Women who can't stand clitoral stimulation?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by INTP, Sep 22, 2010.

  1. INTP

    INTP New Member

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    As I mentioned in my other thread, my wife of 10 years can not stand being touched on the clitoris, and can not stand having oral performed on her.

    She said she gets nothing from it, and that it feels strange and "wrong". Not just oral, but ANY form of clitoral stimulation.

    I suggested maybe she was just overly sensitive, due to her not having "used" it enough perhaps, and she said no that was not it, and that she just did not gain any pleasure from that area, and to this day, 10 years later, is still just as emphatic about it, and stops me instantly whenever I try.

    Is this common? Is there perhaps an underlying condition? Or are some women just "dead" there? She says it is not psychological, and that she just doesn't like it.

    I asked a friend of mine, a Lothario of sorts who has slept with over 150 women (srs, no exaggeration or lie, women have always thrown themselves at him since we were teenagers) and he said he has never yet met a woman who has been like this.

    What's going on with my wife in this matter!
     
  2. petite

    petite New Member

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    I can't help you out about this. My clitoris and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. Literally.

    I doubt that "using" it more would help her enjoy having her clitoris touched. Some women are definitely more sensitive than others. I think I'm more sensitive than average, but far less sensitive than your wife! It's possible that vaginal stimulation and stimulation of her labia send enough sensations through her clitoris for her to enjoy herself and that direct stimulation is just too intense to the point of being unpleasant. She might just have an extremely sensitive clitoral hood, like I do.

    Many women don't enjoy oral. That isn't unusual at all. Me, I can't get enough of it! I could be licked all day and never be bored.

    If you don't find anyone else here like your wife, are you going to consider her to be freakish? It won't change the sensitivity of her clitoris, regardless if you find another woman here who has one as sensitive as hers or not.

    I really think that you should involve your wife more when you are trying to discover more about her sexual tastes and appetites, since she's really the only one with the answers. Is there a reason why you turn to us for these conversations instead of just talking to your wife about them?
     
  3. HiddenLacey

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    I agree with Petite. If she doesn't like it she doesn't. All of our bodies are different. Talk to her and ask her what she likes.
     
  4. INTP

    INTP New Member

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    She only slept with 3 other men before we married, I am her fourth. That is what she says, anyway, though I believe her. She is still quite naive in many ways. She said she had never had an orgasm before she met me. I ask here, as she has demonstrated to me, over numerous "discussions", that she often simply does not know the answer, or is not sexually experienced enough to have the answer.

    Is it not unreasonable to ask here, where people are uninhibited, and have literally seen it all?

    Your asking me whether or not I would consider my wife a freak tells me that you entirely misread or misunderstand me. I live with my wife, this is my reality, I am just trying to establish how common or rare it is, that's all. She is not "conventionally" pretty, yet is still perfect & beautiful to me.

    For all I knew, it might have been a common situation in which the female WAS in the grip of psychological problems, and that other people's experiences had shown them that such a lady COULD be taught or conditioned to enjoy this powerful area of pleasure for her. Or that yes, women like her existed, and that is that. That's all I'm trying to establish.

    I have cornered her, and grilled her, and involved her to the best of my ability, trust me, and I still cannot understand how it is that the clitoris does nothing for her, when it is apparently packed with so many nerve endings and solely designed for female pleasure :confused:

    edit: for example, she SAID there was no way she would or could enjoy using a sextoy. She was totally embarrassed by the idea. That was her answer when I "involved" her, and asked her.

    I went ahead and bought one anyway, which was an experience in itself.

    And despite her saying there was no way she'd enjoy it, after only 1 or 2 times playing around with it, she now asks for it during foreplay. So what emphasis am I to place upon her opinion, when she does not seem to know herself what she likes, or whether she MIGHT like it? She was emphatic she couldn't use a sextoy, but she is enjoying it now. Her reservations to it initially were because, I think, she just didn't know.

    So thus I find myself asking here....
     
    #4 INTP, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010
  5. petite

    petite New Member

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    Well, it's possible that she has a sexual hang-up about it and she's fibbing about the reason why she doesn't want them touched, I'll agree with that. Who knows?

    Is there a problem, though? Has she indicated that she doesn't enjoy sex or that something is wrong? Or does it just bother you that she hates to have her clitoris touched? Is it because you would really like to give her oral sex and stimulate her like that? Or has she said anything about it? Is it just that you think it's odd?

    I dated a man who never once let me touch his balls the entire time we were sleeping together, which was 7 years total! He just didn't want me to do it. I never knew why. I assumed that someone in the past had hurt him, and he was afraid, but I never pushed it with him because it didn't seem like it was important to him.
     
