would you have sex with someone who is HIV+?

[HyperHulk]

Gay guys are really, really touchy about the subject of HIV in general. The attitude of "more straight people get it!" has actually made some gay men think that it's okay to have sex without a condom, because they believe that their odds are lower of getting it. . . . .

I disagree with you. I don't think gay men are having sex without condoms because more straight people are getting it. I think people are having sex without condoms because hiv doesn't "seem" to be the death sentence that it used to be. So, there are less dire warnings and less discussions about it in public. People also seem to know less hiv positive people and fewer people are going to funerals for their friends. People have gotten lazy and careless and quite frankly, when we have lots of information about the dangers of smoking and people still do that, it's not too shocking that people would roll the dice with hiv.

It's a shame and it's sad that people want to make such a big issue about wearing condoms. Keep in mind though, that hiv is spread through other means besides sex.

BTW, I found your remarks regarding Matthew Shephard to be appalling.

 

[HyperHulk]

From wat ive heard on tv. n local radio... HIV is more commonly spread in the Straight community because men from when they go on the DL... lol.

idc. if they use a rubber yer.

Ahh yes, blame the bisexuals. It's interesting that such a thing could make you laugh out loud. What tv and local radio exactly are you listening to? Contact an AIDS organization and educate yourself.

 

[2322]

A lot of people don't know this, but Matthew Shephard was HIV positive, and the reason he was killed is because he was hooking up with men at a local bar, having unprotected sex with them and never informing them of his status. People in town were getting word of this, and two men took it in their hands to beat him and leave him for dead. It doesn't make what they did right by any means, but the media and gay rights activists tried to make it seem like he got killed only because he was gay. He was killed for his irresponsible behavior, not for his orientation.

ABC News: New Details Emerge in Matthew Shepard Murder

:bsflag:

That is NOT what the article states. The article states that Shepard's sometime taxi driver claims that Shepard told him he was HIV+ and contemplating suicide. There is no other corroboration of that statement. It says NOTHING about the attacks being motivated by revenge for Shepard allegedly knowingly spreading HIV. Please show me where you found that. What it does say is that the two murderers claim that they only attacked Shepard because he had money and would be an easy target, not because he was gay. They only decided to go with a homophobia defense because they thought the jury would be more sympathetic. Both killers were meth addicts.

The Vanity Fair article states that Shepard's HIV infection was likely very recent and that not even his closest friends knew about it.

I really hope you simply misread that article and that this was an honest mistake.
​

 

[catman]

What sickens/startles me is the men AND women I have encountered who want to "BB" aka Barebacking- no condom.....horrifying.

Sure- condoms are annoying as hell (and are uncomfortable) and being uncut the suckers can play hell with foreskin BUT.... is a 'one shot' worth dying over?

No. (a HIV+ friend, who has been poz for 20+ year told me his life is 'normal' and that he only has diarhea (sp) 1-2 days a week due to meds.... um, that isn't 'normal' in my book (please do NOT hear a slam on our HIV+ friends in that)

I use to ask potential partners if they 'play safe'...and have been told some of the most baffling responses (my favorite being "depends"... depends on what?!?! the day of the week? how drunk you are/were? lottery numbers?)

there is only 2 answers to this- yes and no.

so now I ask them (in a sexy voice) So, wanna go bareback?

and the idiots say Sure! (thinking thats what I want to hear) and I say..

Next! or good luck in that choice or...

a few months ago was with a very hot man (furry, hung, all the good stuff) who verymuch wanted to get fucked....we were all 'ready' (so hard it hurt lol) I went looking for a rubber, he said he prefered I didn't... I found my pants and said "I'd prefer to go home" and left...

baffles me.

Have I had sex with an HIV+ man or woman. yes I have. The statistics are just to high not to have.... I also believe there ARE HIV+ folks out there who have no idea...or don't know....

Had an opportunity to go home with a couple many years ago...I (stupidly) asked their HIV status (something I no longer do- folks will say ANYTHING to get a big dick folks) and their reply was "we don't know and don't want to know...why worry"- wow, talk about a hard-on killer!

assume poz, and react from there.

a rubber IS sexy, living is sexy...

and there are many things you CAN do sexual that are low(er) risk...

 

[Hellboy0]

What sickens/startles me is the men AND women I have encountered who want to "BB" aka Barebacking- no condom.....horrifying.

Sure- condoms are annoying as hell (and are uncomfortable) and being uncut the suckers can play hell with foreskin BUT.... is a 'one shot' worth dying over?

