Women Who Don't Like Sex - Why & How?

[whatireallywant]

Yes...I think SP made a good point there - with the idea of meeting in the middle, so to speak.

Some of the women I've known who don't like sex would do this, as they say they will have sex "to please him". I think it's a bummer that they don't enjoy it, but I think it's their upbringings (the women who said that were from strict, repressive families) My upbringing was not quite as strict and repressive as theirs, although I did get some of the "anti-sex" stuff, and the "men want sex all the time" stuff growing up (which made me wonder what was wrong with me when I wanted sex more than the men in my life did - I thought, "Am I really that unattractive that they don't want me?".) I was a rebel though, especially about gender roles and gender expectations. Not just about sex, but everything. My career choices, hobbies, even the toys I played with as a kid (hated dolls, liked cars, trucks, construction sets, etc.)

 

[B_andyo]

ouch... well up to now, there havent been a person with a higher sex drive than me... (sex addicted here I think) yesterday my gf told me "our relationship si only sex, I don't see love coming from you" which I reply... what is love? I am now hugging you, kissing you and you are telling me I am not giving you love? because i want to always do it doesnt mean there is no love " making love is love, so fucking is love" thats what I said.. and also told her.. you think I would be kissing and hugging you if you didnt have sex with me? " I would be so piss off" indeed sometimes I understand I can't get 2 o 3x's because she was hurt.. and with her I only have done sex 2 days in a row. we have done it like 12 times now since I took her virginity.. got a question though.. she says she at least went to the bathroom to pee 11 times yesterday... and it hurt like hell even a few drops. and that the area of the abs hurt (inside duh)... anyone experienc this? this also happen to me with another girl... so, wassup?

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

NO ONE ENJOYS SEX!

until they have sex with me

 

[B_andyo]

whatireallywant vbmenu_register("postmenu_883052", true); so you think ur sex drive is high? lol think again!

I wanna do it 2-3 non stop. 15 min later I can do it again! and guess what ? again.... yet I havent found the right women to do that... they all get hurt and sore after 2 or 3 sessions. also after the 1 session it becomes longerrrrr! lol fun!

I came to the conclusion that if my dick doesnt get sore after 12 seession of sex each day I could do at least 35 in a week! ouch ouch!

 

[B_andyo]

hmmm ....a week ago I bough some magnum Xl's guess i have to buy more. anyone know how much are the pack with 100? with discount? hmm I have some durex and skinless but havent sued them.. the skinless are to thin all fail ! lol... i guess i am going to give it to my dad!

 

[dolfette]

start selling it!

lots of bored, neglected women would pay for you.

 

[vibratingfinger]

Hi, I definitely feel like the women on this site are not a representative sample of the female population as a whole. In my mind It's not even close. Except two or three exceptions, the women that I've been with in my life have all generally had low sex drives. I don't think that they disliked sex as much as they disliked doing it often. They usually want it to be something special everytime it happens. I think some of them feel like that if was something that happened all the time then it wouldn't be as special. That's the sense I get. The thing is, us men, we just want sex. We couldn't really care less if it was special. But I for one, in my current relationship am really trying to find the right balance and compromise when I can and in the meanwhile improve my skills and our intamacy in bed, so she doesn't feel as though she's being used to relieve my horniness.

 

[pavement]

I have met people with low sex drives.. but i'm a little worried that this group all agreed... i can only imagine it was a form of 'peer pressure' and that there was at least one or two rampant nyphomanics or hardcore domantrix's who were too shy to speak up!! I strongly believe that people who do not enjoy sex have not met a person who their truely attracted to.. someone who takes their breath away and leaves them shaking and speechless and orgasmic... Hmmmmm.. I think i gotta ring my boyfriend..
Now to be serious, How old were these women? after the menopause the hormone levels do fall, and sexual desire does wane, unless hrt is taken... and god, I hope they were of that generation..

Well there appeared to be at least 1

 

[snoozan]

What an interesting thread! I've always thought about this because my mother was and is completely asexual as far as she's told me. My father, on the other hand, supplied me unknowiingly with pornography through my teenage years, so I assume he had a decent sex drive. My parents had a very strange relationship anyway, so it fits that they were not sexually attuned to each other at all, but I think the dislike of sex goes deeper with my mother-- trust and abuse issues with men, social conditioning, etc.

I don't consider myself all that sexual and I don't have a high sex drive. I do, however, still love to have sex, masturbate, watch porn, and talk about sex. In practice, I really only desire sex 1-2 times a week or so. My husband is about the same, which is really something I cherish in our relationship. We tend to be very attuned to each other sexually and it makes life a lot easier since there's no contention between us about when, where and how often to have sex. Plus, if he wants it when I don't or vice versa, we always oblige each other. There are times when I just don't feel like having sex at all, but I will gladly give him a blowjob because I really enjoy making him happy.

