Woman are in charge most of the time in marriage.

dirty1dirty2

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4) I learned some time ago, as an ignorant boy, that if I shelve my better judgment to the pursuit of vagina, I will fall on hard times in a hurry.

5) I learned some time ago, through observation of men close to me, that if you relent your own wisdom and strengths to a woman, you will never get out of that rut as a man, and she will respect you less for it. Good luck EVER getting that respect back. Every passive man I know gets the proverbial "Cleveland Steamer" from their women at some point, and it baffles me that they wonder WHY.

Some of the best advice on here! This is the sort of stuff that all men should know but somehow don't.
 

B_tallbig

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Speak for yourself bud:wink:

I am certain, because I live by the following non-negotiable principles:

1) I am stubborn as they come, if I know that I am right.

2) I am open-minded when a mutual decision must be made, but will always go forth in what is logically right no matter what I want or she wants. My approval towards anything is never knee-jerk. Compromise in it's purest form. This would be in the event that children were involved. At the moment, I would like to delay this scenario.

3) If I am wrong about something, or weak in a particular area, I will concede my initial position without any bruise to my ego. I am very receptive to correction, if correction needs made. I don't give a damn who's right or wrong as long as the wisest move is made. Given that my actions are ruled by logic and reasoning...and not emotion...this is a rarity. For example, if my wife is a cardiologist, she will be the first one I listen to in the event someone is having a heart attack.

(Getting into the thick of things)......

4) I learned some time ago, as an ignorant boy, that if I shelve my better judgment to the pursuit of vagina, I will fall on hard times in a hurry.

5) I learned some time ago, through observation of men close to me, that if you relent your own wisdom and strengths to a woman, you will never get out of that rut as a man, and she will respect you less for it. Good luck EVER getting that respect back. Every passive man I know gets the proverbial "Cleveland Steamer" from their women at some point, and it baffles me that they wonder WHY.

6) I learned long ago, that female companionship is not the end-all, be-all joy of life. FAR from it as a matter of fact, and more often than not, is a general pain in the ass. I am an INTJ on the Myers-Briggs test, and it will tell you right off the bat that my type can run indefinitely without companionship, and we shy away from commitment.

Lastly:

7) I love sex. I love women. But not THAT much.:rolleyes: I have no shame in saying that since they are 51% of the population, there is a mathematical certainty that there is A) more out there and B) they typically can be upgraded from the last one. If my looks or overall appeal to the opposite sex takes a turn for the worse, then I have no problem with masturbation:biggrin1:


...OB

Trust me very hot woman have several subtle ways to control us very easily.
After all men think only with head below when horny. ( And that is most of the time ):biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
 

MusclePrinceXXX

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My mom is the one that wears the pants in her marriage. My dad is always on the back burner. I never want to get married nor do I ever want kids. But *if* I ever did get married, I will be the one wearing the pants. :biggrin1:
 

B_tallbig

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My mom is the one that wears the pants in her marriage. My dad is always on the back burner. I never want to get married nor do I ever want kids. But *if* I ever did get married, I will be the one wearing the pants. :biggrin1:

How you will assure this ?:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
 

lwd

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First post here...been lurking and drooling for a few months....

I'm a male in my early 30s and looking to get married down the road, but I am still a few years out....

I think when a couple is married without kids it is a lot easier because the mother role isn't really a factor. I think that often when kids are in the picture that the mother steps in and has to boss/parent the children and that often transcends to the husband. I think the identity of the woman changes and her sexual role diminishes a bit as she plays mommy and her body starts to change (breast feeding, aging, etc).


I am not a wuss in life and definitely speak my mind and stand up for myself. That said, I don't think the woman's transition into the pants- wearer takes place overnight. Rather, it's a subtle transition here.

I know my limitations in life and my future wife can make decisions about cleaning the house and most decorating because I admit I suck in these areas. I do have a finance background, so I will handle that aspect. But there is no fucking way I will be bossed around and made to feel like a little fucking pussy. If I start to see this behavior take place I will put a stop to it immediately.