No. (a HIV+ friend, who has been poz for 20+ year told me his life is 'normal' and that he only has diarhea (sp) 1-2 days a week due to meds.... um, that isn't 'normal' in my book (please do NOT hear a slam on our HIV+ friends in that)

I use to ask potential partners if they 'play safe'...and have been told some of the most baffling responses (my favorite being "depends"... depends on what?!?! the day of the week? how drunk you are/were? lottery numbers?)

there is only 2 answers to this- yes and no.

so now I ask them (in a sexy voice) So, wanna go bareback?

and the idiots say Sure! (thinking thats what I want to hear) and I say..

Next! or good luck in that choice or...

a few months ago was with a very hot man (furry, hung, all the good stuff) who verymuch wanted to get fucked....we were all 'ready' (so hard it hurt lol) I went looking for a rubber, he said he prefered I didn't... I found my pants and said "I'd prefer to go home" and left...

baffles me.

Have I had sex with an HIV+ man or woman. yes I have. The statistics are just to high not to have.... I also believe there ARE HIV+ folks out there who have no idea...or don't know....

Had an opportunity to go home with a couple many years ago...I (stupidly) asked their HIV status (something I no longer do- folks will say ANYTHING to get a big dick folks) and their reply was "we don't know and don't want to know...why worry"- wow, talk about a hard-on killer!

assume poz, and react from there.

a rubber IS sexy, living is sexy...

and there are many things you CAN do sexual that are low(er) risk...

I know what you mean. I met a couple in Sydney early in the year. Had played with one of the guys once before...hot, fun and safe...so was looking for more of the same.

Was all set up for a long night... His partner was a chef and was gonna cook dinner for me before we went on to the festivities! I said I was gonna stop and get some condoms on the way.

...And the guy's partner lost the plot saying 'he would only fuck bareback and never has sex with a rubber'. He admitted to being Poz and I was happy to play. I know what to and not to do. But I was appalled that this man who was fairly well placed in the Gay Community in Sydney would be such a complete dickhead, placing my and surely his and his partner's life at risk all because he didn't care since he was Poz and it just didn't feel good.

I told the nice half of that partnership to tell his partner to get fucked and for neither of them to contact me in the future. Ever.

I'm all about the fun. Just play safe, guys and girls. No excuse to be stupid and condoms really are ok. Actually had some guy recently show me how to put one on a guy while giving a blowjob...I didn't even know he'd done it! Kinda like Sex With Houdini!!!! LOL

 

[jeff black]

Are you retarded? Hell no!

That is a stupid question, of course not.....

Good Lord....

No, I would not trust a thin layer of rubber to be the difference between life and death...

No thanks.​

if i was suicidal

No it isn't, not at all.

To all you folks who made the comments above, I agree with Marley.

It's not a stupid question in the slightest. Allow me to show you why:

Scenario:

You are a single person, eating dinner/at a bar/wherever. You look up and someone catches your eye. He is good looking, smiles at you, and is dressed nicely. He walks over and you folks chat for a bit. You have a fantastic time. You exchange phone numbers and leave.

Two days later, he calls and you spend the day having another fantastic evening. No sex involved, just laughing, talking, having an amazing time with a genuinely good person.

This continues on for a few weeks or so, and then, you realize you've developed feelings for the person. You both kiss and the sparks are flying. There is attraction in the air, you're smitten.

As you lean back on the couch, in order to allow better access, he stops you because he cares about you and wants to tell you something. Being that it's 2008, you are mature enough to listen and not react like a 5year old. He tells you that he's HIV+, has been for a few years after a car accident caused his wound to mix blood with someone who was infected. He didn't find out until recently, but he's always used condoms and been very safe.

Now, you care for this person a fair bit. There is a definite connection there. Are you telling me that you would make a comment to the extent of, " Oh, I'm sorry, you are death on legs. Get out of my house." ???

There is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with the idea, but two people can talk about things, wear condoms and be completely safe without making the HIV person feel like a fungus.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Yes.

Someone actually asked me this question years ago and my response was -- Are you crazy?? NO!

But then he explained that you should ASSUME every partner is positive and take the necessary precautions.

Best advice I ever got. I've had LOTS of sex partners and I'm still negative, and I think in part it is due to this advice.

 

[Primal_Savage]

My question to the above scenario by jeff black is why would you allow it progress for "a few weeks or so?" I ask this cause my current long-dis SO and I were smitten with each other since the first day we met at a business meeting. The next three times we met, we were again always in the presence of others and we had only a few minutes to talk privately during breaks. It was nearly a month later that we had our first real date and sexual encounter. By that time, after dozens of phone calls and text msgs, we had cleared the air on just about every and all subjects including trust and honesty which are very important if you truly love someone else.

