Women in the work force and divorce rates

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by grandunification, Nov 24, 2009.

  1. grandunification

    grandunification Well-Known Member

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    I'm not going to post any studies here -- i'm too lazy to go find them. However, I have read them before and they all indicate that women who work are more likely to divorce than those who don't. Also, the more hours a woman works the more likely she is to divorce. So here's the question: why?

    I was thinking about it. One article made a good point, namely that women who work have more ability to just say goodbye because they are financially independent, while women who don't work hold on to the marriage because they don't know what they would do without their man. I agree with this statement quite a bit.

    Here's something else that I would agree with. Hold back the screams feminists. I know you're gonna want to tear into me, but I think this makes a lot of sense. Women who work, especially the ones who work long hours are probably worn out at the end of the day, and because their sex drive isn't typically as powerful as the man's is, this often puts them out of the mood to have sex. In the end couples stop having sex as much and this ultimately increases the chance of divorce.
     
  2. whatireallywant

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    I will agree with the ability to leave (financial independence) and not having to stay in a bad marriage. But I do not agree with the lack of sex drive at the end of the day, or that women have lower sex drives than men. Sex drives vary among individuals of course, and a lot of women are brought up to deny their sex drives, so it may appear that way. But it can go the other way too. I've usually dated guys with much lower sex drives than mine.

    As for being tired at the end of the work day, I work all day and THEN go to school in the evening - and I still want sex at the end of the day!!!

    Oh, and BTW, I think the financial independence that allows women to leave a bad marriage is a good thing.
     
    #2 whatireallywant, Nov 24, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009
  3. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    I dunno, but I have to say that every one of the women I have ever worked for in my career was an absolute BITCH! To me women seem to change when they get into positions of authority. Maybe they think they need to act that way to get ahead, I don't know but I have never had any problem with male supervisors. The women who are working the most hours are probably moving up the corporate ladder, and perhaps they start treating the hubby like they do the underlings at work. Maybe they decide that now that they are the CEO, or the CFO that the hubby who works in a lower level position is not good enough for them anymore. Who knows, but if I had been married to any one of the three female supervisors I have had the displeasure of working for I would have gotten a divorce damn quick! In fact all of them were either divorced or had been divorced. One of them had a husband who decided he was gay and left her for a man. We all completely understood why! LOL
     
  4. dolfette

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    here's a factor...

    women who work long hours, statistically speaking, STILL DO ALL THE DAMN HOUSEWORK! imagine the resentment that builds up over the years.
    go out, earn money, come home and not only clear up after yourself and the kids, but also have to clear up after HIM.
    she'd be better off and less tired if she lived alone.
     
  5. vince

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    I lived this. She worked 12 hours a day in the film industry, made great money, never (ok, rarely) made it home in time for the kid's bedtime, I cooked nearly every meal, did more than my share of the housework and the yard work and the child chauffeuring, coached the baseball team, etc etc etc. I also worked fulltime. As time went by we made love less and less, as she was always tired and I understood that, but would she slow down? NO. Her career always trumped everything else as long as I was there to cover all the other stuff.

    All that and she was a great mom and we got on ok, but there was no real intimacy anymore. We argued about her hours for years and grew apart. Eventually she announced she didn't 'think' she loved me anymore. As our child was nearly finished high school, I didn't fight it and moved out. She has all but said she regrets her decision and would like to get back together and misses me. We even had a couple fucks. But sorry, after 8 years I've moved on and it's "just friends" now. I was hurt too badly.

    I didn't and don't want a women who is dependent on me, I want her to be as strong and independent as I am. But I have my limits.

    So I agree that working long days hurts the sex drive. Maybe not for everyone, but for some people it does.
     
  6. BanShen

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    Better off? Ok, arguably she wouldn't have to "clean up after him" (even though most men would clean up after themselves at the very least), but then she'd have to pay for her housing on her own dime instead of a joint income. She wouldn't have someone to depend on for various things like running to the store for a gallon of milk. And all the things a man traditionally does (assuming that, while women still do all the housework, men still have to do all the outside work like mow the lawn) she now has to do.

    I really don't see how this is better for either party.

    To answer the original post, I don't think it's *necessarily* women having jobs. I live in China, which has very low divorce rates, and women here often work. The difference is, here there is still a strong sense of gender roles. It's a man's job to provide for his family as best he can. If that means working late/weekends to get ahead, then that's what he must do to support his family. If he can get home early enough to help out, that's great, but his job is his priority. Likewise, it's a woman's job to ensure that the home and family are well taken care of. If she can get a job that allows her to earn extra cash and do that, great! But if she can't, she knows it's her responsibility to take care of the family first. Maybe that means she can't move up in the corporate ladder- that's fine since the family is more important.

    So, for the sake of discussion, let's drop the "gender" in gender roles, since that's going to open up a huge can of worms. The real issue in modern marriages in the West is that there are no roles anymore. Now, does it have to necessarily be the traditional gender roles? No, absolutely not. But each couple, BEFORE GETTING MARRIED, should sort of figure out how the situation is going to work. Who's responsible for cooking? Who's responsible for cleaning? Who takes out the garbage? If you will have children, who's quitting their job (and for how long)?

    This used to be totally solved by gender roles....now we're told that both genders need to "chip-in"," but it doesn't work. Sooner or later I'm going to feel like I got shafted in some aspect- perhaps I'm cooking 5 nights a week and she only cooks 2. And then she's feeling like she's getting shafted because I'm not pitching in enough to clean up the house. Then the blame game starts, followed by divorce.
     
  7. dolfette

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    in the context of my post, ''better off'' didn't refer to money. my post made no mention of finances...your assumption was wrong.
     
  8. nudeyorker

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    I don't really think that working per se would be a major contributing factor unless as stated previously that it was the top priority over the relationship. I learned a long time ago that a great career does not love you back. Sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons or they grow apart because of the circumstances of their lives or the amount of compromises that they have to make are not worth it in the end. You sometimes have to look at the whole story of two peoples lives to determine success or failure not just a chapter.
     
  9. BanShen

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    Leaving a man implies so much more than just not having to clean up after one, especially if you're going to suggest that a woman would be "better off."

    Even if we ignore the financial argument, I brought up the point that men tend to do other jobs around the house which a woman would have to do if she left her husband. So by having more jobs tacked on (at the gain of cleaning one less dish a few other tidying-up tasks per day), she's going to be "less tired?"

    Again, I'm entertaining your suggestion that all men do nothing to clean up after themselves all the time, which I completely do not believe.
     
  10. dolfette

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    that's a bit of a lie. i have never suggested that all men do nothing.
    i said that statistically women do most housework.

    how you were raised is somewhat irrelevant to a discussion about averages.
     
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