Women's Only Please: The Use of Force During Sex

[Enid]

If he has a kink he wants to fulfill with you, how does he do it? Let's say, he wants rough face-fucking. How does he get it?

Through a lot of non-verbal communication along the lines of what dolfette describes. And a little bit of role-playing where we explore different things.

 

[HiddenLacey]

You're talking about what you want. The question is about him doing whatever kinky thing he wants to you. How does he get it from you? Do you want him to just use try to read if you also want what he wants and use force and read your reactions and stop when he thinks you want him to? Or do you want him to talk to you about whatever kinks he wants from you before engaging you?

If he has a kink he wants to fulfill with you, how does he do it? Let's say, he wants rough face-fucking. How does he get it?

I wish I could edit my post because I don't mean "let's sit down and talk about it" like it's some serious boring conversation. I NEVER MEAN THAT.

I'm talking about saying in a really sexy voice to your lover exactly what you want to do in such a sexy way that he can't wait to do it with you, like, "I really want you to grab me by the hair when I blow you and show me how you want me to move my head up and down your cock and tell me what to do. I want you to thrust your hips and fuck my mouth and come down my throat." If he doesn't want to do it by the time you've finished talking about it, then you aren't talking about sex the right way!

That's how I felt about it too. I wanted to go back and edit and I couldn't. I never meant to say I expect the guy to flat out ask me a list of stuff. I just meant I thought we would talk about it.

And to answer the specific question is that he has never asked me to do anything like that. If he wants something I guess he's always kind of guided me. If he pumps his hips faster I do it faster etc. He's never asked me to do anything.

 

[petite]

Through a lot of non-verbal communication along the lines of what dolfette describes. And a little bit of role-playing where we explore different things.

How do you do role playing if you don't talk about it? How do each of you know what roles you want to play and what the scenario is?

 

[Enid]

How do you do role playing if you don't talk about it? How do each of you know what roles you want to play and what the scenario is?

Oh we do talk about things. Just not all the time, and there's a lot of non-verbal communication between us. We know each other very well I suppose and it just works well for us.

 

[petite]

That's how I felt about it too. I wanted to go back and edit and I couldn't. I never meant to say I expect the guy to flat out ask me a list of stuff. I just meant I thought we would talk about it.

And to answer the specific question is that he has never asked me to do anything like that. If he wants something I guess he's always kind of guided me. If he pumps his hips faster I do it faster etc. He's never asked me to do anything.

I have flat out asked him a list of stuff, like "Would you do this? How about this? Really? You would? I never thought you'd say that..." Those conversations are a lot of fun!

He asks me to change positions but that's about all. I'll ask him to speed up, or slow down, or do certain "moves." I'll also ask him to tell me what to do, but he won't unless I ask him to!

 

[petite]

Oh we do talk about things. Just not all the time, and there's a lot of non-verbal communication between us. We know each other very well I suppose and it just works well for us.

So you would advise men to not ask their partners if they want to do something kinky involving force and that women want them to just try it out on them?

I mean, Dolfette has Aspergers, which makes her particularly non-verbal, but I don't think it's a good idea for either men or women to rely on not talking about what you want in bed in order to get what you want in bed.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I have flat out asked him a list of stuff, like "Would you do this? How about this? Really? You would? I never thought you'd say that..." Those conversations are a lot of fun!

He asks me to change positions but that's about all. I'll ask him to speed up, or slow down, or do certain "moves." I'll also ask him to tell me what to do, but he won't unless I ask him to!

I guess I'm rather embarassed to ask I tried I did. I'm still trying. I beat around the bush a lot:biggrin1:

 

[petite]

I guess I'm rather embarassed to ask I tried I did. I'm still trying. I beat around the bush a lot:biggrin1:

I don't think there are many things left for us to talk about! I haven't asked him about electricity or knife play or blood play, but mostly because my kink level isn't up there yet. I'm anti-pain! We haven't talked about things that gross me out. Why bother?

What do you mean you "beat around the bush"?

 

[Enid]

So you would advise men to not ask their partners if they want to do something kinky involving force and that women want them to just try it out on them?

Oh no I'm not saying that at all. In my particular situation, I like that we don't have to talk about it much (the exchange of power during sex) because we know each other well.

People should do whatever works for them. Some folks might like to get things hammered out beforehand, that's great, some are going to respond more organically and not need many words to express certain things. Everyone's different.

 

[petite]

Oh no I'm not saying that at all. In my particular situation, I like that we don't have to talk about it much (the exchange of power during sex) because we know each other well.

People should do whatever works for them.

This topic is to answer for the men of LPSG whether women want men to use their masculinity, large penises, and natural dominance to take control of the situation, and reading our body language, use force when they feel it's appropriate, because talking about it would kill the mood.

I cried, "Foul! Bad idea! You need to discuss it before using force during sex!" and they insisted that many other women want what they were advocating. So I asked the question of the women of LPSG, where it was quickly misinterpreted.

I'm a little disturbed that the overall answer seems to be "Yes, the women of LPSG just want guys to use force at their own discretion without discussing it with their sexual partners beforehand."

Is it just me or does this seem like it's going to cause dozens of sexual assault cases?

