women who are sexually reserved

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by justavrg, Jun 6, 2010.

  1. justavrg

    justavrg New Member

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    my wife and I have been married for 11 years,I love her very much but for the entire time we have been together she has been a very reserved woman.
    We have been going through a rough patch recently and it is really nerveracking,I have always tried to get her to loosen up but it never seems to happen,she will never masterbate in front of me and says she never does when alone,I have always tried gettting her to talk dirty and when this is brought up she says she feels rediculous.

    Last night we put the kid to sleep early,had a few drinks and was looking around on here and another site and she actually just does not seem interested in sex at all and starts looking at the clock and said"are we going to do anything" as if to say lets get this over with.
    It is only 11:30 I said just relax stop trying rush it!
    So I put the computer down and we start getting busy and I ask if she will try licking below my penis(on the testes) while in between the BJ and hand job(I have tried getting her to do this for a while,Years to be exact!)(I had just shaved too)
    and she starts to and then just looks up at me gives me a disgusted look and says "it is a little rough" which started a argument and then that was the end and I slept on the couch.

    it is getting really hard to even want to see her naked now,I service her first every time we have sex which leads to an orgasm 90% of the time NO LIE,we have sex around 3-4 times a week,but alot less recently mainly because of me,she says once a week is enough for her but does more just to keep me happy.

    any insight would be helpful from any ladies out there to help me understand what is going on in her head,she really does not give me much info,just "I dont know why I am this way:(".

    thanks for any help.
    JA
     
    #1 justavrg, Jun 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2010
  2. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    It isnt any wonder she is put off if you call it 'servicing her'...she isnt a soddin car!

    That is the average and the norm so i'm unsure why you're .

    Maybe she is just a reserved person,alot are like that and to be honest she can't be so bad if you're still with her 11 years down the line.Not every woman is the 'swinging from the light fittings' type.
     
  3. clav2

    clav2 New Member

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    If you're still managing 3-4 times a week after 11 years of marriage, I wouldn't complain. You've got kids, you say. My wife lost all interested in sex after our daughter was born, 23 years ago, and since then our marriage has been largely platonic. I still love her, but I don't get any sex at all these days on the home front. Very sad.
     
  4. HiddenLacey

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    A lot of women are reserved. IMO, some of us are raised that way if you come from a Christian home. The feelings of guilt over sex and what is considered right and wrong, can hold some of us back.

    First of all I'm going to say I feel strange saying words like cock and pussy outloud. I'm not a dirty talker either, so I can understand where she comes from. I cringe when I hear myself say those things, so I don't. But then again it's very rare for me to use any type of profanity.

    I might get rocks thrown at me in here when I say this, but IMO women need more than just sex. Do you show her affection anytime other than when your trying to have sex? She may feel that you only love on her when you want sex.

    Maybe she is just reserved and she is never going to break out of her shell. If she is uncomfortable with something you can't just push her into it. Talk to her when she does something. If you want her to lick your balls and she says it's rough, you could always say something the makes her feel more into it, like "I'm sorry baby, it feels so good, your so sexy etc. " You can get her to want to do something she is uncomfortable with if she gets praise from you.

    IMO, if a woman is uncomfortable she is not going to loosen up and try new things.
    You have to try to bring her out of her shell. Arguing doesn't help.

    I'm not coming down on you, it takes two. She may be trying to share things with you by saying she is uncomfortable. You just have to get to the bottom of why or let it be.

    She may pull away from doing things because she feels like she has too. That it is not right for her to enjoy sex, masturbation, etc in front of you. For some women sex is one of those taboo subjects.

    All of the above is just my opinion some others may feel differently.
     
    #4 HiddenLacey, Jun 6, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 6, 2010
  5. Embrace69

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    First off, I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch. Secondly, like many before me have mentioned, a lot of women are reserved when it comes to sex. It may just be her nature if she's always been that way. Maybe there's something she's self conscious about even though she says she doesn't know. Maybe it's how you make her feel when you two have sex, maybe it's the lack of what you make her feel. Apparently from your last experience as you described earlier it didn't go so well and you ended up on the couch. If she was clearly stating at the beginning to "let's get this over with" she really didn't want to do anything in the first place. That would have been my first clue.
    A lot of men just go straight for the sex and like Submissive said, the majority of women need more than just sex. So it may be time for you two to sit down and talk about your sex life as uncomfortable as it may be, to save your marriage you need to talk to her and really get to how she's feeling. Let her know that if you don't know, you can't help her so ask her to really dig deep and find just what it is that bothers her or makes her the way she is when it comes to sex. You'd be surprised at how much women hold in.

