Women i need your help.....

[GermanGuy13]

How do i get a girl that i love to move to a different state to be with me?

she says she loves me and wants to be with me, we talk about marriage and houses, but nothing too serious, just like what kinda ring id get her and house she wants stuff like that,

But i try to tell her to move to where i live so we can start a life together. and she always just changes the subject and never answers.

What do i do? i dont want to keep bringing this up and sound clingy or needy or anything.

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

not a woman, but how about quit talking about it and get the ring and ask her? talk is cheap, if that's what you want, make the offer and be serious about it. asking her to move without the commitment on your part is chickenshit, man up and ask if you really want it. otherwise, she has every right to be doubtful and stay where she feels most secure. imho

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

that's exactly what I was gonna say.... Get a ring, set a date, get it done!

you can talk about it forever, but it means nothng until the wheels start moving....

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

that's exactly what I was gonna say.... Get a ring, set a date, get it done!

you can talk about it forever, but it means nothng until the wheels start moving....

i love your butt!!!

 

[Intrigue]

So the mere fact there is a ring changes how unsure she may sound about her love? I'm not a girl but I find it hard to believe that a woman who truly loves a man ( or any other gender combo) would balk at the opportunity to be close to the one that they love, with or without a ring. But hey, I'm just one guy and I may be way off. Just calling it like I see it.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

The ring is symbolic - at the moment everything is hypothetical 'what kinda ring I'd get her', 'what kinda [...] house she wants' - that's not concrete. If he actually proposes and they set a date then it will leave the realm of hypothesis and enter the realm of reality.

Also - is it totally necessary that she be the one to move? Is there a possibility that you move to be with her? You can't tell a person to move to be with you - you can only ask and hope she says yes.

 

[fire77]

I am just like FancyPnats, couldn't agree more with tgirlsgreat, but its not just about you buying her a ring. You need to show her you are serious, buying her the ring is the first step. I wouldn't want to move to a different state or country based on casual talk over the phone.

Depending on your financial ability. How about buying her a flight ticket to visit you, spend few days together, take her to a jewelry store, find out what ring she likes, buy the ring the next day without her knowing, invite her somewhere romantic and ask her.

 

[MickeyLee]

some more questions.

1. how old are the both of you.
2. how long have you been in a relationship?
3. did one of you relocate or have you always been LDR?
4. does she have commitments tying her to the place she lives? same question to you.
5. are you both ready for marriage? or do you just want her to come live with you, and see marriage as the easiest way to your goal?
6. has there been any issues in the relationship? cheating, break ups, fighting etc?
7. other than distance, why do you want her to move in with you?

going against the ladies. don't buy a ring. don't buy a plane ticket. set down together and talk about where ya see your relationship going. what you both except from a partner and how you intend to blend your lives.

talking about the pretty/shopping side of getting married is easy. some women have known the dress they intend to wear since kindergarten. the reality is where will you live, how will you divide finances and responsibilities. how you think any future children should be raised.

buying a ring and setting a date before you're both ready is going to put too much pressure on y'alls relationship. making plans is good. but be ready to let expectations shift as the two of you grow and ya life choices evolve.

eta: does she know people in the city you live in? she might be scared of moving to a city with no support system. an honest concern for me would be what happened if things go wrong? will a job i get cover the cost of living on my own. will i be able to go back to an old job, house, friends. relocating to another city could wipe out her savings.. is a big step all on it own.

 

[AlteredEgo]

So the mere fact there is a ring changes how unsure she may sound about her love? I'm not a girl but I find it hard to believe that a woman who truly loves a man ( or any other gender combo) would balk at the opportunity to be close to the one that they love, with or without a ring. But hey, I'm just one guy and I may be way off. Just calling it like I see it.

Are you kidding me? I'm supposed to give up my life, my job in a down economy, my family, friends, and business contacts to go live with some dude who might decide he just isn't that into me anymore? Fuck that. Accept the distance or propose. That's what my husband did.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Just to clarify - my answer is not 'buy the ring', my first paragraph was just an attempt to explain the ring answers to Intrigue.

The OP hasn't given enough details about the current state of the relationship for me to have an opinion on whether them getting married is a good idea or not.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Just to clarify - my answer is not 'buy the ring', my first paragraph was just an attempt to explain the ring answers to Intrigue.

The OP hasn't given enough details about the current state of the relationship for me to have an opinion on whether them getting married is a good idea or not.

Yeah. My post answers good ol' Intrigue. I have no answer for the OP. I'm waiting for the answers to MickeyLee's questions.

 

[dolfette]

you want to get her to leave her entire life behind?
obviously you get to keep your life and your friends.
you'e not expected to risk anything much here.
you've dangled the shiny carrot,
''well i might want to marry you one day!''
is that really enough to leave her life behind for?

so...she moves in with you?
so she's reliant on you. what if it goes wrong?
what if she can't get a job when she gets there?
she'll have no support network. she'll just have you.

it sounds to me like she's a very sensible woman.
she's playing it safe, not gambling her welfare.

