There are roughly 4 billion females in the world. Yet, when you write about women, they are always sharing the same umbrella, always homogenous. Do you know what that makes you? A bigot.
Look, I'll be honest. Every adult Aspie I ever met was annoying. (I have found the Aspie kids I met charming and fascinating.) I've let friendship run its course with some, but they were trying to learn to interact with someone like me, so I made the effort to interact with someone like them. It's a disability, and like any other disability, my relationship with the person requires accommodation of their needs. I know I don't likely have the personality for a romantic partnership with an Aspie. It's too much time and togetherness, more than I have ever been able to offer to any of my autistic friends and acquaintances. I can on take the rigidity and obsessiveness I've encountered for so long. I need spontaneity and flexibility.
If, after some time, I decide to excuse myself, I do so with a hug and I'm gone. I don't think the autistic people I've known would describe me as cold, but if they do that is their disordered perception of our interactions, not a realistic description of how they've been treated. I will admit once I have had enough of someone, I'm not going out of my way to speak to them until I recover from the energy loss. If they reach out to me, I will keep it short and sweet. There are very few people who can be allowed into my orbit once I have had enough of the world for a while. Four, in fact, and my dude was not immediately one of them. I loved him, but he was initially part of the world, more than a part of me. With time, that has changed.
While I don't have the limited attention span of a child as you've put forth that all women have, I do only want to be into one thing for only so long. I like to listen to and watch physics, chemistry, astrophysics, biochemistry, and autopsy lectures. I can do this for a few hours, because it is interesting to me. But after a few hours, it's time to decompress and do something else, preferably something less challenging, something that requires less active thinking. My high school sweetheart and I used to attend lectures at Hayden Planetarium, and then have sex, and burgers, for example. My dude is obsessed with marching bands, something I never really considered much before I met him, though I like parades and halftime shows. With him, I'll watch competitions and rehearsals for an hour or two, but then I'm bored and want to do something else. A video game, or a movie, for example. Because relationships are about mutual desires and compromise, he may move on to another activity with me, or he may encourage me to watch something else, while he continues to watch bands. We can do our own thing and still be in each other's company. We make it work. Similarly, I'm not going to insist that he delve any further into applied physics than he wants to. I want his company more than I want him to be my clone.
I learned a long time ago that affection and love are dealt in ways that fit into only a few categories. I feel most loved when Dude spends time with me, and touches me. Touching can be hugs, kisses, snuggles (I love, love, love, love, love snuggles- I was born to be the little spoon) flirtatious and furtive groping, sex, pretty much anything that is physical contact. Time can be spent in person, over the phone, chatting by text, video call, whatever. Time spent can be doing the same thing together, or just being in the same room, or on the phone doing our own thing and enjoying a sense of nearness. I dated a geek who hated lots of touching, but he'd allow me to briefly hug him, and occasionally kiss him. He showed me love by doing things for me that I couldn't do for myself, and giving me gifts I couldn't have given myself. My ex used to show love by surprising me. My dude shows love by moving mountains to spend time together one way or another, despite living 800 miles away. He seems to feel most loved when I do things to take care of him. Believe it or not, he feels slightly jealous of the time and affection I give to my animals, so time and touch must be very important to him too. People give and feel love in different ways, and autism doesn't change that. What people have to do if these means don't match, is compromise. If she feels love through affirming words and acts of service, it may absolutely be that no amount of cuddling, no amount of gifts, no amount of time spent with her will inspire her to keep showering you with her own version of love, and that after a while, all the snuggles and presents will frustrate her, as too many presents frustrates me. Being lavished with gifts frustrates my practical nature, for example, and I'm challenged to not see the giver as an irresponsible show-off who thinks he can treat me like a whore.
People are flawed. You wouldn't like a crampy, sleep-deprived version of myself. My dude certainly doesn't. I really hurt his feelings the other day. He greeted me playfully, but I couldn't take a joke, especially not at my expense, at the time. I lit into him. From my perspective at the time, he was badgering me while I was unhappy. From his, he was trying to be sunny when I was cloudy, and my response was bitchy. Luckily, he knows I'm only human, like he is, and doesn't expect me to be perfect. He won't tolerate my bad behavior, but he knows an instance of being an asshole doesn't make me an asshole. I'm still the good woman who loves him and takes care of him, I just had a momentary lapse. Once I could see that I was a jerk and sincerely apologized, he could forgive me. It won't be the last time he gets his feelings hurt, and so it won't be the last time I'm sorry I hurt him.
If you cannot accept that there's just as much wrong with you as there is with everyone else, and forgive people when they mess up, then people are not for you, and I hope they really do make phoney-baloney women to keep your company. But you have to realize that your bigotry and hypocrisy and related attitudes, your disordered thinking and refusal to accept your diagnosis or get help for it, put you in an extreme minority. As such, while robots and artificial people are perfect for you, they are never going to be able to compete with me, or most any other real women.
