Word Salad

[joyboytoy79]

The goal here is to show off your vocabulary. How pretentious can you make an ordinary sentence sound, without actually changing its meaning?

How to play: The poster will read an "ordinary sentence" left by the last poster to the thread. He/she will then contrive a new sentence, replete with colourful vocabulary, that means EXACTLY the same thing as the original sentence. He/she will then author his/her own "ordinary sentence" for the next poster to glorify with grandiloquence.

EXAMPLE:
<ordinary sentence> She went to town to buy milk.

<word salad interpretation> She sauntered to the local municipality intent on procuring mammary secretions in exchange for financial tender.

Be creative!

I'll start:

Mary always goes to church on sunday.

 

[BlackCock85]

Mary habitually traveles to the place of worship on the sabbath day.



I want to buy a new 2007 Toyota Camry SE V6

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

Mary habitually traveles to the place of worship on the sabbath day.



I want to buy a new 2007 Toyota Camry SE V6

Egoistic as always, I, I, I, I am wont to purchase a pristine mechanical device of conveyance of Sino-American origin with a dubious etymology and an enlarged system of six pistons that thrust vigorously with synchronicity, ever calibrated with the impulses of the well-shod appendage rhythmically pumping the pedal of power, legislated limitations of acceleration notwithstanding.


It was dark and stormy night.

 

[B_Stronzo]

It was dark and stormy night.

'Twas nearly dawn yet the relentless tempest insisted the tireless waves pound their angry wrath mercilessly against the helpless and butchered shoreline.

****************************


John fucked Suzie's pussy.

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

'Twas nearly dawn yet the relentless tempest insisted the tireless waves pound their angry wrath mercilessly against the helpless and butchered shoreline.

****************************


John fucked Suzie's pussy.

His manhood erect and twitching in anticipation, John deftly impaled Suzie's orifice of amour located in the nether regions of her lithe and supple body quivering in expectation of being violated by the quintessence of the X chromosome.


Greed is good.

 

[B_Stronzo]

Greed is good.

A wanton avarice coupled with unbridled cupidity successfully placates the human covetousness for virtue.



Wash the dishes fuckhead.

 

[B_Stronzo]

"I decorated my hallway today"

It fell upon me in an idle moment to gaily adorn the vestibule this forenoon.

 

[Pecker]

Wash the dishes fuckhead.

Laggardly lave the Limoges, loser.

 

[B_Stronzo]

New sentence:

Simply Simon met a pieman.

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

New sentence:

Simply Simon met a pieman.

The mentally challenged offspring named for his fundamentalist parents' favorite biblical character encountered a personage whose profession involved getting intimate with lard, flour, and mascerated fruits.


I came, I saw, I conquered.

 

[Pecker]

I came, I saw, I conquered.

Your humble servant arrived looking for Caesar salad, woefully observed the inadequacy of the menu then, my short temper getting the best of me, bought the poor excuse for a restaurant and promptly fired the chef.

Next:

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

 

[joyboytoy79]

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

This Gentleman is indubitably not corpulent, rather he is a male with whom i share either maternal or paternal ties, or possibly both.


How now, brown cow?

 

[B_Stronzo]

How now, brown cow?

Fare thee well, oh buff colored bovine?



He pissed his pants.

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

Fare thee well, oh buff colored bovine?



He pissed his pants.

Golden showers adorned his trousers.


Those were the days, my friend.

 

[Alex Chambers]

When I was a kid in school we called these sesquipedalian sentences. The word means to make use of needlessly long words, and so doesn't really seem appropriate in this context, as we seem to be aiming less for long words and more for just more of them. But this makes for a fun read nevertheless. I take my hat off to Stronzo--the guy must be a student of Shakespeare or a literature professor 'cause he kicks ASS at this.:notworthy:

 

[B_Stronzo]

Those were the days, my friend.

What times these by ancient diurnal course from dawn-to-dark, kindred and intimate souls were we.



Get your feet off the furniture!

 

[Pecker]

What times these by ancient diurnal course from dawn-to-dark, kindred and intimate souls were we.



Get your feet off the furniture!

Remove thy pediments from the long, upholstered seating device.


Bounty is the quicker picker upper.

 

[B_Stronzo]

Bounty is the quicker picker upper.

Despite rumours to the contrary His Majesty's Armed Vessel (synonymous with 'Plenty') claims the singular distinction of an historical whirlwind retracing of a circuitous route to retrieve Tahitian spouses whose grassy skirts oft be found above their heads at near-lightning speed.





How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

 

[joyboytoy79]

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

What quantities of fibrous, harded rings of secondary plant growth might be casually lobbed by any member of the species Marmota monax; if, indeed Marmota monax were able to thoughtlessly toss pieces of fibrous, harded rings of secondary plant growth about?



Excuse me, do you have the time, sir?

 

[D_Don_D_Crapper]

Excuse me, do you have the time, sir?[/quote]

Firstly, may I offer my most profound appologies as to the possible impediment of your current superfluities by the expostulation of the following enquiry; that is to say, are you currently (and therefore, coincidentally, continually) secure in the knowledge of the precise develpment of the sundial's arc, and, if so, would you impart said information to a fellow such as I, my gentle sire?

Whoops, I've dropped my baby down the stairs!