Depends really. I fell sorry for these men who are ordered to pay and then the courts or mother wont let them see the kids. In cases like that they are being disallowed to be the parent so why should they expected to be the parent financially. But if it is that he just refuses to pay and/or have anything to do with the child then NO i wouldn't date him. its an insight how he would be if i was to possibly fall pregnant or even how he could be so selfish in general
Would you date a man who doesn't pay or is late with his child support?
- Thread starter Wyldgusechaz
- Start date
Well, Lee, that's what I meant when I said it's a complicated issue. Ordered to pay, but not allowed visitation? Is it because he's an asshole, or because she's a bitch and using the children as legal pawns? Was he ordered to pay child support because he was a sperm donor for a lesbian couple who have recently split? Is he not paying because the Corvette payments leave him broke at the end of the month? I've seen all of the above situations, either in person or by following high-profile cases in the news.
When my partner and I had only been together less than a year, he was fretting about whether to go see his (at the time still-dependent) children for a holiday, or to stay there with me. I didn't even have to think about it. I would have been angry with him if he had NOT taken every opportunity to spend time with his kids. What a no-brainer. The same thing when it came to finances - the kids always come first.
It's not that much of an issue for us now. His daughter has finished college and got a great job. His son recently got back from a tour of duty in Iraq.
On the other hand, if I had been the guy who was a sperm donor for the lesbian couple, and a judge tracked me down and told me I had to pay child support, I would tell the judge to go fuck himself. The courts seem to want to have their cake, and eat it, too. My view on that is, you can't have it both ways. The estranged lesbian should be paying the child support, not the sperm donor.
Principessa
Expert Member
I remember that case, it ticked me off as well.
IMO, The judge was a jackass. If I recall correctly the biological father signed a contract prior to conception so that he would never be liable for child support. The only person who should have been forced to pay was the estranged lesbian.It all depends on individual circumstances. I have a friend who was court ordered to pay child support for a child which was concieved during casual sex. He agreed to pay child support with the understanding that he would have visitation with the child. The mother later married and decided that it would be best to raise the child with her husband as the father. They moved out of state and my friend has no idea how to get in touch with her. Since that time, he hasn't paid any child support nor has he seen the child.
That's the bad thing about the child support laws. The make regulations about the funds but there is little to no regulation concerning court orders. I've heard a number of stories about fathers who pay but are not allowed to visit their children. It is a sad situation but still the father has to remembered that they are bound by law to pay.
I had a friend who suffered for years with a mother who did not follow the visitation order. He also had to experience being repeatedly forced back to court because the mother wanted an increase in the child support payments. The last time they went the judge found out he actually had been overpaying and ordered a freeze on the payment amount. This was due to the mother failing to report additional monies and benefits given to her by the father and his family. In addition, the judge threatened to fine her for wasting the court's time and violating the visitation order.
Unfortunately she moved away and neither he or his family has been allowed to see the kids in years. The visitation agreement still exists but unless he goes back to court, it doesn't mean squat. He still pays his child support and hopes it gets to his kids.
wonderland
Experimental Member
No, because no matter what issues are happening with an adult the child needs to be taken care of.
No...the child comes first. I was dating a guy who quit his job and I was like: how are you paying cs next month? "guess I'm not" Um, yeah I'm outta there! There are always shades of gray and exceptions in any situation - but I don't know how non-custodial parents move out of state because as far as I know if a parent has visitation rights they have to give written permission for the other parent to move out of state...doesn't keep the one parent from moving to the other side of the state though. However, if they non-custodial parent is paying cs and is a regular part of the child's life I would think they could petition to the court if the custodial parent moved an unreasonable distance away.
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