Women's Only Please: The Use of Force During Sex

[petite]

NO I would actually rather if he told me he liked that upfront. I was saying that I am guilty of not telling them what I want. There are a million things that have ran through my mind that I have never spoken of with anyone.

I'm sorry, I misunderstood!

Like what? What would you have never spoken of with anyone?

 

[Gillette]

I'm pro-kink myself. I believe in fulfilling his kinks and him fulfilling mine. If we use the non-verbal, "I'll tell you when to stop" I don't see how either of us are going to get our desires satisfied because that method would seem to stop at some compromise between my kink and where you want to stop, which probably won't be at whatever kink I have.

So discomfort, pain and injury are okay so long as it's discussed first?
Interesting.

Here I was thinking the suggested prefuck discussion was to avoid these very things.
Silly me.

 

[Embrace69]

There's some debate on the "Do some women actually like to be gagged with a large penis?" thread about the use of force during sex.

I wrote this in that thread. This is what is under dispute:

-If you're incapable of discussing these things beforehand, you aren't mature enough to be doing this with a woman. (talking about using force during sex)

-Even if a woman loves something involving force, you still need to discuss things verbally before you ever do anything involving force in a sexual situation.

This is true for me. I enjoy force during sex, but I don't want a man to just start using force with me without talking about what turns me on and what I want first. I don't want a man I don't trust to use force with me, and I wouldn't trust him if he just began using force without ever talking to me about it. I think without any discussion at all, if he just began using force with me, it would freak me out. I wouldn't trust him any more.

I also feel it's also important to do so in order to protect a man from being accused of sexual assault or rape in case of mis-communication, which would be a problem if a man is only relying on non-verbal communication and body language.

Several men disagree with me about whether other women feel the same. They say that body language can suffice and talking ruins the fun and that they know that other women want a man to just dominate them without talking about it first. They feel that men shouldn't talk about it first, and that they should just go by feel whether the use of force is okay and how much force to use.

I do not know how many other women feel the way that I do. How do you feel about it? Do you disagree?

Women only please!

As far as force is concerned, I believe that both parties SHOULD talk about it. Maybe not at the time you're hot and heavy and about to go fuck each other silly. Because for me, talking during that time really turns me off too. But just in discussions where you're "getting to know each others likes and dislikes" or play a sexual game of 20 questions or something. That way you both know how you each feel about it before the acts ever occur.

My bf and I always talk about certain sexual situations in which we'd like to do or try or what ever and to be honest we don't have to have those conversations during actual sex because we already know.

As far as that other thread is concerned, I commented in that one as well. My preferences aren't to be forced to the point of gagging while giving him a blow job but sometimes it does happen when we both get a little too excited. If the bf wants something during sex that I'm not giving at that time he'll ask, flat out ask. I will either do it, or I won't. He doesn't beg me (though sometimes begging is a turn on) and when I seriously don't want to do it, he knows I don't want to. Sometimes I'm in the mood for a little bit of force but I express that I want to play rough, verbally and then I move physically. If he wants to play rough he'll do the same, by asking me to put my hands on his throat while I'm riding him or what ever the case may be. The point is we both ask and we both know what our expectations are of each other before we ever engage in sex.

I also think it's very important to know where you both stand on sexual terms and know what each other wants/expects etc. Trust is a very big issue. For me, I wouldn't sleep with any guy I didn't completely trust with my life.

 

[petite]

i've managed to fulfil a hell of a lot of kinks, so i beg to differ.

this topic is closer to me than most because i'm not a talker. i might say a few hundred words a day, and if the kids are away then i might go days without speaking. i'm economical with my words.
conversations about what i want in bed are, frankly, nothing but a tedious chore.

non-verbal communication can be extremely intimate and in depth. many social animals communicate almost entirely this way. it can be a whisper or a shout.

I see! I understand now why your posts are so short, too! You are very economical with words!

I envy that in one way, I wish I could sort of use telepathy to tell my lover what I want, but maybe my tastes are just so specific that I need words, or maybe because I am a talker, I feel unsatisfied if there's not talking involved in my sex!

I think it's probably easier for a woman to get her kinks fulfilled. Men tend to be more willing. If a man wanted a kink from a woman on the other hand... more difficult I would imagine.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I'm sorry, I misunderstood!

