Worried about always being single

zaynmlk1626

Worshipped Member
Joined
Jul 31, 2017
Posts
2,670
Media
0
Likes
17,691
Points
333
Location
Thessaloniki (Central Macedonia, Greece)
Gender
Male
i knew i was gay since i was quite young and i just realised that now that i am 28 i never had an actual relationship with a guy. i am worried something is wrong with me. it's not that intentionally i never wanted to have a relationship, on the contrary i wanted a relationship since i was very young. i'm not the one night stand type of guy, even though i tried it when i was younger but it's not something that makes me feel ok. i was very much in love when i was 21 with a guy, who actually liked me and we did date and had my first gay sex. i thought we were in a relationship as a ''young and stupid guy i was'' but apparently, a few months later he dumped me for someone else, which broke my heart. For a couple of years i did not feel ready to meet someone else, even though i met some guys on grindr etc and did some one night stands, but this led to nothing.

3 years later i met another guy on facebook, he was really nice, we did actually had very much in common and i thought this is it. he will be my boyfriend. we did date for about 6 months but never said that we ''are in a relationship'' but we did everything people do in actual romantic relationships. i did fall in love with him at some point and i was very happy, i couldn't believe how perfect this guy for me was... until he also left me for someone else.. this really depressed me, in fact it's been 4 years since then and i still can not forget him.

I did try to date other people after him but most of them wanted one nightstands and this is when i lost all my hope and realised, that it's really hard to find someone to be in a relationship with me, and stopped trying. What worried me is that in all these years, i only met 2 guys i actually wanted to be in a relationship with and both of them left me, i did date a few others, where it was obvious we did not match and a few others that i did like but they didn't like me back. I am trying to think about myself and about what am i doing wrong, i can not think about anything too bad i am doing that would make someone leave me, in fact i try to be as good as i can to the guys i really like, i am very kind and caring and in general i do always what i think is right and respect them. I was thinking maybe they left me because i am ugly, or they find my dick too small, or i am too short, or in general i have a flaw that they didn't like. In reality i am an average, to good looking guy, with a normal sized dick and a normal height. I can not find what's wrong with me. The point is that i always wanted to be in a relationship with someone, have fun with him, travel with him, being together to good and bad, but i don't see this ever happening to me... i am sad that i am always single and i'm sad and tired of my love life. i don't find it sad someone being single, i find it sad always being single when you don't want to be single.

my sisters are younger than me and they are getting married and have children and i was not even able to have one actual romantic relationship with someone... i feel like a loser
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • Like
Reactions: Nexolaris

Dave NoCal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 5, 2006
Posts
2,719
Media
1
Likes
2,572
Points
333
Location
Sacramento (California, United States)
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Despite progress in recent decades, gay relationships are more challenging. That said, I know long-term couples. My cousin and his partner have been in thier relationship for over thirty years and it seems certain that they will be together until one of them dies.
I do not know your culture but suggest that you get out and get to know people with whom you share interests and values. If you can find a service organization that helps the LGBT community and volunteer, that might increase the odds of meeting.
 
D

deleted1074483

Guest
Hey bud well you're certainly no loser if you have found true love with two guys previously.

You are also still young and there is time.

You need to find your passion in life and be happy with who you are and try not to have these negative thoughts as that will stop you finding someone.

Write down all your good qualities and keep reminding yourself of them.

Also as the previous poster said join some gay organisations so that you're around other gay men. Be open to dofferent types of guy too.

And finally never compare yourself or your life to others as you dont know what insecurities or issues they may have.

Good luck
 
  • Like
Reactions: zaynmlk1626

Bashful Brit

Loved Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Posts
55
Media
14
Likes
563
Points
403
Age
43
Location
Leeds (England)
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Hey Zayn, firstly as others have said, you are certainly not a loser! I also agree with Dave that gay relationships can sometimes be harder. Trust me when I say that the previous lovers you have had, it is nothing you did that made them do the things they did by ending things and seeing other people. Sadly this is just how some people act. I know it can be quite difficult to not start questioning what you did wrong but please don't continue doing this, self analysis can take your train of thought on a downward spiral.

My best advice would be to continue doing the things you enjoy, look into finding LGBT groups as suggested who have similar interests to your own, enjoy things day by day, and whilst I know it feels important to those of us who are sensitive that we find our perfect partner, try not to focus too much on the searching, life has a very strange way of throwing a curve ball our way which can be a real game changer. Work on building up a lifestyle that makes you happy and then when Mr Perfect comes along you will be able to share the life you have made with him and then continue to build the rest together!

Family and friends are what really matters, the extra part of having a committed partner will come naturally, and probably when you least expect it (I know that sounds cliche). Keep moving forwards!
 
2

223790

Guest
I agree with everyone's advice here. It's not you, it's them.