 

[The Dragon]

How do i get a girl that i love to move to a different state to be with me?

she says she loves me and wants to be with me, we talk about marriage and houses, but nothing too serious, just like what kinda ring id get her and house she wants stuff like that,

But i try to tell her to move to where i live so we can start a life together. and she always just changes the subject and never answers.

What do i do? i dont want to keep bringing this up and sound clingy or needy or anything.

Please re-read the red highlighted section.

This is the heads up she just isn't ready.

I think the others have explained probable reasons why she would be reticent better and a lot nicer than I would have.

Things for you to take on board and then, perhaps, apply a little emotional intelligence.

 

[Intrigue]

Are you kidding me? I'm supposed to give up my life, my job in a down economy, my family, friends, and business contacts to go live with some dude who might decide he just isn't that into me anymore? Fuck that. Accept the distance or propose. That's what my husband did.

Said that way, I can understand. As well as MBs answer. It just sounded as if she was wishy washy but maybe it is he who is wishy-washy. I've never had such an issue come up so I guess I didnt think about it from her perspective. There are alot of unknowns. I probably jumped the gun on my assessment of his particular situation.

 

[Intrigue]

The ring is symbolic - at the moment everything is hypothetical 'what kinda ring I'd get her', 'what kinda [...] house she wants' - that's not concrete. If he actually proposes and they set a date then it will leave the realm of hypothesis and enter the realm of reality.

Also - is it totally necessary that she be the one to move? Is there a possibility that you move to be with her? You can't tell a person to move to be with you - you can only ask and hope she says yes.

That makes alot of sense. I guess he isn't being serious enough for her to be comfortable talking about such a big change. I get it now. I was a tad unsure of why she would be so unsure at first.

 

[Intrigue]

Please re-read the red highlighted section.

This is the heads up she just isn't ready.

I think the others have explained probable reasons why she would be reticent better and a lot nicer than I would have.

Things for you to take on board and then, perhaps, apply a little emotional intelligence.

That highlighted part of his post is why I think I may have assumed she was unsure of that particular subject. A reticence to talk about a certain subject usually indicates some sort of blockage, like in this case lack of reassurance such as a ring or a more concrete Plan like ML suggested. Me and my lady discussed the whole thing for months before I actually asked her to marry me. And by that time we felt married, we just wanted to make it official. We planned out the next 5-10 years together. With a plan like that a lot of fear and uncertainty can be put to rest. (Atleast that's how it worked for me, who knows how other couples may have done it)

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

some more questions.

1. how old are the both of you.
2. how long have you been in a relationship?
3. did one of you relocate or have you always been LDR?
4. does she have commitments tying her to the place she lives? same question to you.
5. are you both ready for marriage? or do you just want her to come live with you, and see marriage as the easiest way to your goal?
6. has there been any issues in the relationship? cheating, break ups, fighting etc?
7. other than distance, why do you want her to move in with you?

eta: does she know people in the city you live in? she might be scared of moving to a city with no support system. an honest concern for me would be what happened if things go wrong? will a job i get cover the cost of living on my own. will i be able to go back to an old job, house, friends. relocating to another city could wipe out her savings.. is a big step all on it own.

Great questions, Mickey Lee (or should I call you Dr. Lee :tongue... I don't know why, but I was assuming (!EGAD! I hate that word) all of this was already discussed between the two. But I re-read the OP's question, and agree there is a lot more for the two of them to discuss. When I re-read I saw "how do I get a girl..." and " I tell her all the time to move...." (red flags that I missed the first time.)

 

[fire77]

Are you kidding me? I'm supposed to give up my life, my job in a down economy, my family, friends, and business contacts to go live with some dude who might decide he just isn't that into me anymore? Fuck that. Accept the distance or propose. That's what my husband did.

That's what my husband did and he is the one who moved. He thought of me first and didn't want to uproot me and move me away. He sacrificed his way of life to be with me.

 

[MickeyLee]

Just to clarify - my answer is not 'buy the ring', my first paragraph was just an attempt to explain the ring answers to Intrigue.

The OP hasn't given enough details about the current state of the relationship for me to have an opinion on whether them getting married is a good idea or not.

Ms. Manly, ya wasn't grouped in with the buy the ring replies :redface:... ya've always seemed one of the most sensible and down to earth folks on LPSG. never thought for a second you would tell someone to jump, having no idea where they might land.

Great questions, Mickey Lee (or should I call you Dr. Lee :tongue... I don't know why, but I was assuming (!EGAD! I hate that word) all of this was already discussed between the two. But I re-read the OP's question, and agree there is a lot more for the two of them to discuss. When I re-read I saw "how do I get a girl..." and " I tell her all the time to move...." (red flags that I missed the first time.)

do i get to wear a white lab coat and give exams??? cuz Dr. Lee would rock. *does best exasperated House pose*

the OP seems more like the marriage is a tool of manipulation or a carrot on a stick to lead his lady home.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I think, on this site, Dr.Mickey would be a better handle :wink: