Women who mock male sexuality

[Drifterwood]

I was out at the weekend with a group of people, the guys had been doing one thing and the women another, before meeting up for lunch.

I appreciate that the opposite sex is quite bewildering at times in a Men are from Mars and Women from Venus kind of way, and clearly the women had been discussing something or other along these lines. One woman however decided to carry on and express her opinions in the mixed group which centred upon her husband taking supplements and such for erection health. IMO her tone was mocking and she felt it necessary to make fun of male insecurities in this respect. TBH I don't know what he had been taking or indeed whether they were for his erections.

However I have met women like this before who are patronising or mocking about men in this and other sexual respects.

I would be interested to know whether you think that maybe us men are over sensitive about somethings and should take this type of put down, and what it says about the character and attitude of such women, unless I have completely misread her?

 

[kundalinikat]

Wow, what a great way to totally destroy your man's privacy. (Assuming he would not want this talked about so openly)

I don't think it says much about women except that this particular one could employ a little more respect for her guy (much less guys in general).

 

[got_lost]

She sounds a bit of a bitch! (OK... a lot of a bitch!)

I'd hazard a guess that they're actually both unhappy, or for sure she has some resentment issues towards him to go out and mock him in front of his friends like that. (unless they are both so wildly self confident in themselves and their relationship that they are just speaking so 'openly'?!)

She's dishing him out a bit of humiliation which I am sure has many underlying causes.

Totally inappropriate and mean.



But eek! That said, I have been a little less private recently about my husbands 'ability'. It's not like the whole village knows (I hope! ) but I've found myself explaining to one or two (seeing as I am trying to get myself 'jumped') why I've had a decade and a half dry spell :redface. But I would never mean to mock him or demean him. My justification is to try and explain the reason for the 'me not getting any' in the hope they don't think I'm a freak!

Oh dear!

 

[wonderland]

Sounds like she is a bitch. Maybe she was mad at him and thought public humiliation was a good punishment.
A close friend of my has this problem and I am nothing but supportive. It is traumatic for him and making fun of a problem isn't going to make it better.

 

[Runco]

The issue may be more about her insecurities than anything else. Some women think there must be something wrong with them if a guy takes medication for erection health. It doesn't matter if there is a genuine health benefit in it for him. They just think that a guy is doing it because she is somehow not desirable enough for him to sustain an erection "without help". For some women that would be enough to attack a guy (or at least mock him), in much the way that some women mock guys who take Viagra or Spanish Fly. I am not justifying her behavior - I think these things should remain private and any insecurities should be addressed behind closed doors - just playing devil's advocate on this particular issue...

 

[Drifterwood]

I think it's the double standard in this case that got me. Here was a woman, who clearly spends $000's on her own health and beauty, hairdressers, manicures, pedicures, concoctions of one type or another etc etc, not to mention her wardrobe, and yet her husband's concern for his health and sexual health is something about men to be laughed at.

I wonder if she just doesn't understand men, doesn't like their sexuality deep down in some way, or is simply an ignorant and unsympathetic person?

Do you know women like this?

EDIT - I missed the two posts above when posting myself. Very good points, thanks.

 

[got_lost]

I can't think of anyone I know who is like this.

But Runco could have hit the nail on the head re 'her own insecurities' which, you saying she spends loads of money on her appearance reinforces.

I am not even going to begin to defend her as what she did was, imo, abhorrent, but I can certainly vouch that a man's inability to gain an erection can certainly be taken personally by the woman, ie thinking it is her fault. She sounsd a bit of an insecure person anyway, but heck, I'm not going to let her get off lightly on this so I am going to shut up and go to work.

See ya! :wink:

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I have a slightly different take on this to the 'she was being mean' take - in fact I have a couple of theories as to why women do this. I can't obviously talk about the specifics of the couple in the OP - my thoughts are on why women do this kind of thing generally.

In the media women are seen, from both male and female perspectives, as sexual beings - either from the active side, sexual subjects (Sex and the City, Cosmo), or from the passive side, sexual objects (Playboy, the music video woman). In reality women don't always feel sexual - these are two different role models that are quite difficult to live up to. Both require the woman to be mindful of and attentive to her appearance at all time. Men may not realise it but every time a woman makes an effort, appearance wise, and does not receive recognition of it OR doesn't make an effort and receives negative feedback ('you're wearing that?') her sexuality is being questioned - attacked even. When a woman hears men discussing other women, women she perceives as more attractive than herself, in derogatory terms she also takes that as a criticism of herself - allbeit an indirect one.

For men virility is very important - it is important to how they view themselves, each other and their relationships with women. It is, in a lot of ways, the equivalent of what I am talking about for women in the above paragraph. Women know this. If a woman is feeling insecure about herself and how she think her partner is perceiving her in relation to other women she may well choose to publically demean his virility and a way of 'bringing him down to her level'.

I don't think it is the right way to go about dealing with self-esteem issues - I don't want to justify the behaviour, but I do believe that is often the motivation. And of course the initial perceived attack doesn't even have to be from the husband for the wife to 'counterattack' in that manner. Some women take their issues out on their husband regardless of his own actual behaviour. That's even poorer form. Of course, some men take their issues out on their wives - these things all seem to work both ways, and are not unique to hetro couples either.

Another theory I have is something I call 'Eastenders Syndrome'. For those of you unfamiliar with Eastenders, it is a British soap opera set in London and often features strong female characters being utterly foul to their male partners and relatives, but being revered for it. It isn't just that program where you see that - it seems to be a trend in modern storytelling. The women standing up for herself and 'not taking any shit', a modern heroine. What I mean by 'Eastenders Syndrome' is that women see these characters and identify that kind of behaviour with being 'strong' - they take it as a positive role model when it is, as far as I am concerned, nothing of the kind. There is a world of difference between not taking any shit and constantly putting others down.

Maybe I'm way off the mark - but that is my take on it.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

And I missed this bit when I posted but it kind of backs up my point.

I think it's the double standard in this case that got me. Here was a woman, who clearly spends $000's on her own health and beauty, hairdressers, manicures, pedicures, concoctions of one type or another etc etc, not to mention her wardrobe, and yet her husband's concern for his health and sexual health is something about men to be laughed at.

She's very image conscious then - perhaps he doesn't, as far as she is concerned, give her enough recognition for the amount of effort she puts into her sexuality - therefore she mocks him for his.

Again - that doesn't make her right.

Do I know people like this. Oh yes. One friend I can think of has a wife who makes jokes about his sexual performance when she's tipsy. I don't see this couple often anymore (I can't stand her, she also a bigot), but I'm sure if he is taking, or ends up taking, anything to help sustain erections that her friends, and his, will hear all about it.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

I think as women it is normal we have 1 or 2 very close friends we share intimate details with, but to discuss such things like that in a public setting is very inappropriate. Even though she is involved int eh situation it is still his personal business which she has no right discussing. The woman really needs to learn some respect and boundaries

 

[Jovial]

In the media women are seen, from both male and female perspectives, as sexual beings - either from the active side, sexual subjects (Sex and the City, Cosmo), or from the passive side, sexual objects (Playboy, the music video woman). In reality women don't always feel sexual - these are two different role models that are quite difficult to live up to. Both require the woman to be mindful of and attentive to her appearance at all time. Men may not realise it but every time a woman makes an effort, appearance wise, and does not receive recognition of it OR doesn't make an effort and receives negative feedback ('you're wearing that?') her sexuality is being questioned - attacked even. When a woman hears men discussing other women, women she perceives as more attractive than herself, in derogatory terms she also takes that as a criticism of herself - allbeit an indirect one.

I think you are just unaware of the effort men make to be appealing. Look at how many men workout to stay in good shape. Do you think it's just for their health? Men also work hard at their jobs and careers to be more appealing to women. And many men try to dress nice to appeal to women. These are just some of the ways.

The fact that you and other women have this belief that your sexuality is somehow more important or affects you more negatively is upsetting. Men feel just as bad if they are not recognized for their efforts, but we are expected to not get upset about it. It's par for the course in our society.


As far as the woman in the original post, I think it's just a defense mechanism. She can't let herself believe that she is in any way partly to blame for any problems he has. He could very well have a legitimate problem. But it seems lately that we are putting the blame on men more and more for not getting excited about sex with their wives. If the husband had the chance to have sex with a hot young model, I wonder if he would have any erection problems.

 

[DaveyR]

Well basically she's a complete and utter bitch.

If the husbnad had called her a frigid cow would everyone be making excuses for why he may have said that? No they'd be calling him a bastard.

Double standards.

 

[got_lost]

SO it's now the woman's fault that a man can't get it up!!??!



OK... I am going backwards now... I've spent the last 15 years blaming myself and just started climbing out of that black hole....




aawwwww crap!

 

[larrynkd]

It could be the woman's fault, or the man's, or neither (or both). A woman who demeans her husband even in private, let alone public, is not someone that really would get a man's juices going. And why he would even try is beyond me if his wife humiliates him like that.

I've taken those supplements at times, and I hope no one but my wife knows about it. (And she would know only because I keep them in the medicine cabinet, and not hidden underneath the porn stash)!

 

[morsecode]

SO it's now the woman's fault that a man can't get it up!!??!



OK... I am going backwards now... I've spent the last 15 years blaming myself and just started climbing out of that black hole....




aawwwww crap!

it's not the man's fault either.

 

[Principessa]

Was she drunk? Not that, that is an excuse but at least it would explain her behavior. Is she a ball-breaking, femi-nazi, perhaps? Maybe the only way she knows to deal with something which is upsetting to her is to make fun of it? However, if I were her husband I would have been mortified.

I was out at the weekend with a group of people, the guys had been doing one thing and the women another, before meeting up for lunch.

I appreciate that the opposite sex is quite bewildering at times in a Men are from Mars and Women from Venus kind of way, and clearly the women had been discussing something or other along these lines. One woman however decided to carry on and express her opinions in the mixed group which centred upon her husband taking supplements and such for erection health. IMO her tone was mocking and she felt it necessary to make fun of male insecurities in this respect. TBH I don't know what he had been taking or indeed whether they were for his erections.

However I have met women like this before who are patronising or mocking about men in this and other sexual respects.

I would be interested to know whether you think that maybe us men are over sensitive about somethings and should take this type of put down, and what it says about the character and attitude of such women, unless I have completely misread her?

 

[killerb]

As a male who's been surrounded by females all my life, I have overheard some HORRIBLE things being said by some of them about their mates...things I wish I never heard...and things that might get them knocked out or worse if their men ever knew their business was being put out there like that...really not good...

 

[D_Della Doubledees]

One woman however decided to carry on and express her opinions in the mixed group which centred upon her husband taking supplements and such for erection health. IMO her tone was mocking and she felt it necessary to make fun of male insecurities in this respect. TBH I don't know what he had been taking or indeed whether they were for his erections.

I have a different take on this entirely. I don't intend to defend the woman in question. Clearly she was inappropriate, but her motives may not be as clear as they appear....

There are people that 'cross boundaries' by flirting, or bringing up subjects with a sexual undertones in conversations for the sake of drawing attention to themselves. They know that sex gets attention, and talking about a taboo subject in mixed company often gives them a little bit of a kick.

Some people live for it. The longer the situation is drawn out, or the more "personal" they are allowed to be with the details... the more that person gets a boost from it.

You may think it sounds like a bunch of crap, but it's a learned behavior, and we all have them.... good and bad.

In my opinion, she may not have actually been focusing so much on what she was saying, as much as the attention she was getting from the conversation itself. It could have just been her 'in' to talk about something inappropriate, and bid for the attention... and her man was just an innocent bystander.

Just my two cents.

 

[Drifterwood]

I have to thank the ladies who have responded as you have given me insights that I did not have. I don't know her well enough to make a call. Any number of the explanations could be correct, but I am more willing to cut her some slack now.

Because I spend so much time in the Far East, I am more used to men and their partners looking after their sexual health. Some of the to us odd things that are eaten are just seen as part of a healthy diet for sexual health. It's as much a prevention as cure thing and the women don't see it as undermining their sexiness, which is sensible in my opinion.

 

[B_FakeSize]

it's not the man's fault either.

Well to be fair..it is!