I've taken Xanax for about 15 years and it has saved my life.
During my episodes of major depression and even before as a child, I would have some horrible episodes of confusion, upset, racing thoughts, and hyperventilating. Those went away for a while but then resurfaced when I was 22 as I was driving through Ohio and suddenly felt light-headed. I became frightened I would die on the side of the road or pass out at the wheel and that I didn't know anybody in Ohio who could help me (which was very untrue). Over time these panic attacks became much worse and put me in the Emergency Room a few times convinced I was dying of a heart attack. Each time they'd hook me up to monitors and tell me there was nothing wrong with me which I just couldn't believe. I had chest pains, was sweating, hyperventilating, and could not stop fidgeting. I'd get light-headed and become disoriented. Yet there were all the monitors and doctors telling me my heart (thank God) was fine. Then they'd give me a shot of Valium and WHOA! It would all be over in a flash. I'd be mellow, embarrassed, tired, and feeling back to myself.
I'd had some experience with Ativan before (also a member of the benzodiazepine family) because I'd get overly agitated on Prozac. When I went off Prozac, I didn't need the Ativan but remembered that it helped take the edge off on occasion. After the last episode in the ER, my GP prescribed me Xanax to combat these panic attacks. Most shrinks will tell you that if an episode lasts longer than 15 minutes, it's not a panic attack in which case Xanax or Ativan is pointless because they take at least that long to start working. I call bullshit. As one psychiatrist told me, "You know more about your diesase than we ever will. You live it, we can only examine it." Only one doctor has stridently suggested that I don't use Xanax. When I told him about my history with it, he immediately insisted I stop using it because he was certain I would become addicted. Even when I told him I had been using it for over a decade, he wouldn't budge. I thanked him for his time, told him he wasn't the doctor for me, and left.
Xanax does three very important things for me.
- It does what it says it does. When I have a panic attack, one or two pills are enough to temper the symptoms within 15-20 minutes. Within half an hour I'm mellowed out, relaxed, and vaguely content. The hyperventilating, chest pains, racing thoughts, sense of impending doom or death, and fidgeting, all stop. I'm at the point now when I can tell an attack is coming. Sometimes there seems to be no direct external stimulus. I could be in what I would consider a non-stressful situation and suddenly I start feeling anxious. If I take it just then, I avoid the rest of the symptoms and I can function.
- Xanax short-circuits stressful situations. If I take it pre-emptively, I can get through very difficult situations which would traditionally trigger my panic attacks. I can have a very tough time with crowds and particularly so in small areas. I love New York city, but also fear it enormously. Going into the city used to mean I'd have to go with someone I know or drive directly to someone's home and then spend time with them. Going over bridges or through tunnels or into unfamiliar areas caused my anxiety meter to spike. Night in the city is the worst. I become very fearful of dangers and have a difficult time being alone. Popping a Xanax before I go into these situations means that I can cope with them and work through them before they turn into anxious nightmares. When these situations repeat, I forgo the Xanax because I tell myself that I made it through before without mishap and can do so again. And I do it. As a result, the number of known trigger situations are now greatly reduced and I'm better able to cope without medication.
- The last, and no less important, effect of Xanax is that I always carry it with me. It's always in my coat pocket or manpurse or car. Just knowing it's there gives helps me get through anxious situations because I know that I have a reliable cure for the anxiety with me at all times. It's a safety net, putting my mind at ease, helping me even without taking it. This is an enormous consolation to me. When in unfamiliar distant areas, which are frequent triggers, I love having my cell phone because it means I'm never really out of reach of loved ones or people who can help me if something bad happens. It is an essential security blanket when I'm in the city. Xanax is no less so. Between the two of them, I gain confidence and peace of mind just knowing they're with me.
Xanax is blithe but taking it should not be. It is, by all accounts, very addictive. Sometimes my anxiety attacks come in waves or I have a cluster of them over two or three days. In each case, I assess what is happening, whether or not I can control it, and then weigh taking a pill. I prefer not to, but recognize that sometimes I need to and so I do. I view it as a tool, nothing more or less. There are downsides to it. You tend to become very mellow, feeling positive emotions easily and talking too much and too wierdly sentimentally for people near you, and driving is not remotely recommended. You may become sleepy. In short, if you take it, you may find it difficult to function. One .25mg pill and I can function OK though I don't like to drive, but two pills essentially puts me on the couch or, at least, committed to doing nothing terribly serious or complex.
I generally go through only 20 pills a year and over the years I have reduced that to about 12-15. Sometimes much less, sometimes a little more. It's important to only take it when I need it because I don't want it to lose its effectiveness which will happen with frequent dosing. I need each little pill to pack its full wallop every time I take one. That means taking it very judiciously. If I want to get high, I'd much rather smoke a joint. If I want to be relaxed in a social setting, I'd rather have a drink or two. Xanax is
only for panic attacks and then only when I find a situation overwhelming or I get one of the sudden, apparently random, attacks out of left field. Fortunately those are relatively rare. If you need daily anxiety therapy, Xanax (or any other benzodiazepine) is a poor choice because of its gradual loss of effectiveness and addictive properties. As an occasional PRN drug, it's exceptional so long as you only use it as such.
I really hope this helps because anxiety is a horrible illness and it can completely take over your head if you feel you have no control over it. That's the biggest issue with anxiety. Once you get an attack, it's easier to get others because you begin to fear getting them at times when losing control would be disasterous (like driving in traffic or doing something dangerous). The way I describe drugs like Xanax is if you imagine yourself out on a small boat in a big storm. Xanax won't control the boat for you, but it will steady the waters enough to let you get back to the helm and steer to safe harbor.
Many doctors are loathe to prescribe these drugs because they fear what may happen if you abuse them. As I illustrated before, I don't have a problem with abusing Xanax though I know other people do. I think trying Xanax is a good idea if your symptoms are rare and you address the underlying issues that cause your anxiety. With me, some of the anxiety is clearly organic, other times it's purely psychological. I can do nothing about the organic anxiety other than to avoid foods or behaviors that
might trigger it (so far my therapists and myself have not identified anything in particular though caffeine may play a role). Your situation may be different and I urge you to find a good counselor who can help you ID just what sort of anxiety you're having and then tailor therapies accordingly. You will likely get a consult with a psychiatrist who will prescribe something. Do not be afraid to try a drug and stop using it if you don't like what it does. Not everyone responds the same way to every drug. Then try another. Continue until you find one that works for you. Xanax happens to work for me.
Feel free to PM me if you'd like any other information. I'm happy to share my experiences with you.
