Would you consider this cheating or crossing the line?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by IntoxicatingToxin, Feb 24, 2012.

  1. IntoxicatingToxin

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    My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years now and have lived together for the past year. We're incredibly close and get along great. He's never been the jealous type and he trusts me to the ends of the Earth, and vice versa. I've never met any of his friends (he moved here from a few states away) but I added his best friends to Facebook so we could get a bit of a chance to get to know each other. His best friend Kevin and I have really hit it off and we talk on Facebook chat a lot. We're both unemployed and keep similar sleep schedules so we're both on often. We have a lot of things in common (even stupid things like our favorite cars and how we eat our Cadbury cream eggs) and we have the same sense of humor. We talk about literally everything, including sex. We've discussed his penis size, our sexual experiences, and I've even sent him one of the erotic stories I wrote. These topics are never approached via direct questions (i.e. How big is your dick?) but rather come up along the course of conversation. Having been a member of this site for so long, talking about sex is completely normal to me and not something I would ever consider to be taboo. The awesome thing is, my boyfriend knows how much we chat and what we chat about and he's completely okay with it all because he knows that I adore him completely and that his best friend is a trustworthy guy. I guess my question is, in your relationships would this sort of friendship with someone be okay? Would your significant other have an issue with it? I feel a bit like we're an exception to the rule, but I'm not sure how true that is.
     
  2. LaFemme

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    Not cheating if my significant other has full knowledge of it and has no problem with it. It's sneaky, lying, behind someone's back stuff that breaks an agreement between two people that I would consider cheating.
     
  3. Thickguy007

    Thickguy007 Active Member

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    Totally agree with LaFemme...perfect description!
     
  4. DarkOverlord

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    If there is nothing more than chatting in it then no. It doesn't bother me that my lady talks to other guys, why should it. Surely your bf's take on it is more important tho and you say is is fine with it.
     
  5. IntoxicatingToxin

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    But would you say it crosses a line at all? Are you just completely okay with it as long as your significant other is open and honest about it?
     
  6. Remington

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    Pretty much this.

    And I see nothing that crosses any line, it's just talking about something.
     
  7. Thickguy007

    Thickguy007 Active Member

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    Agreed +1
     
  8. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I guess it's just unusual for me because every other boyfriend I'd ever had would have assumed I must have been fucking the guy if we were discussing sex and his penis. I've dated lots of really insecure guys tho. :tongue:
     
  9. Kotchanski

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    My husband would be completely ok about it, as would I if it were with another guy. If however he were to have similar conversations with a woman, I'm afraid I'm just not that open minded and would have plenty to say on the matter.

    I've never made a secret of these jealousy issues however, and he accepted me and those along with me, he knows where I draw the line and knows what will happen if he crosses them. While he doesn't have issues himself in this particular area, he does in others where I oddly enough don't, so it all balances out in the end.
     
  10. SyddyKitty

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    Since he knows, it's not cheating. It's a danger-zone, leaving that friend open to possibly cause a disruption without malicious intent, though. Continue, just keep your boundaries in mind.
     
  11. D_Roland_D_Hay

    D_Roland_D_Hay Account Disabled

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    I wouldn't consider talking to be cheating or crossing the lines at all...especially if your boyfriend knows about it. I'm not a jealous person so this would be a non issue for me.
     
  12. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    There are no hard and fast rules about this sort of thing. As long as you are completely honest with him about it--and just as importantly, yourself--and he doesn't feel threatened, I don't see a problem. It's great that you have a new friend in your life, too. But if it ever begins to threaten what is the primary relationship in your life (and it's your responsibility to monitor that both in your bf and in yourself) you need to ratchet it back or break it off.
     
  13. rbkwp

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    I guess my question is, in your relationships would this sort of friendship with someone be okay? Would your significant other have an issue with it? I feel a bit like we're an exception to the rule, but I'm not sure how true that is.

    I think its exceptional . for you both
    Seems he has allowed you to build him into yours and his relationship, because he trusts you so much.
    Dont see it as crossing no lines, no lines to cross at this time with yr partner, and his best friend...who has become yr best friend also..admirable.
    My partner of the time would have been so so jealous ( in fact he ruined a pen-friend only relationship, with an Aussie guy and myself)
    However noting all your posts since i have been on the site, and hearing of yr relationship with the guy ie 2yrs, i think i can sort of see how wonderfully compatible you both could well be
    Cheers
     
  14. D_Sal_Manilla

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    not cheating at all.

    if your sneaking around doing something that you know would emotionally hurt your partner then I would consider it cheating.


    your lucky you don't have a jealous boyfriend. i know that I would be over the moon over something like this. XD.
     
  15. MickeyLee

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    wouldn't bother me boy at all. the boy has the same *we both for buddies we are glompy/flirty/affectionate with* i'm just happy he's got a special buddy he can talk to anything about.

    my cheating rule has always been if i feel the need to hide what i am doing then i probably shouldn't be doing it.

    if ya open, honest about ya interest/intentions... enjoy ya friendship and ya very awesome manfolk.
     
  16. Fade

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    I wouldn't consider it cheating at all. My partners/significant others have all known I'm very sexually open (since I became sexually open anyway). :smile:
     
  17. petite

    petite New Member

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    I would say it depends on whether or not it bothers him, yet sometimes I still feel guilty so I tell him everything I've talked about so that I don't feel like I'm doing anything behind his back.

    He reassures me that he has no concern whatsoever that I would ever cheat on him. He has good reason for that. I've never cheated on anyone, no matter how angry or resentful I've felt, and at one time TheBoyfriend himself was a constant temptation to me when I was not single and was feeling resentful towards my boyfriend. He was difficult to resist! :redface:

    This is us. I have brought up how that isn't equal, but he doesn't care. All that matters to him is that I don't hurt his feelings and he doesn't hurt mine and if that means that we have different rules for how we behave, he feels comfortable with that. We also have different needs. He likes the fact that I get jealous because it makes him feel desired, whereas I have my own reasons for needing to feel trusted by him, which is a role he fulfills for me. I have told him that it isn't his responsibility to be the person I need him to be because of a personal flaw I have, but this just happens to be one area in which we complement one another very well.
     
  18. Phil Ayesho

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    It crosses a line if it offers to this other person anything of you that rightly should go to your mate.

    Are you aching to meet him? Can't wait to find him online, giddy like a schoolgirl hoping the boy you like will be at the mall?

    Ask Yourself, In your most private moments Do you fantasize about this guy?
    ( don't answer this here, you need only know the answer, yourself )


    I guess where I come down on this is thus:

    You wouldn't even be asking this question if you did not already feel you had somewhere crossed a line by your own standards.

    You know when your interest is innocent, and you know when it is not.

    Asking the question is its own answer.
     
  19. petite

    petite New Member

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    That's not true. In fact she later said that she knows that previous boyfriends would not have been okay with it, which is the reason why she asked. I've dated men who would get insanely jealous if I simply spoke in public with a man that he suspected I was attracted to, even if my behavior was genuinely innocent, both outwardly and in my heart. She wasn't asking whether or not she ought to be judging herself, she was asking if her boyfriend's attitude was unusual.
     
  20. Phil Ayesho

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    Sorry, but I disagree...
    This has nothing to do with how her boyfriend reacts. Nor how cool he is with it.


    She is asking what other people think about a situation she is involved with.

    SHE has doubts, or conflicted feelings, or she would not even ask.
    People do not ask what other people think of something that they already are certain is fine with them.
    They ask to check with the consensus...

    We ask to better measure our own conduct when we have qualms about that conduct.
     
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