women's issues questionaire

[Tattooed Goddess]

i ask, you answer.

1, how do you feel about strangers making comments about your body in public?

I don't really get it very often. I mean, I've had compliments but I don't get comments made where I can hear them purposely in public or whistles or anything. At the most on a regular basis that I get are people who stare.

2, do you feel that you have equality in your day to day life?

Yes for the most part. But I recently left a website I was enjoying because it was considered cool to make fun of women. I wonder though how much longer I would have stayed had I not read one particular thread where many of the prolific male posters chimed in on trying to sound macho. I decided I couldn't ever see them the same way again regardless what else they had to say.

3, how soon after meeting a guy might you get physical, and do you ever get physical when you're not sure you want to?

Physical was pretty quick after showing an interest in one another, sex might have been put off for a very long time as long as some physical contact was taking place.

When I was younger I remember one guy that was pressuring me to get physical in a way I hadn't before and I don't think I was ready for it. I feel strange about him even now when I think about it. It was all for his pleasure not mine obviously.

4, where do you stand on the issue of prostitution?

I think there is something seriously wrong that as an adult I can't profit off of my body in that way if I wanted to, but I can sell plasma? Go figure.

5, how do you feel about motherhood?

I love being a mom and I never let it get in the way of whoever I was before I became a mother. I think it enriches my life and helps me in other facets of who I am.

6, how do you feel about ageing?

I feel more confident as I get older.

7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?

My feminine wiles are not always turned on, as they are not really important to me in all situations or relationships. For example, someone who seems to never turn them off comes off as ditzy and stupid. If she never turns them on, she comes off as too intellectual. They are polar opposites. The good mix is somewhere there in the middle regardless what your sexual preference is as a female. In my opinion.

8, how important is it to you to be seen as feminine and attractive?

I have a business where it is not required at all and never has played a role in whether or not I landed a client. But when I went to school to be an Esthetician, all of that changed. The more feminine and attractive you are the better you can sell products and represent your services. I think it depends on what it is that you do for a living or what you are doing to get by. Or even most importantly, your childhood/family dynamics and history.

9, what are your roles and duties regarding the men in your life?

They are pretty traditional with my father and in a lot of ways traditional with my husband. But I like them that way personally. I'm lucky though that my husband is very flexible when it comes to roles that he is willing to chip in and help out any way possible if I need him to. Especially given how much I've been down and out from surgeries and hospitalizations to the point where he knows just how to take over my job with mothering and things around the house.

10, what would you like to see change with regards women in your society?

I would love to vote a woman in as President in the US. I want to honestly be able to tell my daughter there is NOTHING she can't do in life.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?

My feminine wiles are not always turned on, as they are not really important to me in all situations or relationships. For example, someone who seems to never turn them off comes off as ditzy and stupid. If she never turns them on, she comes off as too intellectual. They are polar opposites. The good mix is somewhere there in the middle regardless what your sexual preference is as a female. In my opinion.

I do not get this at all.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I do not get this at all.

The opposite effect of how Marilyn Monroe appears to not be very intelligent for never turning them off. It's a stereotype which has an opposite.

 

[snoozan]

1, how do you feel about strangers making comments about your body in public?

I've had men say I have a pretty face or otherwise graciously give me compliments, and I really like it.

I've also had some really nasty things said about my appearance in public and it made me murderous.

2, do you feel that you have equality in your day to day life?

Yes and no. Yes, because in my personal life I accept no less. With that said, professionally, sometimes I wonder. Women and men alike are sexist, ageist, racist, classist and to some extent everyone is exposed to all of those things. I have not yet found a way to insulate myself complete from bigots of various kinds out in the world.

3, how soon after meeting a guy might you get physical, and do you ever get physical when you're not sure you want to?

Within minutes to years later. It just depends. No, I don't get physical unless I want to, really want to. I tend to be on or off with no in between concerning physical intimacy, and if I'm not on, nothing is going to happen.

4, where do you stand on the issue of prostitution?

I think it's just fine, but I do think safeguards need to be in place for monitoring the spread of infectious disease. As well as supports for women and men working in the sex industry should be in place to deal with things like coercion, rape, sex trafficking, etc.

5, how do you feel about motherhood?

It's not for everyone, and it's difficult. I like being a mother, but I often have to choose being a mom over other things, like my career, leisure activities, etc. It's a blessing that carries grave responsibilities. Also, it still seems like mothers are expected to do the bulk of childcare and child rearing even if they work, which I would like to see become more equal.

6, how do you feel about ageing?

It's not aging I mind so much per se, it's that I don't feel like I've accomplished with my life what I would like to have accomplished by now. Also, my SO is 9 years my junior, which can sometimes make me feel a little old. He doesn't seem to mind, though.

7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?

Not really. I have the social skills of an anteater, and it's hard enough trying to interact socially without having to throw in "wiles," whatever they are. I don't see myself as particularly feminine anyway, so I just act like me most of the time and hope that works.

8, how important is it to you to be seen as feminine and attractive?

I like my SO to think I'm attractive. I like feeling feminine and attractive, but most of the time I don't. It's somewhat concerning to me professionally as it's a lot easier to sell people things if you're attractive and confident. So it's important, yes, but it's not something I feel I have the luxury to devote a lot of time to right now.

9, what are your roles and duties regarding the men in your life?

I'm a mother, a badgering ex-wife, a girlfriend, a single parent, a client, a boss, a co-worker... the list goes on. I've been told that I'm very good at being "one of the guys" which suits me fine with co-workers and male friends. In my relationship, we don't really have traditional gender roles, it's just whatever works.

10, what would you like to see change with regards women in your society?

I would like to see women stop being their own worst enemies, and I would like women to get along with each other better and not be so catty and divisive with one another. I would like to see fewer women obsessed with beauty and sex appeal and more women concerned with being intelligent, well-educated, and well-spoken. I would like women to learn to accept their own body images and accept those of other women.

 

[snoozan]

The opposite effect of how Marilyn Monroe appears to not be very intelligent for never turning them off. It's a stereotype which has an opposite.

Why not get rid of the stereotype instead of conforming to it the "right" way? That seems to be counterproductive.

 

[LaFemme]

i ask, you answer.

1, how do you feel about strangers making comments about your body in public?

I'm kind of ambilavent about it. It hasn't happened in a long time. If a stranger comments my perfume, or likes my shoes I'm far more likely to be receptive.

2, do you feel that you have equality in your day to day life?

I work in an environment that is primarily women; yet, management is overwhelmingly men. I perceive that to be an example of inequity as there still seems to be a glass ceiling in my profession. There is a point beyond which few women are promoted - they would rather hire from outside OR promote men who have a third of the experience that the women do.

3, how soon after meeting a guy might you get physical, and do you ever get physical when you're not sure you want to?

Depends on the guy, but currently I prefer to wait until there is an expression of feeling and an understanding that we are exclusive.

When I was younger, I jumped into things very rapidly. In my personal experience, sex slows down the emotional nature of the relationship. It could just be me though - once the sex starts, I tend to get very physically focused. I've learned that I need to slow things down in order to make a connection before fucking the living hell out of him on a daily basis!

Getting physical when I didn't want to.....yes. But I was never given a choice.

4, where do you stand on the issue of prostitution?

I wish prostitution didn't exist - I wish that men (and some women) didn't provided a market for it. But as it exists, I'd rather see it legalized, taxed, monitored and keep the working girls safe.

As it is, I see far too many working the streets and massage parlours who are very damaged people. Too many are considered 'throwaways'. These are people (children, men & women) who have no hope and live desperate lives. I'd love to see street prostitution eliminated.

5, how do you feel about motherhood?

When one chooses to become a parent, they are choosing to do one of the most important jobs in the world. Raising healthy children is hard - being a parent is hard. Your heart walks out into the world with your children. The rewards are unbelievable though. To see your kids become adults - good, strong, healthy, well-adjusted people and enter into healthy relationships is amazing.

It's not for everybody, but for me - kids make every breath I take worthwhile.

6, how do you feel about ageing?

I was fine with aging until it actually started to happen! I love the experience I have now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Emotionally, psychologically speaking I am a better person than I have ever been in the past. Physically though, it is different. So many different things happen to your body. My skin is different and I find that I am not ready to look old. I am beginning to understand why someone might get a face lift. Maybe I just want one more decade of not looking old - not necessarily young, just not old.

To quote Nora Ephron, "I feel bad about my neck".

7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?

