Would you ever date or be in a serious relationship with a bisexual man?

[illtrynething]

I don't usually post here (or not much or seriously) but I'd like to express my anger at the lack of understanding of what bisexuality is.
I consider myself bisexual. I've had meaningful sexual relationships with both men and women, but I've always been more involved with women. It might be because I find it difficult to find acceptance of my bisexuality and want to stick with the simplest denomination, or it might also be because I am naturally more comfortable with girls. I'm very anti-competitive, which has pushed me away from men all my life. I've only ever had a few male friends, usually one at a time, because I can't handle other men's manliness all that well.

Now. Bisexuality (or rather MY bisexuality) is not some kind of intermittent sexual state of mind. I am not wandering helplessly between two sexualities. I have access to both sexualities, and what triggers me to go one or the other way is mysterious and often unexplainable.
I have a girlfriend now, we have been together for 18 months and we are very much in love. She knows of my ventures into the other world, and she has confessed to being curious about it too. And this is what separates bisexuality from curiosity.

Bisexuality is the capacity to engage in sexual and/or romantic relationships with either gender. That is what I do (although I've never felt romantic about men). It means that the difference between men and women basically disappears with regard to those things.
It does mean that I have twice as many people to cheat with. But what is the difference between 3 or 6 billions. If you want to cheat, most likely you will cheat, whether it be because you feel dissatisfied or because you're an asshole.

So to women who claim that bisexual men are more likely to cheat on you, you are just not thinking this through. Unless you live on an island with 15 people...

The one issue I find there is with bisexuality is that one half of my sexuality is bound to be unavailable as long as I am with someone. It does not cause much frustration. I guess it's the same feeling some heterosexual men get when they see a hot girl on the street, like a small mental "fuck I wish I wasn't in a relationship". Other than a slight occasional frustration, it's all good.

And then you can always discuss the matter with your partner. For example, I would not in a hundred years consider my sleeping with a boy cheating on my girlfriend. I would not feel guilt because it is so fundamentally different.
But that's just me.



So the point is (that might not have been clear)-

Bisexuality is as solid of a sexual orientation as hetero- or homosexuality. It is not any more ambiguous or undecided. It is NOT the addition of hetero- and homosexuality into one sexuality, it is the LACK of distinction between the two, which is a huge difference.

cf.

Omnivorous people eat both vegetables and meat, but you don't consider them to be the sum of vegetarianism and carnivorism.

Omnivorous ≠ vegetarian + carnivore
but rather the lack of distinction between vegetarianism and carnivorism.

Bisexual ≠ heterosexual + homosexual
but rather the lack of distinction between hetero- and homosexuality.



Those who think that real bisexuals don't exist might as well go read a book.

thank you, i couldn't have said it better if i tried

 

[B_quietguy]

bi is just a stop on the road to gayville.

Maybe for some, but not for many bisexuals. For many, bisexuality is just one life-long aspect of their identities. Indeed, some bi men and women had a "gay phase" in their teens and early 20's before they figured out they were really bi.

 

[B_quietguy]

I would not only date a bi-sexual man, but I would be ok with him having a boyfriend. As long as we were all monogamous. None of this bed jumping craziness.

Uh, if you have a boyfriend, and he has a boyfriend, then you are not all monogamous. I guess the term you want is "fidelitous" and you are basically saying you prefer a closed relationship whether it is a triad or dyad over a really open one.

 

[B_quietguy]

I'm interested about women's input here. Will you ever date or be in a serious relationship with a bisexual man? Knowing that he has the urge to be with a man also.

And for men, would ever date or be in a serious relationship with a bisexual man knowing that he may want to end up with a woman in the end? And what's your opinion on bi women? For me it's attractive but what do you other guys think?

I prefer to date bi women and bi men. I've had sex with women who were not bi, but that's certainly not the norm for me.

Just because a man is bi doesn't mean he has an urge to be with a man and a woman. If you are attracted to tall blonde Scandinavians and also find petite black-haired Asians cute, does that mean you have an urge to date one of each? Of course not! So why assume that about bi men and women?

Bisexuality is completely separate from whether somebody wants monogamy.

 

[Bbucko]

If he met all my criteria, of course I'd date or even have a serious relationship with a bisexual man.

I seriously don't see what the issue is.

