women wanting space

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dazzla, Sep 30, 2010.

  1. dazzla

    dazzla New Member

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    only informed answers please.....

    not going into too much detail, but my girlfriend decided she wants some space, ive asked her and she says she is too stressed etc, i dont help, work constraints. anyway, when i badger here because im a soppy distraught mess it makes things worse but yet when i just leave her alone she wants to meet me for meals etc she doesnt want anyone else apparently. just some alone time from stresses.

    what do you guys think?
     
  2. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    This is a relationship issue, specifically a man's relationship issue with a woman, I've moved it here so that it will get a broader spectrum of members answering it. Don't worry, female members use this forum too. ;)
     
  3. curioustitan

    curioustitan Member

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    Aaah yes. This is that very special 'psychic rapport' that we as men DO NOT share with women. Ultimately, it would do you well to learn the little signs, nuances and idiosyncracies with regards to when you are wanted and when you need to 'give her space'. This is not an unusual situation you're finding yourself in but rather a very confusing and frustrating position as a man.
    Women in general would love a man that is able to 'pick up' on these subtle changes in mood and emotional states of mind....alas, for the most part and unless you're willing to become more in touch with your 'feminine' side.....most of us won't.
    But fear not.... Women are clever, wiley creatures, and are well aware of our inability to discern when we're needed/wanted and when we're not.....and you know what....they still love us anyway.
    My advice.... stay strong, positive and patient and just be prepared to simply 'be there' when she needs/wants you. This is often the simplest and best approach to a centuries old problem.....Good luck!!
    P.S...this is also one of the reasons i have a stronger affinity for guys ;)
     
  4. helgaleena

    Gold Member

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    If she has a career the last thing she wants is a needy mate. But that's just me...

    Whether you are a man or a woman, being a person who needs constant butt-wiping gets old, even for very nurturing types. It's always preferable to be able to survive on your own before embarking on the great relationship quest. It might be very therapeutic to solve some of your own messes for a bit and not expect your mate to be a caretaker.

    The reason so many people don't want children is because you have complete responsibility for a child who is helpless for far too long. It might attract a nurturing type at the outset for you to seem needy, but after a certain point, enough is enough and the nurturing type simply needs to retreat and recharge. let them do so or they will go psycho on you, one way or another.
     
  5. sexplease

    Gold Member

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    I think you might both benefit from a little book called:
    Don't sweat the Small Stuff, and It's All small stuff.
    It's saved, repaired and/or helped others I know to move forward in life (either together or on your own path)

    Amazon.com: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff--and it's all small stuff (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series) (9780786881857): Richard Carlson: Books

    people in a relationship are like the columns of a great building. They cannot be to far apart nor too close together to keep the roof up.
     
  6. AndyRodDick

    AndyRodDick New Member

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    Women can be nearly impossible to read in many situations, normally I'd take a "give me some space" as a yellow-to-red flag. But it sounds that your gf is just stressed and having trouble coping with work, having a boyfriend, and probably some other stuff. Hopefully a temporary situation, so she needs the space for sorting things out.

    Now, what do you mean by "I don't help"? Have you considered helping? :biggrin1:
     
  7. NightFish

    NightFish Active Member

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    She can't miss you if you're always there...
     
  8. Phil Ayesho

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    Its not a good sign.
    She is reacting to you as if you are a source of problems, rather than a refuge from problems.
    Sit down and do a self assessment...
    Look at your interactions with her from the point of view of what you demand of her.
    Because, like it or not, you are bringing expectations of her into your time with her.


    When you expect things of her, you show disappointment or hurt feelings , or perhaps frustration when your expectations are not met...

    And she feels that as a pressure on her... just one more hoop she has to jump thru, one more plate she has to work to keep spinning.

    Is that what you want to be in her life? A chore for her to 'handle"?


    Or would you rather she look to you as the one place she can safely let it all drop, and know she will be cared for and accepted, even if she doesn't feel up to sex, dinner, or going out...

    Take a step back... and think of ways in which you can lighten her load.
    If she is working late at the office, pick up the phone and order her a dinner to be delivered there, without her having to entertain you.