My sister has been married for 4 years now and they have 2 toddlers. I have seen my sister transform into a sexless dictator. Seriously, she gained 50 lbs. and is bossy as fuck to her husband. Granted with 2 toddlers she has to play mommy now, but she bosses her husband around and he puts up with it like the little pussy he is. Hey, if it works for them, great! But as outsider viewing this, she is a borderline cunt (sorry, had to use that word) at times. In fact, her bossiness transcends to me and my parents at times when we visit them. I calmly but sternly show her that I don't put up with her BS. But I really think she needs a verbal smackdown at times to put her in control. NOBODY is telling her to fuck off when she is out of control. In fact, we were at their house for Thanksgiving and my parents got lost in the car several times (not from that area). They didn't want to keep calling her to tell her they were lost again because she was literally yelling at them. She sometimes calls them by their first names, which I think is a true sign of disrepect. I told my parents to call her on her bullshit when this happens, but they seem to go the non-confrontational route on this one....

I digress. Bottom line is I don't mind my future wife running PART of the show in areas where I admit I am lacking. But I will not have a wife yelling at me and bossing me around making me feel like a dickless child. Kill me now if I ever get into a role played by my brother-in-law.

The tricky part is that I think it only gets worse. Since we are no longer the 1950s, Leave it to Beaver society, and many women are career-minded (just speaking for the US here), a woman can now exercise a greater voice and exert more freedom. Back in the day, a mouthy woman might get slapped. I certainly don't agree with hitting a mouthy woman, but it was commonplace back in the day....
 

lwd

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I would like to hear from more women on this who are/have been married before. Even though I am set in my opinion on this matter, I think all of us unmarried men (myself included) are acting like armchair quarterbacks. Let's see how things unfold when/if we get married.


Another thing, how do you feel this changes if the woman has gained a substantial amount weight during the marriage? Citing my sister again, she had always been thin. But she was about 30 pounds overweight at her wedding and put on another 20 before she was pregnant with her first child. I do realize if women are taking meds, some hormones may cause a weight gain. However, should it have been the role of her husband to tell her in a diplomatic way that she needs to lose the weight, before it snowballed? I think there is often a correlation with a woman gaining substantial amounts of weight and becoming even more bossy in the marriage. The thinking is that she can't control her own physical appearance, so she controls others by becoming extremely bossy to all. What do you think?
 

36DD

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In my marriage I wore the pants and the skirt. I only wore the pants because I had no other choice, he didn't step up. I prefer to have things 50/50 in a relationship...one just gets resentful otherwise.
 

lwd

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Okay one last thing, as this topic has me really riled up.

I was dating a girl a few years ago, and she was 24 at the time. I remember one instance (and there were many like this) when we didn't have plans to go out on a Friday night. I went to a casino to play poker. She called while I was playing and I let it go to VM and checked the VM when I had a free moment. It was nothing urgent and when I play poker, I don't want to be bothered. She proceeded to call 13 more times in the next hour and I didn't pick up any of those calls, since it wasn't an emergency. My thinking was that if I picked up any of the calls, 2-13, I am reinforcing her ridiculous and annoying behavior and she could do it again in the future. When I did get around to calling her, hours later, she tried to give me shit. I threw it right back in her face because there was no basis for her tantrum, and if I didn't stand up, I would be setting a bad precedent.

Is she psychotic? No. I just chalk it up to her being young and extra-emotional in the moment. A quick sidenote: the relationship ended a long time ago, but we remain good (platonic) friends, even though we are now on opposite sides of the country.
 

lwd

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If you ever want to get laid you had better get used to saying "Yes Dear, your right"


Again, I'm not married, but the connotation behind that is horrible. Now, I'm not singling you out, because we see this shit all the time. In fact, that's the name of a TV show. But, if you read between the lines what does that communicate? Is that saying the man is so hard up to get laid that he will take the path of least resistence even if he is truly right on some issues? I better go shopping for a Berkin bag to match my Versace skirt and Manolo shoes :eek:
 

lwd

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In my marriage I wore the pants and the skirt. I only wore the pants because I had no other choice, he didn't step up. I prefer to have things 50/50 in a relationship...one just gets resentful otherwise.


36, if you were to go back in time, can you share with us in detail how you would have liked things to play out?
 

