Would you be in a sexless relationship?

wallyj84

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I would not say it's not a concern it's just not a deciding factor. What I look for is the closeness, and the emotional connection that we might have. Sex is a great thing to have but it is not on my mind predominantly when thinking about whether or not i want to date one girl over another.

Another question. What would you do about sex? Seek it elsewhere or just embrace celibacy and masturbation?
 

Notaes

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No I would not. Sex is what bonds a relationship together. Now if I had been married to this person for 50 years and age took our sexual relationship away, then yes I would stay in that relationship. But otherwise if we were younger and My mate was not fucking me and meeting my needs then No I would not stay in that relationship.
 
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KennF

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Another question. What would you do about sex? Seek it elsewhere or just embrace celibacy and masturbation?

Depends on the person.

It really does boil down to what is important and what the expectations are. There is a premise in your hypothetical that sex is needed in the relationship. That simply isn't true.

(Hold on before everyone crucifies me for that comment.)

For most people, it is a 'want', not a 'need'. It is usually a strong want, and that makes it more important. As most people equate sex with intimacy, it makes it even a bigger want. So, for lots of people, it feels like a need.

If you can separate it out, and I know several people who are already in relationships and have separated it out, (which is different than your hypothetical) then you don't need the sex. The follow up question becomes moot. Don't you agree?
 

wallyj84

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Depends on the person.

It really does boil down to what is important and what the expectations are. There is a premise in your hypothetical that sex is needed in the relationship. That simply isn't true.

(Hold on before everyone crucifies me for that comment.)

For most people, it is a 'want', not a 'need'. It is usually a strong want, and that makes it more important. As most people equate sex with intimacy, it makes it even a bigger want. So, for lots of people, it feels like a need.

If you can separate it out, and I know several people who are already in relationships and have separated it out, (which is different than your hypothetical) then you don't need the sex. The follow up question becomes moot. Don't you agree?

Good points.

The question for me is really, what is the purpose of a romantic relationship? If sex and all it entails is absent, why enter into a romantic relationship? What seperates a romantic relationship from a friendship?

For me, everything I get from a romantic relationship I get from my friendships, outside of physical intimacy of course. So for me a romantic relationship without sex seems pointless. Why tie yourself down with all the rules of a romantic relationship when you can get the same stuff from a friendship?
 

Hatt_101

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not when you're under 30 years old hell most of the relationships i told you about were at 20 and under. im a young person and most of us dont generally rush into getting married.

most of my friends range from 18-28 most fall in the middle of that and less than 1% of those people are married.
for older people maybe they would be thinking about that but you've got to remember im a lot younger than most of the people here.
I would argue that once you've moved to the relationship stage you're well pat the "just dating" stage.
 
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sangheili90

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not when you're under 30 years old hell most of the relationships i told you about were at 20 and under. im a young person and most of us dont generally rush into getting married.

most of my friends range from 18-28 most fall in the middle of that and less than 1% of those people are married.
for older people maybe they would be thinking about that but you've got to remember im a lot younger than most of the people here.

With everything the world has to offer, I would say anyone getting married in their mid 20s or earlier is seriously selling his or herself short.
 
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sangheili90

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not when you're under 30 years old hell most of the relationships i told you about were at 20 and under. im a young person and most of us dont generally rush into getting married.

most of my friends range from 18-28 most fall in the middle of that and less than 1% of those people are married.
for older people maybe they would be thinking about that but you've got to remember im a lot younger than most of the people here.

I'm going to be 26 in a month and I cant imagine being married at my age lol, I feel like I'm just starting to get into my prime years, I was a serious late bloomer.
 
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Hatt_101

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I'm going to be 26 in a month and I cant imagine being married at my age lol, I feel like I'm just starting to get into my prime years, I was a serious late bloomer.
exactly for me im still in University as well plus i still live at home, so aside form student loan to pay off once i graduate then eventually moving out there is no way im looking at marriage any time soon and neither are most of the girls our age.
 
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sangheili90

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exactly for me im still in University as well plus i still live at home, so aside form student loan to pay off once i graduate then eventually moving out there is no way im looking at marriage any time soon and neither are most of the girls our age.

Still living at home is very smart, with the types of employment that would be available to you there is no way you could support yourself at all, let alone pay your way through school. I always laugh at the students who would work full time at some dead end barely above minimum wage job thinking they could pay their way through school. What would always happen is their grades would suffer and they would either drop out or just get terrible marks.

About the marriage thing, I am not overly keen on the idea of going through with that unless I am very certain I know who this individual is and what she stands for. I've seen way too many guys get sucked into marrying the wrong woman, then it starts this negative downward cycle from then on.
 
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sangheili90

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yes i would, together we would mutual masturbate in front of each other. I've masturbated for 34 years, I'm kind of afraid to see if sex is a disappointment

I think this theoretical scenario would not allow any kind of mutual sexual activity, though I might be mistaken.
 

sangheili90

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exactly for me im still in University as well plus i still live at home, so aside form student loan to pay off once i graduate then eventually moving out there is no way im looking at marriage any time soon and neither are most of the girls our age.

After you graduate and hopefully can land a decent job, if you have the option of staying home I would highly recommend that as well, at least from a financial stand point. You appear to be an intelligent guy, I'm sure you've had this figured out. However, consider yourself fortunate that you have the option of still living at home, since a lot of parents don't want their kids there or the household is so dysfunctional they cant wait to leave the nest lol.
 
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temptotalk

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Good points.

The question for me is really, what is the purpose of a romantic relationship? If sex and all it entails is absent, why enter into a romantic relationship? What seperates a romantic relationship from a friendship?

For me, everything I get from a romantic relationship I get from my friendships, outside of physical intimacy of course. So for me a romantic relationship without sex seems pointless. Why tie yourself down with all the rules of a romantic relationship when you can get the same stuff from a friendship?

Bored so i'll blah blah all over the place. The difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship isn't just a physical thing, it's also a mental thing. Friendships usually have mental borders (depending on the type of friendship). Intimacy has a cut off point before things get sexual. In a romantic relationship though all those things are a go. Mind and body connections. Personality and sexual part connections and all that. It's how erotic novels can be a thing.

I'm guessing this is where the whole idea of the friendzone comes in. Yeah people have sex parts just like everybody else but those parts in the brain signifying sex or sexiness may not be apparent. And i'm also guessing thats when insecurity comes in. The number one thing i've seen block a persons ability to mind sex it up. Compensation is like a huge screaming red flag of insecurity. Usually because the insecure person attempts to find the safest roads to a desired goal.

As in it's safer to assume something about someone then to actually attempt to find out. Or assume about a situation or assume something about groups of people. Thats the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship though. Those willing to either lose and be ok or willing to inspect further happily in a way that connects many dots at once.

Generally speaking, taking a chance on someone. Being vulnerable to a certain point while being confident is like the road to romantic relationships. Or at least in the most general of terms. All or most of this taking place in the mind first then manifesting itself outward into actions, movements, speech, look, conversational ability, humor, intelligence, sexiness and blah blah as well as blah blah.

Long long story short....

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...it's all in the mind. :p