I have had meals that were so good and so physically satisfying that they were better in some ways than a lot of sex I've had. However, I've had sex so good that it was better than most of the meals I have. To me, they fill very different needs and I couldn't replace one with the other.

I can see in a relationship how you could get stuck sexually especially if you've been with someone for many years. Strangely, the years tend to make people more distant from one another, not closer unless you actively work on it. Sex and love and affection become everyday things. I can easily imagine this sliding into apathy. At some point you may not desire your partner because you no longer flirt, talk, and do all the out of the bedroom things that make sex good. And it's always available should you want it. On the other hand, ice cream is a temptation and a treat-- it's something to pamper yourself with. It's comforting. Should sex be seen the same way? I think so. But if you're with a partner you're so emotionally disconnected from, it's just a physical act.

At least, that's how I see it.

 

[HazelGod]

she says she at least went to the bathroom to pee 11 times yesterday... and it hurt like hell even a few drops. and that the area of the abs hurt (inside duh)... anyone experienc this? this also happen to me with another girl... so, wassup?

It's possible that she's developed a urinary tract infection...these are often caused by irritation in the genital area in women. Could also be a yeast infection or interstitial cystiits.

She can avert these in the future by peeing immediately after sex. Yeah, it sorta kills the afterglow a little, but it beats a UTI every time. As for the present condition, there are things she can do to relieve the immediate symptoms (drink lots of water, take a hot sitz bath), but she really needs to go see her doctor. Untreated UTIs can turn into really nasty bladder or kidney infections that can be life-threatening.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Cystitis proper is caused by bacteria but quite often when a woman gets cystitis after sex it isn't proper cystitis although it produces the exact same symptoms (wanting to pee all the time and it's only a few drops, extremely painful burning when you pee) it can be bruising of the bladder from taking a little too much of a pounding. I get this all the time but I've had it so many times I know when it's coming on (not exactly a tingling when I piss, more a feeling of something not quite being right) and if I take potassium citrate at this point the full symptoms never come on. However, when I first had it I did go to the doctors and he took a sample which showed it wasn't proper bacterial cystitis and it was safe for me to self treat.

 

[rob_just_rob]

I find that almost as shocking as the thought that there are people out there who don't like live music. I can't imagine going through life (if it could still be called that) that way.

 

[Act2_Begins_Now]

Often it's part of a larger dogma that sex is dirty, the genitalia are nasty, deriving pleasure from them (alone or with others) is wrong/evil/sinful/deviant, and that the body in general is an object of shame to be hidden and covered .

You know I have a pretty strong scriptural foundation and I have heard on more than one occassion that the pleasure between a man and woman is a smidgen of the pleasure and joy in heaven. I really dont care for this to become a debate about Christianity, if there is a heaven and who gets to decide who is going. I just had always loved that thought. To me it says that God intended for the pleasure between a man and woman to be the most intense, pleasureable experience that one could achieve here.

In the more extreme cases (Bible belt), it also includes such lovely jewels like women being naturally inferior and subservient to men, bound to be mothers/wives/homemakers with no sense of independence, etc, etc.

See Holly Blue's thread on submission. In my opinion she captured the intent of scripture that addresses submission on the woman's part.

Yeah, this is my wife. Started out with pretty go sex, nothing experimental, she was always a little timid. Now, after 15 years she plain out and told me- "not interested". That's why I play.

maybe they've only had bland lovers.

By no means do I mean any disrespect, but did something change? Did the time you were together become less exciting. Is there a fan to flame?

Unfortunately it is usually the women in a partnership who want less sex than the men but often the men get into a rut and don't try to make things interesting for us.

Oh now see, she captured what I was trying to say perfectly.

NO ONE ENJOYS SEX!

until they have sex with me

gotta love the funny guys.

I'm really thinking that woman who don't like sex and/or prefer ice cream to sex have never been made love to. That they are with selfish and/or ignorant lovers.

 

[whatireallywant]

You know I have a pretty strong scriptural foundation and I have heard on more than one occassion that the pleasure between a man and woman is a smidgen of the pleasure and joy in heaven. I really dont care for this to become a debate about Christianity, if there is a heaven and who gets to decide who is going. I just had always loved that thought. To me it says that God intended for the pleasure between a man and woman to be the most intense, pleasureable experience that one could achieve here.



See Holly Blue's thread on submission. In my opinion she captured the intent of scripture that addresses submission on the woman's part.

I'm really thinking that woman who don't like sex and/or prefer ice cream to sex have never been made love to. That they are with selfish and/or ignorant lovers.

I can only express my own personal experiences in this regard, and not everyone may have had these experiences, and of course each person is different.