  6. INTP

    INTP New Member

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    Why do you get so angry? Every response of yours has contained an accusation of sorts. Why is not not reasonable for me, her "man" to want to understand what is going on? Can you not see that, if she DOES have a psychological issue regarding this, why does she not trust me enough to open up to me about it, in even the slightest way? I'm reading between the lines here that it is highly unusual for a woman to get nothing from the clitoris afterall though. edit: I'm not trying to find a way to "blame" her for anything, if that's what you think I'm angling at and which aggravates you, I'm just trying to understand this sublime yet fickle creature that is my wife.

    Fair enough, but the comparison is surely unfair given that the clitoris is hailed as THE pleasure centre for the female, it isn't just some "other bit" that's hanging around there. I myself don't enjoy having my balls fondled or anything either, it's actually painful.
     
    #6 INTP, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010
  7. petite

    petite New Member

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    First of all, she might not have a hang-up. Her clitoris might be very sensitive and she might not like it to be touched. The fact that other women have a different opinion of their clitorises means nothing. We're all different. It's doesn't matter how many women "hail" it as THE pleasure center for females, there are probably lots of women who don't like it touched because theirs have more sensitive nerves than the clitorises of other women.

    So I wouldn't start off by assuming that she has a sexual hang-up. She might be telling you the truth and is annoyed at you for not believing her. Or she might have a sexual hang-up. Either one is a possibility.

    I think it's wonderful and beautiful that you want to understand her, but we aren't mind readers and we don't know her. I'm not angry, I'm trying to identify what's going on, which I can't do without asking direct questions. I'm sorry if my direct questions sound "angry" to you. They're relevant questions. Everything that we know is from what you tell us, so that means that there's a lot of questions. It's not my intention to bother you but to figure out what's going on.

    I have to be honest, the questions that you keep asking us on LPSG aren't ones that we can answer. We don't know your wife. You really need to see a therapist or a professional with her to get to the root of these issues if you can't talk to her about them, because all we can do is speculate, and speculate very badly since we know nothing about her except that she doesn't like her clitoris touched and we don't have her input and you aren't sure about what's true or not.

    Even if someone else has a similar story, that doesn't mean that it will relate to your wife. Her situation could be totally different, even if someone else doesn't like her clitoris touched either.

    See, for example, my story about my lover's balls. You don't think that there's any connection or similarity to your wife. This is the same about you telling us about your wife. How are we supposed to know what's relevant? We're going on no information at all. You're asking us to speculate about someone that you don't understand yourself, so you can't answer the relevant questions that need to be answered to discover what's going on with her.

    What I'm saying is that, if you don't understand her, and you know her so well and you love her and you live with her, and you've talked over all these things with her, how are we supposed to have more insight than you about her?

    I would love to help you, but it would be presumptuous of me to assume that I know what's going on with her, when I can't possibly know what's going on with her.
     
    #7 petite, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010
  8. HiddenLacey

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    You know, it IS possible that she has some type of sexual hang up. What you said about the toy makes me wonder. I know personally from being raised in a strict Christian home sometimes things from my past, even things I don't agree with can still affect me.

    She might be dealing with issues like I have OR maybe she really just doesn't like it? Plenty of women do not care for oral sex. Some of us love it, some are embarassed by it and still like it, some just don't care for it. There are plenty of reasons for her to say she doesn't like it. Definitely listen to what your partner tells you.

    With my first partner I always said no I didn't like oral since I always felt guilty about it. Eventually he stopped listening to me and just did it anyway. I'm sure if I'd have REALLY wanted him to stop he would have, but I think he knew me well enough at the time to know I was battling my upbringing.

    I'm not saying for you to try that with your partner, I'm just sharing my experience with you. It helped me get over my insecurities.

    I would say listen to you partner not only her voice, but her reactions to the things that you do.
     
  9. molarman

    molarman New Member

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    my wife has similar hangup with being stimulated on her clit... she enjoys oral...but hates for me to spend too much time on that spot... a few times when she has been intoxicated, she has allowed me to go to town on it orally.... I think because of that, it is either she is extremely sensitive and the alcohol dulled her feedback... she also denies touching herself, which might give her the opportunity to allow herself to grow accustomed to it... but for almost 18years now I have considered her wired wrong :) compared to the other women I was with previous.. But, you have to take your partners feelings into consideration... and find alternatives......
     
  10. Enid

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    you mentioned a sextoy: is it a vibrator? where does she like it used? she could already be making progress (wrt being more open about clit stim) if it's something she's letting you place near that area. you said she orgasms with you, how does she?

    just going off what i've read here (and this is speculative to be sure), i get the impression it's either blocks/moral aversion (you did mention she thinks it's "wrong") or it's that her clit is entirely too sensitive for you to touch it directly -- that is entirely possible.

