Worried about having sex

[Cannibal Lecter]

So I'm in a long distance relationship right now and I'll be going back home to visit my girl in less than a week. Last time we were together (six months ago) things didn't go so well, basically I couldn't get it up. I was under a lot of stress at the moment with family, work, trying to maintain a long distance relationship etc., but this is really worrying me. She's bi and has been seeing another girl casually and frankly I need to bang the hell out of her and show her why she needs to stick with me.

To make it worse when we did have sex in the past she had a tough time taking my size. She's bi (though spent most of her life as a lesbian) and I'm the biggest guy she's ever had before. Basically last time we actually had intercourse (a year ago) we had to stop because she was bleeding and it kind of freaked me out that I had hurt her with my cock.

I'm not impotent (though I'm starting to think that I have a very low sex drive) and to make matters worse she wants me to spend forever having foreplay and eating her out to make sure she is wet enough to handle my size, and frankly this bores the hell out of me, I lose interest, and then I get soft. It makes me worried that whenever I do want to become intimate with her, that I won't be able to get it up, and that'll disappoint her and bother me even more.

It is so goddamn frustrating because to her, hey if my dick isn't rock hard it must mean I don't love her. Of course any girls she fools around with don't have this problem. Like I said, I need to give her a reason to stick around with me, and sex is a big part of that equation. Please help me here!

 

[D_Claude_Crowsfoot]

ok...so what it your question?

 

[D_Jack Hammerschitz]

You need to communicate this with her. Does she understand this? If she doesn't know this, tell her, because she has to hear it. You can't expect her to read minds. Sex is an important part of relationships. If she expects you just to spend endless hours in foreplay without any plan or thought behind it, then there is a communication break down there. Even foreplay should be mutual. Stimulation should be both ways.

So, talk to her. If you can't communicate this to her without feeling that you can express yourself, then you have to evaluate the relationship. Not to say that there are issues, but this can take a lot of time to fix.

Relationships are a two way street, and sex is part of that street.

 

[hung]

Like most relationships, this one is also a two way street. Has she gone down on you? Now, if you have problems being rock hard, she could help you while you go down on her.

I humbly suggest that you both take the time to work each other up to your full potential and then let nature take it's normal course. It can be fun. Just be ready to drop a load quickly. You should be able to regroup and go at it again. After all, you say you have not seen her in some time.

I wish you well.

 

[bek2335]

I'm not understanding why you are so intent on keeping a relationship going that is long-distance and where you are having significant sexual problems. The part where you mention you're bored going down on her is striking. Have an honest talk with yourself, and make sure that you're not pursuing this simply because you can't stand the idea that she would chose the girlfriend over you.

 

[Cannibal Lecter]

I'm intent on keeping it going because I love her. We've got a lot in common and I seriously wouldn't be keeping things going with her if I didn't want to marry her and start a family. Besides, I only see her about once every 6 months for several weeks. It is incredibly difficult keeping it going, especially since when we haven't seen each other for months we have to get used to being comfortable around each other again.

I"m not really bored going down on her and its not like I don't like it, its just that with every single other girl that I've ever had sex with I didn't have to have foreplay for like 45min before I actually penetrate her. Maybe its because she's used to being in relationships with women, or its the fact that I have a large penis, I don't know. After so long I get really bored and start to lose interest.

It has absolutely nothing to do with her choosing a girl over me. I don't want her to choose anyone over me. And lets face it, women don't really run the risk of disappointing each other by not having an erection, they don't run the risk of hurting the girl because their dick is too big, and they both already have the same erogenous zones for the most part and know what gets girls off because they already are one. I just want her to be happy, but for the sake of my own future and desire to have a family with her, I'd like her to be happy with me.

 

[countrystud27]

I kinda had this problem.. As for the soft dick problem.. I started workin out and getting into better shape and that helped like night and day.. It seems like the better shape I get in the hornier I get.. And then on top of that if that doesn't work out the way you wanted you should try a guy once.. You might me pleasantly surprized!

 

[B_houugadunor]

I have done a LTR for 4 years and it was hard work and dude, I faced the same problem you did, I would find it hard to get down and do it because of the pressure around it.

My way around it was to basically chill out, I over complicated sex and it became a big deal to me - sex is sex, it should be a fun hot experience.

In regards to eating your GF out, maybe introduce her to some lube and give that a good go, and if she is really into foreplay then why not compromise and spend 15 minutes on each other?

Also you could try introducing some toys or dressing up however resist introducing another PERSON and this could cause more problems.

Basically chill out - whatever happens, happens and remember you can always talk to your girl about this. Good luck & have fun! x

 

[teasedsilly]

Why do you think that her feelings for you fall on your sexual performance? If this is a relationship, then the sex is an expression of your desire for each other, and not the reason for the desire. Focus on what you love about her, and even what nonsexual activities you want to enjoy with her when you hook up.

Also, I know absolutely nothing about the girl, but my guess is she is talking about the sex because she's excited about it, because she wants you. Whatever you needed to do to win her over, you already did it. So there's no reason for you to be stressing about it.

 

[bek2335]

Cannibal : OK, I see what you're saying.

 

[Mr. Snakey]

Its natural to worry about having sex. You will see you are worrying about nothing. Everything will be fine.........