Won't take NO for an answer?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by killerb, Jan 24, 2009.

  1. killerb

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    I have a friend that I've known for many years. He's gay, and in the closet. He has convinced himself that deep down inside I want to have sex with him, but it's not true. I've told him several times in no uncertains terms that sex btw us will never happen and we will never be anything more than just friends. The sad part is, he refuses to believe it.

    Have any of you had a similar experience? How did you handle it?
     
  2. D_Brecock Evileye

    D_Brecock Evileye New Member

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    I just laugh it off, but then, it has never been a close friend that I see all the time.
     
  3. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    over the years I have been friends with a few gay men. only one was very persistent about sex with me. after several months of his pestering, and a few vocal scenes in public. I again told him, that I was straight, and that if I was gay, I would not want to fuck his fat ass. I had to hurt him to make him stop, but that did it.

    I worked with a gay guy and we had fun after work, hanging out in the bar. He never made a move on me, because he knew I was straight. I was newly married, the wife liked him. In fact, couple times a week, we would leave the bar, get pizza, and head to our place, watch the tube and drink more beer. more than once, the wife & I left our guest for a quickie. He never seemed to mind. I do know that he dated some older gals that I expected were call girls on the side. One in particular liked him a lot, and she would meet us at the bar, and come over to my house for pizza & beer. She asked me one night if I knew he was gay(yes) and if he had said he liked her(as a friend). She told me she groped him one night, really needing to be fucked, and he has a big cock. She kinda bummed out and gave up after awhile. Then he started coming in the bar with another gay guy, and some patrons who do not know, freaked out.
     
  4. invisibleman

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    He is isolated and doesn't know any better. He is attracted to and is transposing his desires to yours and is thinking that you are gay. He needs to get out and meet people.

    Well, get him to a gay support group. He needs gay friends. Better yet, invite him to get-together with a lot of gay friends.

    Maybe, he needs to be without your friendship for a while.
     
  5. CUBE

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    oh hell. just let him give you a blow job and get it out of his system
     
  6. exwhyzee

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    I agree. Sounds like he is more interested in his own agenda rather than yours. If he is a bother, then he is not a friend.
     
  7. Steve26

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    It sounds like an imbalanced and unsustainable friendship, where you value him as a person and he values you as a body.

    IMO you've been more than generous with him by putting up with this for as long as you have. I'm a patient person, but I would've started distancing myself from him long ago.

    Steve
     
  8. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Friends don't pressure friends. Friends respect their friend's boundaries.

    If you told him "no" several times, and he still refuses to believe it, I suggest you either sit down and have a chat with him, or let him go.
     
  9. NCbear

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    I had a pursuer like that once--she was an extremely depressed and psychologically unstable and immature woman who decided that she'd latch onto me as her new "best friend."

    I was kind to her, and I shouldn't have been. I should have nipped it in the bud.

    Instead, it took seven years to find a way to convince her that we were not friends, that her need to be "best friends" with me was hers alone, and that she needed to get away from me.

    I finally had to tell her bluntly that I'd always thought she was crazy, right from the outset, and that nothing I'd seen in the intervening seven years had caused me to change my opinion.

    She got the message.

    NCbear (who's only cruel these days when he has to be)
     
  10. Sklar

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    Make your life easier and stress free.

    Ditch him and tell him not to contact you again.

    Sklar
     
  11. Waruiko_ne

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    He may need help. People have a tendency to perceive something that never existed. Take a break from him for a couple of months to show him that you're serious about where you stand.
     
  12. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

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    If being harsh hasn't worked, nothing will. Just be careful - being on his good side might be safer than estranging him and getting on his bad side right?
     
  13. 8060

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    There was someone that wanted to sleep with me and I wasn't interested at all. It's a hard road to travel. I tried to be polite in the beginning but his persistence is what sent me over the edge. In the end of his fight for me, I had to curse him out in the presence of other people to make my point really heard by him. Sometimes things are necessary even when they're undesireable.

    My advice to you is that your determination to 'drop' him out of your life needs to be stronger than his 'determination' to get you out of your clothes. Make a decision. Be firm and don't falter.

    Good luck.
     
  14. LongandBigSub

    LongandBigSub New Member

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    I agree with a lot of the posters that if a friend can't "No" as a hint than it's time to evalute the friendship.

    I had an ex that I dated, and tried to stay friends with, but when we saw each other, I always pushed sex on him. Eventually he just lost contact me. Now I can see where he was coming from, I was pushing his boundaries.

    I guess where I'm getting at is you have to be selfish on what feels better to you, and if it feels better to not speak to someone, because they might jump your bones, that I think you should not speak to them.

    Your friend has a life of his own, and he can manage without you, if worse came to worse.
     
  15. rbkwp

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    Never had any experience with such kb
    but sure sympathize with you
    -persistent devil-
    anyway my suggestion
    (fr what its worth)
    Give him the SILENT treatment
    Just shake yr head'..as in sideways
    forget the decent communication with him?
    he MAY get the inference/picture..??
    enz
    up to him to eventually come around .. and maintain the friendship'
     
  16. killerb

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    I don't know many other gay guys, but I have suggested that he find someone he can really have...and I have considered ending the relationship...

    bad idea...I'd NEVER be rid if him then...

    I think you are exactly correct

    I'm not afraid of him at all...he wouldn't get too far out of hand...he has too much to lose (in his eyes)

    thanks everyone for your input...looks like I'm gonna have to give him the boot...

    I've dropped him before, I can do it again...
    it just sucks that I have to...
     
  17. BiItalianBro

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    thanks everyone for your input...looks like I'm gonna have to give him the boot...

    I've dropped him before, I can do it again...
    it just sucks that I have to...[/quote]

    Yea, it sucks but if he does not respect you enough to respect your boundries then 'adios muthafukka" is the nuclear option. Going thru the same thing....slightly different circumstances...so i feel ya :confused:
     
  18. killerb

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    Yea, it sucks but if he does not respect you enough to respect your boundries then 'adios muthafukka" is the nuclear option. Going thru the same thing....slightly different circumstances...so i feel ya :confused:[/quote]

    it sucks because otherwise, he's a cool guy...we have good conversations & we have a good time on the rare occasions we hang out...

    but I realize I have to shut him out because he just tried it again last night & I'm over it...I had already stopped going over his house, but now I won't even take his phone calls or answer his text messages...

    good luck w/ your situation! :fing02:
     
  19. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Fuck him.
     
  20. killerb

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    is that "fuck him" as in "forget that asshole ever lived" or "fuck him" as in "actually fuck him"? :laughing:
     
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