Women who stray?

Lordpendragon

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I think that you are running the risk of never being satisfied with a partner Lee.

I agree that a platonic emotional relationship can be painful to a partner. The level of pain imo comes down to your possessiveness. At some point possessiveness is unreasonable and you deny the person you "love" to be themselves. There is a paradox here, I fell in love with the person, now I don't want them to be the person I fell in love with.

I enjoy being flirty, erotic, passionate and playful. For me it would be unreasonable for a partner to want me to stop. I would of course consider moderating myself to save her pain - but there is a compromise point - if you can't find it, then its over.

This really is the point to me and sexual evolution has been discussed before. We don't evolve necessarily in the same way as our partners - when you realise that a gulf has grown, you have to do something about it. No amount of talking can force the partner's own evolution to match your own - it's just the way you are. Some partners accept this (I can think of a very good example on the site) some don't and some can't even talk about it because they know their partner won't understand them.

When I was twenty, my GF went with another guy. I don't see her very often anymore, but he is a really good friend. Maybe we are from Mars.
 

D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

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Lordpendragon said:
I think that you are running the risk of never being satisfied with a partner Lee.

I agree that a platonic emotional relationship can be painful to a partner. The level of pain imo comes down to your possessiveness. At some point possessiveness is unreasonable and you deny the person you "love" to be themselves. There is a paradox here, I fell in love with the person, now I don't want them to be the person I fell in love with.

I enjoy being flirty, erotic, passionate and playful. For me it would be unreasonable for a partner to want me to stop. I would of course consider moderating myself to save her pain - but there is a compromise point - if you can't find it, then its over.

This really is the point to me and sexual evolution has been discussed before. We don't evolve necessarily in the same way as our partners - when you realise that a gulf has grown, you have to do something about it. No amount of talking can force the partner's own evolution to match your own - it's just the way you are. Some partners accept this (I can think of a very good example on the site) some don't and some can't even talk about it because they know their partner won't understand them.

When I was twenty, my GF went with another guy. I don't see her very often anymore, but he is a really good friend. Maybe we are from Mars.

If expecting a partner to respect me enough to tell me up front how they feel about our relationship good or bad and not put me through that kind of mental pain and also physical risk of cheating.....than maybe i will never be satisfied

However

I do know that if needs be i can look after myself BUT i do believe that there are many, many men out there, and even one for me that will show me and the relationship the respect and nurturing i/it deserves. And that i can be confident enough with him that when our relationship hit its low points (and they all do) that me will work throught it with me and not going looking for sex, comfort or a emotional connection somewhere else.

Id rather live for the dream of a amazing relationship than the reality of a horrible one than i wasnt happy in.....just how i feel about it anyway
 

Gisella

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Lordpendragon said:
Well, the US is a foreign country to me. It seems a big complicated place with many different levels of morality covering the whole diversity of human experience. I do get two impressions though. First that many people seem to be more judgmental of other people's lives and perhaps connected, the concept that if you talk about something, you will be able to deal with it. Regarding the latter, I doubt that I am alone as a man in being apprehensive in talking to partner about may things. The pandora's box is best left closed and we worry that we will not communicate well and be misunderstood.I am not sure that I would agree with your logic Gisella. Would that make pornography and fantasy cheating? I would feel like a prisoner to a partner if I could not have my own mind, I am not going to feel guilty about sub-conscious arousal. I think a lot of people go wrong because they presume that they have ownership of someone else because they are going steady or more.Ironically as you point out, indiscretion can save relationships.

Well, as humans we do have a fantasy life going on..it comes naturaly to most of us even without the use of pornography but just by living and looking and feeling and etc...sub-concious arousal to me comes naturaly..you do not have look for it just play picture in your mind and travel..:tongue:

About pornography it much depends of your need of it and amount of time it take from you from dealing with your partner and real people and etc...if it take space from what is really going on and is an scape to it and substitute for the 'real' thing is not very positive situation in my mind...and I think we are in fantasy land if we think we can live as single when we are trully a couple. Than couples have to deal and communicate about wishes, wants and blabla...and grounds of their own particular relationships.

About pandora box dealings in my mind it must be dealth with before you commit to each other, and open up as we are getting to know each other, bcause if not is not very healthy to enter in a commited relationship with already dry skeleton we may keep to ourselves but a full set of unkown lively things, a side of ourselves never shared with our choose partners...in my mind too, this situation if not dealth in the open will crap open the pandora...and we even may have this prison feelings that we can be really ourselves, and may play a double life? Than what kind of partners we have been choosing that we can not open up? If we already sense we are going to me misunderstood?

What some men give me impression is that women can'y handle honest communication...that we are soooo into beat them up that they do not feel ok to open up..and many of us want and crave for real communication with our partners. For sure, at least myself was naive because of lack of exposure and things I may was supose to know early in life came to my knowlegde later...but in my mind because of males exposures for things earlier it would be fantastic that he would share with me his many experiences..and then we would grow together and explores the many aspects of our sexuality...but this is my own case, because I matured sexualy 'late', well at least I feel that way...

We dont own anyone sure, but when we choose freely to enter commited relationship we chose to belong to that someone. If it was agree upon to be monogamous its natural to expect exclusiveness? But if the needs changes it is wise to deal with it by communicating our needs and etc because at least I would want to know what going on and have no unpleasant surprises as having no clue of things...well, at some point sings are all over the place as cheating is taking place...but the respect of not think for me in how I'm going to react knowing and then choose to keep hiding and living a sexual world where I am not allowed to participate too, even if I want?

But than if the trill and excitment comes from the hidden adventures that cheating brings and it excites the exclusive relationship, to me there is something wrong..because if someone needs to cheat to spice it, the relationship is already lacking and not in good health...I think. And by keep it hidden is a scape to face things in the open, not only disregarding our partners voice in the matter but our own deepest needs, preferences and etc...

Call me naive..but I do think and need open communication and honesty and the choice to come along or not will be my own and sometimes people may do not want to give that to others because they in reality want have total control, although they seem very liberated outside... but real liberated people are who they are in the open, what you see is what you get and no apologies for that and they live their lives before us, experimenting, feeling, growing, exchanging and sharing??? If we show who we are, not pretending what we are not.. we are going to attract people just like us. Opposites may attract each others only when we are very young, I think...when we grow up and have some experience, we choose people like ourselves as possible..I think.
 

roosevelt

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There's no such thing as cheatng that is "only sex" it always has to do with something deeper than that. We don't cheat in a relationship where we feel secure and content, but sometimes it's easier to find acceptance outside than it is to fix what's wrong with the relationship.

I don't think that the reasons men and women cheat are different, I think that it's simply more societaly expected that a man cheats for "sexual" reasons and a woman cheats for "emotional" reasons. I think that assesment is bullshit. Men cheat to boost their ego, to find acceptance and to feel fulfilled. Women do for the same reasons.

I've never cheated on anyone (Honestly) but I have been cheated on, and the reason she cheated was because we wheren't emotionally close. there was no way to repair the relationship after that occured, but as has been pointed out, I'm still very young, and didn't want to be stuck with someone who I knew cheated on me, when I had so much life left, and comparativley little invested in the relationship.

If I where married with kids, I'd do anything I could to try and save the marriage, but at this point in life, if I can't fulfill her needs, then we don't need to be together.
 

Lordpendragon

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A guy came onto the site the other day, his manner was very gentlemanly IMO. He was married, happily, and his wife had always been happy with their sex life. She had/has no issues with the fact that his cock is insignificantly below the average.

He however had an issue that lead him to fantasize about humiliation. He did not let his wife know this and he was at the site hoping that someone might indulge him (he wasn't the arse who was demanding it).

Is he cheating on his wife - I don't think so. He appreciates that to disclose this fantasy would/may change her whole perception of him and her current happiness. I see no reason why he shouldn't make the decision on their behalf to keep her away from this side of his sexual psychology.

This is the point that I am trying to make.

I have never seen a sex/relationship adviser that has not said that female fantasy is healthy and that it should probably be retained as a secret world from partners. I can't see any reason why men should not be afforded the same space.
 

WildHoney

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I have alot to say on this topic, but am afraid I'd end up writting a novel.

In the case of normal monogamous relationships , we already stray. We invite others to share our sex life with us.

We have been married for 18 years, together for 20 ( I am 35 he is 44)
We have had a sexually open relationship from the very begining.

In our relationship , sex is just sex , we have a few boundries we keep for each other (ie we always play together, never sepertate rooms or alone)

When we share out sex life with others its about fun and sex not love ( for us) We are both highly sexual and confident individuals so, for us sex doesn't = straying.

If my husband were to meet a woman without me knowing about it, that would be straying, or if i were to meet a man without him knowing.


The only time in my life that I was tempted to stray was when my husband had three business's on the go and was working 18 hour days for about 3 years. I felt neglected and lonely. I never did, I respect him too much to make a fool of him however I was screaming out for attention.

I would say Time and Attention are big reasons women stray, when they feel neglected or underappreciated.

For what it is worth , most of my friends are not swingers, and do not know about our sex life.....ALL of the women whom I consider to be my close friends ( say 12 or so) have had affairs.

The thing we find funny is they would be so appalled at our lifestyle choice, yet would be fully supporting of a friend who is fooling around.

:smile:
Honey
 

Lordpendragon

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WildHoney said:
ALL of the women whom I consider to be my close friends ( say 12 or so) have had affairs.

The thing we find funny is they would be so appalled at our lifestyle choice, yet would be fully supporting of a friend who is fooling around.

:smile:
Honey

Did any of them have any intention of leaving their partners, Honey?

I have also seen the friends gather round in support like this, either when the friend is the one who has strayed, or indeed if their partner has strayed on them. It's an interesting morality.
 