Principessa

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My mom is the one that wears the pants in her marriage. My dad is always on the back burner. I never want to get married nor do I ever want kids. But *if* I ever did get married, I will be the one wearing the pants. :biggrin1:

Why has it not occurred to any of you erstwhile macho men that perhaps your fathers, friends; and brothers chose to be on the back burner? :confused:
 

36DD

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36, if you were to go back in time, can you share with us in detail how you would have liked things to play out?
I would have liked him to not be a wuss and actually speak up if he had a problem with something instead of stewing about it...I would have liked him to defend me to his overly critical without cause family...I would have liked him to be a participant in the marriage and I would have liked him to listen and pay attention to me...I would have liked him to be truthful and not the phony actor that he was...
 

Osiris

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Why has it not occurred to any of you erstwhile macho men that perhaps your fathers, friends; and brothers chose to be on the back burner? :confused:

If I had a dollar for every male friend of mine who bitches about how they hate their home because the wife did it her way, I could retire ten times over.

I usually say "Did you give any input?" When I ask this, I get one of two answers:

"Uhhh, no." and my favorite, "Yeah I give input. I gave her my damn drecit card."

Most guys avoid a confrontation, that's not healthy to bottle it up because at some point you are going to go ballistic over something trivial because you are bottling up all the big things. Discourse can lead to a harmonious course.

I guess I am lucky to be metrosexual and have a wife who has realized her husband will not be content with chintz, doilies and early Americana. We have compromised on artwork and furnishings. I can take my house and enjoy it just as she can.
 

SpoiledPrincess

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Some of the responses to this thread seem to feel that a marriage where the woman wears the pants is one where the man has been robbed of his masculinity and hen pecked to buggery. Why shouldn't the woman wear the pants? It's not medieval England anymore, we've even got the vote.
 

36DD

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If you ever want to get laid you had better get used to saying "Yes Dear, your right"
That is the most sure fire way to a divorce IMO. Ex used to say that all the time and I find it patronizing. Now please, don't tell me I'm right after that vent of mine:eek:
 

Ethyl

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If you ever want to get laid you had better get used to saying "Yes Dear, your right"

That was true for me near the end of my last marriage. Yes, you read my profile correctly. I'm female.


Most guys avoid a confrontation, that's not healthy to bottle it up because at some point you are going to go ballistic over something trivial because you are bottling up all the big things. Discourse can lead to a harmonious course.

QFT. If you don't have the balls to forego passive aggressiveness, give input, take initiative, and become more solution oriented then a committed relationship is not for you. This goes for both sexes.

Some of the responses to this thread seem to feel that a marriage where the woman wears the pants is one where the man has been robbed of his masculinity and hen pecked to buggery. Why shouldn't the woman wear the pants? It's not medieval England anymore, we've even got the vote.

I've noticed "wearing the pants" assumes one must always be in a position of leadership in a relationship. Why is that? Are we still hanging onto the "head of the household" myth?
 

SpeedoGuy

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My wife and I both wear the pants. She wears one leg and I wear the other.

Marriage has got to be based on mutual respect for each other's strengths and weaknesses. Anything less is just some fu%#ed up power struggle and I want no part of that.
 

str82fcuk

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We already know my household was odd :tongue: but my parents have always had what I consider to be a good, strong marriage. In 41 years I have never heard them raise their voices to each other in anger. That does not mean they don't disagree, it just means they do so in a civilized and logical manner. ...
Is my parents marriage perfect? No, I'm sure there are things each would like to change, I think thats normal. Is it 50/50? I'm not sure but it works for them and thats really all that matters. :smile::cool:


thank you njqt for sharing all those details about your parents ... you are right that it is a bit odd :) but it is good to know that there are a few well balanced households out there
 

B_tallbig

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That was true for me near the end of my last marriage. Yes, you read my profile correctly. I'm female.




QFT. If you don't have the balls to forego passive aggressiveness, give input, take initiative, and become more solution oriented then a committed relationship is not for you. This goes for both sexes.



I've noticed "wearing the pants" assumes one must always be in a position of leadership in a relationship. Why is that? Are we still hanging onto the "head of the household" myth?
Head of the household isnt a myth is a reality . In some relationships the woman got the pants , in another relationships the man got the pants and and another relationships are balanced 50%=50%.