    Personally, I've been in a relationship where I was the reserved one and he wanted it all the time. Fact of the matter is (and I'm not saying this is your problem) I wasn't attracted to him that way anymore, I'd fallen out of love with him, the way he treated me when we had sex made me feel like a filthy slut, he hurt me even though he said he was trying to be gentle, he'd practically molest me any and every opportunity he got even when I didn't want him touching me and just didn't listen to the word "no." So in general, everything about him eventually put me off to the point where I didn't even want to acknowledge that I was a sexual being and really didn't want anything to do with him anymore. When it came to sex, I had the "ok let's get this over with attitude."

    In my current relationship, I am anything but reserved, I am free to be who I am and I don't feel slutty talking dirty or even doing "dirty" things because I genuinely feel differently toward the person I am with than I did with my other relationship because everything is opposite, he genuinely listens to my concerns, my feelings and we have a general understanding and trusting relationship.

    But best of luck to you and I hope you can get past this issue.
     
  6. petite

    petite New Member

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    She obviously doesn't feel sexy, despite the fact that you are obviously turned on by her and you want to have a lot more sex with her. A third party may help you with these issues. You are still having sex rather frequently, but since you are obviously unsatisfied with your sex life, and you are obviously concerned about the future, you may want to suggest seeing a sex therapist together where you can have couples sessions and individual sessions. The reticence that you sense may be a sign that there are deeper personal or relationship issues and a counselor could help the both of you resolve those issues so you have a happier marriage.

    May I recommend that instead of shaving you epilate? It lasts for weeks and when I grows back in the hairs are soft, not stubbly.
     
  7. justavrg

    justavrg New Member

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    let me say thanks to all the advice given,
    I try to be as supportive and loving as any man could be to their wife,she is a wonderful person,the best mother I have ever seen,I tell her thank you for everything she does for me and that I love her everyday,I would just like for her to open up to me more.
    as far as the servicing comment I was just trying to get the situation across,I like to make sure she is taken care of first,as a matter of fact that gets me off quite a bit watching her squirm around in pleasure it is just after that she is all about getting the
    deal done it seems.

    also my wife does not like any kind of oral done to her,she thinks it is gross and does not want to kiss me afterward,which is also weird considering most women I hear love oral performed on them.
     
  8. HiddenLacey

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    Hmmm, I find it strange that she says she does not like oral. She may just be very uncomfortable with you doing it. Lay it on thick, tell her you want to worship her body with your mouth. Tell her you love to watch her squirm, that she's beautiful and sexy. If she thinks your enjoying it she may loosen up alittle.

    There is always the possibility that she just does not like it. I believe some women hear have said they don't.
     
  9. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    What a complainer. I say, lick your own balls and be fucking happy 11 years into marriage you are getting your dick "serviced" 3 or 4 times a week.

    My husband won't lick my asshole or masturbate in front of me or masturbate when im not around. You think i care? No. I'm happy that after 12 years neither one of us has killed each other, fucked someone else, lost our jobs or have some other animosity for whatever reasons.

    I could go on and on about what is probably going right about your marriage and you are still worried about your testicles. Good going Charlie!

    You think she likes washing the dishes or cleaning the toilets...we all put up with shit we don't want to do or don't like.

    None the less she doesn't like licking balls, or like oral sex or being kissed afterwards. I used to be like that because i had a lot of fears and concerns and germ phobia. I may have gotten over it but she might never get over it. Some oral sex doesnt feel all that good. When i had high blood pressure i couldnt even feel much at all and it was boring for me. I pretty much made him stop doing it for a long time.

    I'd love to lick his balls but he wont shave them. So i will just have to deal with what his comfort levels are and just be happy about the other things we have going on for us. You might have to do the same. And maybe you are trying too hard and making her feel uncomfortable.

    Oh and whilst my husband and i have awesome crazy sex, we each feel silly talking dirty to each other so we dont. And we rarely make eye contact when having sex. It's just our style.
     
    #9 B_Mademoiselle Rouge, Jun 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2010
  10. D_Tina_Ciao

    D_Tina_Ciao Account Disabled

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    Each woman is different and she may have lower or decreased sex drive, and may also be uncomfortable with those things that turn you on most due to a restrictive upbringing. Whoever said a woman needs more than sheer sex (even if it's great) is absolutely right - women are complex creatures who need affection, tenderness, intimacy, being assure you truly love and care for her - consistently and often - MORE than they need sex.

