women who marry gay men

dcwrestlefan

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BronxBombshell said:
Sexless does not mean loveless. I need great sex and romance to be a part of any marriage I would agree to. But I know a man who would make a wonderful, loving husband for a woman who could be very independant, industrious, a good conversationalist, and above all, not expect much physical affection. He's more interested in a laugh and a strategy game than an orgasm. Actually, I don't know if he is attracted to men or women or both or neither. He says he's not sexual. he's not gay, no, but neither is he unable to give love.

the situation i knew lacked both love and sex. the "husband" went out all the time and picked up guys. the relationship that the man and woman had was like will and grace, but even less affection involved.

i know what you are saying, but there is no reason to marry someone just because you have stuff in common, if there is no bond beyond friendship. my opinion, not a strong one...to each their own.
 

Lordpendragon

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Who knows what when?

Certainly many gay men in the UK over 60 now, got married to do the right thing - I am sure it still goes on. But then, the question is about women marrying gay men, so I presume you mean that they know that they are gay.

Why shouldn't a woman fall in love with a gay man and want their own definition of marriage?

Then there are the frocks - the lavender wedding?

I am reminded of an old Yorkshire saying - there's nowt so queer as folk.
 

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BronxBombshell said:
Sexless does not mean loveless. I need great sex and romance to be a part of any marriage I would agree to. But I know a man who would make a wonderful, loving husband for a woman who could be very independant, industrious, a good conversationalist, and above all, not expect much physical affection. He's more interested in a laugh and a strategy game than an orgasm. Actually, I don't know if he is attracted to men or women or both or neither. He says he's not sexual. he's not gay, no, but neither is he unable to give love.

You always post with insight and perspective. Sexless indeed does not mean loveless.

Thanks Bronx.:wink:
 

Gisella

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BronxBombshell said:
Sexless does not mean loveless. I need great sex and romance to be a part of any marriage I would agree to. But I know a man who would make a wonderful, loving husband for a woman who could be very independant, industrious, a good conversationalist, and above all, not expect much physical affection. He's more interested in a laugh and a strategy game than an orgasm. Actually, I don't know if he is attracted to men or women or both or neither. He says he's not sexual. he's not gay, no, but neither is he unable to give love.

For sure there are couples like that Bronxy but I think those exemples are good ones bcause work fo them and they live 'happy' with it...

I'm a kind of woman that I want all of they are having as you said plus lots of sex...I cant live in a sexless not physical relationship arrangament i will 'die'...And my marriage ended bcause of that. And material things do not applacate for me the hunger of sex...as my ex tryied to compensate me like that...

But hey..people are different.:tongue:
 

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In my extended family, my lesbian aunt married a gay music professor and this exposure to alternative lifestyles probably made me more accepting, even though I am a totally heterosexual male. In many cases social pressure and career advancement lead to Fag Hags marrying gay men. I think if the guy isn't too overtly gay (like tv reporter/fashion guru Steven Cojocaru) people will just go alone with the union of dissimilar people.
 

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Daverock said:
There is another possibility which I have not seen posted in this thread so far. There are women out there who believe they can turn a gay guy "straight".

I personally have not encountered any success stories of women "converting" guys but it does not seem to stop some of them trying.:rolleyes:

I've met a few women with overinflated egos who thought they could "turn" a gay guy straight. They figured since straight men were easy to nail they needed a challenge. None of them turned any gay man straight (surprise!)and the one who thought she did later discovered he was bisexual. *laughs*
 

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mercurialbliss said:
I've met a few women with overinflated egos who thought they could "turn" a gay guy straight. They figured since straight men were easy to nail they needed a challenge. None of them turned any gay man straight (surprise!)and the one who thought she did later discovered he was bisexual. *laughs*

I think i've met some of these same women. None of them have ever succeeded with me, or any of my friends. One enterprising young woman i met even went so far as to try to seduce me AND my boyfriend! Alas, he, and i, were both nelly bottoms. (note to self: never date another bottom ever again, it's not worth the sexual frustration!)
 

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joyboytoy79 said:
I think i've met some of these same women. None of them have ever succeeded with me, or any of my friends. One enterprising young woman i met even went so far as to try to seduce me AND my boyfriend! Alas, he, and i, were both nelly bottoms. (note to self: never date another bottom ever again, it's not worth the sexual frustration!)

Two bottoms don't make a top!
 

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joyboytoy79 said:
I think i've met some of these same women. None of them have ever succeeded with me, or any of my friends. One enterprising young woman i met even went so far as to try to seduce me AND my boyfriend! Alas, he, and i, were both nelly bottoms. (note to self: never date another bottom ever again, it's not worth the sexual frustration!)


Thought she could get two for the price of one? This must be very annoying for gay men. I feel for you guys. I've watched a couple of girls mercilessly make their targets uncomfortable with their behavior and the men don't want to be rude but are often forced to be (i've witnessed that scenario - not a pretty sight). Then they have the nerve to call them assholes or something similar. Anyone who thinks women don't have egos should see these girls in action.
 

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mercurialbliss said:
I've met a few women with overinflated egos who thought they could "turn" a gay guy straight. They figured since straight men were easy to nail they needed a challenge. None of them turned any gay man straight (surprise!)and the one who thought she did later discovered he was bisexual. *laughs*

Yes this is true, MB..

In the end the first group will not delivery the goods and the other one may deliver only to some point...or maybe she will be ok with him being bi and life goes on.


:rolleyes: There are gay men that are just beautiful and etc...but for sure resistible bcause they just cant deliver..why bother? But is always fun to play and many of them know play fun flirt. Funny that some women get to have gay men as kind of another 'girlfriend'...I dont anymore but 'just' as male friends.
 

joyboytoy79

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Gisella said:
Yes this is true, MB..

In the end the first group will not delivery the goods and the other one may deliver only to some point...or maybe she will be ok with him being bi and life goes on.


:rolleyes: There are gay men that are just beautiful and etc...but for sure resistible bcause they just cant deliver..why bother? But is always fun to play and many of them know play fun flirt. Funny that some women get to have gay men as kind of another 'girlfriend'...I dont anymore but 'just' as male friends.

Gisella,

I find nothing more entertaining than flirting with a beautiful str8 woman, lesbian, or even str8 guy! Flirting with someone when there is no expectation of sex later is just plain enjoyable. And yet, there are boundaries. For example, i wouldn't flirt with a str8 man to the point of discomfort. I've had many women do that to me. I've seen many gay men do that to str8 men.

As far as str8 women marrying gay men though, i think we should probably ask Liza with a Z about that one. She could probably provide us with much insight.
 

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joyboytoy79 said:
Gisella,

I find nothing more entertaining than flirting with a beautiful str8 woman, lesbian, or even str8 guy! Flirting with someone when there is no expectation of sex later is just plain enjoyable. And yet, there are boundaries. For example, i wouldn't flirt with a str8 man to the point of discomfort. I've had many women do that to me. I've seen many gay men do that to str8 men.

As far as str8 women marrying gay men though, i think we should probably ask Liza with a Z about that one. She could probably provide us with much insight.

:cool: :tongue: Oh you Joyboytoy...beautiful and fun like you...:biggrin1:

Yes, just imagine..the way iam here Iam in 'real' life...i dont find strangers and talk with 'everybody'...well, I go to my Gap store near by...the guys working there are beautiful, last time I was there Todd ( Todds are so handsome males...well..) I enter the store and 'bam' I look at him, and I just do what i do look at the person and pay my sincerely compliments my way/personality: 'OMG...you are beautiful! and blabla and play flirt and he was playing with me etc...I knew he was gay but i ask anyways..he smille and said yes...well, in the end I make friends this way is just may ways...:tongue:

But I'm sensitive enough at least offline bcause i'm looking at body expression and eyes their fedbacks and etc...and dont strapolate and be annoying..:redface: bcause than is not fun anymore...:wink: but i do confess that I'm a flirter it comes natural to me as breath...at least when i'm not married i'm flirting playing fun.



Excelent ideia!

Liza...please if you can and want give us some insight..:smile:
 

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I've been most reluctant to jump into this thread because I don't know that it can be easily explained, but the fact is that gay-straight marriages can and do work, if they are based on love. On a site that is as oriented toward sex as this one is it is hard to imagine that not every relationship is sexually-based but it is so. There are many kinds of marriages, including many straight-straight ones that are also sexless. (These were even more common in previous generations, but they are far from unheard of in our time.)

As we have demonstrated time and time again on this site, it is amazingly difficult to leap into the head of another person even when we are sympathetic and trying with all our might to imagine their thoughts and feelings. I urge us to be cautious about making judgments about arrangements that meet the needs of the participants even if they are unimaginable to us. The world is very complicated, and sexuality is most complicated part of the world. Not every married gay man is using a woman as a "beard," and not every woman who is married to a gay man is delusional. They might well know what they are doing. That was the subject of the British documentary and it was revealing.
 

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fortiesfun said:
I've been most reluctant to jump into this thread because I don't know that it can be easily explained, but the fact is that gay-straight marriages can and do work, if they are based on love. On a site that is as oriented toward sex as this one is it is hard to imagine that not every relationship is sexually-based but it is so. There are many kinds of marriages, including many straight-straight ones that are also sexless. (These were even more common in previous generations, but they are far from unheard of in our time.)

As we have demonstrated time and time again on this site, it is amazingly difficult to leap into the head of another person even when we are sympathetic and trying with all our might to imagine their thoughts and feelings. I urge us to be cautious about making judgments about arrangements that meet the needs of the participants even if they are unimaginable to us. The world is very complicated, and sexuality is most complicated part of the world. Not every married gay man is using a woman as a "beard," and not every woman who is married to a gay man is delusional. They might well know what they are doing. That was the subject of the British documentary and it was revealing.

Doc,

You are, as usual, 100% correct. Marriage is not about sex, and it isn't always about love. Marriage is, in all practicality, a contract. It may be a financial arangement, a social arangement, a family arangement. There are many reasons why people get married, and only a small number of those reasons have anything to do with sex. An example the rushes to the forefront of my mind is of 2 gay couples: one lesbian, the other gay men. In each of the couples one partner was a US citizen, the other was not. In order to procure citizenship for their partners, the citizen married the non-citizen of the other couple. The two couples live together, but it is an example of 2 women marrying gay men for reasons other than sex.
 

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joyboytoy79 said:
Doc,

You are, as usual, 100% correct. Marriage is not about sex, and it isn't always about love. Marriage is, in all practicality, a contract. It may be a financial arangement, a social arangement, a family arangement. There are many reasons why people get married, and only a small number of those reasons have anything to do with sex. An example the rushes to the forefront of my mind is of 2 gay couples: one lesbian, the other gay men. In each of the couples one partner was a US citizen, the other was not. In order to procure citizenship for their partners, the citizen married the non-citizen of the other couple. The two couples live together, but it is an example of 2 women marrying gay men for reasons other than sex.

Excellent example! Here is mine. A man loves his wife intensely even though his lust is directed elsewhere, and she loves him back, despite his orientation, because emotional commitment and friendship are more important to her than sex.
 

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fortiesfun said:
As we have demonstrated time and time again on this site, it is amazingly difficult to leap into the head of another person even when we are sympathetic and trying with all our might to imagine their thoughts and feelings. I urge us to be cautious about making judgments about arrangements that meet the needs of the participants even if they are unimaginable to us. The world is very complicated, and sexuality is most complicated part of the world. Not every married gay man is using a woman as a "beard," and not every woman who is married to a gay man is delusional. They might well know what they are doing. That was the subject of the British documentary and it was revealing.

Yes it was the subject precisely as you say. And you write with intelligence and compasionate thought. Detachment is key in understanding and you've been able to address the thing with total objectivity.

And lest we all fall into the category of projecting our own guidlines and experience on the situations which work for others I say we consider the old expression in all its simplicity:

"different strokes for different folks"

I know of one sexless marriage between a wonderful couple. He's gay and she's straight and the respect and bond of love and friendship supercedes any heterosexual marriage (sexual though it may be) that occurs to me as I write this.
 

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Lex said:
NY Times Article on "Brokeback Marriages."

I know this is really really off subject... But The children around the schools i go to would call something "gay" if they disliked it, its been happening for years, whatever... But recently they have dropped the "gay" and instead call it "Brokeback"

"Hey Timmy, I had a math test last hour!"

"Man, that's brokeback..."

"Yea, dude, totally brokenback."

(thats an actual conversation I over heard)