 

[dolfette]

I mean, Dolfette has Aspergers, which makes her particularly non-verbal, but I don't think it's a good idea for either men or women to rely on not talking about what you want in bed in order to get what you want in bed.

aspergers is just a label for a set of characteristics.
lots of people best communicate sexually through non verbal means.
there's no good idea or bad idea if it works for the two individuals involved, whether you think there is or not.
those who do communicate that way may not do well with those who don't...but so what? there are lots of areas where people might be sexually incompatible. incompatibility happens.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I don't think there are many things left for us to talk about! I haven't asked him about electricity or knife play or blood play, but mostly because my kink level isn't up there yet. I'm anti-pain! We haven't talked about things that gross me out. Why bother?

What do you mean you "beat around the bush"?

90% of my "fun" reading material has turned into bdsm and erotica and he see's it he's read it over my shoulder and asked me why I read it. And I say because I like it and I'm interested in it. I briefly said something about being tied up, and as I said I've bought plugs and things and said I want to try them. Pretty much I've gotten no response. So I feel kind of torn wondering is he not interested in these things or am I going to have to write it all down and read it out loud to him. I would never be interested in blood, scat, necro, underage, babyplay. Other than those things I think I'd try just about anything.

 

[Enid]

This topic is to answer for the men of LPSG whether women want men to use their masculinity, large penises, and natural dominance to take control of the situation, and reading our body language, use force when they feel it's appropriate, because talking about it would kill the mood.

I do not know how many other women feel the way that I do. How do you feel about it? Do you disagree?

Ok maybe I misunderstood, I was trying to answer the question above. My answer is that yes I do disagree to a certain extent for me personally. Talking about it too much takes away some of it for me. I want him to just do it. I can only speak for myself though.

 

[petite]

aspergers is just a label for a set of characteristics.
lots of people best communicate sexually through non verbal means.
there's no good idea or bad idea if it works for the two individuals involved, whether you think there is or not.
those who do communicate that way may not do well with those who don't...but so what? there are lots of areas where people might be sexually incompatible. incompatibility happens.

I think communicating non-verbally is fine except when you reach a point in your sexual relationship where one person could possibly go to jail over a miscommunication. When you cross over the line to using physical force during sex, then I think you may need to use your mouth to discuss levels of consent, just to make sure nothing is unclear or misinterpreted.

If only for men to protect themselves, I think they should insist on talking about it beforehand in those circumstances.

 

[HiddenLacey]

This topic is to answer for the men of LPSG whether women want men to use their masculinity, large penises, and natural dominance to take control of the situation, and reading our body language, use force when they feel it's appropriate, because talking about it would kill the mood.

I cried, "Foul! Bad idea! You need to discuss it before using force during sex!" and they insisted that many other women want what they were advocating. So I asked the question of the women of LPSG, where it was quickly misinterpreted.

I'm a little disturbed that the overall answer seems to be "Yes, the women of LPSG just want guys to use force at their own discretion without discussing it with their sexual partners beforehand."

Is it just me or does this seem like it's going to cause dozens of sexual assault cases?

Hmm I think theres a difference in between sexual assault and someone trying something. I no how to say stop. If I say it repeatedly we have a problem.

 

[petite]

Ok maybe I misunderstood, I was trying to answer the question above. My answer is that yes I do disagree to a certain extent for me personally. Talking about it too much takes away some of it for me. I want him to just do it. I can only speak for myself though.

I didn't mean, how you do feel about your boyfriend that you're now really comfortable with and who knows you well enough now that he no longer needs to discuss things with you, what should he do when it comes to force during sex? That's not what the thread was about.

I meant, how do you feel about whether men should talk to the women they're going to have sex with before they use force in a sexual context for the very first time, or do women really do want men to not talk about it so that it doesn't kill the mood and just go all alpha male decision maker with the reading of her body language in order to fulfill his kink of using force during sex?

 

[dolfette]

I think communicating non-verbally is fine except when you reach a point in your sexual relationship where one person could possibly go to jail over a miscommunication. When you cross over the line to using physical force during sex, then I think you may need to use your mouth to discuss levels of consent, just to make sure nothing is unclear or misinterpreted.

If only for men to protect themselves, I think they should insist on talking about it beforehand in those circumstances.

so you're just insisting that your chosen mode of communication is superior to mine, despite the fact that it has served me well and without major misunderstanding for decades?

no comment.

 

[petite]

Hmm I think theres a difference in between sexual assault and someone trying something. I no how to say stop. If I say it repeatedly we have a problem.

You're talking about you and your bf? This is advice for the men of LPSG. What do you think they should do with whatever women they're having sex with?

 

[petite]

so you're just insisting that your chosen mode of communication is superior to mine, despite the fact that it has served me well and without major misunderstanding for decades?

no comment.

No, not at all! It's not superior at all! I wasn't talking about you. All these guys aren't going to be having sex with you.

I trust you that it works for you and if the guys were actually only going to be having sex with you, then I'd say, non-verbal works, no matter the level of violence!

I was talking about what I think men should do in this situation, where they're going to be having sex with someone who may not be like you. I wouldn't say, well Dolfette is good at non-verbal communication, so I trust that anyone else would be, so don't worry about talking to the woman you're going to have sex with in this situation because if she's good at it, so you should assume everyone else is also.

That's sort of like saying, well Enid's never told a lie, so trust everyone else not to lie because Enid doesn't. That doesn't work. It's no slander on Enid, it just doesn't work as universal advice because there are a few exceptions, especially when really bad things could result from just not being more cautious.

 

[HiddenLacey]

You're talking about you and your bf? This is advice for the men of LPSG. What do you think they should do with whatever women they're having sex with?

I think for the men of LPSG if they are worried about what she thinks ask her. Or if you try it STOP if she says stop.