won't eat "in public"

D_Sandy_Krautch

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I've talked to doctors... and to trainers, nutritionists, weight loss specialists, holistic medicine practitioners... How many of those have you consulted about weight loss? :) I know these things. One might be inclined to assume that I know a bit more firsthand than someone who hasn't lost weight before. Eating *too* little definitely has a negative effect (which I mentioned in my post, in case you hadn't noticed). Tracking your caloric intake to ensure that you're at a certain caloric deficit does *not* have "very limited effects". Wrong. Dead wrong. Any reputable medical weight loss program calculates your BMR and restricts calories. Being obese (which he said she is) means you have enough of a weight problem to warrant a diet PLAN (generally involving calorie restriction, assuming it's not a fad). He's not talking about losing ten pounds. That, absolutely, can be done with exercise. As for whether or not they change their life style... completely irrelevant. People who join a gym to lose weight seldom change their lifestyle either. So, sorry... but nope. Exercise is important for health, but not the primary way to lose a large amount of weight. The amount of calories burned in comparison to the amount of calories that most obese Americans consume is ridiculous. You have to burn 3500 calories to lose a single pound. Assuming she's... 50 pounds overweight, that's 175,000 calories to burn. Assuming she can burn 1000 calories per hour (which... is a fucking lot) it will take her 175 hours of working out to lose that 50 pounds if she never consumes more calories than her body is burning in a day. Obviously, if she was burning everything she ate, she wouldn't be obese. Sorry fella, but your logic is majorly flawed. People who rely on physical activity to lose large amounts of weight almost always get frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, and ultimately give up. Those are the people that fitness clubs rely on. The ones who join with great intentions, work their asses off, make no progress, and quit. I see it happening every single day at the gym. All the New Years resolutioners are falling off like fleas right now. They're sick of putting forth the effort to lose and regain the same 5 fucking pounds every other week.

As for my muscle gain... wrong again. I didn't lose any muscle by not moving... I'd been sedentary my entire life. I gained muscle through proper nutrition and dedication. Again, eat for losses, train for gains.

Actually, scratch that. I dunno what I'm talking about. You're absolutely right. You've clearly been there and done that, what with you never having been overweight and all :) Kudos to you, sir. :rolleyes:
 

Tattooed Goddess

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She doesn't want to eat in front of others because she knows her eating habits are probably frowned upon and will be criticized if not outwardly, atleast inwardly, by others. She'd rather hide it and have people presume she's eating healthier things than what she really is. It's avoidance.

I am overweight and I'd rather just have a good relationship with food in general and enjoy what my body thinks sounds good. Eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full and enjoy life. Eating is a huge part of life and social aspects. If someone thinks "Wow, that chick just ate a huge portion of Chile con Queso" and they happen to notice in any way, good for them. Now you know why I'm chubby. Fuck you, it's not your business. Big deal, so what. I was sick before I ever gained weight and I'm lucky to be alive for other reasons. I'm going to enjoy it and no one is going to make me feel bad for doing so. She needs to either adopt the same attitude if she has no plan in making drastic changes or stop making it everyone elses problem by being so ashamed of it. There are plenty of excuses here for why she doesn't do more to lose it. Stay with her or don't but don't set out trying to change her. Just move on if it's that bothersome. It's not your job.

I had a horrible relationship with food for the first 25 years of my life. I had people constantly pointing out how little I ate and think I was anorexic (even though I never worked out) or bullemic (even though I hate to throw up and never would do that on purpose) and now that I'm heavier I am atleast getting some nutrition for my body as a whole. I feel better for it and I'm not stopping any habit to please anyone. I have to want to do it for me and for reasons that outweigh the current benefits. Right now preserving any cartilige I have in my joints due to some of the health issues I have which were not caused by weight but aggravated because of it is my priority. Not having a small waistline.

Thin people who used to be overweight never say "I did it for my boyfriend, isn't it great" she has to want those benefits....even if the benefits are just having other women envy her or men notice her. Whatever those benefits are- they have to be the reward that outweighs the risk. Ya know?

I've been at my heaviest in the last 6 years and you know what? This is the first time in 6 years I haven't had chipped teeth that needed fixing, no cavities at all on top of that for the first time and no broken bones! I am finally getting on top of things healthwise and I eat some of the fattiest and richest foods of anyone I know- finally. I go to bed happy for it too!

Am I trying to promote obesity...not at all. I'm trying to promote not living for other people.
 
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spoon

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She doesn't want to eat in front of others because she knows her eating habits are probably frowned upon and will be criticized if not outwardly, atleast inwardly, by others. She'd rather hide it and have people presume she's eating healthier things than what she really is. It's avoidance.

I am overweight and I'd rather just have a good relationship with food in general and enjoy what my body thinks sounds good. Eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full and enjoy life. Eating is a huge part of life and social aspects. If someone thinks "Wow, that chick just ate a huge portion of Chile con Queso" and they happen to notice in any way, good for them. Now you know why I'm chubby. Fuck you, it's not your business. Big deal, so what. I was sick before I ever gained weight and I'm lucky to be alive for other reasons. I'm going to enjoy it and no one is going to make me feel bad for doing so. She needs to either adopt the same attitude if she has no plan in making drastic changes or stop making it everyone elses problem by being so ashamed of it. There are plenty of excuses here for why she doesn't do more to lose it. Stay with her or don't but don't set out trying to change her. Just move on if it's that bothersome. It's not your job.