Even though I am mostly straight and married to a woman, I had my heart not only broken but absolutely shattered by another guy. If everything had gone well with him, I would probably be married to him today (gay marriage is legal where I live). For decades I though it was something I had done wrong. With age, maturity and reflection, I have come to realize that it was nothing to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with him. You can't change other people. I'm pretty sure that he's still checking up on me on LinkedIn. I get at least one anonymous view every week, but I have told myself that Hell will freeze over twice in August before I make contact with him again. I have come to realize that he's the one with issues and not me.

Enjoy your freedom and remember that you're only 28! If I were that age again, I would be out playing the field and hooking up as much as possible. I didn't get married until I was 35.
 
  • Like
Reactions: zaynmlk1626

zaynmlk1626

Worshipped Member
Joined
Jul 31, 2017
Posts
2,670
Media
0
Likes
17,691
Points
333
Location
Thessaloniki (Central Macedonia, Greece)
Gender
Male
I agree with everyone's advice here. It's not you, it's them.

Even though I am mostly straight and married to a woman, I had my heart not only broken but absolutely shattered by another guy. If everything had gone well with him, I would probably be married to him today (gay marriage is legal where I live). For decades I though it was something I had done wrong. With age, maturity and reflection, I have come to realize that it was nothing to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with him. You can't change other people. I'm pretty sure that he's still checking up on me on LinkedIn. I get at least one anonymous view every week, but I have told myself that Hell will freeze over twice in August before I make contact with him again. I have come to realize that he's the one with issues and not me.

Enjoy your freedom and remember that you're only 28! If I were that age again, I would be out playing the field and hooking up as much as possible. I didn't get married until I was 35.

that's a very interesting story, i am so sorry for what happened to you. how come did you marry a woman after that? are you feeling happy in your marriage right now? Have you ever thought about same sex relationships while being married? Did he ever try to contact you again? How long it's been since he broke your heart? Does he know you're married?

All of your advice sounds so relieving to me guys, thank you so much. I never thought that maybe it was not my fault but it was them who had issues. On the other hand i am thinking that if i was so great why would someone leave me? i have lived 7 years of my life in misery because of what i've been through. I hate spending the best years of my life not feeling ok because of them. I know i have to find someone else and move on, the thing is when i like someone he won't like me back or when someone likes me i am not that interested, i am trying to find the magic recipe when we both like each other very much, i kinda forgot how it feels to like someone and him liking me back. I do some hook ups now and then with a sex friend i have (bi guy who is really scared of his bisexuality hiding it from everyone and insists he's str8 even though he loves when i suck him off) but this is just sex, this is not what i am looking for and need.
 
W

wavejock

Guest
I have to say all this has nothing to do with being gay. Dating, being dumped happens to everyone. Ask every woman lol that is part of it. The fact that you have had boyfriends and dated shows that it is possible. They just weren't the one. The other thing is that we all feel like we are so awesome, we are so great, and why wouldn't someone want to be with me forever. But the thing is we all have flaws, we all have something others may not like that makes them pause etc. That's the way it is man. Finding someone forever is not easy and is almost luck. People find it at different times. A lot of times it happens when you arent looking for it.

Plus at 28..the fact is most guys who are 28 arent ready for a Long term. Not for anything man but all of us for the most part have had that relationship where it ends or we get dumped and we are like shit WTF is wrong with me. Its not about that. you were just not right for them. There is nothing wrong with that. It will come. But ill definitely tell you this..if you keep this attitude guys will feel it, sense it and it will make it harder. Be who you are, date, fuck, whatever..but also try to get a sense of yourself. NONE of us is perfect..which means none of us are right for everyone.
 

LilBigWang

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 3, 2013
Posts
782
Media
16
Likes
2,918
Points
363
Location
California (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
don't force it. Love sometimes happens to find you, when you least expect it. Its a cliche but its true... keep being yourself, put yourself out there. Be willing to say yes when new friends or acquaintances invite you places. try new things... things got a lot more better for me at your age and up. I'm 34 now, and could not be happier with my sex life
 

kutjebef

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 4, 2008
Posts
440
Media
7
Likes
1,226
Points
448
Location
Amsterdam
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I think it starts with talking to people that have a similar goal (in the long run): having a relationship.
Using apps like Grindr will not get you that and whilst I was in Athens so I never explored gay life there but am sure there is some sort community there.
Im now 36 recently married to my guy after 5 years and i had countless dates and 4 or 5 longer relationships before that.
It is difficult to really connect with someone on all levels and be in love and affectuated..
I can highly recommend the website/app OkCupid as I found my current husband there with a 97% matching score. If i would have met him in a bar im not sure if i would have approached him or by his ptofile pics would have reached out either. Not that he isnt attractive, on the contrary, but I can now say I was looking in the wrong direction for the wrong type of guy.
Dont get alarmed at your age... i know guys twice your age that never found it..
 
  • Like
Reactions: zaynmlk1626