Women or Men, who make better friends?

[lapdog2001]

I've had 3 close female friends in my adult life. Two of the three I was initially attracted to in the usual male-female way. I eventually made my feelings known in both cases and both wanted to be platonic friends. I was able to deal with that and had some wonderful experiences with both these women. I also learned a lot about women from them. Both were also the type that had more male friends than women, but they did have girlfriends and were not catty or possesive of their men.

My male friends I've had for almost 20 years now (wow&#33 and I enjoy being able to spend time with them when time allows (most are married with families.)

One of my female friends became a long-time lover after about a year of knowing each other and spending a great deal of time together. Many people thought we we dating or even married during that year of platonic friendship! When we became sexual, there was both good and bad sides to it. The best was that we were already best of friends, so we were very open with each other and our lovemaking was very intense and very good! The bad side is that we probably weren't the best match for a long-term romantic relationship, and it took us almost 8 years to figure that out. We stayed friends beyond the sexual relationship, and only recently have started to drift apart.

I have a current female friend who is just that, a friend. I don't see any possibilty of a romantic relationship there as she has some values and ideals that I just can't accept. She is also not my 'type'.' My 'type' has had a great deal of variation over the years, but has never gone into her 'type.'

I enjoy having women as friends as they give me perspective in their views on various topics that I usually just don't talk about with guys!

LapDog :9 :9

 

[13788]

ravenously:

Originally posted by aloofman@Apr 20 2005, 10:29 PM
. One thing I've noticed is that a woman will refer to another woman as a "bitch" FAR more often than a man will. There's not much "sisterhood" out there!

[post=302744]Quoted post[/post]​

"Women will call each other manys other things,before "sister" ".

from The importence of being Earnest By Oscar Wilde

 

[lokican]

In my expierence women tend to have more male friends than female, but it is important for those women to have SOME female friends. Women need someone to be girly with once in a while, even if their not a Girly Girl.

One female friend of mine wanted to be "just like the other guys" and after a while us guys saw her like that, we would talk openly about sex and our dicks, masterbation etc just like she was another guy. Freaked her out and she made sure we realised she was a girl and wanted to go back to being treated like one.

 

[madame_zora]

That's funny, Lokican, that happens to me a lot when I work around a group of predominanatly men. I think when I was younger, I just felt priveledged to be in on the "guy secrets", but as I got older it was just how I felt more comfortable. I can hang out back, smoke, cuss, exchage dirty jokes, scratch my imaginary balls and no one asks me to get their fucking coffee! Even if I'm in a dress or skirt, I get treated like one of the guys and even if they make a lewd joke directed at me, I know it's in the spirit of fun. I have no idea if the men I worked with ever wanted to have sex with me or not, it never came up. Sometimes an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, I think women who are too much "on the lookout" for sexual harrassment will find it all too easily.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I feel much more comfortable in my opposite-sex friendships because I feel like it's easier to be myself and to not have to put up so many pretenses. I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I realize that it doesn't take much for me to make someone pretty uncomfortable. Is that my fault? No, not really. I suppose to make up for that "discretionary" self I put forward, I just make it that much more a priority to be open and honest and sincere to people I care about and that care about me just as much.

Besides, I dunno what it is, but when you get a whole bunch of guys together, it's like we're always competing over something and that gets to be exhausting to deal with. And as much as I like talking about attractive women, I've got other stuff on my mind, and before you know it, I totally check out of the conversation because I'm bored with it. And I don't watch sports.

I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions out there -- just ain't met 'em yet -- but I feel like guys tend to follow sports so religiously because, if they weren't televised, we wouldn't have much to say to each other. And I've had enough years of male peers to back that up. At the same time, the sociologist in me knows that guys aren't really conditioned to open up and be more emotionally honest and expressive to one another.

But if women are just exceptional at that stuff anyway, why can't they just have nice girl-girl friendships with one another? Competition, that's right.

 

[naughty]

Originally posted by DeeBlackthorne@Apr 22 2005, 09:39 PM
I feel much more comfortable in my opposite-sex friendships because I feel like it's easier to be myself and to not have to put up so many pretenses. I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I realize that it doesn't take much for me to make someone pretty uncomfortable. Is that my fault? No, not really. I suppose to make up for that "discretionary" self I put forward, I just make it that much more a priority to be open and honest and sincere to people I care about and that care about me just as much.

Besides, I dunno what it is, but when you get a whole bunch of guys together, it's like we're always competing over something and that gets to be exhausting to deal with. And as much as I like talking about attractive women, I've got other stuff on my mind, and before you know it, I totally check out of the conversation because I'm bored with it. And I don't watch sports.

I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions out there -- just ain't met 'em yet -- but I feel like guys tend to follow sports so religiously because, if they weren't televised, we wouldn't have much to say to each other. And I've had enough years of male peers to back that up. At the same time, the sociologist in me knows that guys aren't really conditioned to open up and be more emotionally honest and expressive to one another.

