Would you cheat?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BBB2.5, Aug 22, 2005.

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  1. BBB2.5

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    Hey Guys....here's the story. I have been with my partner for nearly 8 yrs. He is everything a person could ask in a man. He gives me nearly everything I want. He makes good money. We never ever argue, strange but true. We are both very careing individuals. However, he does not have a big dick at all. I'm talking maybe 5 inches...hard. Sex is not an important part of our relationship. It's him and not me. Im very sexual now. I get most of my pleasure alone with my toys. He does know that I play with my assorted toys, and yes they are big!!! He very rarely will get the urge to have sex, and he will not ask. It's always me that starts....so on and so on..!!!
    I am 40 years old and I have never had sex with a man that has a huge dick. I think about it alot. Would any of you risk what I have to fill that fantasy?
     
  2. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Let me start out by saying that cheating is ALWAYS bad. The hurt feelings, mistrust and suspicion just aren't worth feeling that big, hot cock. What I'm wondering by reading this is why your S.O. doesn't want to have sex with you. Did you used to? Is he on any medication? Does he work a lot? Are you guys attracted to each other? What's the deal? If you're truly unsatisfied and feel it's the death of your relationship, don't cheat. Have the decency to let your partner have his. I was once on the cheatin' side of town and boy, the nightmare that caused! Never again. One last thing: using huge toys will make fucking your 5" partner less satisfying. Asses do get stretched out.
     
  3. BBB2.5

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    Thanks you ......OMG...I can't believe I posted this insane topic. I would never cheat on the man I LOVE.....please forgive my moment of insanity. What was I thinking? I guess not very much at the time I posted this. I feel bad for even asking about it.
    He is my one true love .....No one else could even compair.

    So moderators if it's possiable can you please remove this post as it has not meaning to me any more.
     
  4. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    It does mean something to you or you wouldn't have posted it. I think some people get the line blurred between fantasy and reality....however removing a post won't take care of what's going on with you. You can't just say "that's a bad thought, I'm not gonna have it anymore". Remember, I'll never meet you in real life so you don't have to impress me. Remember that unless something is really wrong with your BF, he has feelings and desires too. Maybe the two of you could work on getting them together. Remember, nobody is perfect so you don't have to be. We all have crazy fantasies but it doesn't mean we act on all of them.
     
  5. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    BBB, I'm not gay but I can state with assurance that if my partner were to, at some time in our relationship, start playing with toys that dwarfed my abilities, I'd stop initiating sex, too.

    You may not mean to but you are sending the message that you prefer your enormous dildos to the little ol' thang your partner offers.

    Drop the toys altogether or at least drop the sizes down to more approximate his size. If the subject comes up (and only if) you might say something about those big toys becoming boring and losing their appeal.

    Perhaps then he will have confidence that he can please you and you'll find yourself in danger of being sexually attacked at every turn.
     
  6. txquis

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    Fantasies are normal...wondering about another person is normal.
    Acting on it is up to you.
    You do have to weigh the situation.
    Is what you would gain suexually worth what you might lose?
     
  7. Dr Rock

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    I think the real issue here is why are you trying to sustain a long-term relationship with someone who can't satisfy you sexually in the first place? sounds like asking for trouble to begin with. :shrug:
     
  8. txquis

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    Good point.
    When a relationship doesnt work it often has its roots in the sex,
    or the lack of.
    If it doesnt click sexually it is a friendship, really.
    And yet i know so many couples who are sexless....sad.
     
  9. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Dr. Rock definitely has a point. There has to be something there sexually in the first place. Chemistry, animal attraction, sexual compatibility. Without these, two men are doomed to a life as roommates whose sex lives lie in fantasy.
     
  10. jonb

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    Cheating doesn't make it any better. Now, I've never cheated. Or been cheated on. But I've been used to cheat. Didn't know she had a boyfriend. But since I found out she dated him first, I figure I must've been the one helping her cheat. It's not fun for anyone.
     
  11. tillyrox

    tillyrox New Member

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    Cheating is something that no reasonable person should ever think of doing let alone doing. I have been on the recieving end of cheating at the worst time of my life and i tell you now it is the worst possible thing that can ever be done to a person. So dont even contemplate it, if you are even thinking about it, think about your partner before you do.

    Tilly
     
  12. madame_zora

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    There are a lot of kinds of love, or maybe degrees of it, but platonic love is not the same as being IN love. I can love a good many people, but being IN love includes sex.

    Pecker makes a good point. Without meaning to, you may have shot his self-esteem in the foot. If he is aware of how much you enjoy huge toys, he may not feel man enough to please you, which would dwarf his sex drive. On the other hand, if that is truly where your desires lie, you need to ask yourself if a sexless life of self-pleasuring is worth the freight. I speak from experience here, and for me it was not. I can't possibly know what's right for you, or anyone else, but I would encourage you to delve deep into your own heart and see if perhaps this post was an indication of a deeper dissatisfaction.
     