Like what? What would you have never spoken of with anyone?

kink

 

[petite]

As far as force is concerned, I believe that both parties SHOULD talk about it. Maybe not at the time you're hot and heavy and about to go fuck each other silly. Because for me, talking during that time really turns me off too. But just in discussions where you're "getting to know each others likes and dislikes" or play a sexual game of 20 questions or something. That way you both know how you each feel about it before the acts ever occur.

My bf and I always talk about certain sexual situations in which we'd like to do or try or what ever and to be honest we don't have to have those conversations during actual sex because we already know.

As far as that other thread is concerned, I commented in that one as well. My preferences aren't to be forced to the point of gagging while giving him a blow job but sometimes it does happen when we both get a little too excited. If the bf wants something during sex that I'm not giving at that time he'll ask, flat out ask. I will either do it, or I won't. He doesn't beg me (though sometimes begging is a turn on) and when I seriously don't want to do it, he knows I don't want to. Sometimes I'm in the mood for a little bit of force but I express that I want to play rough, verbally and then I move physically. If he wants to play rough he'll do the same, by asking me to put my hands on his throat while I'm riding him or what ever the case may be. The point is we both ask and we both know what our expectations are of each other before we ever engage in sex.

I also think it's very important to know where you both stand on sexual terms and know what each other wants/expects etc. Trust is a very big issue. For me, I wouldn't sleep with any guy I didn't completely trust with my life.

Thank you for answering! :smile:

Funny, TheBF has never asked me for a blowjob verbally. Not once. We do that part entirely non-verbally during the heat of the moment and we rarely talk about sex while we're having sex, except to say, "Do you want to do this now?" They're not discussions! :tongue:

We do talk about those things before and after sex, though, or when I'm on LPSG. LPSG sparks a lot of conversations about sex that I bring up with TheBF and I think that's been really healthy for our relationship, the level of discussion that we've had since I've joined. It's improved our sex life a lot!

Like you, neither of us has to tell the other one what we like during sex because we've talked about it so much already! It's been well discussed. Even how he non-verbally asks me for a BJ has been talked about, mostly me telling him how incredibly hot he is when he does it and what I love about how he does it. He knows what it is he does that revvs my engine because I've described it in flattering detail to him.

 

[petite]

kink

Well, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to! I don't want you to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable. There's plenty of things I wouldn't discuss on LPSG because I'm not comfortable doing it.

 

[dolfette]

I see! I understand now why your posts are so short, too! You are very economical with words!

I envy that in one way, I wish I could sort of use telepathy to tell my lover what I want, but maybe my tastes are just so specific that I need words, or maybe because I am a talker, I feel unsatisfied if there's not talking involved in my sex!

I think it's probably easier for a woman to get her kinks fulfilled. Men tend to be more willing. If a man wanted a kink from a woman on the other hand... more difficult I would imagine.

so talking is part of your kink?!

jeez...i've done everything from wholesome vanilla through to threesomes, electrodes and knives. there's a hell of a lot of communication going on, it's just that very little of it is verbal.

 

[petite]

so talking is part of your kink?!

jeez...i've done everything from wholesome vanilla through to threesomes, electrodes and knives. there's a hell of a lot of communication going on, it's just that very little of it is verbal.

Actually, probably! I do enjoy talking with him about what I like doing with him. I suppose I should consider it a part of the sex, too!

That's really cool that you can do that. I don't think I'd be comfortable with that, but as you said, there's no one-size-fits-all here!

 

[HiddenLacey]

Well, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to! I don't want you to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable. There's plenty of things I wouldn't discuss on LPSG because I'm not comfortable doing it.

No no its not that I've never been good at stating things. It's easier on here to actually talk about things and when I said Kink I meant it all of it, spanking and flogging and bondage and anal etc. :biggrin1:

I guess its unfair of me to say I would expect the guy to talk to me about it when I'm not really good about talking about it either I would always be willing to talk about something but I would never bring it up myself. Ive always been like that.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I see that pretty much everyone here you and dolfette and embrace are good at expressing these things. I may have missed one of you if I did sorry. I'm just not a first step taker I guess.

 

[petite]

No no its not that I've never been good at stating things. It's easier on here to actually talk about things and when I said Kink I meant it all of it, spanking and flogging and bondage and anal etc. :biggrin1:

I guess its unfair of me to say I would expect the guy to talk to me about it when I'm not really good about talking about it either I would always be willing to talk about something but I would never bring it up myself. Ive always been like that.

Well, I think you actually implied that you would prefer it, which is really different from expecting it. It's okay of you realize that you aren't good at communicating but you still want your boyfriend to communicate as well as he can with you. That sort of "let's both try the best we can" attitude, with plenty of leeway for imperfection gives you a lot of freedom.

Codes of behavior are like that. Trying your best to stick to them is a good quality. It doesn't mean you should abandon your code if you ever mess up once, continuing to try your best to follow it even though you are imperfect is still commendable!

 

[HiddenLacey]

Well, I think you actually implied that you would prefer it, which is really different from expecting it. It's okay of you realize that you aren't good at communicating but you still want your boyfriend to communicate as well as he can with you. That sort of "let's both try the best we can" attitude, with plenty of leeway for imperfection gives you a lot of freedom.

Codes of behavior are like that. Trying your best to stick to them is a good quality. It doesn't mean you should abandon your code if you ever mess up once, continuing to try your best to follow it even though you are imperfect is still commendable!

definately I think I'm more stuck in the I'm not sure if I want to talk to him about these things mode. We've been together along time and I should be perfectly comfortable talking about everything but I'm not. Sometimes I feel as though I would be better off by myself because I'm not good at sharing in real life.

 

[petite]

definately I think I'm more stuck in the I'm not sure if I want to talk to him about these things mode. We've been together along time and I should be perfectly comfortable talking about everything but I'm not. Sometimes I feel as though I would be better off by myself because I'm not good at sharing in real life.

You might be surprised. We were completely vanilla for a long time and I was the one who brought up more adventurous ideas. We had never even talked about anything kinky before. I was shocked at how accepting and open he was. My fears were entirely unwarranted.

What is it about talking about everything that has you worried or makes you feel uncomfortable with him? Do you not think he'd be interested? Is he really conservative?

 

[HiddenLacey]

You might be surprised. We were completely vanilla for a long time and I was the one who brought up more adventurous ideas. We had never even talked about anything kinky before. I was shocked at how accepting and open he was. My fears were entirely unwarranted.

What is it about talking about everything that has you worried or makes you feel uncomfortable with him? Do you not think he'd be interested? Is he really conservative?

He is most definately conservative and your right I don't think he'd be interested. We normally have one type of sex. Not to say everynow and then things aren't different. I'm not sure. Sometimes I think I've made a mistake in staying with him but having had some issues in my past I'm leary of leaving. Not saying that I don't love him and he's not wonderful he is. Very much so We are just very different. He was the first person I gave a chance after my last horrible relantionship and I just kind of stayed with him because I felt safe I guess.

 

[petite]

He is most definately conservative and your right I don't think he'd be interested. We normally have one type of sex. Not to say everynow and then things aren't different. I'm not sure. Sometimes I think I've made a mistake in staying with him but having had some issues in my past I'm leary of leaving. Not saying that I don't love him and he's not wonderful he is. Very much so We are just very different. He was the first person I gave a chance after my last horrible relantionship and I just kind of stayed with him because I felt safe I guess.

Well, with TheBF I started out by bringing up tame things and getting bolder. You could test the waters a little with something really tame and see what he thinks?

I've been at the point you are in relationships a lot. Sometimes it was just a passing feeling, other times, it was really over. Once, I deeply regretted breaking up with my bf because after it was over I realized that I was just taking him for granted and I didn't realize how special we were together. I can't advise you! I can only listen. I have no answers.

 

[Enid]

I think my thoughts & feelings on the matter tend to align most with dolfette’s and Gillette’s. (Oooh, a rhyme.) I don’t like talking all the time. Silence can be sweet and words are sometimes hard for me to come by.

So for that reason I like it when he picks up on my body language and sounds and a myriad of other things and gets that yes, this time I want to be manhandled and thrown on the bed so hard that if it had been concrete, I’d be in the hospital. It’s so hard to explain, but he’s very intuitive and he gets it.

Of course I love talking with him too, I love talking with him more than anyone else, but I guess I just don’t really go for the “let’s sit down and discuss everything beforehand” approach. I think it would spoil it for me. On this matter anyway, and by "this matter" I mean the exchange of power/use of force during sex.