    *you mentioned she finds it wrong, this makes me think mental/moral blocks

    *but you also mentioned forging ahead to buy a sextoy she said she didn't want which she now asks for & enjoys, she can't be that blocked going by this

    *it seems sex therapy could in theory help y'all a ton, but just keep in mind suggesting therapy may come off like you're saying there's something wrong with her

    *you've had the most success with the sextoy it would appear (by getting her to try something she said she wouldnt). so get those brain cells working and see if you can figure out another way to introduce clit stim in a non-threatening and gentle way and gauge her reaction to that if that's what you really want to do

    *FIRST though i think you should determine if it's just that her clit is WAY too sensitive to be touched. that is first and foremost.

    you know, the clitoral area extends far beyond just the actual clitoris. hers may be getting stimulated by stimulation of the area surrounding it.
     
    #10 Enid, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010
  11. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I think there are a few possibilities as to why your wife doesn't like clitoral stimulation.

    1) As has been discussed already, it may be a psychological hang up.

    2) She may be too sensitive for touching.

    3) She may be LESS sensitive than average and may just not get much out of it.


    I used to hate having my bare clit touched. Whether by me or someone else (or with a toy), I hated having it touched. I was fine if it was covered in clothing, and it was touched through the clothing, but hated the sensations of it being touched with nothing covering it. The only explanation I could find - it felt weird. I hated the way all my nerves would jump and go jangly when it was touched. Over the years things have greatly improved and clitoral stimulation is a regular part of sex play for me now (and has been for some years). I'm not sure if my clit got less sensitive, or if I became more used to the sensations and learned to enjoy them. But regular practice on a COVERED clit helped. I also found that I could tolerate vibrations sooner than I could tolerate pressure/rubbing.

    If your wife's problem is similar this could help her too. But does she even consider it a problem? Is she happy with things the way they are? This thread and your previous one make me think you could benefit a lot from talking to each other a bit more about sex.

    I really don't like receiving oral either. The sensations don't do much for me. I much prefer penetration of any kind or giving HIM oral.
     
  12. AlteredEgo

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    When I first found my g-spot, it did nothing for me. I wasn't the least bit sensitive in that area. At first I wondered if I was really in the right place. Then I wondered if mine was just broken. At some point I got very good results when trying to make that spot feel good. I think that my body and it's capacity for pleasure have evolved (for lack of a better word) over the course of my sexual awareness. Maybe something like that will happen for your wife, and maybe it won't.

    There was once a poster here named Giselle who did not enjoy oral sex. She was far from inhibited. She didn't get any pleasure from having her clitoris stimulated. The other ladies can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Dolfette was the same way.
     
  13. petite

    petite New Member

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    I remember that Dolfette said that she suffered from an insensitive clit and that she also disliked oral sex. I doubt she had any hang-ups. She just didn't enjoy it.

    I didn't discover my g-spot until I was probably 26 years old, which is fairly late IMO considering. It wasn't until I bought a special g-spot toy that I discovered how pleasurable it was! Now I love it. I bet if someone had tried to stimulate me there before then it would just annoy me because as far as I knew, that spot did nothing for me. So that's one possible explanation for her behavior.

    I really have got to buy a back up g-spot vibe just in case mine breaks! I love that toy!
     
    #13 petite, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010
  14. Pitbull

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    All women are different.

    If she tells you she cannot stand it - listen to her.
    Talk to her.
    Ask her what feels good

    Find another spot.
    I would putting the G-spot as number 1 on your list.
    You say you wife is a little sexually naive.
    She may not have even found it yet.
    You could become a sex god overnight.
     
  15. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    Here's my $.02

    I don't like having my clit directly stimulated. Often, when I'm with a guy, he doesn't touch me right. He puts too much pressure on it, and while I'll buck and make a noise, it's because the sensation is too much, not because I'm enjoying it.

    Even when I get myself off, I rub AROUND the clit.

    I also don't like oral. It has nothing to do with shame or bad feelings. It has to do with the fact that I don't think a wet tongue on a wet pussy feels good. That's just my preference.

    To be honest, asking us, or a friend of yours, isn't going to solve the issue. You're going to have to talk it out with your wife.
     
  16. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    I know what you mean! I was with a guy last year who was the first to tap into my G-Spot, and now I'm addicted to G-spot orgasms. I'd rather that than have a guy touch my clit.
     
  17. Pitbull

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    :wink:

    Yup.
    And with some doing both at the same time gets quite a reaction. :biggrin1:
     
  18. HiddenLacey

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    Both, both, both, both...:biggrin1:
     
  19. Pitbull

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    See. Got quite a reaction there just mentioning doing both. :smile:
     
  20. RawDog

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    Listen to your wife. The more you disrespect her reality by thinking this is a disfunction that needs to be validated, the less likely you'll get the desired results. If she doesn't like it, she means she doesn't like it.

    If you're true motivation for asking this is to try being a better lover, be a better lover. Don't use this as a scapegoat. You sound insecure and stubborn. Passive aggressive may be a bit harsh. You seem deadset in your cornering and grilling her that somehow she needs to be "fixed".

    Quit it and enjoy the fact that she's having orgasms in the first place.
     
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