Women on Adult Matchmaking Sites - Scam or Legit?

[FntsySharer]

guy here, but previous are pretty on target - aff and it's sister site, alt.com are legit. Scammers are rooted out quickly. Pretty much all the rest I've been on are scams; they lure you in with "free trial," and it looks like you get a lot of response. However, to actually read notes requires payment.

For a dude, if you register/sign up and immediately get three or four responses, it's a scam!

 

[D_Hey Sailor]

Slightly off-topic, but it came up... I somewhat resent how people assume that just because you're attractive (male OR female) that FWB's or dates by the "conventional method" come easy... Everyday encounters rarely pan out so smoothly or with such frequency as is assumed... at least in my experience.

Online dating is just convenient and comfortable. It affords an awesome buffer zone, and allows you to get in touch with a large group of people who are sharing pursuits similar to your own. Dating sites aren't really all that different from web forums in that regard, and I don't think anyone would rightly call that a bad thing.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Bjen doesn't know what he's talking about. I'm pretty, and have a nice body. It was easier for me to find exactly what I was looking for online. In person, it was just harder, and when I was in a situation where I could talk to lots of guys I didn't know, I was usually intoxicated, or they were. When looking online, I was sober and discerning, and there was the giant boundary of my anonymity yet to cross. It made me feel more comfortable that I could keep a guy so far away while I got to know him better and decide if I wanted to add him to the roster, or vanish completely if he freaked me out. A dude I met in a bus stop, a coffee shop, a bar, or wherever already knows where to find me if I stop talking to him. And believe me, they come find you and try to talk you into reestablishing those lines of communication. I found it easier to to get men to comply with my proof of health policy online because they had to commit to it to get past talking to me on the phone. I found it easier to talk freely about my sexual interests with a stranger online than with a stranger in person. I found that men I tried to be honest with in person thought of me as a slut or a vagina with fantastic tits. Online it was easier to find guys who just thought it was cool that a bright articulate woman like me could be so into casual sexual exploration, and that it was a bonus that I'm not too hard to look at and lots of fun to touch. Bjen should stick to expounding about his own experience. He has no idea what it is like to be a woman.

im not trying to act like i know what its like to be a woman, im just saying, the odds for a straight guy to find a legit, decent looking woman who wants to just have sex with him, online, is slim to none .. it has nothing to do with the OP's looks or anything like that, i have no idea what he looks like or how he acts etc.

of course it would be easy for you, im sure as soon as you signed up with whatever website you used, you had boat loads of guys all over your profile, and the only work you had to do was find a few hours to chill at your computer desk, scroll through the countless potential F-buddies that contacted you, and cherry pick the few guys who you actually considered sleeping with its a supply/demand issue, and as a woman, you can do that because lets be honest, how many decent looking straight woman are looking for sex online? very few .. how many men are looking for sex online? a shit ton, lets say a ratio is 1000 to 1, im sure you will be able to find someone who is worthy for you, yet the OP is part of that 1000 to gain the attention of 1 woman, which is less than1% chance of her even responding to him

so of course it would be a non hassle for you, the ball is in your court (pun kind of intended) im just saying for the OP, its probably just a waste of time and money and he will have way better luck going out and meeting people in person

 

[Gecko4lif]

Being a parent lowers your resell value to pretty much all guys who arent parent themselves or into kids, but I suppose that is a plus since it is something like a auto-screening process for guys you wouldnt be compatible with anyway

Siiiiilver lining.

 

[KTF40]

Q1 - im not a lady, but i think any girl who is hotter than a 3 doesn't need a website service to "hook up", they can easily find a penis anywhere if they need sex, so looking for one on a website, is at best, a waste of time

I disagree completely. As someone who has frequented Craigslist quite often, I'm actually surprised most women don't look online for sexual partners. If a woman put any effort at all into an online search, she could find exactly what she wants at least from a physcial perspective. Model looks, tall, 6 pack, big dick, etc, guys like that are all over that site. Plus, you can do it all from the safety of your own computer.

