Just curious, if your s/o asked you not to cruise the computer or look at porn, or try to because it was disrectful to them would you do it? or is there such a strong draw that would make it impossible. I am faced with this questipon. just lost a man, due to this. IS that crazy and is anyone else dealing with this.
would you stop cruising and surfing online if you were asked too?
- Thread starter one2spy
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I assume by cruising you mean actually try to meet other people through the internet to get together in real life, which if you're still doing that while you're with an SO then that relationship is either open so they don't have a problem with it, or you really aren't that interested in it lasting anyway.
As far as porn. If somebody chooses porn over a relationship then they might want to self examine to see if they have some addiction issues. Personally I would dump someone who told me to stop watching porn or whatever simply because I hate ultimatums. If somebody's willing to use our relationship as a bargaining chip to control or change me then I'm better off without them.
If your partner feels disrespected by you watching porn then they should be satisfied with you not doing it in their presense but when you're alone it's nobody's business but yours.
As far as porn. If somebody chooses porn over a relationship then they might want to self examine to see if they have some addiction issues. Personally I would dump someone who told me to stop watching porn or whatever simply because I hate ultimatums. If somebody's willing to use our relationship as a bargaining chip to control or change me then I'm better off without them.
If your partner feels disrespected by you watching porn then they should be satisfied with you not doing it in their presense but when you're alone it's nobody's business but yours.
Depending on how I felt about the person, I might tell them I wouldn't stop, tell them I'd stop and continue doing it anyway... or if I was very involved in the relationship, liked the person a lot and was committed to them completely, then I would probably stop for real. Of course, anyone who I was that in to would probably have to be pretty open-minded and sexually liberal, or else I wouldn't like them so much to begin with. I don't take well to being controlled or manipulated.
Anyjoe
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Lex
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one2spy said:
People who feel inferior to pron don't understand what pron IS.
If by "cruise" you mean looking at pics of men and hooking up--then I think you should not do that if your relationship is exclusive.
I think you and ANY BF have to establish what the boundaries of your relationship will be BEFORE you get way far into it, so that these issues don't arise later. Better to be honest up front than have to backtrack and redefine later.
Perhaps gambling is less "dangerous" than surfing porn........
But seriously, I would agree that lines should be drawn with the significant other before commitment. However, I would advice against surfing the net to meet people, for sex or otherwise - much too dangerous, if you ask me.
My two cent's worth.
But seriously, I would agree that lines should be drawn with the significant other before commitment. However, I would advice against surfing the net to meet people, for sex or otherwise - much too dangerous, if you ask me.
My two cent's worth.
Oncamale28
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i think that i would be only interested in a s/o that was open minded enought to like a variety of ways to fulfil sexual needs and fantasies...
It just depends upon too many factors to answer here, but most of the other posts pretty much summed it up: why is computer porn important to you, and what is your relationship based on? Do you stay together just because you are already together and it is just more comfortable that being "on the market" again, or are you compatible in many other areas besides the porn thing? May be time to do one of those old-fashioned "pros in one column, cons in the other column" things and decide which one has to go.
MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK
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well, dig it, if I wasn't looking at the porn in her presence, then she's got no valid complaint.
Interesting 'cause there is another thread in this forum about having an arabic boyfriend or girlfriend and I know that when I first started dating my Syrian bf he was very adamant about me not checking out porn and he didn't approve. Well, my how things have changed in the time we've been together. He does travel alot for business and he knows I would never cheat on him but I do need some sort of release every now and again so on line porn is fine with him. Not that I need his approval for that but it is nice to know he is cool with it now.
But as to the question of stop surfing online, no, I did not and would not stop. Out of respect and love for the bf though, in the early days, I wouldn;t do it around him though.
But as to the question of stop surfing online, no, I did not and would not stop. Out of respect and love for the bf though, in the early days, I wouldn;t do it around him though.
one2spy said:
For sure i would reflect about it...because if comes from a partner it maybe that i'm not giving enough time for our relationship and spending more time online (?)...if its true or not i would seriously analize the question because a person that i care is feeling neglect or disrespect - is important to me to really listen to them & think about how my actions is affecting my relationship and talk about it.
My priority will be to better my "real" life relationships and if i'm in a stage that is "impossible" to let go of somethings like computer or porn i'm not balanced inside of me.
bodybuilderpup
Cherished Member
Hey,
This is a difficult one but an important one I think...
I know if I didnt have such an understanding partner it would be difficult.
The thing is I do. Its OK if I say what Im doing, if I share what we talk about on here with my other half. If you start to be secretive then things can get a bit messy.
I think it comes down to respecting each other. If you love each other and you are secure, I dont think you should have to stop talking to guys on here. If there is any insecurity though, its asking for trouble and out of respect you should sort that out first and come back when things are more stable.
I have to say though, if I was asked or started to be told what to do by my other half I would look at the relationship and see if things are as strong and healthy as they should be!
If you trust each other, there shouldnt be an issue. If you dont, why not?
This is a difficult one but an important one I think...
I know if I didnt have such an understanding partner it would be difficult.
The thing is I do. Its OK if I say what Im doing, if I share what we talk about on here with my other half. If you start to be secretive then things can get a bit messy.
I think it comes down to respecting each other. If you love each other and you are secure, I dont think you should have to stop talking to guys on here. If there is any insecurity though, its asking for trouble and out of respect you should sort that out first and come back when things are more stable.
I have to say though, if I was asked or started to be told what to do by my other half I would look at the relationship and see if things are as strong and healthy as they should be!
If you trust each other, there shouldnt be an issue. If you dont, why not?
This is so wrapped up in all those issues on the "what do you consider cheating thread?" and then some.
I agree that it smacks of control. It would seem to me that both guys could appreciate some hot porn without feeling inadquate. However, that doesn't work in all cases -- and especially if there's "baggage" or self-esteem issues, just saying "get over it and watch this with me" isn't cool.
But, it goes beyond that. It seems that your partner is suspicious that you are playing around on the Internet to hook up. If that makes him uncomfortable, you need to address that issue head-on. If you love him, you might want to think about talking this through: what the Internet-play is all about, and what you consider "cheating." I don't think there's a cookie-cutter answer to this. But I know that if I was doing something that really bothered my partner, we would talk it through and come to an understanding. If that understanding meant I was going to stop doing it, I would.
By the way, fratpack, can you package up your avatar and send him to me?
Thanks.
I agree that it smacks of control. It would seem to me that both guys could appreciate some hot porn without feeling inadquate. However, that doesn't work in all cases -- and especially if there's "baggage" or self-esteem issues, just saying "get over it and watch this with me" isn't cool.
But, it goes beyond that. It seems that your partner is suspicious that you are playing around on the Internet to hook up. If that makes him uncomfortable, you need to address that issue head-on. If you love him, you might want to think about talking this through: what the Internet-play is all about, and what you consider "cheating." I don't think there's a cookie-cutter answer to this. But I know that if I was doing something that really bothered my partner, we would talk it through and come to an understanding. If that understanding meant I was going to stop doing it, I would.
By the way, fratpack, can you package up your avatar and send him to me?
Thanks.
