Would you do it?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mcrw, Jul 27, 2008.

  1. mcrw

    mcrw New Member

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    Question for all of the married folks.... My husband has always had the fantasy of seeing me with another man. I thought he was just teasing me or that he wasn't serious, but over the years he hasn't changed his mind. The deal is, as long as he picks someone he trusts and gets to watch, I can fuck another guy.
    I'm willing to try it.... And he has a friend in mind.
    Anyone ever done this? How did it turn out?
     
  2. mcrw

    mcrw New Member

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    Don't tell me no one has done this? Okay, anyone get involved with a married couple?
     
  3. xxuxu

    xxuxu Active Member

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    One of my (platonic) lady friends had a husband with the same fantasy. She wasn't into it but she did it anyway to please him. That kind of snowballed (heh) into the occasional group sex thing that again she wasn't into. They're divorced now. I'm not at all saying that would happen to you, but there you have my anecdote. I think the key was she wasn't into it, so if you're into it I doubt there's any harm. ;)
     
  4. mcrw

    mcrw New Member

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    Oh, I'd be into it! I just don't want it to backfire and have him regret it. But, I figured that after several years of him reassuring me that he is okay with it... he must mean it....
    Anyone else?
     
  5. drdna

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    Sometimes this sort of request can be a genuine expression of a fetish desire and sometimes it can be an expression of other subconscious motivations that might lead to destabilization of the relationship. I would say you ought to sit down and really talk about WHY he wants to do this and how both you and he would feel about everything if it did end up happening. It might even be worthwhile to have a session with a couples counselor (not because you are in trouble) but just to guide you through that process so you ask all the right questions.
     
  6. CALAMBO

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    your life may change forever with your husband...if you are willing to risk that..then enjoy ...but what you are going to do...know it may be discussed in divorce court...
     
  7. D_Coyne Toss

    D_Coyne Toss New Member

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    I wouldn't do it. In the very moment arousal, will to try something spicy and prohibited, may push you to do it.

    Afterwards, I think it risks to jeopardize the stability of your relationship. Afterall you see your wife cheating on you (with your approval) and being pleased by another man, jealousy might come up.

    Not for me.
     
  8. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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    Look up the cuckold threads... (I think that's the right word)

    If you want to do it fine, but don't feel forced. The issue has been hinted at for several years, so I think he wants to actually watch it. Might want to discuss the potential emotional ramifications of everything before you go thru with it though..
     
  9. hung

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    Proudly Italian clearly expressed my point of view also. This is just too dangerous to even try.
     
  10. Not_Punny

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    I've done it many times. Works great. :wink: (We do threesomes, not actual watching -- my guy sometimes SAYS he wants to just watch, but he always is a major participant.)

    We're not married, but we've been together for 7 years. Fortunately, it's not a case of SPH (small penis humiliation) which I wouldn't ever want to do.

    My advice would be:

    -- Keep it OUTSIDE your regular circle of acquaintances. In other words, "Don't muddy the water you drink"

    -- First time, try it with one of those erotic masseuse people. Don't have sex with the masseuse -- just have your husband watch you get a naked, full body massage (not necessarily with a happy ending), and see how your husband reacts to it.

    If your husband finds it incredibly hot to see another man's hands on you, and if he practically rips your clothes off when you get home, then I think you should take him seriously.

    Just remember, KEEP IT OUTSIDE YOUR REGULAR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES.

    It can be a LOT of fun. It's also twice the fun, because even just talking about it will spice up your regular sex life.
     
  11. Not_Punny

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    BTW, we actually DID do this test (going to a masseuse). It's a good litmus test to see if it's "just a fantasy" or if it's something he ACTUALLY wants to pursue.
     
  12. FRE

    FRE
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    I'd question why your husband wants to do it. I strongly suspect that he has considerable interest in the same sex and by having you have sex with another man, he would vicariously be having sex with that man. If you go along with it, you will be risking your marriage. It is possible that your marriage is already at risk since at some point, he may decide to have sex with another man and that would have about the same effect on you as if he had sex with another woman.

    As human beings, in general we cannot have sex with someone without having at least some emotional involvement. Sex changes and complicates relationships. We overlook or deny that at our own risk.
     
  13. B_chinagirl73

    B_chinagirl73 New Member

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    mcrw,

    I am single so perhaps what I say is of little value. But I would ignore all the negative psychological theories being thrown at you here.

    1) Fre's "same sex" theory: I am not saying it is wrong, but people are complex and have complex sexuality. No one here knows why your husband wants to do it. He probably doesn't even know himself. Do you HAVE to know? Does it matter that much anyway? The idea that we can even uncover underlying psychological motivations, as if they exist in some readily explicable form, is a bizarre idea.

    2) Damage - by various. Relationships are fluid and dynamic (if they are still alive). Whilst you do risk a lot by trying something new, you also risk a lot by not trying it. That's life isn't it? Remember, most people regret what they didn't do more than what they did.

    3) It sounds exciting and fun! I would say "give it a go", but its not up to me. Its really what you guys want.:smile:
     
  14. mcrw

    mcrw New Member

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    I really appreciate everyone's input! This fantasy of his is hard for me to understand because I would be jealous if he was serious about bringing a woman into our bed, and not only that, I would have no desire for women. But being with another man is my fantasy too. (Just like you guys fantasize about being with two women.)

    I appreciate the first hand input from Not Puny. I like the masseuse idea as a test ground. I know my husband is NOT gay, and he is more than adequately sized, so I don't think it's that either.

    He says he wants me to experience the pleasure of it, and that is the turn on of watching me. I was a virgin when we met and I think he doesn't want me to wonder about other men so much and yearn for an experience without being in control of the situation himself. I'm more than happy with our sex life, which he knows.
    We have been married for 16 years, and this has been an ongoing issue for at least 5, if not more years of him expressing interest and me saying, I'm sure it would be fun, but I don't want it to harm our marriage. I am now at the point where I think it would be fun, and if he really means it, (and I plan on talking it all out while we have our clothes on - no heat of the moment) then I think it will add a new level of excitement.

    Again, I appreciate all of the input!
     
  15. Runco

    Runco New Member

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    Before you do it I recommend that you have a look here. Not meaning to be a harbinger of doom and gloom this site is for people who have had their marriages or relationships break down for a variety of reasons. They support each other through the stress of a break up and divorce. I used the site years ago when my own marriage imploded.

    Anyway, you may want to do a search for threesomes to have a look at the impact indulging in sex with a third party has had on some of the relationships and, subsequently, marriages. Sometimes three way sex works (and people sometimes move onto other activities, such as swinging) but more often than not, the insertion of a third partner exposes all sorts of things that were not apparent before the third party came on the scene and this exposure can lead to the total collapse of a marriage.

    Before taking the leap I strongly urge you to have a look at some of the stories here and, in particular, the motivations behind trying the threesomes and the consequences.

    Have a look at this thread: Threesome
     
    #15 Runco, Jul 29, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2008
  16. Rekkuza

    Rekkuza Member

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    I've recently been contacted by a couple interested in me being the "other man" that the wife sleeps with.

    I'll let you know what develops.
     
  17. LilCuckHubby

    LilCuckHubby Member

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    My wife and I have been in the swinging/cuckold lifestyle (sans the humiliation) for quite a few years. It has worked out good for us as she enjoys being with other guys as well as being watched and I enjoy watching and sometimes joining. It is fun for both of us and beats the hell out of watching choreographed porn! If you plan on doing it for the excitement and fun then it will probably not be a problem judging from what you have written. For those who have a marriage that is already in trouble it is probably the worst thing to do.
     
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