WildHoney

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LordP - No actually, none of the women have left their husbands, and funnily enough, all their husbands are so busy working or living their lives they have no idea.
The women who are having the affairs, turn quite primal during the phase I have found. Their lust overtakes sensibility and they behave in a very risky manner. Like I stated before, the men just don't notice ( possibly the reason their wives are fucing around I guess)

I feel VERY uncomfortable with this information, often told to me during girls nights out etc. Everyone knows my stance on honestly and living life real.

I am often torn between keeping my silence or not. I woud hate to be the last to know etc, but don't want to cause a rift ...difficult .

...morality is a whole other discussion :smile: We get lectured on it alot.

Honey
 

Lordpendragon

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I don't think that I would say anything. It would be an interesting thread.

The thing about morality is double standards - I am sure that I am not innocent of them myself - in fact I quite like finding that I have them and then dealing with them. I am somebody who has seen many shades of grey.

It is interesting that they would judge your lifestyle, when ironically you are the most honest, and therefore probably the most moral. :wink:
 

SR_Pepe_LePube

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My wife has had extramarital sex on several occasions to my knowledge and the reason cited was she wasn’t getting any sexual pleasure at home. I was often away on business for several weeks at a time and when I was at home I wasn’t in the mood for sex due to the pressures of work. When we did have sex I either failed to get an erection or came too early.
 

B_hungnate

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LordP - No actually, none of the women have left their husbands, and funnily enough, all their husbands are so busy working or living their lives they have no idea.
The women who are having the affairs, turn quite primal during the phase I have found. Their lust overtakes sensibility and they behave in a very risky manner. Like I stated before, the men just don't notice ( possibly the reason their wives are fucing around I guess)

I feel VERY uncomfortable with this information, often told to me during girls nights out etc. Everyone knows my stance on honestly and living life real.

I am often torn between keeping my silence or not. I woud hate to be the last to know etc, but don't want to cause a rift ...difficult .

...morality is a whole other discussion :smile: We get lectured on it alot.

Honey

A lot of what you say is also my experience. I had a thing with a married woman and I know what you're talking about. I think she was real bored in her life. Like you say she behaved in a risky manner and I think she liked it because she was bored. She was a real tiger in bed, and very lusty like all the lust wasn't getting out with her husband, which is what she said. I posted about her on this website. I found her very hot and the whole situation too, and I kept breaking it off and then we'd have sex again. Now I look back on it and the sex was totally hot but it's not worth it. I guess I understand why she wanted the sex but if she was so done with her husband she should just get a divorce. As for me I don't mess around with married women now. I've learned I don't need to mess around with married women to find hot sex, and it's better w/o all the games and sneaking around. And I say women if you're going to cheat why not just get a divorce? I guess with some it's the money but I think that's kind of messed up too. Just my opinion.
 

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My partner has been in Iraq for almost two years and the brief visits home do not fulfill physical and emotional needs. I visit LPSG on occasion as an outlet (and/or inlet) for innocent entertainment. Oh, and there is always "self love".....but nothing can take the place of flesh-on-flesh contact with another. Each day tests our relationship and if it is a strong one, it will endure. If it isn't....well, we have agreed to free each other to seek happiness and passion elsewhere.

I believe those who cheat lack communication in their relationship. Your partner deserves the opportunity to make you physically/emotionally happy...but if they are unable or unwilling, life is too short to stay. Cheating isn't the answer....it will only result in more problems.
 

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This is an interesting thread. May I say I visit here for the same reason. One question for bigboobs; Is your picture on the avatar really you? Stunning if so!

Yes, it is really me and thank you very much for the compliment. I had the picture taken to send to my partner overseas. I assume your avatar is you? If so, you are very attractive. It is funny.....prior to interacting on this website, I always imagined the individuals communicating with others online as being...well, you know....I am pleasantly surprised to learn that I was incorrect :smile:
 
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. One question for BigBoobs: Is your picture on the avatar really you? Stunning if so!
I can also verify that this is she! Not only is she a beautiful woman in appearance but also at heart. She disproves the adage that beauty is only skin deep. I am so glad to see that she is posting, and that many will get to know her through the posts. Lucky us! :smile:
 

bigboobs

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I can also verify that this is she! Not only is she a beautiful woman in appearance but also at heart. She disproves the adage that beauty is only skin deep. I am so glad to see that she is posting, and that many will get to know her through the posts. Lucky us! :smile:

You are sooooooo kind and you have been exceptionally sweet to me.....you know that I am sweet on you, right?
 

modernluv

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The latest stats that I saw, suggested that women have almost caught men up in the straying stakes in relationships.

Whilst I would confidently say that the majority of men stray for sexual/ego reasons, would you guess that more women stray for sexual or emotional reasons?

A few yrs ago I cheated on the guy I was engaged to. I think for me I wasn't ready to be getting married or be engaged. I'm definitely not now. Looking back on that situation I think I was rushing into marriage, but the excitement and flare was out of our relationship, and lot of the sexual pleasure too. I think I cheated because I wanted some excitement and fun and deep down I knew I wanted to break off the engagement but I didn't know how to do it like an adult. So to answer you question about if women stray for sexual or emotional reasons, for me it was both.