Would you be insulted?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by EnglishGentleman, Mar 10, 2006.

  1. EnglishGentleman

    EnglishGentleman New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Messages:
    364
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England UK
    Following on from the "Straight guys- handsome men" thread...

    To other straight guys... If someone suggested you might be gay, would you be insulted or would you just wonder why they'd made the mistake? and why? The "why" is probably the most significant part of the question.

    Thoughts from gay/bi guys and ladies on the subject welcome.
     
  2. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,730
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Plimoth Plantation
    .... test them waters EG!! You test 'em!!!

    Along those same lines when someone suspects I'm straight I take singular offense.:cool:
     
  3. Altairion

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2005
    Messages:
    1,607
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    I think it all depends on how the person would approach it. If they suggest it in an offensive way, then I would be a bit more unhappy about it. I've had a couple ppl ask me before (friends of gay friends) and it was just an association thing that I didn't see a problem with. Overall, as long as people would ask me in a nice way, I'd happily correct them and keep on talking.
     
  4. Sam Beckett

    Sam Beckett New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2006
    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North West England
    I think I've been asked am I gay about three times now.

    Two times it was cos I didn't have a girlfriend by age 18/19 (!).

    The other time my uncle found pictures of a penis on his computer. He said it was okay if I was gay...but don't leave them on his computer where his sons and my young cousins could see them. I had to confess they were pictures of my cock lol and now that I have had a few girlfriends, messy one night stands etc I think everyone knows I'm straight ;)

    I was insulted the first two times, I thought wtf. But I was secure in my sexuality, as they say, and just brushed it off after the inital shock.
     
  5. Bryan_Lyte2

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    1,630
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA, between Rosamond, and Palmdale
    I used to be asked If I were gay all the time...when I was straight.:cool:
     
  6. Trev.

    Trev. New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2006
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Somewhere
    i actually get asked that alot lately. I guess it could be because I get alot of attention from the women on campus, but don't let it effect me, so it seems like I don't care or am blowing them off. Or it could just be that, whereas they're all stumbling over themselves trying to figure out what to say to them, I can talk openly without a hint of doubt. Then again, I've gotten aked that a number of times because of my accent. Go figure.:rolleyes:
     
  7. Freddie53

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    Messages:
    7,285
    Likes Received:
    60
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The South, USA
    When I was in college, many people assumed I was gay because I was a piano major. The thinking was that all "artsy" guys are gay, especially if they are not good in sports.

    And I have heard many people think certain guys were gay just because of their mannerisms and the fact that they still had that "sixth grade boy" look as an older teen or young adult.
     
  8. D_Dick_Dock_Doe

    D_Dick_Dock_Doe Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2005
    Messages:
    524
    Likes Received:
    4
    Not str8 - but I definitely have an opinion on this subject.

    I think most str8 guys are offended when pepole ask if they are gay because of the stigma attached to being gay in society, and particularly among men. We have associated this abstract idea of "masculinity" (which can mean different things to anyone asked) with "sexuality." Once we can understand that one type of sexual orientation does not imbue someone with more or less masculinity then another type, I think we'll be in better shape. If men didn't feel like their "manliness" was in question along with their sexual preference, then str8 men wouldn't be so hung up about being thought of as gay.

    What do you guys think?
     
  9. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2006
    Messages:
    11,866
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    CANADA
    I agree 100% with you Giozam. Not every guy is comfortable with his sexuality as it is. I can't put it any better than you did:biggrin1:
     
  10. b.c.

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,259
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,666
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    at home
    Never bothered me.
     
  11. GBB

    GBB Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2005
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    I respectfully disagree.
    For me, it's a matter of being mis-understood. It drives me up a tree when people assume they know what I am thinking and they get it wrong.

    I don't particularly like being propsitioned by gay men, but I particularly hate it once I've tried to make it clear that I'm str8 and they keep it up just to annoy me. Or the people who assert that I will one day eventually become gay... just give it a try.

    I'd prefer it if people gave me credit for knowing my own mind.
     
