mako shark
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Hey, the kid is part of the package, so work with it....I love kids so they have never been a problem.
Women with 'baggage'....
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Sitronmelde
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I've known so many people that get along wonderfully with their step-parent. There's also the chance, of your romantic relationship souring and splitting, and that young person you got to know leaving your life forever. That's life.
There are so many moms out there, trying their hardest to hold onto their friendships after having children, they'll be worried you might not think they're 'kool' or 'fun' anymore. Being a good person has its rewards, but still, don't always be available, but remember all the names and dates you schedule.
When a woman becomes a mother, she becomes genuine; and you can get to know the real person.
There are so many moms out there, trying their hardest to hold onto their friendships after having children, they'll be worried you might not think they're 'kool' or 'fun' anymore. Being a good person has its rewards, but still, don't always be available, but remember all the names and dates you schedule.
When a woman becomes a mother, she becomes genuine; and you can get to know the real person.
I feel I'm a bit different because I'm older - 48, and many people my age have children. But, in the dating world, I keep my kids away from my dates until there is something fairly serious. I currently date a guy who has three daughters - one in college and the other two living 3 hours away. They are his #1 priority and I've understood that since day one. He rarely shares them with anyone. I think I'm the 2nd woman in 10 years to meet and interact with them. It took him 9 months to introduce me to them.
He is rarely involved in my life with my kids. I see him on days I haven't got my children. However, after a year of being with him, I want him to interact in my life as the real me which includes life with kids. I get frustrated that he doesn't do this (has been extremely rare) because it tells me he doesn't really want any sort of future with me in the long run. However, if that's the case, I'm thankful he's not ingraining himself in my children's world. I've had men do just the opposite - try and get in with my kids as a means of getting to be around me and hopefully into a romantic relationship with me though they say they are happy to be *just friends.* I'd rather have someone avoid my kids than use them as a means to get to me.
I think if a woman with kids is always introducing them to various men they get confused and their idea of a relationship and how it works can be skewed. I've kept my children isolated from my dating life and we are all better for it ... I believe. Yes, it means less time to spend with someone, but, if I'm wanting to spend more time with that person it means we've moved into something more serious and then the kids involvment can become discussed.
Tread lightly with a woman with children - it should be about the kids and protecting them, not the adults, first and foremost.
He is rarely involved in my life with my kids. I see him on days I haven't got my children. However, after a year of being with him, I want him to interact in my life as the real me which includes life with kids. I get frustrated that he doesn't do this (has been extremely rare) because it tells me he doesn't really want any sort of future with me in the long run. However, if that's the case, I'm thankful he's not ingraining himself in my children's world. I've had men do just the opposite - try and get in with my kids as a means of getting to be around me and hopefully into a romantic relationship with me though they say they are happy to be *just friends.* I'd rather have someone avoid my kids than use them as a means to get to me.
I think if a woman with kids is always introducing them to various men they get confused and their idea of a relationship and how it works can be skewed. I've kept my children isolated from my dating life and we are all better for it ... I believe. Yes, it means less time to spend with someone, but, if I'm wanting to spend more time with that person it means we've moved into something more serious and then the kids involvment can become discussed.
Tread lightly with a woman with children - it should be about the kids and protecting them, not the adults, first and foremost.
Phil Ayesho
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"baggage"?
Please, run away from this woman because no woman should ever have to suffer a "man" who would apply that term to a child.
If she has daddy issues, a drinking problem, craves or exhibits abusive behavior... THAT is baggage.
But a child?
That you need to even ask such a thing proves you are not man enough to be a male role model... so, please... move on.
Let some real man have this attractive, down to earth woman.
You should probably stick to the self centered and feckless party girls.
helgaleena
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I am in an LTR with two males right now. All three of us have kids, all three of us do not want to have anything to do with kids who are not ours. In my case it's a bit of a cop-out for me, as I don't like socializing overmuch and do not want to make these guys 'family'. I have enough family...
In their cases, you'd have to ask them. But what we have in common is putting our kids first. That is what a good parent does.
I would say that if you ever are attracted to someone with children, run away from any who do NOT put their children first. They are less than humane.
In their cases, you'd have to ask them. But what we have in common is putting our kids first. That is what a good parent does.
I would say that if you ever are attracted to someone with children, run away from any who do NOT put their children first. They are less than humane.
Sitronmelde
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same to the last post;
That certainly happens. Recently, in the local news, people heard a two-year old screaming inside a car at a club parking lot,then found the child's mother dancing inside.
I once took a woman to the hydroplane races, then out to dinner, to discover she had a one-year old at home. That might sound like nothing, but I was a bar-hound myself, and I ran into her quite often. (One night her date did not seem too pleased to see her giving all the guys kisses and hugs.)
Basically, it's a double-standard. Women need a good social life as much as men. In this thread's case, there's a common-friend involved - then you have to do right; neither ignore, nor salivate.
That certainly happens. Recently, in the local news, people heard a two-year old screaming inside a car at a club parking lot,then found the child's mother dancing inside.
I once took a woman to the hydroplane races, then out to dinner, to discover she had a one-year old at home. That might sound like nothing, but I was a bar-hound myself, and I ran into her quite often. (One night her date did not seem too pleased to see her giving all the guys kisses and hugs.)
Basically, it's a double-standard. Women need a good social life as much as men. In this thread's case, there's a common-friend involved - then you have to do right; neither ignore, nor salivate.
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A bit of advice: If you want in this broad's pants, and she's any sort of parent who loves her child, I wouldn't let her know that you referred to her child as 'baggage'.