 

[AlteredEgo]

im not trying to act like i know what its like to be a woman, im just saying, the odds for a straight guy to find a legit, decent looking woman who wants to just have sex with him, online, is slim to none .. it has nothing to do with the OP's looks or anything like that, i have no idea what he looks like or how he acts etc.

of course it would be easy for you, im sure as soon as you signed up with whatever website you used, you had boat loads of guys all over your profile, and the only work you had to do was find a few hours to chill at your computer desk, scroll through the countless potential F-buddies that contacted you, and cherry pick the few guys who you actually considered sleeping with its a supply/demand issue, and as a woman, you can do that because lets be honest, how many decent looking straight woman are looking for sex online? very few .. how many men are looking for sex online? a shit ton, lets say a ratio is 1000 to 1, im sure you will be able to find someone who is worthy for you, yet the OP is part of that 1000 to gain the attention of 1 woman, which is less than1% chance of her even responding to him

so of course it would be a non hassle for you, the ball is in your court (pun kind of intended) im just saying for the OP, its probably just a waste of time and money and he will have way better luck going out and meeting people in person

1,000 to one?

Bogus, invented statistics are a pet peeve for me, and they weaken your position in a conversation. To be honest, of the dudes I know, only the ones who looked online were able to find fuck-buddies. All the dudes I know (but two) wanted them, but the ones who looked strictly in person kept ending up having girlfriends they didn't really want.

My friends who encountered difficulty making online connections had that turned around for them after seeking help from the women in our circle. We helped them take better photos and look and smell better when they went out on "dates". We helped them with the copy in their profiles. I only knew one other girl who honestly wanted casual sex relationships. I knew a couple of women who only thought that's what they wanted, but a few encounters in always ended up with a new boyfriend to smother to death.

Therefore, I agree with you that more men are looking for this than women, and having rejected thousands of them myself, and getting outright rejected fewer than five times in that effort, I know the results are lop-sided. I just disagree that his odds of finding an AlteredEgo or EllieP of his own are damning. I think the odds are poor if he's ugly, disrespectful, too shy or inarticulate. If he's reasonably attractive in photos, and can make himself fun to chat with, then the truth is the odds are fantastic. Slim to none? No, only if he sucks at life.

 

[D_JuanAFock]

I disagree completely. As someone who has frequented Craigslist quite often, I'm actually surprised most women don't look online for sexual partners. If a woman put any effort at all into an online search, she could find exactly what she wants at least from a physcial perspective. Model looks, tall, 6 pack, big dick, etc, guys like that are all over that site. Plus, you can do it all from the safety of your own computer.

I imagine a lot of CL is extremely fake. What I dont get is all these guys getting responses from women on okcupid, what is your profile like? What is your profile picture like? I havent gotten too many views in general, and I like to think I am reasonably good looking, but I only have a face picture.

EDIT: To spin this towards more of a womens response... instead of a guys response... what makes you first click the profile at all?

 

[sizequeenNY]

guy here, but previous are pretty on target - aff and it's sister site, alt.com are legit. Scammers are rooted out quickly. Pretty much all the rest I've been on are scams; they lure you in with "free trial," and it looks like you get a lot of response. However, to actually read notes requires payment.

For a dude, if you register/sign up and immediately get three or four responses, it's a scam!

Going on alt is very different from aff, it is a fetish site while aff is like adult dating. I was on okcupid for a month and hated it. In NY, most of the guys were hipsters or hipster like, not for me. I think every site has it's success in certain cities. Trying okcupid was an experiment for me, because I was curious. I prefer meeting people while I am out. I know too many people local to me to be on a dating site, it was odd seeing familiar faces on okcupid

 

[KTF40]

I imagine a lot of CL is extremely fake.

It is. But it's extremely easy to figure out which ads are real and which ones are not.

 

[B_crackoff]

The funny thing is, I went to Moscow a year ago, & the women outnumber men there by about 20%. The whole thing is the other way around! It's not that unusual for an average, fit guy in his 50s to want, & get someone in their 20s - as a life partner.

The women will also put up with all kinds of infidelities as long as the guy is kind, has a job, & isn't a drunk.

It makes the guy feel as handsome as the women on western dating sites feel attractive - both without good cause.

What's wrong with meeting people when you're out? I think that people who use checklists to find potential mates on dating sites should also add - not very easy to get on with - doesn't go out much - afraid of strangers - bloody picky - poor decision making skills - non-adventurous - a lack of spontaneity etc.

I'm sure that there are some sites more like a social hub, & good for them - but frankly, for the most part it's as bad as a bunch of guys marking a woman out of ten in a bar.

You only get chemistry in person.

Do the purely sex matching sites allow feedback? Stars out of 10?

 

[hammer87]

What's wrong with meeting people when you're out? I think that people who use checklists to find potential mates on dating sites should also add - not very easy to get on with - doesn't go out much - afraid of strangers - bloody picky - poor decision making skills - non-adventurous - a lack of spontaneity etc.

QUOTE]


I couldn't agree with you less. There are some of us out there that have extremely demanding jobs. Im talking 12 hours a day 7 days a week. That kind of work schedule will kill any social life, I dont care if you are the most interesting man in the world. And worse yet, if you carry that kind of schedule for a fairly long period, when you finally do catch a break, it can be pretty hard reconnecting with people.

Be a slave to the grind, and you will find out that it is hard having any kind of life.

 

[D_JuanAFock]

That, and some people just dont like to go out to many places where you meet people. I love to go out and have fun, but clubs and bars are not very fun for me. Also, I have been moving around a lot in the last 5 years or so of my life, so maintaining friends has been somewhat challenging.

 

[AlteredEgo]

EDIT: To spin this towards more of a womens response... instead of a guys response... what makes you first click the profile at all?

The first thing visible is usually the primary photo and some snippets of text from the profile. Write an interesting bit of copy that really demonstrates your fun personality, and boast a great photo and I would click for more info. But since I got so many responses to my own profile, I seldom went searching through the men's profiles unless they wote to me. I simply did not have the time most of the time.

What's wrong with meeting people when you're out? I think that people who use checklists to find potential mates on dating sites should also add - not very easy to get on with - doesn't go out much - afraid of strangers - bloody picky - poor decision making skills - non-adventurous - a lack of spontaneity etc.

Why shouldn't I be picky? My reality is that I'm reasonably attractive, and a better than average (from what I gather) lay. The more experience I got, the better I was in bed. Why shouldn't I be increasingly selective? I have outstanding decision-making skills. Sure, I mostly dealt with men (and women) I met online, but I also never fucked someone I regretted fucking later. Can most people say that? Within the context of connecting to people I had already rigorously screened, I was very adventurous, and very spontaneous. There is an easy distinction between spontaneity and recklessness. I'm not reckless. If meeting people when your out (and drunk, or they are) is easier for you, you should continue to meet people that way. There is nothing wrong with either method. It comes down to finding something that works, and utilizing it well.

You only get chemistry in person.

Chemistry is dangerous. Good chemistry is why someone like me has better success screening out bad eggs online. I prefer to weed out what I do not want before chemistry and my libido get in my way. Bad chemistry got in my way very, very rarely when I was meeting guys online. I can only think of one instance where I met up with a guy I had chosen from a dating site, and decided there was no spark when I met him in person. Even in that case, I wasn't expecting fireworks because talking to him on the phone had been lack-luster. He was nice though, and like-minded, so I wanted to give him a chance. Frankly, you can usually sort out chemistry over the phone just as easily as in person.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