 

[Corius]

Two fifteen year olds, I found out, can bond in deep and loving friendship. My new friend and I soon found ourselves enthusiastic in expressing our affection sexually. We did not "come out" to anyone; we would have been toast to the "morality" snoops in our town. We never stopped thinking of ourselves as "regular guys" and when he was to be away for the next summer on his grandparents' ranch in Montana we agreed that we could pay some attention to the girls. That was the summer I was introduced to the beauty and wonder of a woman's body and to the joys of loving sexual communion. At the end of that summer I had become an enthusiastic sexual partner to a dear young lady, five years older than I, whom I had known all my life. We would resume our relationship later.

That fall I was happy to be back with my teen lover. Our sexual relationship ended when we both graduated, but my relationship with the young lady resumed when she returned to town having completed her college degree. Believe me, I would have been quite happy to continue a relationship with my male partner, but I would never have considered having both of them as lovers at the same time.

The U.S. Army was a sexual desert for me and when I was finally discharged I was eager to get back to college. It was not difficult to agree to be roommate to this drop-dead, movie-star-gorgeous fellow I met at lunch one day. I was not in a seducing mode--that is not my style--but as roommates we bonded in deep friendship and the step to total sexual communion was an easy one. I loved him before we ever had sex as I loved my housemate in Seattle before we had sex. But, back then we were all programmed to accept traditional marriage as our intended lot in life. My first lover and I married and are still happy in that role. My last two male lovers also married but both of them were soon divorced. They could not accept the role of traditional husband. Today, both of them are aging gracefully and continue in very long term and very discreet gay relationships.

I loved all my sex partners (three men and three women) and the love that prompted the sexual communion we had has continued to this day though the sex is long past. No one, IMHO, really ever wants to feel used by another person. But persons in love do not "use" each other; they commune with each other and so serve each other.

One hears of persons who want to have sex with no strings attached. To me that is not only foolhearty but also dishonest. Always it would seem character determines all.
Doing unto others as your would have others do to you is still something which many persons of all sexual persuasions have not yet learned.

 

[LSebastien]

Why not? I'm sure most people are are/have been in a relationship with one and just don't realize it.

 

[closetbi]

As a bisexual male, I would tell a partner upfront before a relationship gets serious. In the case of a female, I would run like the plague if she had any doubts about "double temptation". If I'm tempted so, I'm single. The only time I get myself in a relationship is if there is overwhelming feelings to be with that one person. I don't take second best, and I don't stay in relationships to avoid loneliness. Any girl that dates me can be damned sure I'm not going to cheat on her with a guy, or a girl for that matter.

If a girl has any doubts about this she'll become unattractive in my eyes. If you value me, and you trust me, and I tell you that I want to be with you, then you believe it. Especially if you value yourself. A girl who is insecure about me being sneaking around with a guy is just as needy and insecure as a girl who has no idea that I'm bisexual and thinks I'm going to cheat on her. Any kind of "who were you talking to? Why did you look at her/him like that?" kind of shit gets on my nerves fast and is probably the fastest way to get rid of me in a relationship.

I know for a fact that I can only keep a girl when I'm 150% sure that I'm the only one she's digging. If I doubt that, she'll doubt that, and she'll start wandering. It goes both ways. How can I be sure that you're all I want if you think it's more likely that I'll cheat on you? You quickly lose your value thinking anything of the sort is possible.

 

[BigLittleMan]

Bisexuality is the capacity to engage in sexual and/or romantic relationships with either gender. That is what I do (although I've never felt romantic about men).

i avoid bisexual men whenever possible. 99.9% of the bi men i have met have the "i fuck around with men but have relationships with women" thing going on which is a waste of my time.

 

[Ariel]

Serious relationship with both a Bi guy and a Gay man.

I'll get into details later. XD

 

[JustAverage]

Statistically women are more apt to be bisexual whereas men tend to be gay or straight.

I doubt that. Female bisexuality is far more socially acceptable than male bisexuality, so I would think that these "statistics" have more to do with less men admitting being attracted to both sexes.

 

[LSebastien]

As a bisexual male, I would tell a partner upfront before a relationship gets serious.

I wouldn't. If you tell them right off the bat that you're bi then that will give them the impression that you think/know there is something wrong with being bi. If you want to give the impression that bisexual people are normal than don't bother bringing it up unless they do. If they're not concerned enough to ask about it then you shouldn't be concerned enough to give it the time of day either.

It's similar to me being gay. I never told any of my close friends that I'm gay shortly after I befriended them because that would imply that there is something negative about it. They either asked themselves and are cool with it or it just came up naturally in a conversation and they are cool with it.

 

[NYBeef]

I've been in relationships with women, I've been in relationships with men. I don't identify as "bi" myself (went through that phase for me), though some of my friends do when referring/speaking to me.

