Women, i need your help!!! Please read and give advice!!

dolfette

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iIf it helps you see past the notion of fantasy to reality. I have had a true experience with extreme back acne I followed a treatment plan with a dermatologist and while it did not happen over night, I have been acne free for the last 5 years.
i do not see people with acne as disfigured but as people. The promotion of this type of thinking is what keeps people isolated. In my opinion i would prefer intimacey over a skin condition. That is my priority, i'm not saying that mineis the correct frame of thinking. I am not here to change your thoughts of the matter , just offering the original poster some suggestions and some questions to ask himself and his girlffriend in the relationship conern he is sharing.
our perception of acne is not the issue. her perception of acne is the issue. and, as you say, it takes a long time to work a cure.

this is her face. it's not as easy as throwing on a shirt.
 

B_mrrocksontherocks

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Neither one of us know hows she percieves her acne. We could ask splatter?
i'm not claiming to know just what is happening between splatter and his gf. I was simply offering perhapses.
Dolfette you have many time offered great insight in many posts. Not trying to tell you your wrong fellow member.
Best wishes to splatter and his gf.
 

_yayme

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I know how you feel man I was in relationship where the chick went through the same thing bro she breaks out and she's tried everything to get rid out it and it really affected her confidence
The dermologist recommended accutane and I told her not to take it since she does suffer from depression and one of the side effects was suicide
Soon after she just accepted the acne stop stressing abour it her confidence skyrocketed and her acne wasn't as bad

Best thing you can do is get her off bc and like some one here mentioned see if shes suffering from depression and take her to a dermatologist see what her options are and what she feels safe with
 
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dolfette

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Best thing you can do is get her off bc and like some one here mentioned see if shes suffering from depression and take her to a dermatologist see what her options are and what she feels safe with
i'd like to point out that this is an adult woman we're talking about, and not a child or a puppy or his property, and she has a mind of her own.

he does not ''get her off bc'',
he suggests that bc may be causing issues, opens up the discussion and then leaves her to decide for herself.

it may seem like nitpicking to you but language matters.
 

Shastgreen

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There are hormone based BC methods that don't involve a pill. There's the Depo Provera shot and Nuva Ring. Has she tried any of those? Hormone BC can affect different women in different ways, because every woman is different. One of my friends went temporarily blind in one eye and gained 1 cup size in her bra on one kind, then switched to Nuva Ring and is fine. Another friend had her period last LONGER on Depo Provera(even after the initial period where that is supposed to happen), then switched to a pill and is fine.

Use of the term 'the pill' is also kind of pigeon holing the various BC pills out there. They can cause different side effects among users between just themselves.
 
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dolfette

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Depo Provera shot
that's the one that made me loathe men. full on loathe them.
pills have killed my drive before but that shot was fucking terrible, and once it was in my system i had to wait months for it to leave, instead of just not taking a pill the next day.

the ring will do fuck all for acne.
 

Shastgreen

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that's the one that made me loathe men. full on loathe them.
pills have killed my drive before but that shot was fucking terrible, and once it was in my system i had to wait months for it to leave, instead of just not taking a pill the next day.

the ring will do fuck all for acne.

See, that's the effect it had on you. My pal had a completely different side effect.

Yeah, I haven't heard of Nuva Ring doing anything for any of its users acne.
 

NotSoDumb_Blonde

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A couple of things.

Has she talked to her family doctor about any of this?

Has she seen someone about the acne?

Has she tried the Ring discussed on this thread?

Acne is a huge problem, but so too is a relationship that's not working out. Have you tried sitting her down and simply talking to her about how she is feeling, explain how you feel and see if she is feeling the same things? Unattractive, insecure, unhappy? If she does, you've opened up the conversation to discuss what you two can do together. The acne and fear of it's return is hers, but you seem to care about her, and want to stay together. See how you two can work together to find a mutually happy middle ground.

Sorry not more help, but there's a lot of unanswered questions and rather than giving you random advice that means nothing because I'm assuming things, I thought it best to answer questions.

And for the record, when your in a relationship and you're not feeling love, or intimacy, your self esteem takes hit after hit until it's hard to see anything good about yourself. So....your question, am I good looking, yes, you are a good looking person. Try to talk this out with her, if you don't I can only guess that it will either stay the same or it will be worse.
 

dolfette

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See, that's the effect it had on you. My pal had a completely different side effect.

Yeah, I haven't heard of Nuva Ring doing anything for any of its users acne.
the medical profession is a little too flippant about playing games with women's hormones, despite the many varied and possibly serious side effects. but the male pill still hasn't come on the market because it has side effects.

acne is a common side effect of the ring.
 

Shastgreen

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the medical profession is a little too flippant about playing games with women's hormones, despite the many varied and possibly serious side effects. but the male pill still hasn't come on the market because it has side effects.

Couldn't agree more. Insurance coverage for the genders is also quite imbalanced.
 