I grew up in a rather fundamentalist family. And I did hear the "sex is dirty" message, even like "no sex before marriage and very little after marriage". (definitely in the category of "women who don't like sex"!)

HollyBlue's type of submission is different from what I think the person who was writing about the Bible Belt thinking was referring to. Having been exposed to the "Bible belt thinking", and I left the church over this very issue. The problem is demanding that all women be submissive to men, and that all women should stay home, obey their husbands, etc. etc. I have very nontraditional interests, and ran into all kinds of problems because of that when I was growing up. I wanted a career in a traditionally male field, all my hobbies and interests were traditionally male, plus underneath the shyness I'm a rather aggressive person. Basically being told that your entire personality is wrong, and that you should have none of the interests that you have, can completely shatter a person. That's what happened to me.

And yes, I have often thought that the women who don't like sex have been with selfish lovers, as well. It's probably that in combination with a repressive upbringing.

 

[Aplus]

And yes, I have often thought that the women who don't like sex have been with selfish lovers, as well. It's probably that in combination with a repressive upbringing.

I do agree with all of that, but at the same time, I believe people have to take a good look in the mirror at some point. Good or even great sex, doesn't always just happen. I often wonder how much of an effort is really being put up and forward in such cases also.

 

[Knight Attrition]

The worst sex I've ever had was way better than the best meal I've ever eaten. I wish I knew if my girlfriend feels the same way. I don't think I've ever gotten an honest answer out of her about sex.

 

[tripod]

I enjoy good company with women all different ages, at my morning class at the gym. I have to say these ladies are quite funny and full of life. Their laughter is contagious. One of the topics today was eating ice cream and the pleasure it brings. Before I knew it the conversation turned to sex. One lady said to another what she eats ice cream in place of having sex. To that the class just laughed, especially to 'know' now when they saw her husband that he wasn't getting any. One by one they all agreed, ice cream was so much better than sex any way.

They were almost gleeful with sharing details how sex just was not for them and too bad, so sad for the husbands. Here are these vibrant women; I would have thought their vibrancy was due to a full life that included great sex.

So why do you think there are women that don't enjoy sex? Is it hormonal? Are there men that don't enjoy sex? Are we at lpsg deviants?

Well... society approves of women who have a taste for ice cream. Society Does NOT approve of women who like cock! Those women don't dislike sex because they are insane or prudes... they are just normal products of society, if a woman desires sex... she is somehow a "nympho" or a "loose" woman, or worse yet, a slut or whore! Everything you said makes total sense about why you enjoy sex. You are just a free soul who does not take pleasure in the tribal mindset and choses to go your own way. That cannot be said of the majority of humans on this earth.

Men have their baggage too... most ALL men enjoy sex, but there is a LARGE percentage of men who are not interested in really pleasing their partner even though the reality of being in the proximity to an orgasming female is like one of the greatest gifts known to man. They are just products of the tribe, which has a creed of whoever gets off first wins! lol!!!

We are so fucked up as a society... we have a LONG way to go!

Women exploring and valuing their sexuality is the next hurdle for feminism which has been roled back twenty to thirty years due to hip hop and rap. You notice in countries that are not infected with the hip hop and rap virus that the women are MUCH more able to express themselves sexually. It's mot that rap music per say has set back women, but the infusion of the culture into the mainstream that has done the damage. It's no problem that Black folk listen to rap, it is their story and their music. When white people and white WOMEN buy into that crap... it was the beginning of the end. I don't see anything improving in the near future because the Patriarchal mindset has grown to the detriment of the matriarchal, with all of the fear-mongering going around lately, everyone looks to the strong Father instead of the strong Mother (who could actually get us out of this mess).

We are fucked as a race of humans!!!!!!!

 

[tripod]

The worst sex I've ever had was way better than the best meal I've ever eaten. I wish I knew if my girlfriend feels the same way. I don't think I've ever gotten an honest answer out of her about sex.

Oh... I have had some GREAT meals and some BAD sex... give me the GOOD meals any day! lol!!!!

 

[Principessa]

So why do you think there are women that don't enjoy sex? I have no clue. I am however extremely grateful that I am not one of these poor souls. Is it hormonal? I'm not sure. It could be hormonal or due to some emotional or sexual abuse in the past. I would think it varies by person. Are there men that don't enjoy sex? YES! My best friends husband has never had an interest in sex but loves her deeply, they are best friends. Consequently she has taken a lover 12 years her junior and hubby is okay with it because he has no interest in having sex with her or anybody else. Are we at lpsg deviants? I'll take the 5th on that last question :biggrin1:

 

[namtra]

I wonder if those woman who want ice cream aren't in relationships that have soured, or their husbands are bad lovers, or their marriages have lost all the glitter.