I would like to think that should a bi guy come along, who "ticked all the boxes" so to speak, I'd be open to dating and a relationship with him.

Any relationship - straight, gay, bi and any combination therein, I think boils down to three elements - attraction, compatibility and trust. To me trust is the most important - if I don't trust the other person, it won't happen.

Seems some posters think the bi guys are less trustworthy - they'll leave you for a woman or a man - I think that's BS. Monogomy is a choice on your part and the biguy's part. It is just as easy for the gay guy dating the bi-guy to stray as it is for the biguy.

Life is about choices, choosing monogomy or not, choosing to date a bi guy or not, choosing to allow yourself to be happy, or not. The one thing I don't think any of us can choose is who we fall for. Sometimes its a one way fall, but there are times when both fall - so why not go for it? Life's too short and too hard, why limit yourself? How do any of us know we're not meant to be with Mr X who happens to be bi?

I think bi guys get a bad rap in general (though I will admit knowing a few self identified bi guys who more than deserve the bad rap) but as I said, life's too short and if he ticked the boxes I'd give it a whirl. Nothing is guaranteed in life, so if it didn't work out, so be it. Hopefull I'll have some good memories and will bring what I've learned into my next relationship.

 

[jack99821]

Bisexual guys have a wider selection of partners, but that doesn't mean they don't want monogamy. That's like saying a guy who's into blondes and brunettes will always want to cheat on his blonde girlfriend. I can't look at some of the posts in this thread and see anything other than intolerance.

 

[beachbum1971]

I absolutely would. A person is either trustworthy or they are not. Cheating is a choice, not a personality flaw. To be honest, I think that is just another ridiculous stereotype that people throw around. Sexuality indicates the risk of cheating as much as standing in a library makes you a book.

If you trust someone and have mutual respect, that is what is important. I think bisexual men are hot.

 

[oldbrownshoe52]

I absolutely would. A person is either trustworthy or they are not. Cheating is a choice, not a personality flaw. To be honest, I think that is just another ridiculous stereotype that people throw around. Sexuality indicates the risk of cheating as much as standing in a library makes you a book.

Well said girl; well said.

If you trust someone and have mutual respect, that is what is important. I think bisexual men are hot.

Come here baby!

 

[D_CountdeGrandePinja]

Was in a relationship with a bi-guy once - very difficult especially if married with children!!

Think long and hard!

 

[curiouslady]

Nope..probably a generational issue, on my part, but nope. Not if I knew. Just not my thing.

CL

 

[Pendlum]

I think part of the reason of some women not wanting to date bi men (not counting just not finding it attractive) is how gay men and women are perceived. I'll try to explain my train of thought the best I can. And remember, this is perceived images, so I'd rather not hear a bunch people whining at me because "I'm gay and I don't acting like this" or blah blah blah.

So, when I think of lesbians, I never jump to "butch" lesbians (sorry if that offends), my mind always goes to hot saucy lesbians I want to beat it to (I'm a 21 year old male, give me a break :tongue. They are still feminine to me. I think that is a common view. Now like I said, there are plenty of gay men who aren't "flaming", if you want to put it that way. But the common idea of a gay man is they are pretty, they groom themselves well, they have a high sense of fashion, limp wrists, talk girly or with a lisp. Those are the ones who are on TV, I've yet to see a masculine gay man on TV, but then again I don't watch much TV. Anyway, they are viewed as feminine.

The point of that is if a woman is dating a bi man, and he goes astray and ends up with a man (not saying that's common), they might feel out "female'd" if you will by a man. It's kind of like getting beat up by a girl for a man. You were out man'd by a woman. It can hurt the psyche of some, especially when it's common to get socially ridiculed for it. I can't say I know this for sure, but if you're a woman and have some catty friends, I could easily see them hurting you by saying you lost your man to another man. It's can be seen as an insult to your womanhood.

I think that most men wouldn't have a problem dating a bi woman, because most of them would think it is hot. And even if she cheats on you with a woman, it may hurt, but to some they can still hold on to the idea that it wasn't because you weren't man enough for her. I think this backs up my theory to some degree.

Obviously I would never date a bi man because I'm not bi or gay. But I wouldn't have a problem dating a bi woman. Keeps that fantasy of a mff alive, right? :wink: :tongue: I wouldn't say I prefer a bi woman over a straight woman or vice versa. It's unimportant so long as she likes me.

 

[polostar]

I'm bi and my hope is to find a hot girl who's also bi or who's cool with having threesomes with men...I'm not really into gay guys, so a hot and willing girl, besides satisfying my desire for girls would also be a great help in seducing hot straight guys