I had a horrible relationship with food for the first 25 years of my life. I had people constantly pointing out how little I ate and think I was anorexic (even though I never worked out) or bullemic (even though I hate to throw up and never would do that on purpose) and now that I'm heavier I am atleast getting some nutrition for my body as a whole. I feel better for it and I'm not stopping any habit to please anyone. I have to want to do it for me and for reasons that outweigh the current benefits. Right now preserving any cartilige I have in my joints due to some of the health issues I have which were not caused by weight but aggravated because of it is my priority. Not having a small waistline.

Thin people who used to be overweight never say "I did it for my boyfriend, isn't it great" she has to want those benefits....even if the benefits are just having other women envy her or men notice her. Whatever those benefits are- they have to be the reward that outweighs the risk. Ya know?

I've been at my heaviest in the last 6 years and you know what? This is the first time in 6 years I haven't had chipped teeth that needed fixing, no cavities at all on top of that for the first time and no broken bones! I am finally getting on top of things healthwise and I eat some of the fattiest and richest foods of anyone I know- finally. I go to bed happy for it too!

Am I trying to promote obesity...not at all. I'm trying to promote not living for other people.


hey ms. rouge,

i don't look at your pictures and see "chubby, fat, overweight" or whatever you want to call it. i see a really cute woman with spectacular boobies.
 

Kotchanski

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I've only skimmed one or two replies, because frankly, the one I was reading pissed me off so I'll ignore that and just tell you how it is for me.

Yes, today, right now at this very moment I am overweight and yes, at times it has caused me some emotional issues, but I lost 3 stone in a matter of 4 months last year, so quite frankly, I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about me or my weight right now :biggrin1:

I have never been comfortable eating in public, not when I was below my ideal weight, not when I was my ideal weight and not when I was over it. It isn't just places like picnics, it's restaurants, pubs, a quick sandwich in town, my own home with friends or family over, everywhere. It makes no difference what I'm eating either, I can't eat a bag of crisps, a salad or a burger or anything else.

There are 8 people in the entire world I am comfortable eating in front of, 5 of which I'm related to and am only comfortable eating in front of them because I had no choice but to get used to it or starve.

For me, it is a collection of issues that really don't mix well together...

I'm a very slow eater, always have been.
I hate being the last one eating, I feel like I'm holding everyone up.
I hate nothing more than to keep people waiting, for anything.
The sound of other people eating makes me want to hurt them.
People eating with their mouths even the slightest bit open, or making any form of slurpy noise makes me gag... Not a good look in a restaurant!

My issues don't stop there though...

I can't eat at a buffet, or any other form of group eating thing where other people may have had contact with the food, the thought alone is enough to make me throw up.

I can't touch food with my hands, so while everyone else is picking up that burger or whatever, I have to cut it up and use a fork... It gets stares, and being stared at makes me very aggressive.

It isn't always possible to avoid though, and those times when I can't are very stressful for me. I do what I can to eat before I go out, or leave it until I get home to minimize the need to eat while I'm out. I also make sure I sit with my back to those I'm not eating with. I try to ensure the place I'm eating at either has ample room between tables or play some form of music while I'm there so that I can't hear people eating. I always call in advance to ensure they have no special nights on that may involve some form of buffet... The list goes on.
 

camer999

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Calories out has to be> Calories in, find out her metabolic rate (estimated), there are several sites for that. Then, have her go 500 calories under that everyday so she will lose a pound a week+ proper exercise..
 

twoton

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Nope, doesn't work for her. Based on the formulas she'd be losing lots of weight, and she's not.

She realizes a lot of it comes down to willpower.
 

twoton

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I had a horrible relationship with food for the first 25 years of my life. I had people constantly pointing out how little I ate and think I was anorexic (even though I never worked out) or bullemic (even though I hate to throw up and never would do that on purpose) and now that I'm heavier I am atleast getting some nutrition for my body as a whole.

She essentially grew up with food as a comfort mechanism. And her sister was hospitalized for anorexia, while she herself was a self-diagnosed bullemic for a while. She was able to keep the weight off when she was younger by exercising for 2+ hours a day and living on salads and fruit with the occasional binge.



I've been at my heaviest in the last 6 years and you know what? This is the first time in 6 years I haven't had chipped teeth that needed fixing, no cavities at all on top of that for the first time and no broken bones! I am finally getting on top of things healthwise and I eat some of the fattiest and richest foods of anyone I know- finally. I go to bed happy for it too!

Am I trying to promote obesity...not at all. I'm trying to promote not living for other people.

I wholeheartedly agree that the person has to do it for her/his own reasons. And I don't mean to say anything, but I think you look great. Were the tooth problems related to diet?
 

D_Yaz_N_Deed

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I'm embarrassed to say that I used to be like that too. I was never REALLY fat but I just wasn't happy with my appearance. I would even turn away from my gf to eat. I'm just glad I'm not anywhere near the person I used to be.
 

