Women Shouldn't Enjoy Sex

wallyj84

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I don't agree with the title of this thread.

However, I have met a few men in my life who did. They were generally popular and well-liked. They were married or in long-term relationships. They were also pretty socially conservative.

Have you ever encountered a man who thought it was wrong for women to enjoy sex? What kind of person was he? What was your relationship with him? Do you know what their relationships were like?
 
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deleted464787

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I don't agree with the title of this thread.

However, I have met a few men in my life who did. They were generally popular and well-liked. They were married or in long-term relationships. They were also pretty socially conservative.

Have you ever encountered a man who thought it was wrong for women to enjoy sex? What kind of person was he? What was your relationship with him? Do you know what their relationships were like?

I was not aware this is even a thing. People think this?

Why would women even participate in sex if it wasnt enjoyable?
 

marriedasian

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i don't think the message is that "women shouldn't enjoy sex" but more so that "women are there for men's sexual pleasure, period". i've met plenty of men in my life who truly believe that women are only there for the act of sex to give men pleasure. i've never tried to argue or understand this mentality but it's very real and very out there. i suppose if you look at women as nothing more than a sex toy then once you get off, you just put the toy away, done. you don't need to pleasure the toy or care too much about it. just bring it out when the urge strikes and put it away when you nut, done.

i've gotten far enough in life now where nothing shocks me anymore.
 
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socalfreak

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The very very few times I've heard this nonsense, it seemed to be coming from somebody who was terrified that: (A) they wouldn't be able to keep up with the girl. (B) they would learn that they weren't nearly as good in bed as they thought they were (C) the girl would be out of control and seek out sex outside of the relationship (D) the girl would figure out that sex was being used as a power play in the relationship.
Insecure as hell .... Narcissistic.... Blowhard...
I cut people like that out of my life quickly.
 
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wallyj84

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i don't think the message is that "women shouldn't enjoy sex" but more so that "women are there for men's sexual pleasure, period". i've met plenty of men in my life who truly believe that women are only there for the act of sex to give men pleasure. i've never tried to argue or understand this mentality but it's very real and very out there. i suppose if you look at women as nothing more than a sex toy then once you get off, you just put the toy away, done. you don't need to pleasure the toy or care too much about it. just bring it out when the urge strikes and put it away when you nut, done.

i've gotten far enough in life now where nothing shocks me anymore.

I don't think either of the men I knew viewed women as sex toys. I don't know what it is, but oftentimes casual sexism seems to come from men who are otherwise pretty good towards women. They treat them like people and are successful with women, but every once in a while you hear something weird like women shouldn't enjoy sex or that the husband stitch is a good thing. That is just my experience.

Maybe it's due to the dominance angle in sex? I don't know.
 

wallyj84

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The very very few times I've heard this nonsense, it seemed to be coming from somebody who was terrified that: (A) they wouldn't be able to keep up with the girl. (B) they would learn that they weren't nearly as good in bed as they thought they were (C) the girl would be out of control and seek out sex outside of the relationship (D) the girl would figure out that sex was being used as a power play in the relationship.
Insecure as hell .... Narcissistic.... Blowhard...
I cut people like that out of my life quickly.

I think C is really common. The fear of female sexuality is real.
 

Lance V

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This is prehistoric thinking at its worst. Female circumcision fits perfectly into this thinking. Church teachings that sex is only for procreation and masturbation is sinful.

At some point in human history sex became the bad guy. And all the demonization of sex did was make it more desirable. But that desire had to be secretive because sex is bad.

Stupid people with ancient morals make us the bad guys for enjoying sex while they're diddling little boys and girls.
 

marriedasian

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I don't think either of the men I knew viewed women as sex toys. I don't know what it is, but oftentimes casual sexism seems to come from men who are otherwise pretty good towards women. They treat them like people and are successful with women, but every once in a while you hear something weird like women shouldn't enjoy sex or that the husband stitch is a good thing. That is just my experience.

Maybe it's due to the dominance angle in sex? I don't know.

if you are referring to where a man literally just believes that women, in general, should not or is not entitled to any sexual enjoyment then my answer is "no"... i have never met a man in my life that believes a women should not have sexual enjoyment in her life. all the men that came close to this were only in the notion that they would allow a women to have sex but only to the point of their pleasure and to the point of when they orgasm then they would be done with sex and with the woman their having sex with.

so does a man that believe in this would not have sex with a woman? by having sex with her, the man would still be giving her some form of sexual pleasure even if it's short-lived and on his terms? it's like saying that women shouldn't get married but how does a man prevent that from happening if being married includes a man (referring to heterosexual relationships)?
 

wallyj84

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if you are referring to where a man literally just believes that women, in general, should not or is not entitled to any sexual enjoyment then my answer is "no"... i have never met a man in my life that believes a women should not have sexual enjoyment in her life. all the men that came close to this were only in the notion that they would allow a women to have sex but only to the point of their pleasure and to the point of when they orgasm then they would be done with sex and with the woman their having sex with.

so does a man that believe in this would not have sex with a woman? by having sex with her, the man would still be giving her some form of sexual pleasure even if it's short-lived and on his terms? it's like saying that women shouldn't get married but how does a man prevent that from happening if being married includes a man (referring to heterosexual relationships)?

