You people are insane! If this is the best you can come up with then you have no idea what a bad movie is.
I have no choice but to inflict you with.............
The Terror of Tiny Town! (1938)
Yes ladies and gentlemen, the first all-little people western. This wouldn't be so bad if there was a plot of any kind or if little people weren't played for laughs.
This clip doesn't begin to describe the awfulness of.......
Pod People! (1983)
This ghastly attempt to ride the coattails of
ET was made in Spain and there it should have stayed. Delightful little Trumpy has a nasty habit of going about killing people and eating cats.
The real reason the Soviets almost nuked us was that they found out
The Creeping Terror! (1964) was in production.
There's something particularly horrifying about a wall-to-wall carpet which comes to life. Yes, a wall-to-wall carpet.... from outer space. As you can see, it really enjoys eating people with its vagina and it helps if the victims don't run away and actually assist the monster in eating them.
In this scene we see The Creeping Terror! devour a high school prom filled with what appear to be GED students dancing to
we're-experiencing-technical-difficulties-please-stand-by music.
There's no dialogue in this film. It's allllllll voice over!
If
Monster A Go-Go (1965) doesn't kill you, then you'll have to live with the memory of it. Trust me, death is preferable.
Monster A Go-Go is, without MST3k, unwatchable. The plot consists of an alleged monster who goes about killing people. The monster is supposed to be an astronaut returned to earth horrifyingly mutated by a gamma ray burst. I hate to spoil it for you but in the end the narrator informs everyone that there was no monster and that we should all look out for the mysterious monster which murders with fear. Oh help help. I'm terrified. The immense problem with
Monster A Go-Go is that there is no character development, no catharsis, no irony, no story, and endless, endless,
ENDLESS quantities of nothing but expository dialogue which sadly, isn't terribly expository and, as with the above
Creeping Terror, a
narrator fills in when the budget doesn't permit anything other than stock footage. This is, without question, the dullest feature film ever created.
and then there's
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Manos: The Hands of Fate is widely considered the worst movie ever made for a number of reasons not the least of which is
the dialogue. If you can call it that. And
the acting, which makes anything Ed Wood has done look like
Casablanca. Nothing really can prepare you for how bad this movie is, except perhaps
the trailer.
The production of
Manos: The Hands of Fate is a story unto itself. It was produced, written, starred, and directed by a Texas fertilizer salesman named Hal Wallace who thought that producing, writing, acting in, and directing a film would be easy. He's the pushy dad character, FYI. The debut in El Paso was the model for the debut of
Plan 9 From Outer Space used in Tim Burton's
Ed Wood. The film's reception was so bad that the character who
played Torgo committed suicide.
Now that's a
bad movie.