_yayme

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i'd like to point out that this is an adult woman we're talking about, and not a child or a puppy or his property, and she has a mind of her own.

he does not ''get her off bc'',
he suggests that bc may be causing issues, opens up the discussion and then leaves her to decide for herself.

it may seem like nitpicking to you but language matters.

Sorry I offended you or anyone else
But you are turning my post into something it's not
 

Zonder

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The worry has to be that she is exaggerating the pill's side effects to disguise the real truth: that she's just not that into you any more, at least in a sexual way.

I suppose the clue is that she managed to stay with her previous b/f for four years with no sex at all. How is that even possible? It shows that sex is not at the top of her list even at the best of times. The fact that she doesn't just dump you and move on is encouraging in a way, it means that she values your friendship and enjoys spending time with you in different ways.

By the way, your pic looked good to me!
 

dolfette

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so you think not losing her virginity until she's ready and with the right man is a flaw and means she hates sex...
 

Zonder

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so you think not losing her virginity until she's ready and with the right man is a flaw and means she hates sex...

Frankly, yes.

Personally, I can't imagine remaining in a relationship where sex was not an option. Given that this is a forum for people obsessed with their cocks, I imagine this would be a common view.

However, my feeling is that what we are dealing with here is not a woman waiting for the right guy, but a woman with little sex drive at all.
 

Enid

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There are hormone based BC methods that don't involve a pill. There's the Depo Provera shot and Nuva Ring.

depo is the same stuff they use to chemically castrate inmates, if i am not mistaken. my sister was on it for a while. i would NEVER recommend this stuff, ever. if regular bc kills her sex drive what the fuck will that stuff do to her?

As for the ache turn her on to that Proactive stuff. It worked for my neighbor who had terrible acne. Now's she's partnered up, has a step daughter, no acne and just brought a house w. her partner. And man she has acne so bad she hadn't had a date in years.

one should be careful with proactiv though, the main ingredient is benzoyl peroxide. some people like myself are super allergic to it. plus it ages the skin (by increasing free radicals), dries out the skin, and increases the cancer risk.
 

Phil Ayesho

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Recent science shows that women on birth control pills have different tastes in men than women who are not on birth control pills.

For some women the change in preference is dramatic... and the change in preference is toward men that have lower testosterone, or markers of testosterone. They stop being attracted to one kind of guy and start to find other kinds of guys attractive.

The pill works by fooling the body into thinking the woman is pregnant... and a pregnant woman's agenda changes. We are only just beginning to realize how much of this is not based in what she may think or feel, but in how her hormones affect the manner in which her brain reacts to stimulus.



So it may well be that your birth control solution has made you suddenly unappealing to her on a hormonal level... and there is not much she can do about that.

Short of stopping the pill...

Of course... this may be something she is not keen on, given her reliance on the pill for complexion...

But, hey, you tried to help her in a self serving way and it backfired on you....

maybe its just some Karma Running over your Dogma
 

Guy-jin

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i'd like to point out that this is an adult woman we're talking about, and not a child or a puppy or his property, and she has a mind of her own.

he does not ''get her off bc'',
he suggests that bc may be causing issues, opens up the discussion and then leaves her to decide for herself.

it may seem like nitpicking to you but language matters.

I agree with your post about him discussing the effects of the bc and how it's negatively impacting their relationship completely.

I've been with a woman whose sex drive died when she started on bc. Her sex drive died, and she was constantly emotional--crying at the smallest thing, getting angry, et cetera. She got off the bc after a month of trying to deal with it. The moodiness disappeared, but her sex drive never came back. It was immensely sad.

Probably the saddest part was that the death of her sex drive included a lack of interest in getting it back. She delayed going to see a doctor about it in spite of me insisting that sex was an important component of our relationship because she quite frankly didn't care about sex. She would get wet again, and her body would physically respond to sex, but during intercourse she was indifferent and despite orgasms and physical arousal, remained disinterested. It was quite strange actually.

Sadly, she never sought help to recover her original sex drive, which had been voracious. I say sadly because it was a major component of our breakup. Perhaps I sound shallow, but no enjoyable sex and no interest in improving it if it's not enjoyable was a dealbreaker.

Anyway, I would steer people away from thinking a reaction to bc that kills sex drive is related in any way to how attracted she is to her counterpart. For example, my ex who had those issues with bc was still attracted to me in all ways, but wasn't attracted to sex itself.

I'd say a strong approach would be to express to her how important sex is to you and that you need it to have a strong relationship. If she isn't willing to stop bc or see a doctor about it when you've told her that, it says that she's valuing clear skin over being with you and I think you probably know what you need to do from there.

I do fear this whole post was a waste.
 

dolfette

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guy, you don't sound shallow at all.

that post is seriously sad. and it makes sense that a person with no drive can't see why sex is important. from their POV sex is suddenly unimportant, so they struggle to understand your distress and they feel pressured to be something they're not.

fucking pills! :mad:

i'm sorry you both went through that.