When I was younger, I never paid for drinks, cover charges etc. Never asked for it, it was just given to me. I never purposely used my 'wiles' to get things or to get out of things. It embarrassed me a bit.

Now, I don't get any free stuff (don't drink, club etc anymore either!) and I certainly wouldn't use tears or anything to get out of a speeding ticket etc.

8, how important is it to you to be seen as feminine and attractive?

It's kind of important to me. I like to look nice - dress well, smell good and keep my hair styled. But I've never been all about my looks - I was always the 'smart one' and that's where my ego lays. I take pride in being an intelligent and a good person.

9, what are your roles and duties regarding the men in your life?

I have no significant other, so I have no role in that regard. However, I do have two adult boys. My role is primarily finished with them. I've done my best to teach them how to treat women, how to work hard; instilling in them self-confidance and good values. Now, I'm more of a sounding board, advice giver and a safe place for them to return to.

10, what would you like to see change with regards women in your society?

I would like to see girls more respected - even on a site like this. To still see men using such degrading language about women and to enjoy degrading women is heart-breaking to me. And what's worse is when women believe that they deserve this type of treatment.

I would like to see less violence towards women. Rape, murder, domestic violence. I do an annual walk to raise awareness around missing & murdered women, most of whom were sex trade workers. Because of who they were, the police hesitated to become involved and society at large didn't care much. But there are no throwaways. Every woman deserves respect. No one deserves to be beaten, raped or killed.

I'd like to see men step up for the women in their community and in their lives. I see single mothers all the time trying to care for their children and the father has taken off. A poster here commented that it's not unusual for a women to have 6 kids all with different fathers. He said this like it's the woman's faulth. Where are the dads? Who is teaching the girls that they deserve love and respect and who is teaching the boys how to be a man? Equal rights also means equal parents - and both should be accessible and responsible for their children.

I could go on........

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Why not get rid of the stereotype instead of conforming to it the "right" way? That seems to be counterproductive.

I'm speaking in generalizations that makes one think one way or the other about sex appeal and try my best to keep a healthy balance in my real life. I don't know better to explain it. I'm sorry. I held of on answering this for a little while because it's difficult to explain some of these things without seeming stereotypical in some way or another. Sometimes you can't win for losing with these answers. Someone is going to get offended.

 

[snoozan]

I'm speaking in generalizations that makes one think one way or the other about sex appeal and try my best to keep a healthy balance in my real life. I don't know better to explain it. I'm sorry. I held of on answering this for a little while because it's difficult to explain some of these things without seeming stereotypical in some way or another. Sometimes you can't win for losing with these answers. Someone is going to get offended.

I get what you're saying in some respects, though, because I feel a lot of the same... pressure?

I think what I'm getting from you maybe is that you want to feel both intelligent and sexy, and a lot of times the two seem diametrically opposed, or at least that's the stereotype. But I think you can be both at the same time. I don't know.

I'm not offended at all, this is an interesting topic.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I get what you're saying in some respects, though, because I feel a lot of the same... pressure?

I think what I'm getting from you maybe is that you want to feel both intelligent and sexy, and a lot of times the two seem diametrically opposed, or at least that's the stereotype. But I think you can be both at the same time. I don't know.

I'm not offended at all, this is an interesting topic.

I don't think anyone could word it better than how you just did! You made what I was attempting to explain roll off the tongue as smooth as oil.

 

[Zayne]

1, how do you feel about strangers making comments about your body in public?

People usually say I am cute and cuddly. I like when they rub me.

2, do you feel that you have equality in your day to day life?

I think we are all in the bowl.

3, how soon after meeting a guy might you get physical, and do you ever get physical when you're not sure you want to?

I get physical right away. I might attack if I feel threatened.

4, where do you stand on the issue of prostitution?

You can own me, but don't rent me out.

5, how do you feel about motherhood?

There are some sick puppies out there!

6, how do you feel about ageing?

I don't even have a concept of it.

7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?

I will stick my behind in a males face with no qualms.

8, how important is it to you to be seen as feminine and attractive?

Not terribly.

9, what are your roles and duties regarding the men in your life?
I'm a total bitch.

10, what would you like to see change with regards women in your society?

Women? More rights for pets.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I really shouldn't be surprised that men are answering these questions...but I am.

 

[Zayne]

That was my dog.