  13. bobbyrobbo

    bobbyrobbo New Member

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    I can understand where you are coming from, I was in a sexless relationship for 6yrs. First four or so yrs were great, sex was mindblowing, but it just started to wane off. Not on my part, I am an incredibly sexual being and am up for it just about any hour of the day.
    My partner just stopped wanting to do it. Not sure why, and I really felt horrible about myself as he was still regularly looking at porn and masterbating. I know that sex isn't and should'nt be the be all and end all in a relationship but it was very significant to me. I know that sounds really shallow, but I found that when the sex died, something in the relationship died with it. I wasn't prepared to think that at 31 my sexual life had finished.
    All Im saying m8 is that if you felt the need to start the topic in the first place then this is obviously weighing on your mind quite considerably. Although the idea of cheating on our partner may horrify you, some part of me feels that the idea of a sexless relationship for the rest of your life may horrify you more.
    I know that I don't know you and have no right to comment on your life in any way, I just urge you to seriously think about yourself. You only have one life and sometimes we have to do what is best for us and not necessarily for others.
    Just my opinion, hope I dont offend

    Take care x
     
  14. BBB2.5

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    WOW.....I hear what all of you are saying. I should have told you all from the start, that both of us are a result of cheating. HIV brought us together. We were both cheated on long ago, and we met from a personal ad which I had placed. In the beginning of our relationship both of our sex drives were very low. I was not in the best health, so sex was not an issue. He on the other hand was not sexual to begin with. He likes sex, but is very uncomfortable having it or performing. It's not his size that bothers me, and I like it very much. He is just not able to go longer than a minute. He gets real excited ...know what I mean???? Then he feels bad because he can't give me a good ride. We have played with my toys , and he has gotten into them using them on me a few times. He seems to enjoy that time together. I have asked him a number of times if I am sexually attractive to him. He tells me yes. So, I have to believe that he is telling me the truth. Am I sexually attractive to him? ...Hell yes.
    He was brought up in a broken up home, not divorced. Parents were heavy drinkers. He never saw how two people can show affections to each other. I on the other hand was surrounded by touchy feely parents, who to this day still do it. I liked to be touched, and he knows this. He rarely will come over and just give me a hug for no reason. He does kiss me goodbye in the mornings, and in the evenings when he comes home. At night when we go to bed, he gives me a little cuddle and kisses me goodnight. He gets comfortable and holds my arm while he sleeps. I would rather he held something else...lol
    Guys I know there is a bigger picture here than the size of his dick and what makes me feel good sexually. I'm sure we will both one day figure it out. I do love him so much. My world would not exsist if it did not have him near me.
    Gosh I went on a bit...sorry.....well there you have it....the short end of a huge story.
    Thanks for listening and helping out.
     
  15. DC_DEEP

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    Another alternative is to have a serious heart-to-heart discussion about exactly your relationship needs and desires, and his. Besides the sex, what do either of you get out of the relationship? Was sex ever a more important aspect?

    Different people have different ideas about "cheating." My partner and I are deeply in love, and have a wonderful sex life, but we both also realize that each of us has interests that are not high on the list for the other. For us, cheating means sneaking and lying to have outside sexual contacts. We don't do that. We do, though, on occasion, invite a third to join us who can better satisfy some of those non-mutual sexual interests. It seems to work very very well for us, but I know it is not for everyone. I also enjoy big-toy play. No, my ass is not "stretched out." Yes, I do actually prefer his average 6" cock to any toy. But for us, some variation and creativity is a good thing. We are now on our 5th year together, and honesty and openess is the key to our happiness. We started out that way, and I'm certain that if we continue the honesty and integrity, our relationship will be "til death do us part."
     
  16. Dr Rock

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    I'm just gonna link to this post I made in another topic, rather than type out all the same stuff over in this one.
     
  17. BruceSter

    BruceSter New Member

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    Hi there,

    I'm not good at putting myself into a gay guy's situation, but let me pretend it'd be like a woman who has never had a big dick fucking her, her husband's dick is average, as is their sex life and so on...

    I don' know how committed you two are, but if you think you can live with it, maybe you should try a big dick once - to get it off your system, and to see how it really feels. Often, fantasies overestimate the advantages of a big dick, whereas you tend to neglect the flaws and problems that come with it, and after you tried, you should re-evalute - was it really THAT good? Would it be something you want every day, or is it really a primary quality you expect from you partner?

    I have the strong hunch that you have the urge to get more sex in your relationship, and less that it's the big dick you're really looking for. Read some of the other threads on here, there are really great experience narratives, and think about the matter again. Trying once isn't cheating, but if you think it's really a big dick that you're missing, and that you are really looking for that (chances for this combination are rare, as I've seen on here), you maybe should go for a relationship with someone larger.

    Hope I could help you,
    Bruce
     
  18. CUBE

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    Brucester is hot and pretty darn smart...one might say he is a total package...one for the straight guys.

    Cheating is defined different by many. I hook up...for something light..no strings....I get something out of my system (or "IN" my system like a huge ol member) not cheating. An affair of love and time and emotional bond, cheating. Go for that great big dick then let it go.
     
  19. txquis

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    Most people who want to sleep with someone outside their
    relationship want instant gratification/fulfillent for something they
    arent getting/feeling.
    I have never cheated but i have been cheated on.
    It seemed to me that my ex's immaturity and selfishness drove
    him to cheat rather than resolve (or even bring up) our problems.

    But, hey, it is different for everyone.
    It isnt up to me to tell someone how to behave in their private life.
    I agree that some people can have an open relationship, and it works for them.
    Personally, it wouldn't for me, but i'm not everybody.
     
  20. SurferGirlCA

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    Of course you could always try something radical like telling him you love him but miss the physical contact and intimacy with him. You said he knows you like being touched, so maybe you should find out more about what his concerns are or why your sex life seems to have cooled off. Also, I know some people said you should discard your toys but I wonder if maybe you've thought about letting him use a toy on you. That's something you both might find pleasurable and it might let him feel like he has a greater part in pleasuring you. I dunno, as with so many things involving human relationships, we spend a lot of time trying to mindread when communication would help resolve things... at least in terms of sharing concerns and desires. Good luck!
     
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