I disagree completely. As someone who has frequented Craigslist quite often, I'm actually surprised most women don't look online for sexual partners. If a woman put any effort at all into an online search, she could find exactly what she wants at least from a physcial perspective. Model looks, tall, 6 pack, big dick, etc, guys like that are all over that site. Plus, you can do it all from the safety of your own computer.

no i dont think it is a waste of time for women, i said, because women get approached all the time for sex every day just living life, they don't need to even take the 5 minutes it took to make a profile on some website for it, because if they really want to get sex, they could .. im saying it would be a waste of time for the guy looking for the girl because the internet scene on websites like this or adult hookup sites have a guy:girl ratio of a shit ton:a handful .. yeah of course they can go on craigslist and find any guy they are looking for, but they don't even need to do that

 

[B_Bjen2848]

1,000 to one?

Bogus, invented statistics are a pet peeve for me, and they weaken your position in a conversation. To be honest, of the dudes I know, only the ones who looked online were able to find fuck-buddies. All the dudes I know (but two) wanted them, but the ones who looked strictly in person kept ending up having girlfriends they didn't really want.

My friends who encountered difficulty making online connections had that turned around for them after seeking help from the women in our circle. We helped them take better photos and look and smell better when they went out on "dates". We helped them with the copy in their profiles. I only knew one other girl who honestly wanted casual sex relationships. I knew a couple of women who only thought that's what they wanted, but a few encounters in always ended up with a new boyfriend to smother to death.

Therefore, I agree with you that more men are looking for this than women, and having rejected thousands of them myself, and getting outright rejected fewer than five times in that effort, I know the results are lop-sided. I just disagree that his odds of finding an AlteredEgo or EllieP of his own are damning. I think the odds are poor if he's ugly, disrespectful, too shy or inarticulate. If he's reasonably attractive in photos, and can make himself fun to chat with, then the truth is the odds are fantastic. Slim to none? No, only if he sucks at life.

(sigh)

sorry i don't have the official, exact statistics of the guy to girl ratio's on adult hook up websites :-/ ... it really doesn't matter, its up to the reader to have common sense and think "yeah of course he doesn't exactly mean 1000 to 1, but it does show the obvious difference in adult website populations of guys to girls, of course nobody knows the exact number, but anyone with a brain knows its a lot to a little"

and ok at least you know that the ratio of real women on websites like those are very lopsided ... im just saying, that his time is definitly better suited trying to meet women in the real world, instead of on a computer screen because what i got from your post is that the men who get offered for dates/sex online, are those who probably already have no problem getting women attracted to them

you said that if you're reasonably attractive and can make good convo, you will do fine ... that is the two basic skills you need to date and its obvious that it doesn't matter how/where you find your dates, at the end of the day you need to be somewhat attractive and fun .. if you're unclean, with no style, rude, creepy, and awkward in real life, you're still gonna be the same unclean, no style having, rude, creepy, awkward dude .. the only difference is that the rejection he will face will be from a click of a mouse not in person

with that being said, i go back to my original point where the OP needs to figure out what works for him to attract and date women in real life, and once he figures it out, he probably won't need a dating service

 

[AlteredEgo]

He'll still need a dating service is all he wants is a casual lay with the occasional repeat customer or anything remotely similar to that. Why? Because women online are upfront about their agendas, even if they turn out to be mistaken about what they want. Women who think or know all they want is sex say so right away online. In person, a woman is far more likely to keep that information concealed for as long as possible, and may even deliberately delay sex so no one thinks she's a slut, even if she really just wants to meet up twice a week for sex and a slice of pizza. The women on this website are (for the most part) not likely to be that way, but we're the minority of women who are comfortable enough with sexuality to discuss in in minute detail with any and everyone on a website about large penises. You are prejudiced against online dating. That doesn't mean you're right that the OP should stop doing it.

By the way, it is never primarily a reader's responsibility to determine what a writer means. It is always primarily the writer's responsibility to write exactly what he means to write, and communicate clearly. Just sayin'.

