Would you be in a sexless relationship?

wallyj84

Superior Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Posts
7,023
Media
0
Likes
3,957
Points
333
Location
United States
But it is that relevant to the question? You aren't asking whether people would enter into a relationship with someone they aren't sexually attracted to.

Sexuality plays a pretty big role in deciding who you are attracted to and subsequently fall in love with. It's no coincidence, for example, that I've only ever been in love with women. And I've never been in love with a woman that I wasn't sexually attracted to. It's not uncommon, in my experience at least, for woman to gradually become sexually attractive as you get to know them, even if you didn't find them sexually attractive at first glance, but for me this attraction is essential to falling in love with somebody.

In other words, in the hypothetical example given in your original post, I would absolutely imagine that I'm sexually attracted to my partner.

What is the point of being sexually attracted to your partner if you're never going to have eex with them?
 
  • Like
Reactions: sangheili90

wallyj84

Superior Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Posts
7,023
Media
0
Likes
3,957
Points
333
Location
United States
I don't get into a relationship with the idea of sex in mind. I would never date a girl just to have sex with her. I look for a connection on an emotional level and content level as in liking the same things.

I only lost my verginjty a few years ago at 20 so the majority of my relationships did not involve sex.

If sex is your only reason for wanting to date someone then you need to reevaluate your priorities.

I understand that for older people a relationship with out sex may be a deal breaker but since I'm young that is one of the last things I think about when I'm considering getting into a relationship with a girl.

Interesting perspective. I've been in sexless relationshops before, but they were all in my early 20s.

Let me ask you, in your sexless relationships, what was the difference between them and a close friendship?
 

Hatt_101

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 3, 2010
Posts
4,453
Media
72
Likes
8,271
Points
393
Location
Ontario (Canada)
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Interesting perspective. I've been in sexless relationshops before, but they were all in my early 20s.

Let me ask you, in your sexless relationships, what was the difference between them and a close friendship?
the difference was that cared a lot more for them than i would for just a close friend. emotionally i was more involved
 
  • Like
Reactions: sangheili90

sangheili90

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2013
Posts
3,504
Media
9
Likes
3,881
Points
208
Location
Arizona (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
the difference was that cared a lot more for them than i would for just a close friend. emotionally i was more involved

The sub conscious desire to form an intimate connection with this person was there, if it wasn't you would not have devoted any energy to forming such a relationship with this person. I know the specific goal was not to have sex but ultimately the reason why we seek out potential mates is so that we can reproduce, not because we are looking for a soul mate or someone to share the rent with lol.
 

Hatt_101

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 3, 2010
Posts
4,453
Media
72
Likes
8,271
Points
393
Location
Ontario (Canada)
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
The sub conscious desire to form an intimate connection with this person was there, if it wasn't you would not have devoted any energy to forming such a relationship with this person. I know the specific goal was not to have sex but ultimately the reason why we seek out potential mates is so that we can reproduce, not because we are looking for a soul mate or someone to share the rent with lol.
obviously i would do it ive never dated someone i didnt find attractive, but having sex was not the driving force in these relationships, most of these being during high school.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sangheili90

sangheili90

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2013
Posts
3,504
Media
9
Likes
3,881
Points
208
Location
Arizona (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
obviously i would do it ive never dated someone i didnt find attractive, but having sex was not the driving force in these relationships, most of these being during high school.

I know that want the conscious objective, what I was trying to get at is instinctual drive to be in relationships is one out of the need to procreate.
 

Hatt_101

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 3, 2010
Posts
4,453
Media
72
Likes
8,271
Points
393
Location
Ontario (Canada)
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
So is sex not a concern for you at all in a relationship? What is it that you seek out of a relationship?
I would not say it's not a concern it's just not a deciding factor. What I look for is the closeness, and the emotional connection that we might have. Sex is a great thing to have but it is not on my mind predominantly when thinking about whether or not i want to date one girl over another.
 

