women who are sexually reserved

[sbat]

If I didn't know better dolfie, I'd think you were bent on seeing him as some kind of sexual troll torturing a pure, faultless woman.:wink::tongue:

For all we know, she could be cheating on him, and letting him satisfy himself out of guilt

 

[dolfette]

If I didn't know better dolfie, I'd think you were bent on seeing him as some kind of sexual troll torturing a pure, faultless woman.:wink::tongue:

For all we know, she could be cheating on him, and letting him satisfy himself out of guilt

he reminds me of an ex, so obviously i'm day dreaming nailing his scrotum to his forehead, but that's not the point!

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

A lousy fuck is worse than no fuck.

So I don't agree with the ones who are saying that you should be grateful. In fact I find it insulting to male sexuality, a condescending stereotype.

If your wife likes sex once a week, then have sex with her once a week, it might just be a rewarding experience for both of you.

I'm thinking he needs to talk to her about her needs and desire and most definitely what's turning her off. His approach might be bad, especially the way he described some things....

If they agreed to do what the other one likes even just every now and again at the will of the giver when he/she decides to do it as a surprise to the other person....and they talked about a frequency that is more reasonable for both parties...there might be a lot less resentment from her.

I wouldnt want my husband to see me naked if everytime he did we had to go romp...that would get exhausting and predictable. And i like to walk around naked.

If she wants sex more like once a week and he calms down a bit about bugging her constantly about HIS desire for it. She might be more enthusiastic.

 

[justacynic]

I agree with ManlyBanisters. I felt like the OP was expressing that things have been changing with his sex life with his wife and that he's concerned about these changes, especially when he mentioned that he hardly ever gets to see her naked anymore. It was that sentence that told me that things used to be different in the bedroom, and he's worried about that. He's expressed that he's tried talking to her about it to no avail.

It's the reason I recommended a sex/relationship therapist. There are many things that a person can hear clearly from an impartial third party that one can't hear from one's own lover, and a therapist would be able to get help them in ways that we just can't. It could be that his wife is having difficulty talking to him about what is happening. None of us know the reasons why his wife has become more reticent about sex and about her body, and we have no way of discovering those things. It could be hormonal, she could be having sexual issues, it could be based on her relationship with her husband. It could be that he just doesn't appreciate her enough. A therapist will be able to solve all these problems. We'll never know what the problem is, but something is happening that has made him concerned, and I think that the only way he'll find happiness is if he goes to see a professional about it.

Not to be harsh about it, but therapy this and that sounds all well and good until you learn it's $140 a session and you have to meet weekly. Sure, you can say that it's worth it to save the marriage but once you see the price tag you might try buying some porn and getting a massage twice a month to start! It'll be cheaper and may work as effectively.

 

[petite]

Not to be harsh about it, but therapy this and that sounds all well and good until you learn it's $140 a session and you have to meet weekly. Sure, you can say that it's worth it to save the marriage but once you see the price tag you might try buying some porn and getting a massage twice a month to start! It'll be cheaper and may work as effectively.

Considering how important sex is to many people, like me, and also considering how unhappy he seems and how much unhappiness divorce can bring, not to mention how EXPENSIVE divorce can be, it really sounds cheap to me. I think that price is worth it! Seeing a sex therapist is supposed to be temporary anyway, and having a third party give you "assignments" so that he can explore what pleases her and she can explore what pleases him is much easier than one person in the relationship trying to tell the other one what he/she is doing wrong. Both parties are more likely to listen and it's much more likely to be effective.

We started out as a long distance relationship and at least every other date was in a new a different city in a hotel, involving travel and lots of restaurants and entertainment. You wouldn't believe how expensive that was! $140/week is cheap compared to the amount we spent getting together. I would afford it to bring us back to where we began (if we had grown apart or were having problems). It's worth it to me.

I recently finished a book called Happier, which is about all of the currently available research on human happiness and is written by the Harvard professor, based upon the course he teaches on Positive Psychology. I bring this up because according to the research, a person's relationship with his/her spouse is one of the most important indicators of lifelong happiness. So even if it costs a small fortune, isn't your lifelong happiness worth it?

 

[Embrace69]

I recently finished a book called Happiness, which is about all of the currently available research on human happiness and is written by the Harvard professor, based upon the course on Positive Psychology. I bring this up because according to the research, a person's relationship with his/her spouse is the most important indicator of lifelong happiness. So even if it costs a small fortune, isn't your lifelong happiness worth it?

You know, I'd really like to read this book. Given some of my past post in a Social Group. Who's it by?

 

[petite]

You know, I'd really like to read this book. Given some of my past post in a Social Group. Who's it by?

