Would someone with anxiety be a deal breaker for you?

[rtg]

But one's anxiety doesn't allow them to transfer it to someone else.

For your own long term good, start working on your issues. Think and analyse why you get anxious? What are you afraid of? What triggers it? What in your life contributed to it? And work on resolving those issues. See a therapist if you need to.

What do you mean by this first part?
And yes I am aware that I need to work on my issues thank you and I've been working on them for many many years.

 

[KennF]

@KennF being "confident and confused" is a contradiction. I have clearly been confused the whole time.

I'm fully aware that the relationship is over. I also suggest you refer to my reply to hunghorse.

Confident and confused are not contradictions. You sounded like you were confident in your beliefs on what a fundraiser is or is not. You had a clear and composed message about what you felt. AND, you were confused by the reaction you got in return.

Confident, and, Confused.

And I am sorry if you don't like my read on your comments. Doesn't hurt my feelings.

BTW - I don't read anyone here as kicking you down. They are giving you a sounding board on how your messages and actions might be received. That's all. It isn't a personal attack, because, let's face it, they don't know you, or, even your name.

 

[985154]

What do you mean by this first part?
And yes I am aware that I need to work on my issues thank you and I've been working on them for many many years.

The meaning is clear. You were anxious so you repeatedly texted him. You were anxious but you asked him if he is okay. He read your texts and got irritated. The negative energy associated with your anxiety got transformed to negative energy of his irritability.

 

[328982]

@hunghorse30 perhaps you also need to school yourself on anxiety.

Just to be clear to everyone, I'm not seeking advice on what I've done wrong or what my issues are because I know what they are and it's not an easy fix. All I'm asking is if this is something that most guys would be understanding and patient with. As nobody is perfect. It's a mental illness ffs.

OK, sorry to come across as unsympathetic and preachy

 

[rtg]

Confident and confused are not contradictions. You sounded like you were confident in your beliefs on what a fundraiser is or is not. You had a clear and composed message about what you felt. AND, you were confused by the reaction you got in return.

Confident, and, Confused.

And I am sorry if you don't like my read on your comments. Doesn't hurt my feelings.

BTW - I don't read anyone here as kicking you down. They are giving you a sounding board on how your messages and actions might be received. That's all. It isn't a personal attack, because, let's face it, they don't know you, or, even your name.

Thanks for clarifying, I got confused by what you meant lol.

But I already know how my messages and actions are being received.... And I've been trying to make it clear that I'm not after any further clarification on that. It would just be nice if maybe some ppl could acknowledge how it felt / feels for ME. And obviously a lot of ppl really have no clue what anxiety is... It's not just me acting crazy cos I'm too needy and whatnot. It's something I'm fully aware of but sometimes it's hard to control. All I wanted was to know if that was a deal breaker for ppl, even if they may like everything else about that person.

 

[rtg]

OK, sorry to come across as unsympathetic and preachy

That's ok

 

[rtg]

The meaning is clear. You were anxious so you repeatedly texted him. You were anxious but you asked him if he is okay. He read your texts and got irritated. The negative energy associated with your anxiety got transformed to negative energy of his irritability.

Yes I am aware of all of this. Like I said in my previous posts, I don't need ppl analysing the situation because I know what it means. I was just asking if this was something ppl can deal with.

 

[lafever]

Continuing from my thread the other day... So there was this guy I've been talking to for awhile. We were quite into each other and got along so well. We just seemed to click. He apparently fell asleep early the other night and I sent him a message asking how his day was, then a couple of hours later (after no reply) asking if he was ok and then still no reply in the morning, another text asking if I'd done something wrong. He replied by just saying he went to bed early.

He'd never gone to bed that early before and he cut out phone convo short the night before so I thought he was mad with me. Then after I hadn't heard from him for a couple of days (which was unusual) I asked if I had said something wrong on the phone and apologised if I had.

He ended up saying he thinks we are too different and that I need to relax and he didn't like the fact that I sent him those texts after he went to bed early or that I texted him apologising for something I didn't do.

I told him that I had anxiety and I had just had a slip up over the past few days and that I hated myself for it, and hate having it. But he has now written me off.... Apparently that outweighs all the good things about me and the connection we had. I'm gutted. I don't understand how someone can be so apathetic. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

I want to get over this guy cos obviously he's not right for me.

You can PM me anytime and I mean it, I'm not just saying it, cos obviously he's just not into you.
Not all guys can handle a friendship unless it includes sex..sex..sex..and...yes....more sex, they just don't have the patience or time to be friends.
I believe just the opposite, if we can't be friends first then there's not going to be any sex....ever!
If they can't spend time being your friend then they don't deserve you to begin with.
You're a goddess, don't settle for anyone who makes you question your own sanity.
Love yourself and kick the crap to the curb.


C.

 

[985154]

Yes I am aware of all of this. Like I said in my previous posts, I don't need ppl analysing the situation because I know what it means. I was just asking if this was something ppl can deal with.

You crack me up.
Hope it all works out for you.

 

[sangheili90]

This is why communication through texting and online chatting sucks. When you use such sources of communication you are going to get almost instant replies to the messages you sent, given that you are actively conversing with that individual at that given moment, and when you don't receive a reply one might jump to the conclusion that you said something wrong. I feel this is normal, as long as it doesn't become a chronic issue where you are constantly having to explain yourself to said individual. I think a basic explanation as to why you may have felt this way would be perfectly fine but try to refrain from doing this again, people will see it as a negative thing.

