Women and Jealousy

[transformer_99]

Who would want a boyfriend who walked down the street with you saying "Oh look at the tits on that - wow look at her ass."? I didn't think so.

Guilty as charged, only it's usually not the bf/gf relationship, it's more a fwb relationship. I used to be that guy that paid attention to the one at a time/who I was with. Life's too short. It goes both ways though these days, I catch them looking, commenting just the same. In that regard, I don't say it's insecurity or insensitivity, it's being real and human. I don't even think it's low self-esteem on either of our parts. Think of it this way, you see a Corvette drive by or in the parking lot, you wind up giving it a look over. Shortly after a Ferrari drives up, yeah the Corvette is nice, but the Ferrari is really your preference.

Another example, the one guy @ work that used to be, may even still be the best looking of the bunch. Well, a few weeks back they hired another fellow, that seemed to be getting rave reviews from the ladies @ work. So I guess in the grand scheme of things, @ best, I or anyone else for that matter is 3rd best looking there. We all need to get over our own insecurities that there isn't going to be something perceived as better around the corner. Don't take it as a slight, know that you got there first and had a head start at least. She put you on notice that she figures you have senses that detect aesthetically pleasing people, she appreciates that lattitude in her own life too.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

If she is causing you this much trouble now just imagine what its going to be like later...when a real problem occurs

Good luck..

 

[OmahaBeef]

Jesus man STAND UP FOR YOURSELF...

Don't be afraid to keep her in line. You might have to be an asshole. She will either love you more for it, or if she loves you less...who gives a f***?

...OB

 

[Multipass]

Dude... dump her already. I don't care if thats just her way of expressing herself, let her do that so some other chump. Date a girl who's expression of herself doesn't turn you off.

Sounds like the kind of girl that you typically want to stay away from. It's not about censoring yourself, it's about being a decent person. Tell her how much you love her friends big rack, and if she honestly doesn't care then she's not an emotionally balanced human being. But hey if you like it that way then go for it bro.

 

[Mr.Grande]

She might have alteria motives that seem innocent to her, ie seeing your reaction etc...but...i wouldnt bother with someone who likes to play games like that, especially at the begining of the relationship when things are already unsettled..she sounds like trouble to be honest

You took the words out of my mouth. Great advice.

 

[Cthulhu]

My experience (and totaly in-line with lpsg):

My g/f turned to me the other day and told me that the boyfriend of a friend of hers can't even wear XL condoms due to girth.

Now, the facts:

-My g/f knows I have a complex regarding my penis size the size of an elephant (the complex, not the penis, obviously).

-Her hurting quite offten during sex is a good indication that she can't handle anything bigger than me, not without too much pain for too much time (well, there are small penises, but there are small vaginas too)

-Very rarely tries to make me jealous (a 6 years relationship is way past the jealoucy point)

And yet goes and tells me a think like this, like nothing happens.

Why?

Because, sometimes, some women, just ain't bothered to sit for even a fraction of a second and think about the bullcrap they 're about to say. They just open their mouths, all hell breaks loose and the go "Why? Did I say anything wrong?"

It could be as simple as that.

 

[OmahaBeef]

Because, sometimes, some women, just ain't bothered to sit for even a fraction of a second and think about the bullcrap they 're about to say. They just open their mouths, all hell breaks loose and the go "Why? Did I say anything wrong?"

It could be as simple as that.

This is true, but even though women are the more talkative of the sexes by far, repeat offenses are 100% calculated.

...OB

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Because, sometimes, some women, just ain't bothered to sit for even a fraction of a second and think about the bullcrap they 're about to say. They just open their mouths, all hell breaks loose and the go "Why? Did I say anything wrong?"

It could be as simple as that.

This is true, but even though women are the more talkative of the sexes by far, repeat offenses are 100% calculated.

...OB

I must admit i am guilty of this.. Many times ive said things maybe subconciously knowing they would make him angry. But then as soon as i have said them and seen his reaction i apologize like crazy.. Maybe its just me or maybe its a feamle thing but by the sounds of it the girl this guy has got is just out to cause him grief. And i will say 99% of the time it isnt calculated.. Sometimes us women are run more by our hormones than our brains. Thats when PMS is a bitch for everyone

 

[Kotchanski]

I read the first few posts in this thread and I'm totally not shocked by some of the crap I've read.

1. Not everything a woman says has some other meaning or some dark purpose behind it.

2. Men have been using such phrases as "Just because I'm with you doesn't mean I don't find others attractive, it doesn't stop me looking, but at least I'm open about it" so how about you apply the same logic to us for a change?

3. For most of us it is us simply expressing an opinion, the same as guys do most days of their lives too. We are NOT evil beings out to manipulate the male population into making promises of commitement and life long happiness.

4. Be fucking grateful you've found someone honest about finding others attractive, take it as a sign that she wants this relationship to be an honest one.

5. Finding someone else attractive in no way means she finds you less attractive or that she wants to be with them, it does not mean you should be jealous or that she wants you to be. It DOES mean that she's not going to lie to feed your own ego, it DOES mean that she respects your intelligence enough to know that denying finding others attractive wouldn't work.

I strongly suggest you speak to her, explain that it LOOKS like she's trying to make you jealous, do NOT accuse her of trying to because you'll end up looking like a pathetic insecure child.

Her being honest is a good thing, but if its annoying you, hurting you or making you jealous then you need to ask her to try being a little more sensitive about it. Don't ask her to stop, its part of who she is, but there are ways to word things that are a little kinder to the person your currently sharing a bed with.

And for the sake of all women, please don't listen to the bullshit being spouted here about how everything a woman says has some other meaning and the only time they open their mouths or legs is to manipulate a man. Take it from me, its bollocks.