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Physical health and happiness are important. But so are psychological, spiritual, and social health and happiness. The trick is to balance your life. If she isn't bothered by her issues, then the problem is everyone else's. But if she is, then that's a signal that she needs to rebalance her life toward health in the area causing her discomfort.

You've had a lot of good advice. Does any of it ring true for you and her as something with which you can realistically help her? I hope so.
 

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As this thread get longer the more I realize the problems (if there are any) are beyond our control, beyond the poster's control and are much bigger and rooted in something deeper than we can possibly tap into on a Penis Website i'm afraid.

Each post that gets added about this woman throws another spin on the issue. It's something she needs to help herself about or call in someone she trusts to help her through it. In the end, she still might not eat in front of others. If she's overweight- atleast she is eating.
 

camer999

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Nope, doesn't work for her. Based on the formulas she'd be losing lots of weight, and she's not.

She realizes a lot of it comes down to willpower.
Are you sure she isn't having a good week, and then decides to treat her self to a large amount of calories in one day. Was she really counting every calorie?
Tell her to write down everything she eats...Then see, because even little snacking here and there can add up quickly.
 

dolfette

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many of the overweight people i know all vastly underestimate how much they eat. my sister forgets that the extra slices of hame were popped into her mouth as she made the sandwich, that she ate the cookies her son left on the plate.
as someone said, if the calories going in are less than those you burn in a day you'll lose weight.
 

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One time she was really, really angry with me for breaking a date to go hang out with one of my buddies. As she expressed her displeasure verbally, she made and ate an entire batch of no-bake brownies. Later I mentioned the brownie episode, and she claimed to have no memory of making and eating the brownies. It was just an automatic way to deal with stress.

I used to be an emotional binge eater too. I read some books by Geneen Roth, which really helped. I particularly recommend Breaking Free from Emotional Eating and When Food is Love.
 

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i mentioned weight watchers. one of the things they talk about in meetings is the mindfull eating. ******my sister forgets that the extra slices of hame were popped into her mouth as she made the sandwich, that she ate the cookies her son left on the plate.****** this is common. plus, the discussions on emotional eating.
 

hud01

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Thanks, Mumzi. We go on walks together once in a while, but not very often. She's a good swimmer, but can't find the time to get to the pool.

We both know there is no easy way to do it, but she is convinced the easy answer is: eat less. She just can't stick to it. Cutting calories leads to headaches, bad mood, etc.
Last year I lost 20 pounds in about 2 and a half months. I was hungry most of the time, but I had made a goal to lose the weight, so I did. I cut the amount of soup for lunch in half, I made a half sandwich instead of a whole one. I cut my dinner in half. I took supplements to make sure I got all the vitamins and other nutrients I needed. I eventually lost 26 pounds, which was below my goal to give me room to gain again. Right now I am 19 pounds under where I was. I want to lose 3 pounds to get to my ideal weight, but I don't worry, as I know I can lose that in 1-2 weeks.

And yes treadmill for 20-30 minutes 5 days a week, as well as weights 3 times a week. So I actually lost more fat and gained muscle too.

She has to want it. The lap band is the easy way out, she is not exercising discipline, the band is doing it for her. If she really wants it she would not get mad at you for bringing it up. There is definitely guilt on her part because she is so defensive.

Good luck, be supportive and hopefully one day things will work out.

Edit: I was consuming about 1,100 calories a day
 
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camer999

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Last year I lost 20 pounds in about 2 and a half months. I was hungry most of the time, but I had made a goal to lose the weight, so I did. I cut the amount of soup for lunch in half, I made a half sandwich instead of a whole one. I cut my dinner in half. I took supplements to make sure I got all the vitamins and other nutrients I needed. I eventually lost 26 pounds, which was below my goal to give me room to gain again. Right now I am 19 pounds under where I was. I want to lose 3 pounds to get to my ideal weight, but I don't worry, as I know I can lose that in 1-2 weeks.

And yes treadmill for 20-30 minutes 5 days a week, as well as weights 3 times a week. So I actually lost more fat and gained muscle too.

She has to want it. The lap band is the easy way out, she is not exercising discipline, the band is doing it for her. If she really wants it she would not get mad at you for bringing it up. There is definitely guilt on her part because she is so defensive.

Good luck, be supportive and hopefully one day things will work out.

Edit: I was consuming about 1,100 calories a day
Lol I'd feel like dying, I lift weights consistently and cut fat when I want to get lean at 2200 cals, and I am still hungry.
 

hud01

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Lol I'd feel like dying, I lift weights consistently and cut fat when I want to get lean at 2200 cals, and I am still hungry.
I was at around 2500 calories, so it was needed. I hadn't exercised in a couple of years...so I was not burning calories. If you step down gradually it is easier. Things like going from whole milk to 2%, then a year later, 1% and then a year later skim. Cut things out gradually. I read all the labels to see how many calories. Some things you think have many calories don't and some you think don't, do. Fast food, maybe three or four times a year, and when I do, I don't get the big sandwich, I get the medium size one with small fries.

No desserts.....