 

[B_Hickboy]

I would.

 

[vergax]

I would not. But I know of a case in which a best friend of one ex-gf started a relation with a guy who was positive, this girl was a nurse in the UK, so i think she knew her risks, but she was very much in love and she even intended to have a child from him. I don't know how that ended, but the corolary is that there are people who would and those like me who wouldn't (if know about it).

I would be too mindful to enjoy sex, so why bother. In fact, I have pretty much changed my sex habits (one night stands) because i don't want to take any risks....

 

[B_a new long one]

Practice safe sex, and it won't matter. I have dealt with it in the health care field and to date no problem. The majority of cases were with straight people and sharing needles. The gay community takes more pride in their hygiene, I tend to believe.

 

[D_season 5]

5 yrs ago before i met my partner...i had a guy that i had sex with...and i knew immediately he was HIV+...and he was surprised i figured it out...
he would not cum in my mouth and he was a big fan of condoms.
he thanked me for not being so judgemental...i told him the reason i enjoyed sex with him was he was a nice sweet guy...and masculine, hairy and fuckin hung like a horse.
there was no emotional attachment...he had a partner but couldn't have as much sex with him as he would have liked...the guy traveled for biz...
so every few weeks he would call...and want to get together...

so, 5yrs later...i get tested now only once every 6 months...my partner and i both go together for the test...and he goes for he use to be a male whore renting guys for hours at a time. fuckin hollywood...what it does to guys like my partner...damn it..
we both remain HIV-.

i do think that a guy who is about to have sex with someone, women or man, should deliver the message before anything of consequence takes place...

 

[widenine]

Don't make me go there Marley. :12:

Damn! You had to go there. :rant: Granted women shouldn't be so quick to throw their legs over some young bucks shoulders; but it would be nice if these allegedly 80%-100% straight men were honest. If you know you just fucked a guy at a glory hole Friday night without a condom don't go spreading that mess to the girl you see every Saturday night. If you are still farting cum but just got to get you some pussy at least use a condom! :soapbox:

You, Ms. Jersey, have a way with words

 

[8060]

Ahh, great question.

Yes, I would have sex with someone that was HIV+ if I liked them and they were hot:biggrin1:. Understanding precautionary measures and having sex in a preventative maintenance type manner against transmission, I don't foresee it being a problem. Now, assuming that everybody is already positive because that's just a safe way of thinking in developing your own sexual behavior, think about this. You meet someone that's positive. You communicate with them about it. You learn what has to be done to take care of you both. You like them. They're good people. You want to be together. Things keep running smooth. You rarely get on each other's nerves & before you know it you've spent a lifetime together...died hand in hand, LOL.

In the beginning of this potential great love with knowing someone's status, at the very least I'd be more comfortable when it came down to the sex with them rather than someone that I hooked up with on a one-night stand who could care less if they knew their own status or not and really cared not to talk about it much. A person like that is too wreckless for consideration. We have to know what's going on around us. HIV & AIDS are everywhere. But I feel that I would not exclude someone from having the chance at loving me and me loving them simply for being positive.

If people were truly responsible, HIV would be eradicated in a single generation. That's really something to think about when there's nothing to read on the toilet.

Know about the disease. Educate yourselves and be active in stopping the transmission. Being smart enough to be well-versed on HIV and all other potential life threatening illnesses involving risky sexual behavior should make this question a moot point. I do not intend to take away from how grand it is because it helps to raise social awareness about a thing that affects us all every day. I believe that people that suffer from HIV infection go through a lot in a day and the depths of emotions go out to every one of them. Just think about how many people we could help to alleviate going through the physical and emotional ordeal of being positive by being responsible and knowledgeable about your world and your behavior in it. We know so much about the disease but we can't seem to get rid of it. Why? Irresponsibility, every now and then. Here and there. Irresponsibility.

i meant after 20+ plus years of dealing with HIV i don't think the queer community would judge as harshly or dismiss the question as stupid, an off hand or automatic no. it would be a topic worth discussing.

i figured straight people would throw out the automatic NO, GOD NO, etc.