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar. I first heard about him on NPR. You can listen to the story by clicking this link. It has little clips from his Harvard class.

Finding Happiness in a Harvard Classroom : NPR

On the Daily Show:

Video: Tal Ben-Shahar | The Daily Show | Comedy Central

 

[Embrace69]

Ohhh thanks! That'll be my material for tomorrow!

 

[petite]

Ohhh thanks! That'll be my material for tomorrow!

No problem! Everyone should read it!

 

[kc2007]

What about having great, passionate sex...but everything else sucking. Anyone ever go through this type of alternative world dysfunctional relationship?

 

[dolfette]

What about having great, passionate sex...but everything else sucking. Anyone ever go through this type of alternative world dysfunctional relationship?

hell yeah.

 

[sbat]

hell yeah.

I guessed it

 

[petite]

What about having great, passionate sex...but everything else sucking. Anyone ever go through this type of alternative world dysfunctional relationship?

I have. There have been a few relationships that should have been over with but we just kept sleeping with each other, so they lasted past their expiration date. Another consequence of a high sex drive. Gets me in trouble, I tell you.

 

[petite]

Back to the OP, talking about sex therapy reminds me of that TV show Sexual Healing. It's a reality show about couples seeing a sex therapist. TheBoyfriend and I watched the entire season on demand on Netflix. One thing I noticed after watching the entire season was how many women are just extremely selfish in bed and towards their husbands. I saw for myself that the problem is often the wife, and that the husband would have had no chance to address those problems and those attitudes if they hadn't visited a sex therapist.

Lots of the men had their own issues in the bedroom, but the recurring theme with the couples that I saw was that the woman restricted what happened in the bedroom. The women would make a stubborn stand against the tiniest little requests, like wearing heels before sex, or wearing a corset instead of a nightie. I thought it was unbelievably selfish, especially since their husbands wanted to please them. I felt so sorry for the husbands.

So many of the wives seemed to have a "Princess" mentality, where they seemed to feel that their husbands ought to be grateful for whatever pitiful amount of grudging sexual attention that they give them, when the husbands are so often completely willing to give back to them if only they were given the chance. By the end of the season, it drove me crazy! So many married women seemed to feel that their husbands' sexual satisfaction wasn't important at all and they seemed to think that their husbands should have to cater to their own selfishness, which they did.

I'm not saying that this is what's going on with the OP's wife. It's possible that the problem is him, not her. We have no way of knowing. I just don't think that men are always the villains in the bedroom.

 

[kc2007]

I have. There have been a few relationships that should have been over with but we just kept sleeping with each other, so they lasted past their expiration date. Another consequence of a high sex drive. Gets me in trouble, I tell you.

Well, I'm not sure which problem is easier to deal with. Being in a perfectly stable loving relationship with someone with lame sex or rare sex OR fighting all the time, logistic issues, and different long term goals but great physical and sexual chemistry.

Having great everything sure would be wonderful, but who has that??

 

[EllieP]

So, I'm late to this party, and I don't have a lot to add. But the whole thing about porno and looking at websites to get in the mood. Darling, please rethink that. It will probably get you in the mood, but then again a Sears catalog opened to the right page will probably do that to you, too.

Porn make me ill and uncomfortable. Pictures of disembodied doohingies make me wonder about people who want to take a picture of their doohingy. Now, show me a romantic, passionate movie where I can let my imagination run free. Wow!

The other night we were watching True Lies with the Arnold and Jamie Lee Curtis. That bedroom scene before she whacks him in the head with the phone, well, that did it for me. We stopped the DVD right there!

Be imaginative. Go outside of YOUR comfort zone and try to get into hers.

By the way, I love oral, but I won't let him kiss me either.

 

[petite]

So, I'm late to this party, and I don't have a lot to add. But the whole thing about porno and looking at websites to get in the mood. Darling, please rethink that. It will probably get you in the mood, but then again a Sears catalog opened to the right page will probably do that to you, too.

Porn make me ill and uncomfortable. Pictures of disembodied doohingies make me wonder about people who want to take a picture of their doohingy. Now, show me a romantic, passionate movie where I can let my imagination run free. Wow!

The other night we were watching True Lies with the Arnold and Jamie Lee Curtis. That bedroom scene before she whacks him in the head with the phone, well, that did it for me. We stopped the DVD right there!

Be imaginative. Go outside of YOUR comfort zone and try to get into hers.

By the way, I love oral, but I won't let him kiss me either.

That scene in True Lies was really hot!

Have you ever seen Body Heat? It's hot hot hot. It's available on demand on Netflix.