    Start doing thoughtful little things to make her know you really love her, leave sweet, intimate notes for her in various places; give her candy or flowers (not expensive, just a touch) out of the blue, for no reason. Take her out to eat without kids if you have them.
    ROMANCE her, before you try to seduce her.

    Be grateful for what you have and don't *push* her - gently lead her into your mindset and share your dreams with her, but never force her to do anything which is uncomfortable for her. If you're patient and gentle, she may eventually loosen up, but even if she doesn't, be grateful you have a faithful mate who's there for you. I'd give anything for that and never let my man up for air - my sex drive has increased substantially over the years and I'm interested in doing things I've never done, so maybe she will too, as years go by.

    Remember, be thankful for what you already have that's good and be glad you're not one of the husbands/mates who no longer is getting it at all. What goes out, usually comes back - be gentle and make her fall in love with you all over again, and she may be coming to YOU for sex.
     
  11. jamesjohnson8

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    3 or 4 times a week not enough? I feel lucky when I get that in a month.Count your blessings.
     
  12. sbat

    sbat New Member

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    Jesus, effing christ.

    Everywhere I turn, I hear most people talk about how depressing marriage is - "be happy if she's willing to put up with your dick in her 3 times in a week" "X% of women lose all interest in sex after so many years or after having kids."

    Serious question: What should a horny person do if you're married (especially with kids) and you're feeling sexually unsatisfied? Is it the American man's lot in life to eventually become a honey-do mule, eventually put out to pasture once he gets fat and throws out his back? I'm being honest here, my girlfriend whom I really love really wants me to commit to marry her, and envisioning this potential future is a huge stumbling block for me.
     
  13. dolfette

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    so it's not that she's not open to sex, it's that she doesn't want the exact same things as you from sex.

    why should she enjoy dirty talk? just because you do? if it actively turns her off then why the hell should she do it?

    personally i hate licking shaved skin too. it IS rough.

    LOTS of people don't have any interest in looking at porn. you think she ought to just because you do?

    service her?? don't even get me started on that one :rolleyes:

    this is all about you. you want her to be like some ex or a porn girl or someone else that she's not. she has her own damn sexulity and if you didn't respect that then you shouldn't have married her. her sexual tastes are every bit as valid as yours, so stop making out like she's faulty goods.

    your constant pressure to change her into what you think she should be will kill your sex life!
     
  14. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    A-FUCKING-MEN

    I'm so tired of women being called sexually "repressed" "frigid" or "repressed" for not having the same sexual tastes as he does.
     
  15. dolfette

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    it's not strange at all.
    lots of people just don't like the sensation.

    i prefer the sensation of getting my cunt slapped to getting it licked...i'm kinky, not repressed. licking is just boring.

    i don't think everyone should like a good pussy spanking just because i think it's a fantastic sensation. we all have different tastes.
     
  16. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    It's not my favorite sensation and its very hard for me to orgasm from it without some intense manual stimulation. I get bored too easily laying there looking at the ceiling.
     
  17. dolfette

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    it's better than that on bdsm sites.

    women are repressed and frigid for not wanting to be cum slaves and shared with dozens of men :rolleyes:

    'how can i turn my wife into a cockslut?' is one of those once a month threads.

    some guys should just marry a blow up doll instead.
     
  18. sbat

    sbat New Member

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    Dude, dolfie...I think the man just wants his wife to love HIS cock, just like a woman in a relationship would want her man to love HER body. It's called validation, and it's perfectly reasonable.

    The only questionable thing about the OP is that this issue is coming up after 11 years...Were you not dating and having sex before, or were you both virgins saving it until marriage?
     
  19. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Sbat, the guy bitches about her not dirty talking, not enjoying oral and not licking his balls. This is far different than a guy never getting sex or oral sex from his wife. The guy has problems and you tend to see the best in these situations. We don't. He has a lot going for him and he sounds like a pussy when he whines about several non-perfect or ideal forms of sexual behavior in the bedroom. She's laying on her back 3-4 times a week for him 11 years in. Dude. seriously.
     
  20. dolfette

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    after 11 years of a guy trying to make me like porn & getting oral, and him feeling like i'm faulty for not living up to his fantasy, i'd fucking hate his cock.

    i don't make my partners feel faulty for not sharing my kinks...and by my freaky standards i'll wager the OP is a complete prude.
     
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