compare?" question. She answered there's not much difference. I read between the lines and left it alone. I understood she did not want to go full disclosure and I respected that. I have never asked again. Besides she was marrying me and I figured she loved me and knew enough about me to want me and want to build a life with me. If I had pressed the issue and at some point she told me something that really bothered me (like he was much bigger than you) then I would have needed to take responsibility for my feelings and reactions... after all, I owned the result since I forced the response.

People have fears and insecurities. Partners should do their best to help each other cope with them and they need to do so with compassion... that's part of the Respect aspect. But, at the end of the day, if we wake a sleeping dragon and don't like the result we need to not blame our partner... that's part of the Responsibility aspect.

But there is a footnote. I said I read between the lines. At first I thought he must have been bigger than me and she didn't want me to feel threatened or insecure. But maybe, just maybe, I was bigger than he was and she didn't want to embarress him or make me think she would do the same to me if the situation was reversed. In either case, she did not want to answer and I needed to let it go.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Don't need one... no woman has ever accused me of being a big dick.

I have, I'm sure I have - If I haven't then I meant to, apologies for the oversight.
:biggrin1:

 

[185248]

You are honest, let him be honest also. Be open in a relationship. Or otherwise it becomes a relationshit.