    If she can't find time to see you, toss it off as if it doesn't bother you, as if the two of you have all the time in the world...

    Be self reliant, yet true... and try to figure out how you can offer her a safe harbor, instead of being just one more thing she has to take care of.


    You are there to open the jar for her, when she needs it open... not to whine about how she doesn't buy enough jars.
     
  9. alx

    alx
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    I don't know what's up with your gf but you mention she's stressed. The last thing she needs is you Falling apart.

    She needs a rock in her life, and your probs not providing that stability that she is unable to fulfill herself at this time.

    Ask yourself what you can do to help her out, plus be a man stop crying and be that rock that will take charge and reassure her that all is well.

    Patience is a virtue.
     
  10. B_starinvestor

    B_starinvestor New Member

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    I've never had an experience where a girl said 'i need space' and anything good ever happened after that.

    Some of them are just incapable of officially breaking things off - and try to ease out of it with maneuvers like this.

    BTW, don't let her actions dictate your sense of self-worth or esteem. It is difficult, but try to stop thinking about what she's thinking. Just think about you and your day. Impossible to control or fantasize about a woman's thoughts or what she's doing - it will drive a man insane.:wink:
     
  11. RawDog

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    You're stressing her out. If she says leave her alone, leave her alone. Badgering her just oozes "needy". Definite no-no in a relationship. Let her come to you.
     
  12. Over-reaching

    Over-reaching Active Member

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    First thing, and one that is obvious I guess, is that she is stressed. The exact cause of the stress is not clear to us from what you say, and it's probably not clear to her either, which suggests to me that it might be multi-factorial.

    Second thing, don't badger her. It's no help to her (quite the opposite), and it makes you look bad in her eyes. When you next meet, I'd be inclined to say, on leaving, something like, "You call me when you next want to meet or talk to me," and leave it at that. Then leave it up to her to get in touch with you. If after a week (or whatever seems reasonable), drop her a line to say how is she and that you're thinking of her, but don't ring her because then the temptation will be to behave in a badgering way (even if you don't mean to).

    Good luck!
     
  13. Drifterwood

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    And me. Sorry Bobby, I have a low threshold for neediness. I'd ask for some space, maybe see if you were getting your act together, and if not, I'd change the locks.

    Partners need to be roughly in the same place IMO.
     
  14. DavidXL

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    Agree completely. Really hate to say it, but sounds like it is over. I can think of 2 times where women have said they needed some space, and it was over pretty quickly (e.g., within a couple of weeks) after that. I've used that line as well or some other version of it (e.g., "I'm really too pre-occupied with [school][work][etc.]") when I was done going out with someone, but didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and wanted a non-confrotational way out.
     
  15. BobLeeSwagger

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    One of two things:

    1) This is her too-nice way of saying she's dumping you without actually saying it.

    2) She really does feel like your relationship would improve if you backed off and spent less time with her for a little while.

    My guess is that you should stop seeing her. If it's (1), then this is what's meant to be anyway. If it's (2), she'll figure out how much she misses you after you're gone. Either way, stay away from her for a while.
     
  16. Finker

    Finker New Member

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    Well said buddy

    Wise words from a wise man


    That is absolutely GOLDEN


    :fing02:

    If I may add (and sorry if this doesn't apply), I advise you to join a gym and start hanging out with your buddies more often. Get busy, and often have something to do that is away from her. Then she will get that urge that she doesn't get enough of you as she can.
     
  17. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Whenever friends have told their partners they need space, it usually means they are going to break up with them before long.

    Personally, I don't believe in needing space. If we're together he is my rock and I need him around when I'm stressed. If that is no longer the case, we need to be not together anymore.
     
  18. denton85

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    it's pretty simple. a relationship by meaning doesn't shouldn't need 'space'. There is a problem or problems.

    You need to find out what they are.

    This forum has listed them. (some great insight i must admit) If you can't figure out what it is, and she isn't willing to tell you more, then i'm afraid to say it might be time to move on. Don't waist time waiting for her to glance your way. Life is too short to be spending on things that aren't meant to be.

    I hope nothing but good things.
     
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