 

[Kotchanski]

Who would want a boyfriend who walked down the street with you saying "Oh look at the tits on that - wow look at her ass."? I didn't think so.

I'll have you know that was one of my husbands favorite lines whilst walking down the street. :tongue:

Never bothered me, ofc he's gonna look, and if he sees something he likes then why shouldn't he voice it? Its not like I'm blind and don't know he's looking, and it's not like I'm dumb enough to believe that whilst with me he'd never like anyone else.

I'd actually point out attractive women at times, incase he'd missed them. It's all about knowing they look, and not feeling that it reflects on you. Voicing it may be insensitive, but as far as I'm concerned, not voicing it is insulting my intelligence, I know it so you may as well say it.

 

[Lito]

There's honesty, but there's respect.
The amount of detail she describes, and the frequency, are not good signs. I did have a gf like that, but after a while I just got tired of said comments and ditched her for good.

It's your choice in the end. If it's bothering you, please TALK to her. If she doesn't like, well... you'll either suck it up or ditch her. Not worth being with someone who causes you emotional pain anyway. On the other hand, she might get her act together ans back up a little (a lot, preferably).

 

[LeeEJ]

I think that she wants you and your roommate to double-team her. Are you ready for that?

:tongue: :biggrin1:

She's either insensitive or she's playing games. Neither are very attractive personality traits.

Agreed. ^^^

 

[happyfeet]

I think that she wants you and your roommate to double-team her. Are you ready for that?

LMAO! I thought the same thing when I first read about that moment, but I figured he's insecure enough w/o me telling him that. :wink:

Kotchanski, THANK YOU. Most of the men posting abt this are also insecure and doling out the most horrible "insights" on this matter.

If it's bothering you, please TALK to her. If she doesn't like, well... you'll either suck it up or ditch her. Not worth being with someone who causes you emotional pain anyway. On the other hand, she might get her act together ans back up a little (a lot, preferably).

I agree with this. The problem is he's gone on a tangent inside his head w/o talking to her about it. He's already made this such a big deal in his head that I doubt anything she says now could make much of a dent in the situation.

I guess if he truly wanted to resolve the issue, though, he would have gone to her FIRST. *shrug*

 

[got2keypr]

Sounds like insecurity or subtle personality disorder. Subtle signs of a fragile "self". She is probably quite into you... you are a "keeper" but she's anxious for some reason - and is trying (somewhere between fully aware or totally unconsciously) to instill anxiety in you. it's quite an aggressive act, and reflects the intensity of her own internal experience...

With previous partners, this behaivor may have been "rewarding" in some way - either by "breaking" the guy or increasing his interest / attention...

Chris

 

[WhiteAnacondar]

The problem is he's gone on a tangent inside his head w/o talking to her about it. He's already made this such a big deal in his head that I doubt anything she says now could make much of a dent in the situation.

I guess if he truly wanted to resolve the issue, though, he would have gone to her FIRST. *shrug*

Hahaha! You make me sound like an insecure, complex-ridden man! That is not the case at all...and actually I did go to her and talk to her about this when it happened. It really isn't "such a big deal" in my head, as you say...frankly I could give a shit what she says about other guys. I just wanted to know why she might feel obligated to continually express these things to me, and I wanted to hear other's experience with this.

Thanks for all the great advice and insight everyone!

Good points by Kotchanski in particular...I never thought about it from that point of view (her trusting me enough to be open about that stuff).

 

[OmahaBeef]

Good points by Kotchanski in particular...I never thought about it from that point of view (her trusting me enough to be open about that stuff).

While I wholeheartedly agree with her that it is excellent to have a woman who is honest and open, I stick to my statement that "constantly reinforced" honesty has an underlying motive and it's not a healthy one at that. Generally, if I don't ask, then I didn't want to know to begin with.

Hearing about previous people and experiences should be heard only once and only when inquired about by the other person IMO. The reason for this, is that the women in my life don't deserve and shouldn't have to hear about my past aquaintances and experiences, especially dismaying ones. Doing so anyways always illicits a negative response from them, and rightfully so. That is impolite. Why some women feel immune from this mannerism, I do not know. So I have no guilt in reminding a woman in my life that her repeated comments are abrasive and unacceptable. Any further unsolicited memoirs will be repaid, so she'd be wise to not to get into a knife fight and expect not to bleed.

That being said, I would suppose that a good indicator of whether or not her comments were cast maliciously, would be from her reaction to you casting your own.

...OB

 

[WhiteAnacondar]

That being said, I would suppose that a good indicator of whether or not her comments were cast maliciously, would be from her reaction to you casting your own.
...OB

Good point!

 

[SoFla8]

Allthough there is a chance her remarks are innocent, I doubt it. You've already mentioned it in a casual manner and she's still doing it. She obviously has a reason, or she's an complete idiot.

Dump her

 

[ONB]

lets clarify... shes either completely oblivious to the male ego... in which case you've got a really big problem. or she is aware she's doing it, it's intentional, and she needs to be told that the behavior is not ok.

i'm kinda shocked by some of the female responses in this thread. there's nothing wrong with honesty... we who been in long term relationships know it's essential. but it's not always the best practice when you are getting to know someone. no, i'm not saying you lie, but you don't always make 'certain comments' until you get to know what the other person can handle. its common sense. and talking about sex with other people right in front of each other at that stage of the relationship is a bad sign.

good luck bro

 

[LeeEJ]

i'm kinda shocked by some of the female responses in this thread.

So am I, with some even saying, effectively, "Oh, I do that sometimes, too..."

No wonder women piss me off so often. The best relationship I've had so far was with one who didn't play that mind game bullshit. Excellent communication made for the easiest "serious" relationship I've ever experienced.