I wonder what you mean by dealing. That's all on that. I think because they say that there isn't a cure for this illness, and if someone is positive, then it should be discussed and toiled over on a daily basis because it's a part of someone's life. It's with them everyday. It cannot be ignored. It can't be left at home. It's carried on the person so it needs to be maintained, watched, studied & treated. If it's talked about enough then some straight people, even some that I know, would grasp more easily that HIV & AIDS are just a people disease today. Not just gay people, not just men...but children that have no clue of what sex is. Who knows? That child could have been conceived by someone with wreckless behavior. Individual decisions touch us all at some point. So, when I come across someone that isn't really seeing something in a big enough light to me on something that I feel is important like being well-versed on HIV, I try to ease a better way of thinking on them by talking to them about it. I do it for me as much as them instead of lashing out and blaming them for their ignorance. I would rather deal with them than to have them be coarse with another stranger because they simply do not know.

To all you folks who made the comments above, I agree with Marley.

It's not a stupid question in the slightest. Allow me to show you why:

Scenario:

You are a single person, eating dinner/at a bar/wherever. You look up and someone catches your eye. He is good looking, smiles at you, and is dressed nicely. He walks over and you folks chat for a bit. You have a fantastic time. You exchange phone numbers and leave.

Two days later, he calls and you spend the day having another fantastic evening. No sex involved, just laughing, talking, having an amazing time with a genuinely good person.

This continues on for a few weeks or so, and then, you realize you've developed feelings for the person. You both kiss and the sparks are flying. There is attraction in the air, you're smitten.

As you lean back on the couch, in order to allow better access, he stops you because he cares about you and wants to tell you something. Being that it's 2008, you are mature enough to listen and not react like a 5year old. He tells you that he's HIV+, has been for a few years after a car accident caused his wound to mix blood with someone who was infected. He didn't find out until recently, but he's always used condoms and been very safe.

Now, you care for this person a fair bit. There is a definite connection there. Are you telling me that you would make a comment to the extent of, " Oh, I'm sorry, you are death on legs. Get out of my house." ???

There is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with the idea, but two people can talk about things, wear condoms and be completely safe without making the HIV person feel like a fungus.

Nice post, Jeff.

 

[Rubenesque]

It wouldn't matter how much I liked someone and how much I was reassured that it would be safe with a condom, I wouldn't... not a million gazillion years. The worry of the condom splitting would mean I would be totally unable to enjoy it anyway, so what would be the point?

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

no way. that is why i stoped having sex in 1979, safest way. just don't do it , simple as that.

I'd like to know why you didn't get credit for discovering HIV about 2-4 years before anyone else did. As Wikipedia CORRECTLY reports: "The first paper recognizing a pattern of opportunistic infections was published on 4 June 1981.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV#cite_note-MMWR2-16....Controversy surrounding the discovery of HIV was intense after French scientist Luc Montagnier and American researcher Robert Gallo both claimed to have discovered it, in 1983 and 1984 respectively."

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

Hi, Camchain again:

Also, as the Public Health Law website at Louisiana State University law school reminds us:

"In 1981 physicians in San Francisco and New York City began to see a pattern of unusual infections and cancers in young and otherwise healthy homosexual men. The first report in Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (MMWR) focused on the men's infection with an atypical pneumonia and a cancer that had been previously seen only in elderly men of Mediterranean descent."

 

[Notaguru2]

No, but I would stay at a holiday inn express...

 

[midlifebear]

Yes and I have. Take the correct measures to engage in safe sex and there's not much to worry about. I've even gone down on men who are HIV+ and not wearing a condom and never worried about contracting the virus. The risks are so slim with regard to oral activity that it's a non issue for me considering the other activities gay men are into that have a much higher risk factor. For example, those who like to get fist fucked have a 3% chance of succumbing to sepsis and dying.

I know many couples where one is HIV- and the other is HIV+ and they've been that way for more than a decade. This is good news compared to the death knoll of the 1980's.

The Squeeze and I are also responsible and have monthly HIV tests. So far we're doing OK. We do live, after all, in an actively HIV area (sort of like earthquakes).

 

[horny8]

Yes I have and yes I would. I'm HIV-, have been fucking around for 20+ years (and yes, I'm only 34...NYC raises kids quickly), and don't think about my partner's status because I ALWAYS play safe. If you enter a relationship, you should of course know your partner's status. I have never fucked outside of my relationship (unless my bf is part of the mix ...and then always with protection), and even if I did, I would never do it without condoms. I don't have a problem with people who wouldn't have sex with HIV+ people. It's a scary prospect becoming infected. I understand that. But people shouldn't judge if other people don't have a problem having SAFE sex with someone with a different sero-status. It's not crazy. It's not suicidal. It just needs to be done responsibly.