 

[Crimsonlurker]

Deal breaker? No. Then again this is coming from someone who deals with anxiety on a regular semi-basis. I've experienced being the caller/texter and know exactly how it feels. Thats why the ability to let things and people go if need be has been amazingly good.

 

[nailz]

I tried to write a constructive answer to your question, but then I read post after post of you insulting people who were sincerely trying to help you.

I'm not sure you realize how abrasive you came off in those replies, but if this is the way you usually interact with people then I'm not surprised he cut off contact with you. Maybe you should listen to his advice and take it easy (I hate the word "relax", it always has the opposite effect), and you'll realize that not everyone is out to get you.

 

[elvid]

Would this be a deal breaker for you?

No, not a deal breaker. I know anxiety is very debilitating, but there are guys out there who won't see your anxiety as defining you as a person and will be understanding.

 

[rtg]

@nailz no that's not normally how I am towards people... But I was in a very vulnerable position last night when I posted that and some of the replies just made me feel so much worse about myself. I do understand now that some ppl were just trying to help... And if any of those ppl are reading this then I do apologise. Once I'm in an heightened anxious state, honestly rational thought appears to go out the window.

I wasn't at all insulting in my replies to him... I actually appeared weak and gutless... Apologising for my behaviour. Those first three texts I sent literally just asked how his day was, if he was ok, and asking if I'd done something wrong and apologising if had done so.

The thing is... 95% of the time I was "relaxed". But it's apparently the other 5% that matters the most to him. And it wasn't like I was calling him and asking him where he was or what he was doing.... It wasn't anything extreme like that. I guess it just hurts that after we had spoken everyday for a month and gotten to know each other quite well, that I can be written off in just one day.

 

[rtg]

No, not a deal breaker. I know anxiety is very debilitating, but there are guys out there who won't see your anxiety as defining you as a person and will be understanding.

Thanks @elvid I know you're right... I wish this was just one of those situations

 

[nailz]

@nailz no that's not normally how I am towards people... But I was in a very vulnerable position last night when I posted that and some of the replies just made me feel so much worse about myself. I do understand now that some ppl were just trying to help... And if any of those ppl are reading this then I do apologise. Once I'm in an heightened anxious state, honestly rational thought appears to go out the window.

I wasn't at all insulting in my replies to him... I actually appeared weak and gutless... Apologising for my behaviour. Those first three texts I sent literally just asked how his day was, if he was ok, and asking if I'd done something wrong and apologising if had done so.

The thing is... 95% of the time I was "relaxed". But it's apparently the other 5% that matters the most to him. And it wasn't like I was calling him and asking him where he was or what he was doing.... It wasn't anything extreme like that. I guess it just hurts that after we had spoken everyday for a month and gotten to know each other quite well, that I can be written off in just one day.

In that case just move on.
Most guys don't like if you are clingy/needy (actually not only guys) and/or always apologizing, but a decent guy will accept that noone is perfect, tell you what bothers him in a constructive way and work with you on some compromise. If someone is just blowing you off like this over an easy to work out issue then they aren't worth your time.

I know its childish, but also follow the two text rule If you text someone two times and they still haven't answered then they are either busy or don't want to talk to you. Don't keep sending more texts or god forbid a "pls respond"

BTW my first instinct when I read that he said "he went to bed early" is that hes playing you and he was out with someone else. Unless he is under 5 years old, or over 60, guys who are dating don't "go to bed early"
Which is just one more reason why you shouldn't waste even one more moment of your life on this guy.

 

[rtg]

Thanks @nailz no one has ever taught me the two text rule! Tho it probably wouldn't help when I'm in one of my anxiety states... Will I will definitely try it.

I don't believe for a second that he went to bed at 7.30pm considering most nights he doesn't even have dinner before then and usually goes to bed between 10pm and 12am. But yeah even if he wasn't out playing the field, he could have at least been honest and just said he wanted a bit of space or something rather than ignoring me. The thing I hate the most is being ignored! Probably due to my deep-seeded abandonment issues I'm guessing :s

But anyway thanks so much for your advice. I really do need to stop wasting my energy on him!

 

[elvid]

Thanks @elvid I know you're right... I wish this was just one of those situations

I know. It's sounds a tough situation. I hope you don't beat yourself up about it too much, though. Things have a habit of working out in the end, ya know.

 

[rtg]

@elvid you're right about that too... and I've been here so many times before. But every time I say "I never want to be here again". It's easy to beat myself up when someone I care about treats me like a leper. But time heals all wounds right? And the support of everyone here is certainly helping, so thank you

 

[KennF]

Thanks for clarifying, I got confused by what you meant lol.

But I already know how my messages and actions are being received.... And I've been trying to make it clear that I'm not after any further clarification on that. It would just be nice if maybe some ppl could acknowledge how it felt / feels for ME. And obviously a lot of ppl really have no clue what anxiety is... It's not just me acting crazy cos I'm too needy and whatnot. It's something I'm fully aware of but sometimes it's hard to control. All I wanted was to know if that was a deal breaker for ppl, even if they may like everything else about that person.

Thanks for your reply.

This isn't meant as a slam or as beating you up... You have an unreasonable expectation, I think.

In answer to your direct question... Is it a deal breaker? The anxiety is not, but your personality would be.

If I just met you at a party, and we had the type of comments we've had here, I would not ask you out on a date. I would not pursue a friendship with you. You come across as too much work to understand and too defensive. The focus is all about you and that's not something I would want in my life without some seriously impressive compensation to satisfy my needs/wants.

If you were my friend already, I would have no problem working through the issues and may eventually pursue more.