 

[D_Hey Sailor]

sorry i don't have the official, exact statistics of the guy to girl ratio's on adult hook up websites :-/

Not a hook-up site, but I remember the last published stats for OkCupid were almost 50/50 (I think it was 54% male, 46% female).

 

[AlteredEgo]

no i dont think it is a waste of time for women, i said, because women get approached all the time for sex every day just living life, they don't need to even take the 5 minutes it took to make a profile on some website for it, because if they really want to get sex, they could .. im saying it would be a waste of time for the guy looking for the girl because the internet scene on websites like this or adult hookup sites have a guy:girl ratio of a shit ton:a handful .. yeah of course they can go on craigslist and find any guy they are looking for, but they don't even need to do that

The thing is, just as it is online, the majority of men who approach me for sex in person are unattractive to me for one reason or another. Actually, they all are. I hate to be approached face to face. It makes me really uncomfortable, and instantly scratches the dude off the list of possible candidates. There is no way under the sun that a man coming to talk to me in person is ever getting laid by me. My heart races, I go into panic mode and cannot wait to find a polite way to escape. But skipping my personal weirdness, even the vast majority of men I have ever approached to see if I wanted sex from them turned out to be either stupid, boring, cock-centric (that is, too much discussion of their giant dicks too soon without solicitation), or just not as physically attractive to me up close as they had been when I first spotted them. Of the ones I was still interested in sleeping with after a conversation, I still ended up not fucking most of them because I determined we were not looking for the exact same situation or had some other sexual incompatibility I didn't want to deal with. I really don't think that part is so odd. The fact is, I am actually sexually interested in very few men, and even fewer women from any given population. But that's true of a lot of people. A lot of people are very discriminating when it comes to sex partners. So adding the internet sites to my options was the obvious solution. And sorting men online is waaaaay easier than sorting them in person. Getting rid of rejects is even easier online.

I made the mistake of telling my first name to a guy in the post office once. (Or maybe it was the subway station, or the bus stop. I just remember it was my neighborhood.) I let him hold my hand so he could show me a trick. The trick turned out to just be him holding my hand. Cute, but still. . . creepy. Plus, he wasn't my type, and he'd approached me and I was already very nervous and uneasy. So I wished him a good day, and left. That guy followed me around every time he spotted me for YEARS. Online, I decide a guy just isn't doing it for me, and I send him a quick note telling him so and block him. BOOM! He's gone forever. If he recognizes me on another site and tries to reconnect, I simply ignore him until he goes away, or block him again. If he has my email address, I send him straight to Spam. If he has my cell phone number, I send his calls to VM. Easy.

I'm just going to have to keep asserting that you don't know what you're talking about. There is no real difference other than what venue happens to work best for each individual. Whether in person or online, I would still have the same ratio of rejections to acceptances. I just encountered more men online than in person who expressed an interest, so the number of rejections was higher, but the ratio of dudes in contact and rejected to dudes in contact and bedded is about the same.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Not a hook-up site, but I remember the last published stats for OkCupid were almost 50/50 (I think it was 54% male, 46% female).

And frankly, that's where I met the vast majority of the dudes I hooked up with when I was single. My marriage might be opening up, and that's probably where I'll return if I decide to seek extramarital sex. I found that the men on AFF made me nervous, and the site was way more expensive than Match, another site where I made a lot of hook ups.

 

[D_Hey Sailor]

And frankly, that's where I met the vast majority of the dudes I hooked up with when I was single. My marriage might be opening up, and that's probably where I'll return if I decide to seek extramarital sex. I found that the men on AFF made me nervous, and the site was way more expensive than Match, another site where I made a lot of hook ups.

Yeahhh, I gave AFF a thorough inspection after it was mentioned here and I am definitely sticking to OKC.

Just the main page was enough to give me a moments pause.... something blunt and a bit hokey about it. I don't know, I could be wrong, but I'll trust my gut.