 

[EllieP]

1, how do you feel about strangers making comments about your body in public?
Depends on how and what they comment on. Comment on my smile, not my rack.

2, do you feel that you have equality in your day to day life?
Not always, but most of the times. Sometimes I'm more equal than they are.

3, how soon after meeting a guy might you get physical, and do you ever get physical when you're not sure you want to?
Never, ever when I'm not sure. I will admit to a couple of first-night episodes, but I thought there was something there. There wasn't.

4, where do you stand on the issue of prostitution?
If the woman is an independent businesswoman then I see very little difference in her using her physical attributes and a sports figure using theirs. Her customers must come to terms with the ramifications of current relationships.

5, how do you feel about motherhood?
Absolutely 100% in favor. I have always wanted to be a mom since grade school, and although I was a single parent for years I have never regretted giving birth.

6, how do you feel about ageing?
I don't like it but it beats the alternative. Still I'm doing everything in my power to maintain.

7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?
Yes, I do. Sometimes it's just natural, but I have a nasty habit of exploiting it sometimes. I definitely don't feel bad or guilty about it.

8, how important is it to you to be seen as feminine and attractive?
I guess it's pretty important that I'm seen as feminine. Being attractive is for others to decide, because sometimes I just don't know what men find attractive.

9, what are your roles and duties regarding the men in your life?
My husband and I are equal partners, and our roles aren't necessarily pre-defined. I own my own business and rely on contractors and subs, who are usually male. I am very comfortable taking charge.

10, what would you like to see change with regards women in your society?
Wishing for complete equality would be unreal as conservative and religious strictures are firmly in place. But I can still dream.

 

[Enid]

1, how do you feel about strangers making comments about your body in public?

this varies. if i am having a good communication day (no pronounced troubles), and it is vulgar i am able to brush it off with relative ease. if it is sincere and deferential to my sense of personal space, then i am able to smile back with ease and thank the individual. if i am having one of my "give me space, and lots of it" days, then most any comment throws me off and i get myself out of the situation ASAP. i strongly dislike feeling studied, and comments about my body make me feel put on display and VERY uncomfortable more often than not.

2, do you feel that you have equality in your day to day life?

yes, i do. with a couple of exceptions in my familial relationships, but this is due more to personal psychological dynamics/differences than anything related to gender inequality.

3, how soon after meeting a guy might you get physical, and do you ever get physical when you're not sure you want to?

a very long time. it takes me a long time to feel comfortable with someone physically. a few months at least, maybe a year. i really dislike people touching me when i don't invite it warmly, and i do not invite it from many individuals. i have only gotten physical with people when i wasn't too sure about the whole process a handful of times in my 20s. i was still figuring myself out then though, i have no regrets about any of those experiences. i was just a lot more tentative. by my late 20s, i had settled into my reclusive self who only tends to have a (regular) sex partner/relationship once every ten years.

5, how do you feel about motherhood?

i relate to kids strongly, but have zero interest in making a baby myself.

6, how do you feel about ageing?

i love it. i embrace being middle-aged now (40.5 yoa), and look forward to the latter half of my life. i tackled the fear of dying thing sometime in my 30s, i guess. it doesn't bother me now, though when my daddy passes i will cry like a wild woman. even if i know it is the natural order of things, it will still affect me very deeply.

7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?

no, i sometimes kinda dislike seeing it other women but usually i am thinking that a woman can conduct herself any way she wants. it's not my business if she wants to go about getting what she wants manipulatively.

8, how important is it to you to be seen as feminine and attractive?

eh, maybe a little? i dunno. i have a tomboy background, and dislike some of what is *traditionally* considered feminine expression (very made-up, high heels, that sort of thing). it's the attire/appearance thing, i suppose. but i like being found attractive by those that really matter to me. it fills me with warmth.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Wow, Dolf! Cool thread! Each one of these questions could be a thread in and of itself. Answering before reading the thread . . .

1, how do you feel about strangers making comments about your body in public?

When they do, it's usually boob comments. They are not enjoyed at all. I am not my boobs.


2, do you feel that you have equality in your day to day life?

I've never come across any major issues of equality in my day to day life. I give thanks to the feminists of ago who made it possible for that to happen.