But if women are just exceptional at that stuff anyway, why can't they just have nice girl-girl friendships with one another? Competition, that's right.

[post=303519]Quoted post[/post]​

Dr.Dee to Be.

Is that your personal or professional opinion on the subject of women and competition? LOL! I fear you may be right. It seems that in spite of everything hormones win the battle.


Naughty

 

[steve319]

I've always found it easier to maintain friendships with women. I think a lot of the competition issues between guys, as well as societal expectations about how we're supposed to be so insular and emotionally distant, just make us shy away from long-term friendships with one another. (Or maybe that's a rural southern phenomenon?) Plus, similar to what Dee mentioned, I don't have that much in common with stereotypical (typical?) male interests.

I have some issues with initmacy and openness anyway, but I'm aware of it and trying to work on that (witness my participation at LPSG&#33. Maybe that's part of it too.

At any rate, my best bud is female and probably the only person in the world that I can tell anything at all and not feel all exposed. We've never even circled around the possibility of a romantic crossover for the relationship, and that's kind of a relief to me, really, since that's never been a transition that's worked out well for me ("Our first nomination for Understatement of the Year...").

I have male friends from way back (no newer ones, though), but we never see one another or talk much.

 

[B_hungrick]

Originally posted by DeeBlackthorne@Apr 22 2005, 01:39 PM
I feel much more comfortable in my opposite-sex friendships because I feel like it's easier to be myself and to not have to put up so many pretenses.  I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I realize that it doesn't take much for me to make someone pretty uncomfortable.  Is that my fault?  No, not really.  I suppose to make up for that "discretionary" self I put forward, I just make it that much more a priority to be open and honest and sincere to people I care about and that care about me just as much.

Besides, I dunno what it is, but when you get a whole bunch of guys together, it's like we're always competing over something and that gets to be exhausting to deal with.  And as much as I like talking about attractive women, I've got other stuff on my mind, and before you know it, I totally check out of the conversation because I'm bored with it.  And I don't watch sports.

I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions out there -- just ain't met 'em yet -- but I feel like guys tend to follow sports so religiously because, if they weren't televised, we wouldn't have much to say to each other.  And I've had enough years of male peers to back that up.  At the same time, the sociologist in me knows that guys aren't really conditioned to open up and be more emotionally honest and expressive to one another.

But if women are just exceptional at that stuff anyway, why can't they just have nice girl-girl friendships with one another?  Competition, that's right.

[post=303519]Quoted post[/post]​

I like where DeeBT is going with this topic. I've been lucky enough in my life to have good friends who are both women & men. I don't think I favor one gender over the other in terms of who I like in friendships. I care about my friends & they care about me. That's pretty much the bottom line. I have two sisters who are my best female friends. I don't have any brothers. I think that's caused me to look for "brother-type" relationships with male friends since I was a little kid. I'm a product of hippie parents, so the social conditioning of american males hasn't affected me as much as it might have. My mom constantly asked me "what are you feeling?" when I was a little boy, so I was forced to pay attention to stuff like that. As a result I have close emotional relationships with guys as well as girls. Thanx, Mom! B)

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

C'mere, Rick. :hug:

That's probably one of the things I miss about being an undergraduate student -- for the first time in my life, having a bunch of good people around me that helped me relax, ease up on the uptightness, and just enjoy people for who they are and what they do. I've been pretty affectionate for as long as I can remember, but these friends were the first ones that let me just run with it. That having been experienced, I have nearly no qualms giving any good friend of mine a hug, a kiss, or a friendly gesture. It just feels good.

 

[B_hungrick]

Originally posted by DeeBlackthorne@Apr 22 2005, 11:54 PM
C'mere, Rick.  :hug:

That's probably one of the things I miss about being an undergraduate student -- for the first time in my life, having a bunch of good people around me that helped me relax, ease up on the uptightness, and just enjoy people for who they are and what they do.  I've been pretty affectionate for as long as I can remember, but these friends were the first ones that let me just run with it.  That having been experienced, I have nearly no qualms giving any good friend of mine a hug, a kiss, or a friendly gesture.  It just feels good.

[post=303684]Quoted post[/post]​

Thanx for the hug, Dee. Here's a big one back at you. I was out tonight with my g/f & some of our mutual friends. We all went to dinner then to the beach to walk along the wet sand barefoot. Fuck, I love doing that. Then we made a bonfire & sat around talking & being together. I'm thinking that it's the feeling of us all being close & knowing the connections we have together that makes a good life. We're not all boy/girl couples either. It's a real mixture of friends, plus a few dogs too! I was glad as hell tonight to be alive & around people who I love & who love me. :hug:

 

[D_Humper E Bogart]

I dunno, I tend to form small friendships, I am lucky to know some women at uni I think are really cool. I don't go looking for love though, I have a "look don't touch" policy with friends.

 

[Vix]

I have more female friends (although sex can get in the way)

Vix