Find yourself someone with no kids, if you wish to refer to them as 'baggage'. I'd definitely stab you in the face if you referred to my offspring as such.
Find yourself someone with no kids, if you wish to refer to them as 'baggage'. I'd definitely stab you in the face if you referred to my offspring as such.
I once dated a guy who was getting over a relationship with a single mom. One word of caution if you should proceede, given the mistake that he made. That is, don't assume that because a single mom has lots of needs (money to raise her kids, to support herself, babysitters and so on) that she will be more than especially grateful that the average woman.
I was much younger at the time so I know not to date someone who is immediately out of a relationship. But I did, so I had to listen to him brag about all the money he gave, alll the babysitting he did for her while she was (supposed to be) at work, in class, how he loaned her his car and so on (and then she still fooled around on him).
In short, don't immediately take on the daddy role for her child should you decide to date her. And don't assume that she will be any more grateful for the things you do for her and her child than a woman who has no dependents. I have seen this scenario mentioned on other messag boards as well.
I was much younger at the time so I know not to date someone who is immediately out of a relationship. But I did, so I had to listen to him brag about all the money he gave, alll the babysitting he did for her while she was (supposed to be) at work, in class, how he loaned her his car and so on (and then she still fooled around on him).
In short, don't immediately take on the daddy role for her child should you decide to date her. And don't assume that she will be any more grateful for the things you do for her and her child than a woman who has no dependents. I have seen this scenario mentioned on other messag boards as well.
haulthat
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EXACTLY, everything he said. When I met my wife she already had two girls, 5&7 with a dad still in their lives. I raised them as my own, even after I sired another two with their mom, my wife..ex...well its kinda complicated but, still today they see me as the father figure that fed,clothed, and housed them and always made sure they had what the needed and some of what they wanted if we could afford it. I had to deal with a single "hollywood dad" though. Since he was single all the way to their aduthood, and had money to blow it was pretty hard for the wife and I to keep order. I still stuck with it, ut then I can deal with a lot of stress better than most people can.
Bottomline, if your man enough, go ahead, if your not ready to settle down, KEEP MOVING ALONG. As Cuba Gooding Jr said in Jerry McQuire," Don't hijack the pooter. I'm 40 years old now, its 17 years later and we have one grandchild, and momma and me are just co habitating until the financial situation gets well enough for her to get her own place. We're still freinds, we just don't love each other in an intimate way anymore. At 40 you can guarantee that any woman I meet is goingto have kids. This means that I can either be ready to raise even more kids I didn't sire, or stay single and stick with one night stands. Personally, if I'm going to go to bed with a woman, I'd prefer it to be with a woman I plan on being with for a while. Sex is more enjoyable that way for me.
B_curiousme01
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Baggage is a bad word to use to describe your thoughts. I saw you mentioned that, but it says a lot about where you are in life. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone with kids. There will be problems though if you think you will be number 1 in her life.
sodominsane
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am i alone in this but i kinda like it......i had a girl with a 11 year old son....he had deadbeat dad.so no male figure.
1.now we could go to hockey games instead of chick flicks
2. all movies were of the explosion variety.....no huge grant...only bruce willis
3. i culd play two hours of madden foodtball on the play station while she...got sexy for tonight.
normally if you make a date of going across the border to by fireworks you got to pay.....now i could do all my crazy boy stuff and it was like..."thank you so much for spending time with Andy....now come get a treat"
1.now we could go to hockey games instead of chick flicks
2. all movies were of the explosion variety.....no huge grant...only bruce willis
3. i culd play two hours of madden foodtball on the play station while she...got sexy for tonight.
normally if you make a date of going across the border to by fireworks you got to pay.....now i could do all my crazy boy stuff and it was like..."thank you so much for spending time with Andy....now come get a treat"
helgaleena
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You are NOT alone in this at all! Sounds like the best of everything for you. Be prepared for her to replace you if somebody better comes along though, unless you like it well enough to commit.
sodominsane
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why commit......if i get repalced so what...theres always more women
- alx,
Her two bestfriends didn't have any trouble using the word 'baggage' in front of her so im sure she wouldn't take offence as tbh she was up the duff young, and the baby was originally a mistake (not my words].
She's had a hard time the last few years so the last thing I want to do is mess her about.
Unfortunately she has actually been with someone since the baby was born [not the father, but apparently still a cock, but to be fair has stuck around] so I don't think its right to swan on in, even if she is interested still.
I'll be seeing her later in the week so I guess I'll have to let her down somehow or just be a friend with benefits.
She's had a hard time the last few years so the last thing I want to do is mess her about.
Unfortunately she has actually been with someone since the baby was born [not the father, but apparently still a cock, but to be fair has stuck around] so I don't think its right to swan on in, even if she is interested still.
I'll be seeing her later in the week so I guess I'll have to let her down somehow or just be a friend with benefits.
helgaleena
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If someone is still around, watch out that he doesn't think he is the only one entitled to 'benefits' then! That sounds far more of an obstacle than a child.
That's right. Everyone knows that the proper application of the term "baggage" is to the lady herself, not to her children.
--The Taming of the Shrew, introduction, scene 1
Actually, when I saw the title of this thread, I thought that it was going to be about women with chunky hips. But I guess those are called saddlebags, not baggage.
Just because her friends refer to her child as baggage doesn't mean you should. Rise above them, show respect to her and her baby, and you will get more respect from her than her friends do. If she doesn't return the respect, just quietly exit from her life.
If I had children, and a possible lover called my children "baggage", then that person is asking for a one-way ticket out the door with a boot stamp on his/her backside.
Everyone has baggage of some kind. It's just a matter of whether you want to deal with another person's.
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