Interestingly, my most recent encounter with what I saw as a major inequality was to do with a man losing out because of his gender. He and his wife were separating. It was assumed by all, including a lawyer he spoke to, that his wife would get the bulk of the custody of the kids. Personally, I think that sucks for him. Why SHOULD she get custody by default?


3, how soon after meeting a guy might you get physical, and do you ever get physical when you're not sure you want to?

I've fucked guys within hours of meeting them. As long as I feel safe and get along with them reasonably well, I have no personal reason not to.

I've also fucked guys when I wasn't sure I wanted to. Usually it was because I was drunk and couldn't figure out how to talk myself out of the place I'd behaved my way into.


4, where do you stand on the issue of prostitution?

Prostitution is legal here and that's the way I think it should be. I do think 'they' could put more effort into regulating it. I think it should be as well organised and moderated as any other major occupational area (such as retail).

In a personal sense, it doesn't bother me in the slightest if anyone else chooses to do it. It doesn't make me think any differently about them. However, it's not for me.


5, how do you feel about motherhood?

I want to be a mum!!!! In fact, I want to be a stay at home mum, and devote myself to my (hypothetical) kids until they hit primary school age.


6, how do you feel about ageing?

I'm scared I will get too old to have children, then realise one day that I've missed my chance. Other than that, I don't think about it. It's not really an issue for me yet.


7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?

Errr . . . feminine wiles? What would they be? Truly, I don't think I'm using them.


8, how important is it to you to be seen as feminine and attractive?

I would like to be seen as female and worthy of attraction. I would prefer to be seen as worthy of attraction for my personality and other non appearance qualities.

I'm hardly feminine at all, and couldn't give a crap about my appearance most of the time.


9, what are your roles and duties regarding the men in your life?

I am currently a FB. In the past I have been girlfriend, fiance, FB, and something in between; house girlfriend (I wasn't a wife) and major income earner.


10, what would you like to see change with regards women in your society?

I am an equalist. I want to see men and women regarded as equal, whatever they're doing, with performance or tendency towards ability judged according to individual abilities, rather than gender. I don't think we're there yet.

 

[HiddenLacey]

1, how do you feel about strangers making comments about your body in public?

I think it depends on the comment and how I'm approached. I had a guy tell me that he loved the way I smiled and had to introduce himself to me. That was sweet. I'm ok with someone making a comment in a pleasing way.

However, following me through the store saying "mmmmm," and "damn girl," makes me extremely uncomfortable. I also hate when guys crowd into my space and make me feel intimidated by not only what they are saying but also by using their body to make me feel trapped. Brings to mind a bunny when you pick it up and you can feel it's heart racing, back OFF. Extremely vulgar comments send me running for the hills. It's not that I can't stand and face the person, it's that I don't want to.

2, do you feel that you have equality in your day to day life?

Yes and no, it's hard to elaborate because I don't always push for it.

3, how soon after meeting a guy might you get physical, and do you ever get physical when you're not sure you want to?

When I feel like I can trust him and I love him. I have gotten physical once because I felt like I should even though I didn't really want to. I blame that on my age at the time.

4, where do you stand on the issue of prostitution?

I don't care for it, I wish that it didn't happen. I do think it should be legalized to protect the people in that profession.

5, how do you feel about motherhood?

Warm fuzzies? I don't have any kids, which makes me kind of sad.

6, how do you feel about ageing?

A few years ago, horrified would have been my reaction. Now, I'm happy about it. Every year I feel like I know so much more than ever before and yet I realize that I still don't know beans about anything.

7, do you ever use feminine wiles to make your life easier, and how do you feel about doing so?

I don't think so, if I do it's probably inadvertently.

8, how important is it to you to be seen as feminine and attractive?

I don't really think about it. All that I really care about at this point in my life is being who I am and being comfortable with myself. I'm trying to focus less on what other's think of me.

9, what are your roles and duties regarding the men in your life?

I guess I'm most things that an old fashioned southern woman is raised to be. I sort of cater to the men in my life.

10, what would you like to see change with regards women in your society?

Less violence towards women. Less rape and domestic violence, harsher punishments for these crimes. Less women calling other women sluts, whores, etc. More women realizing that their worth isn't connected to their social status or their man.

 

[hsarge]

Two things. Dolfie's, another great thread. Secondly, wonderful to see that so many young women feel they have, or are approaching equality. How many can remember the state of civil rights and women's rights 50 years ago?