Women Who Don't Like Sex - Why & How?

[Act2_Begins_Now]

I enjoy good company with women all different ages, at my morning class at the gym. I have to say these ladies are quite funny and full of life. Their laughter is contagious. One of the topics today was eating ice cream and the pleasure it brings. Before I knew it the conversation turned to sex. One lady said to another what she eats ice cream in place of having sex. To that the class just laughed, especially to 'know' now when they saw her husband that he wasn't getting any. One by one they all agreed, ice cream was so much better than sex any way.

They were almost gleeful with sharing details how sex just was not for them and too bad, so sad for the husbands. Here are these vibrant women; I would have thought their vibrancy was due to a full life that included great sex.

What is it with women that do not enjoy being with man? Is it that they and/or their partner is only skimming the surface? Have they been cheated from the pleasure that woman's body is capable of? Now my intimate life with my ex husband was sorely lacking, but I still ached to have that intimate contact, even if it was only seconds and I never
climaxed. To feel someone else's breath on my body, to have their skin brush up against me, to smell the scent of sex in the air … for me it was a necessity. And now that I have been exposed to all (maybe, who knows there may be more that is yet to be discovered ... oh how yummy that thought is) of the mind blowing things MY body can do and the things I want do when I am experiencing such incredible heights of pleasure, I can't imagine ever desiring ice cream over the touch of a man. To go without (six months) is bad enough, but to be happy to be without or to purposely try to avoid? I just don't get it.

So why do you think there are women that don't enjoy sex? Is it hormonal? Are there men that don't enjoy sex? Are we at lpsg deviants?

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

I think any women on a site like this are quite likely to be interested in sex more than the norm. There are plenty of women (and men) who aren't so keen on sex. I'm sure everyone will have observed when couples first get together they're at it like bunnies, as they get further into the relationship they have less and less sex until they're at the stage where they're having as little sex as possible. It's usually the women who wean their guys off sex and get them to accept as little as they can get away with. Men and women are just different and I think that some women are wired so they like affection and sex is the price they're prepared to pay to get this affection and a man who's committed to them. This might sound like I'm getting at women but I'm not I think this is just the way many of us are wired, men want to sow their seed women want a mate so we'll beguile a man with sex until he's 'fallen' for us and then we're in a position to begin cutting down on the sex. Not all women, of course, do this some of us actually like sex for the sake of sex.

 

[whatireallywant]

One of my friends (woman) was married to a man who had no sex drive. They didn't consummate their marriage until NINE MONTHS into it! And it was not because she didn't want it, it was because he didn't. So I think there are women and men out there who just don't enjoy it. (Oh, and by the way, this woman friend of mine did divorce the guy, and is now having a satisfying sex life with her second husband.)

I've known a lot of women who don't like sex though. Part of it is their upbringing. They are taught that women aren't supposed to like it (I kid you not...) One woman even said that sex was supposed to hurt the woman. Sounds like maybe she had been abused or something, maybe? But a lot of them had really repressive upbringings.

My upbringing was kind of repressive that way too, but I've always been a rebel. And especially if you'd say "Girls aren't supposed to..." or "women aren't supposed to..." Those would be the very things I'd want to do! Not just about sex either, but other things as well. My rebel attitude has gotten me into trouble numerous times, especially growing up. But I rather like my rebel attitude. :smile:

 

[Duality]

One lady said to another [t]hat she eats ice cream in place of having sex.

I'm sorry, but that was the 2nd most depressing thing I've heard all day.

 

[Act2_Begins_Now]

I'm sorry, but that was the 2nd most depressing thing I've heard all day

I know!!! I can't even imagine not enjoying ...

The first would have been?

 

[whatireallywant]

If I ate ice cream every time I got horny I'd weigh around 1000 pounds.:biggrin1:

 

[Nitrofiend]

I know some somewhat asexual people. I don't really get it, but then I don't have to, do I?

 

[D_Neeson Niceone]

If I marry a woman who really thinks eating ice cream is better than sex, then I will have failed at life.

 

[HazelGod]

Part of it is their upbringing. They are taught that women aren't supposed to like it (I kid you not...) One woman even said that sex was supposed to hurt the woman. Sounds like maybe she had been abused or something, maybe? But a lot of them had really repressive upbringings.

Ah, the beauty of our Puritanical roots...score another one for organized religion. All sarcasm aside, this is fairly common in the socialization history of American women. It's very sad, the psychological damage done by such indoctrination...and the sexual aspect tends to be but one head of the hydra. Often it's part of a larger dogma that sex is dirty, the genitalia are nasty, deriving pleasure from them (alone or with others) is wrong/evil/sinful/deviant, and that the body in general is an object of shame to be hidden and covered . In the more extreme cases (Bible belt), it also includes such lovely jewels like women being naturally inferior and subservient to men, bound to be mothers/wives/homemakers with no sense of independence, etc, etc.

This is recalling memories of some girls I knew in college, sadly...and it's making me sick just thinking about it. Sad for them, forever denied the innocent pleasure in being a living creature by mountains of psychological bullshit...and sad for the men they may have married as well, denied the pleasure of a partner unburdened by such baggage.

 

[124375]

I have met people with low sex drives.. but i'm a little worried that this group all agreed... i can only imagine it was a form of 'peer pressure' and that there was at least one or two rampant nyphomanics or hardcore domantrix's who were too shy to speak up!! I strongly believe that people who do not enjoy sex have not met a person who their truely attracted to.. someone who takes their breath away and leaves them shaking and speechless and orgasmic... Hmmmmm.. I think i gotta ring my boyfriend..
Now to be serious, How old were these women? after the menopause the hormone levels do fall, and sexual desire does wane, unless hrt is taken... and god, I hope they were of that generation..