  12. Dr Rock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    3,696
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    who lives in the east &#039;neath the willow tree? Sex
    no, i only get insulted when people try to tell me i'm gay (or anything else)
     
  13. Bryan_Lyte2

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    1,630
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA, between Rosamond, and Palmdale
    It's strictly fantasy. They find out that they cannot have you and go into denial. They intertain the though that if they are persistant enough than they might get their way.

    For others it's a humiliation thing, you've compromised their ability to find a man to be with. Sort of like the slap in the face after asking a woman "are those real".:cool:
     
  14. chrisung

    chrisung New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Having been assumed I was straight all my life, I find it rather silly that heterosexual men would be offended if someone simply asked if they are not straight.

    There is, of course, a difference between asking and demanding.

    I've been politely asked or propositioned by women. I don't find this offensive.

    I've also been grabbed and whined over by women. I find this very offensive.
    Add to it that I've been grabbed and whined over by men. I find this also offensive.

    I figure if "no thank you" can be a proper and listened to response, then it's not offensive.

    personal two cents
     
  15. GBB

    GBB Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2005
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    AMEN!

    That's exactly the way I feel about it from the other side.
    The original question about would I be offened when someone initially assumes I'm gay, I don't think that I have been - I just get annoyed when I make my orientaion clear, and yet people want to change my mind about i.
     
  16. D_Dick_Dock_Doe

    D_Dick_Dock_Doe Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2005
    Messages:
    524
    Likes Received:
    4
    I can respect what you are saying. As a gay man, I personally find gay guys who chase after str8 guys to be quite annoying. If a guys is str8 and he's told you so, leave him alone. I just don't understand the whole concept of chasing after something unattainable. i like to know that I at least have a fighting chance! :biggrin1:

    On not liking being propositioned by gay guys, and finding their persistence annoying - I know str8 guys that are uncomfortable around me simply because I am gay. You and other str8 guys may not like this, but I think my presence around them - making them feel uncomfortable - is not necessarily a bad thing. I think it's more important for the str8 guy to ask himself why my mere presence would make him uncomfortable. I think it may stem from this archane notion that men are supposed to be the pursuers - not the pursued. Being the subject of another male's gaze is particularly unnerving to str8 men - they are supposed to be the hunters, not the hunted. And as with sex - men are supposed to be aggressors/penetrators, not passive/penetrated.

    What do you guys think?
     
  17. pinupboi

    pinupboi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2006
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'd say I'm not and not be offended.
     
  18. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    I agree with you. I have the same problem with some straight women. I think that everyone should be respected and left alone regarding their sexual preferences. I think that people should adopt a hands off policy until expressed otherwise. That's being respectful.
     
  19. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    I agree with what you said as well. Straight guys really are into women and some really don't understand why some men are gay. I don't chase after anyone who doesn't like me (gay, straight or bi). It's stupid and a waste of energy. No means no. There is always someone for everybody.

    I know this lesbian. She is a very beautiful woman. If she were straight, she could have her pick of guys. She recently had to file a restraining order against a straight guy because he was becoming very disrespectful to her.

     
  20. Irish

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2005
    Messages:
    555
    Albums:
    6
    Likes Received:
    596
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Columbia, SC
    Verified:
    Photo
    I was approached in a bar/arcade by a woman a few years older than me while I was playing DDR and she asked me if I and the guy I was playing with were gay. I was somewhat insulted by the fact that she considered a video game a determining role in my sexual orientation, but not at the fact that she thought I might be gay. Thanks to stereotypes I can usually take being called gay as complimentary. I didn't bother with the bitch at the bar, - I told her we were and asked if that was a problem and she kind of freaked out and left - but I usually ask why the person thought I was gay. If I get a response like, "Oh you just dress so nice and seem so sweet - I'm sorry!" I usually laugh it off and play things depending on the situation from there.

    Of course, it's always weird when someone tells me I'm dressed nicely or thinks I'm sweet because my girlfriend from high school has lectured me many times on why I shouldn't wear two different types of blue plaids together and why I shouldn't wear carpenter jeans etc. etc. and even my mother once told me, "You're one sick puppy, you know that? You have no moral compass. Your compassless!"

    Go figure. Evil guy that dresses funny is questioned if he's gay because he's dressed nicely and acting so nice.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted