Worried about my little bro

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Alexanddan, Aug 19, 2009.

  1. Alexanddan

    Alexanddan New Member

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    I was just using his laptop, and on his internet home-page was a relationship forum which linked to a question he asked, it had no responses though so I spoke to him about it, and he got quite uneasy. Let me show you what he wrote.

    I told him to try and just tell him that he likes him, but he say that just in case he doesn't like him, he doesn't want to lose him as a friend.

    I am very worried about him though, cause he suffers from depression, and he told me that this person that he liked was the only reason why he was living. He has attempted suicide before. I really don't want to get external people involved, cause last time I tried, he ran away for a week, and we had to get police involved. I just wondered if anyone could help we with what I should do or say to help this issue. I am apparently the only person that he has told about this, and he asked me to keep it that way, so I won't tell my parents or anyone like that.

    P.S. I am 24 and I don't live in the same house as him either.
     
  2. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    No matter what you do you are kind of screwed on this one. You are dealing first with an individual who has some psychiatric issues with regards to his level of depression. Obviously, his issues are serious when it comes to running away or other such things. Part of his problems could relate to issues of dealing with his sexuality, and making a mistake with this kid could have dire results. In a sense you really have already tresspassed into his space by what has already been done. What you need to do is to back away and do not pressure him to perform in some given way. You also need to help him find a therapist who is capable of dealing with issues of sexual orientation without being judgmental in any manner and one who gives him support for his feelings without making him uncomfortable. If he is uncomfortable with you, pushing this issue may not be what you want to do. You may be heading into territory where a professional needs to go. . .
     
  3. Alexanddan

    Alexanddan New Member

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    I appreciate your help, but I'm the only person he seems to want to talk to issues like this with. I can guarantee 100% that a therapist or someone of similar profession will have no benefit, and would just lead him to mistrust me.

    He will be staying at my flat next week, and I hope to talk to him about it then. I just want to know what to say without seeming to interfering.
     
  4. Gnothiseauton

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    My suggestion is to talk to a councelor buddy! Not for him, but for you. We may tell you many things, some of which are smart and valid, some which may not help at all, but only someone trained to handle this can really be of help to you. You may not be able to afford true help, but I'd call a national LGBT helpline, and/or a teen help line, and explain yourself to them, see what they tell you. You are affected by this issue, and before you can really help him, you need to find out for yourself what your options are, and the best ways to handle it...

    Best of luck, and may you be blessed with wisdom!
     
  5. Gnothiseauton

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  6. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Being the older brother can be a shit job. It can also be a wonderful one. The first thing you do is let him know how much you love him and how he can trust you to always do so. He needs to know he can rely on you when no one else seems to care.

    Once that's established you can tell him how love sometimes works and sometimes it doesn't. Being desperate is the biggest turn-off there is and if he acts that way toward his friend, then nothing will happen. To me, it sounds like this friend is conflicted about his own feelings and so sends mixed messages to your brother. It's important to let your brother know that's not his fault, it just seems how the guy is.

    I'd advise your brother to just come out and ask his friend if he has any interest in him beyond a platonic friendship. I learned the hard way not to let hope grow into a monster only to be disappointed. The sooner your brother knows the situation, the easier it will be to deal with. Your brother and this guy need to talk and soon. It will be tough for him to confront this because it could bring him disappointment or elation.

    If you say this to him, let him know that you will be right there to help him out with whatever the outcome is. Be at home, give him your cell if he doesn't have one, and let him know you'll be a safe haven for him no matter what. Depression is a horribly isolating disease; convincing the sufferer that nobody really cares for him. You have to use every opportunity to break that thought pattern even if it feels uncomfortable for you.
     
  7. ninfan2005

    ninfan2005 Member

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    i have a friend just like the one he's crushing on. we've done stuff though and its really f'd up are friendship i cant get over him either i try and try but all i think about is him. he will always say weird shit to me to like man you have nice eyes. you look really good, you smell really good. it just f's with my head. I had a bf once and he kept telling my bf that we were more than friends and that id never love him as much as i do my friend. Totally f'd up. tell your brother not to tell him and find someone else its just a long road to no where and if he's anything like my friend he will just get meaner and become more of dick.
     
  8. sexplease

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    ask him, "would you rather be the bull or the bull fighter?"
     
  9. Alexanddan

    Alexanddan New Member

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    not even i know what that means lol


    but thanks guys for your help. Maybe I will speak to a councillor about this myself, and then see what happens from there
     
  10. Principessa

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    As usual Jason_Els has given excellent advice. :cool: With him being a teen I can see why this friendship/crush is causing him major angst. I hope I'm not minimalizing the importance of the situation; but I'm a bit more concerned with what sounds like his severe depression. :frown1: I've long battled depression myself and it can be hard to get to a good and positive place.

    If you can get flyers, pamphlets, or other info from the sites Gnothiseauton posted that would probably be great for him. He can peruse it at his leisure and he shouldn't feel like you have ratted him out.

    Good Luck! You sound like a great older brother. :smile::cool:
     
  11. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    I'm a bit bothered with the fact that you read things that are private...
     
  12. hung

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    Take it Easy, pieterjoke, please be aware that sometimes individuals let their problems be known by letting someone else see a post, etc.

    It can be considered as a cry for help.

    I salute the "Older Brother" on this one and certainly wish him blessings and also encourage him to see a health care professional to seek guidance on how to handle this one. He does not need to have the police involved, he has already been through that approach.

    The Younger Brother needs help and I as I stated above, wish him well as he appears to be a caring sibling.
     
  13. sexplease

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    It means, when he's ready to take charge and responsibility of his life and actions, he will learn that HE is in control.

    It's best not to give control of our lives over to others.

    This is also a trial relationship. something we almost all go through. We learn about others, but mostly we learn about ourselves and how we handle inter-personal issues. Sometimes people and circumstances work for us, sometimes not, but we have to go through them to know.
    The challenges of these relationships are often subconsciously self chosen, so as we may better know ourselves.

    it easier terms: it's just a part of growing up.


    that help?
     
  14. B_Artful Dodger

    B_Artful Dodger New Member

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    It may be the wine I'm drinking but I've read every word of this thread a couple of times and have come to the conclusion that overall it has annoyed me :smile:
     
  15. D_Hercule Snailsnot

    D_Hercule Snailsnot New Member

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    Soo i really think this was the wine bud .... not sure what is annoying you lol
     
  16. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

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    because its a bit of a pickle Dodge?

    no idea what to say really. just i hope you get a good result.
     
  17. sexplease

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    one shouldn't drink and type
     
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