I'm pretty sure in their perfect work homosexuality wouldn't exist.
 

malakos

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I don't agree with the title of this thread.

However, I have met a few men in my life who did. They were generally popular and well-liked. They were married or in long-term relationships. They were also pretty socially conservative.

Have you ever encountered a man who thought it was wrong for women to enjoy sex? What kind of person was he? What was your relationship with him? Do you know what their relationships were like?

To be clear, these individuals believe that men should enjoy sex, while women should not? Do you have any idea why that would be the case? I can think of some reasons why someone might think that neither men nor women should enjoy sex, but a principle that would apply differently to one sex isn't so easy for me to think of. Also, precisely what sense of "should" is at work here? Generalizable morality? I.e. they think it's absolutely immoral for a woman to enjoy sex? Or is it just a question of ideal relationship dynamics?

While I have known some men and women who believed that pleasure should not be a priority with sex, I have not known anyone who has presented the view you have in mind. If you're curious, this other view I have encountered has been associated with devout religiosity, and a highly teleological view of sex.
 
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wallyj84

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To be clear, these individuals believe that men should enjoy sex, while women should not? Do you have any idea why that would be the case? I can think of some reasons why someone might think that neither men nor women should enjoy sex, but a principle that would apply differently to one sex isn't so easy for me to think of. Also, precisely what sense of "should" is at work here? Generalizable morality? I.e. they think it's absolutely immoral for a woman to enjoy sex? Or is it just a question of ideal relationship dynamics?

While I have known some men and women who believed that pleasure should not be a priority with sex, I have not known anyone who has presented the view you have in mind. If you're curious, this other view I have encountered has been associated with devout religiosity, and a highly teleological view of sex.

Those are great questions. I know that both of them, the guys who said this, enjoyed sex and sought it out so I assume that they think men should enjoy sex. But I could be wrong.

I can't speak to what drove this desire. Was it morally or a desire for a certain relationship dynamic? I don't know. I wish I could have asked more questions, but when confronted those guys would backtrack fairly quickly. In my experience, conservative men can be very good at playing the social game and know when to stop talking. So it is hard to get specifics sometimes.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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It's projection, with a twist.

Men who think this know damn well how much they enjoy sex and that the way they enjoy it is with more than one person. So they assume women will enjoy it the same way (which even if they do, good for them) and the idea of not being in control of her sexual activities is too much. If women *enjoy* sex that means she has a say in how she does it and who she does it with.

So, they twist things up in their tiny minds (not a lot of space to work with) and convince themselves that women don't/shouldn't enjoy sex. But we damn sure better give it to them, obligatorily. It's our duty to provide their simple selves with sexual gratification.
 
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T_Lurch

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I can't enjoy sex unless my partner is into it. Period.

It would take years to go into the minutiae, both psychological and social as to where this attitude came from.

Short possible answer: a vestigial leftover from ancient patriarchal times rooted in Judeo-Christian attitudes towards sex and women's roles.
 

Sagittarius84

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Definitely projection at play...deep understandings of how selectivity would play out if certain attitudes werent in place. Fears of one's own sexual prowess and personality not being sufficient to attract(or retain) a partner, and so instead leaning into the idea of sex being an obligatory thing instead; not to be enjoyed but to be fulfilled.
 

Phil Ayesho

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I was not aware this is even a thing. People think this?

Why would women even participate in sex if it wasnt enjoyable?

ITs called a "madonna/whore complex".

Any woman who wants to have sex is a whore... and the only women who are worth marrying are the ones who don't even want it.

Its a common mentality in macho centric cultures.
To a certain extent, its a psychological compensation for deeply seated male insecurity... a 'wife' who doesn't like sex is less likely to cuckold her husband. And Such men are less concerned about their wife actually cheating on them, per se, than their fellow men knowing its going on while they are oblivious. i.e. its avoiding the humiliation of cuckolding that is their primary motivation in wanting women who do not like sex.

In another sense, it is a ground justification for infidelity, in that men who think this way justify cheating on their wives as preserving their 'madonna' status by not "defiling" them with their base sexual desires, rather, taking out their disgusting sexual appetites on the 'whores' who 'deserve' to be defiled.

Its partly a religious ideation of sex as inherently disgusting, and shameful... and a conflation of the concept of motherhood with the ideal of the virgin Mary.

But, mostly- its cut of the same cloth as the 72 virgin fantasies of muslim men... who want their women virginal so that they won't be able to compare their husband to other men, sexually, and realize just how bad they are in bed.
 
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