 

[kc2007]

i've managed to fulfil a hell of a lot of kinks, so i beg to differ.

this topic is closer to me than most because i'm not a talker. i might say a few hundred words a day, and if the kids are away then i might go days without speaking. i'm economical with my words.
conversations about what i want in bed are, frankly, nothing but a tedious chore.

non-verbal communication can be extremely intimate and in depth. many social animals communicate almost entirely this way. it can be a whisper or a shout.

I'm sorry I know this is supposed to be only women but I had one comment. my gf is a lot like this actually. Very un-like any chick I've been with in terms of not being super chatty. She doesn't like talking about sex very much at all, while I do. She will talk but just hates to analyze everything like me, which is probably why I come here to ask questions and get female perspectives and what not. She also hates if i ask her anything, like, "can I do this, or would you like that". One time she showed up at my place with just a long rain coat on and underwear underneath and then gave me a blow job in my kitchen. Which "blew me" away because no woman has ever done that before to me. One time in bed I was a little rough like pinning her hands down and kinda throwing her around a bit more than usual in terms of position changing. I had no idea of her reaction other than her not telling me something like, "go easy or something", but later she confided how she liked how I was a bit rough, and I'm usually the farthest thing from rough. So I guess we did discuss it if you want to call it that, but it was after the fact. I think most guys in relationships aren't going to all of sudden start violently face fucking their gfs to where they can't even signal to stop or that they don't like it. Everyone is different though, this is for sure, but sex is the one place you shouldn't have to talk since so much life is bs talk talk talk talk...keep a little mystery there. And actually I've followed my gf's lead and don't even try to engage her in discussions anymore unless she volunteers.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Well, with TheBF I started out by bringing up tame things and getting bolder. You could test the waters a little with something really tame and see what he thinks?

I've been at the point you are in relationships a lot. Sometimes it was just a passing feeling, other times, it was really over. Once, I deeply regretted breaking up with my bf because after it was over I realized that I was just taking him for granted and I didn't realize how special we were together. I can't advise you! I can only listen. I have no answers.

I'm trying to test them I mean I have somewhat. I've bought plugs and things of that nature and asked him about playing with them, he just never really says anything. I'm not sure if he doesn't want to or not so I've just kind of left it alone.

Yes I have gone back and forth in my mind about it. I just don't know. I will figure it out I would never take a moment of it for granted so right now I'm making the best of it until I can figure out if it's just a passing thing or if it's me, there's also a really big part of me thats afraid of hurting him by leaving or staying. I've always been one of those people that has to make everyone around me happy, they happier they are the happier it makes me. I've been guilty of letting my thoughts and feelings rest for a bit to long I think:smile: Thanks!

 

[petite]

I think my thoughts & feelings on the matter tend to align most with dolfette’s and Gillette’s. (Oooh, a rhyme.) I don’t like talking all the time. Silence can be sweet and words are sometimes hard for me to come by.

So for that reason I like it when he picks up on my body language and sounds and a myriad of other things and gets that yes, this time I want to be manhandled and thrown on the bed so hard that if it had been concrete, I’d be in the hospital. It’s so hard to explain, but he’s very intuitive and he gets it.

Of course I love talking with him too, I love talking with him more than anyone else, but I guess I just don’t really go for the “let’s sit down and discuss everything beforehand” approach. I think it would spoil it for me.

You're talking about what you want. The question isn't about you getting what you want from him. How should he go about getting what he wants from you?

The question is about him doing whatever kinky thing he wants to you. The question is, if a man has a kink that involves him using force, do you just want him to use your body language to try and tell if you want it too and just go ahead and try it? Or do you want your man to clear it with you first verbally?

How does he get it from you? Do you want him to just use try to read if you also want what he wants and use force and read your reactions and stop when he thinks you want him to? Or do you want him to talk to you about whatever kinks he wants from you before engaging you?

If he has a kink he wants to fulfill with you, how does he do it? Let's say, he wants rough face-fucking. How does he get it?

I wish I could edit my post because I don't mean "let's sit down and talk about it" like it's some serious boring conversation. I NEVER MEAN THAT.

I'm talking about saying in a really sexy voice to your lover exactly what you want to do in such a sexy way that he can't wait to do it with you, like, "I really want you to grab me by the hair when I blow you and show me how you want me to move my head up and down your cock and tell me what to do. I want you to thrust your hips and fuck my mouth and come down my throat." If he doesn't want to do it by the time you've finished talking about it, then you aren't talking about sex the right way!