 

[ManlyBanisters]

If I ate ice cream every time I got horny I'd weigh around 1000 pounds.:biggrin1:

:biggrin1: LOL, Yeah - me too.

But I also have to add that if I had sex in place of eating icecream I'd find achieving my ideal bodyweight a bit easier

 

[whatireallywant]

Ah, the beauty of our Puritanical roots...score another one for organized religion. All sarcasm aside, this is fairly common in the socialization history of American women. It's very sad, the psychological damage done by such indoctrination...and the sexual aspect tends to be but one head of the hydra. Often it's part of a larger dogma that sex is dirty, the genitalia are nasty, deriving pleasure from them (alone or with others) is wrong/evil/sinful/deviant, and that the body in general is an object of shame to be hidden and covered . In the more extreme cases (Bible belt), it also includes such lovely jewels like women being naturally inferior and subservient to men, bound to be mothers/wives/homemakers with no sense of independence, etc, etc.

This is recalling memories of some girls I knew in college, sadly...and it's making me sick just thinking about it. Sad for them, forever denied the innocent pleasure in being a living creature by mountains of psychological bullshit...and sad for the men they may have married as well, denied the pleasure of a partner unburdened by such baggage.

Yes, I grew up with all that Bible belt stuff... and of course I wanted a professional career - in a traditionally male field, no less. (When I am working, I am a computer programmer, but when I was growing up I was interested in several different career fields, mostly in the sciences, although I also thought about being an electrician.) Plus I liked sports and all that. And of course, I really like sex! :tongue: Oh yeah, and I never wanted kids (although I don't think badly of people who do - if everyone was like me the world would die out, after all.) I do have some shyness about sex though, could be my upbringing, could be the body image problems (I don't appear shy about sex on here, but in real life I am - but I love it when I get to do it. But then I'm shy about non-sexual stuff too.)

 

[B_dxjnorto]

Often it's part of a larger dogma that sex is dirty, the genitalia are nasty, deriving pleasure from them (alone or with others) is wrong/evil/sinful/deviant, and that the body in general is an object of shame to be hidden and covered.

Yeah, cutting parts of it off too right? Some people are a lot more fucked up than they appear. Sex is one arena where reason goes out the window. Some aspects of it are primordial and inexplicable.

 

[whatireallywant]

:biggrin1: LOL, Yeah - me too.

But I also have to add that if I had sex in place of eating icecream I'd find achieving my ideal bodyweight a bit easier

Now that's an exercise program I could stick with! :tongue:

 

[SortaBig]

An amazing thread. And most likely true at my house. Sigh.

 

[Biker Bear]

Yeah, this is my wife. Started out with pretty go sex, nothing experimental, she was always a little timid. Now, after 15 years she plain out and told me- "not interested". That's why I play.

 

[dolfette]

i hated sex for a while.
but that was trauma rather than apathy.
i don't understand the apathy.

maybe they've only had bland lovers.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

In your group of ice cream eating ladies there might well have been a few who did love sex but didn't like to speak up and go against the crowd. We can only hope there were

Unfortunately it is usually the women in a partnership who want less sex than the men but often the men get into a rut and don't try to make things interesting for us.

I'm all for fairness and I don't consider it fair that some of us are at it like bunnies until a guy is hooked and then we start cutting it down, it's almost like we baited a trap. I know that if I'm with a group of friends and one of them will start complaining that her partner wants sex five times a week most of the other women will say 'oh the selfish pig,' and it will never occur to any of them to say 'well why don't you have more sex, it's not right that in a partnership just one partner gets to decide how much sex you'll have.' Both of them should want to please one another, it'd be fair if he settled for a little less sex than he ideally wanted and to please him she should have a little more than she wants.

And why don't some of us speak up and ask for what we want, I've known women who'll complain their husband eats pussy terribly yet they're unwilling to spend five minutes telling him what they'd like.

 

[whatireallywant]

In your group of ice cream eating ladies there might well have been a few who did love sex but didn't like to speak up and go against the crowd. We can only hope there were

Unfortunately it is usually the women in a partnership who want less sex than the men but often the men get into a rut and don't try to make things interesting for us.

I'm all for fairness and I don't consider it fair that some of us are at it like bunnies until a guy is hooked and then we start cutting it down, it's almost like we baited a trap. I know that if I'm with a group of friends and one of them will start complaining that her partner wants sex five times a week most of the other women will say 'oh the selfish pig,' and it will never occur to any of them to say 'well why don't you have more sex, it's not right that in a partnership just one partner gets to decide how much sex you'll have.' Both of them should want to please one another, it'd be fair if he settled for a little less sex than he ideally wanted and to please him she should have a little more than she wants.

And why don't some of us speak up and ask for what we want, I've known women who'll complain their husband eats pussy terribly yet they're unwilling to spend five minutes telling him what they'd like.

I've usually had the opposite problem. I was the one who wanted more sex. I talked about this some on the "Hornier Than Your Man" thread (that is definitely me!) For me, 5 times a week is a good start. :wink: although sometimes I'd like it several times a day. The only times I've been not so interested in sex were when I was dating a total asshole (only one guy fit that description), and when I had my life-threatening illness. I also didn't notice any increase in sex drive when I got into my thirties either - I was this way in my teens and twenties as well as my thirties and forties.

 

[apropos]

Both of them should want to please one another, it'd be fair if he settled for a little less sex than he ideally wanted and to please him she should have a little more than she wants.

*Applause*

Well said, SP!