Brisler

Legendary Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Posts
2,650
Media
1
Likes
1,432
Points
448
Location
Copenhagen (Capital Region, Denmark)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
What is the point of being sexually attracted to your partner if you're never going to have eex with them?

I think I already explained this. For someone with an active libido (I don't know anything about how if functions for asexual people), sexual attraction is a deciding factor in who you fall in love with. Either the person is someone you're sexually attracted to, or the person is someone you become sexually attracted to as you fall in love with him or her. In your hypothetical scenario, I would still have an active libido, so in order to fall in love with the person, I would basically have to be sexually attracted to the person on some level. And what's the point of entering into a relationship with someone you aren't in love with?
 
  • Like
Reactions: AlteredEgo

KennF

Legendary Member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Posts
2,185
Media
9
Likes
1,964
Points
258
Location
Florida (United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Getting sex outside of the relationship is a bit of a cheat. You would have to be faithful.

Here we go again. *chuckle*

There is nothing 'cheating' about agreeing to have sex outside of a relationship, if that is the understanding of the people in the relationship. Cheating is about breaking promises or standards. If the promise or standard of the relationship is no sex outside of the relationship, then it is cheating. If both people agree to it, then it isn't cheating. Cheating is about violating agreed expectations.

Now, if you're re-defining the problem, then you are, again, expecting a certain answer. And I would ask that you tell what answer you are looking for, instead of this passive-aggressive hypotheticals.
 

KennF

Legendary Member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Posts
2,185
Media
9
Likes
1,964
Points
258
Location
Florida (United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Thank you for the answer.

What I'm curious about is if people would start a romantic relationship knowing that sex, of any kind, was out of the question. I mostly wanted to see how central sex is to our view of romantic relationships vs friendships.

I know I probably didn't explain that well, but that was my intent.

Frequently I'm pestered about dating a friend of mine. She is my best friend and probably has feelings for me, at least according to some friends, but I can't date her because I don't find her sexually appealing. We would probably get along fine as a couple, but m lack of sexual interest makes it a non-starter. For me sex is not the most important part of a romantic relationship, but without it romance can't exist. I'm just curious as to if anyone else feels the same.

Yay! A direct answer. Woot. :)

There are lots of people who enter into a sexless relationship. They are usually referred to as "domestic partnerships" or "civil unions". They are usually seniors or long term friends that have just kinda grown together. And they are looking for companionship more than anything else.
 

wallyj84

Superior Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Posts
7,023
Media
0
Likes
3,957
Points
333
Location
United States
Here we go again. *chuckle*

There is nothing 'cheating' about agreeing to have sex outside of a relationship, if that is the understanding of the people in the relationship. Cheating is about breaking promises or standards. If the promise or standard of the relationship is no sex outside of the relationship, then it is cheating. If both people agree to it, then it isn't cheating. Cheating is about violating agreed expectations.

Now, if you're re-defining the problem, then you are, again, expecting a certain answer. And I would ask that you tell what answer you are looking for, instead of this passive-aggressive hypotheticals.

It's cheating in terms of the context of this thread. I just want to know how important sex is in a romantic relationship with you.


Yay! A direct answer. Woot. :)

There are lots of people who enter into a sexless relationship. They are usually referred to as "domestic partnerships" or "civil unions". They are usually seniors or long term friends that have just kinda grown together. And they are looking for companionship more than anything else.

Which is not a romantic relationship. I'm talking specifically about romantic relationships.
 

erpap

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jan 4, 2016
Posts
6,907
Media
0
Likes
12,911
Points
258
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
no sex for years... Would you find it elsewhere? And if so would you stay in relationship or have the guts to be honest and tell your partner you are getting it somewhere else?
 

wallyj84

Superior Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Posts
7,023
Media
0
Likes
3,957
Points
333
Location
United States
no sex for years... Would you find it elsewhere? And if so would you stay in relationship or have the guts to be honest and tell your partner you are getting it somewhere else?

That's the idea of the question. In my mind I was thinking that you couldn't find it elsewhere, but maybe that's too strict.