Y do Gay men have RACIAL HANGUPS?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ibreak4LARGE, Nov 25, 2007.

  1. ibreak4LARGE

    ibreak4LARGE New Member

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    I;m black and mostly ino dating outside of my race... Y is it that there are so many against the color of my skin?
     
  2. Daddy Lucas

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    Not me! i am very attracted to men of color. I'm sorry that you have met a few idiots that are ruining it for the rest of us! Black men ROCK!
     
  3. Mattness

    Mattness New Member

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    Just like you can't make generizations about "Why do all Black people do this..." you can't make generalizations about why all Gay men do something. You've met a few HUMANS who were not into you as a person.

    Move on and stop righting it off as a RACIAL issue - you will find someone eventually...be positive and maybe YOU are the one with the racial issue! Be yourself and you will attract someone wonderful. Good luck.
     
  4. ibreak4LARGE

    ibreak4LARGE New Member

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    Obviously I've had more experience to even ask the question. Its more than a few times, and if you can't give positive feedback or even know something of the topic leave it alone.
     
  5. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Well, it sounds like YOU have racial hangups......
     
  6. speshk

    speshk New Member

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    I have several black friends who are doing well dating. I'm not saying there aren't biases working against them, but it may be in how they carry themselves. They seem to be very confident. Being good looking helps, too, I'm sure. Hmm, the same reasons some of my white friends do well . . . Oh, I don't know!
     
  7. Mr. Snakey

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    I dont thing they have anymore Racial Hangups than any other group.
     
  8. northwestone

    northwestone New Member

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    the hand of racism strikes in unlikely places...i think people who like you BECAUSE you're of a different heritage are just as guilty of racism as those who dislike you for that reason. exotification of racial stereotypes is just as damaging to multiculturalism as all out racism.

    and Mattness...I can't see the word ALL in ibreaks thread, perhaps you should try reading before you start telling people what they can and can't say?

    and like it or not racism is a HUGE issue in the gay community, in a very similar way to homophobia is in the black community. I think partly because people think that ONE thing that makes you a minority target is enough..
     
  9. speshk

    speshk New Member

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    I have several black friends who are doing well dating. I'm not saying there aren't biases working against them, but it may be in how they carry themselves. They seem to be very confident. Being good looking helps, too, I'm sure. Hmm, the same reasons some of my white friends do well . . . Oh, I don't know!
     
  10. dj4143

    dj4143 New Member

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    hi, i'm going to respond to this... and i realize that this isn't necessarily the response you're looking for :) sorry :(

    i would say it's all a matter of personal preference, and that everyone should distinguish between people being accepting of all races on a personal level and a sexual level. i hope you don't become one of the many (!) guys out there who try to use guilt in a situation like this. like people who tell you that you're a racist if you only are attracted to white guys, or guys who list for their ethnicity on a dating website "this shouldn't matter" or put links on their profiles with graphics stating "end sexual racial discrimination"

    i think the simple answer is that we are all human beings, and we are entitled to our own sexual preferences. i would never in a million years not befriend a black person or an asian or treat them with the same respect i treat everyone else. but there is a difference between owing people basic human rights and owing someone sexual attraction... first of all, you can't force physical attraction... and second, it is within a person's right to choose the people that he/she likes physically

    (just for the record, i am not on any level accusing you of being this type of person, but i'm just lamenting, because this is something that has been bothering me for awhile, and this seems like a good place to discuss it)

    i've talked ot guys before online, realized they were of a different race, and they have given me a lot of sh*t for it. of course i have never said "oh i don't like you because you're XXX." but after we exchange pics, and the conversation kind of dies down, sometimes people will accuse me of "it's because I'm XXX race, right?" The fact is, as soon as I discover that someone has red hair or is shorter than me or has no muscle, or is 20-30lbs underweight for his height (like i think 80% of the gay population !), i'm not attracted to that either. does that mean i am racist against people with red hair? or short guys? or guys over 35? No of course not! It just means i have my own physical preferences, and that's ok. Will we get to the stage where gay rights have come so far that a gay guy will accuse a straight man of discriminating against the gay man's sexual orientation because the str8 man likes women?

    What is not OK is trying to use guilt to coerce someone into hooking up with you when there is no attraction. What is the implication here? I owe someone a blowjob just because he's black and i don't tend to be attracted to black guys? Or that I'm not entitled to have my own taste preferences?

    and for that matter...what about the expression "once you go black, you never go back?" do white guys accuse girls who say this of being racist against the white man? i've never encountered that... And plus, there seems to be a lot of guys who like just the reverse... Blacks, Latinos, and Asians especially seem to get a lot of attention as desirable sexual mates.

    Again, i know my reply is kind of off topic from your post, and i'm not accusing you of being this kind of person. But I hope that you stay that way :) and that we can stop the guilt parade every time someone suggests that he likes guys of his own race... it's really pretty offensive and has no grounding in human rights whatsoever!

    again sorry for being off topic
     
  11. northwestone

    northwestone New Member

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    there is one question that begs asking iBreak, why are you mostly into dating OUTSIDE your race?

    just a thought....
     
  12. ibreak4LARGE

    ibreak4LARGE New Member

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    i don't have racial hangups, i just love the contrasts in skin colours. I love all human form. I just notice in alot of dating sites i see statements that say things like i only like latino or white, then says if your black don't waste my time or yours. i see that quite frequently. just made me wonder Y it was even said after they said latino/ white only.
     
  13. D_Preasteman Breastemann

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    Sorry for being slightly off topic here but I think it's so funny how everyone is allowed to be racist except white people. Could you imagine if they made a movie called 'black chicks' or if people in the ghetto were defined as 'black trash'
    There would be race riots...
    ...and looting
    ...probably

    Actually, do it!
    I need a new TV!
     
  14. ibreak4LARGE

    ibreak4LARGE New Member

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    wow, please stay on topic... i give a shit about those other issues here. just trying to figure people train of thought about sex and colour. and Y we still think this way.
     
  15. jacknthebstock

    jacknthebstock New Member

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    I believe you have had bad experiences. It is sad that people still have a distance towards different cultures. I believe you are asking about gay men exclusively because you yourself are gay and this directly affects your relationships.
    Unfortunatley you have encountered men who have reinforced your disbelief in gay men, until you recieve positive experiences it will be hard for you to believe that there many truley interested people to meet.
    People of all genders gay str8 bi have members who are positvie and negative, it seems that you have had somewhat of a limited avaliability to the positive.
    Perhaps you can widen your search for resources of meeting people by trying a new location, search the web for groups that share your interests, ask your friends for new contacts. Most importantly don't let these negative experiences cause you to to see only to see the bad when you think of gay men. After all it is those who have judged you did so because they too have generalized the black community for the negative stereotypes they have been taught to believe.
    My thoughts go out to you. I hope this helps.
     
  16. northwestone

    northwestone New Member

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    you may love the contrast in skin colours, equally some people don't. There IS a difference between sexual preference and racism (even though one can inform the other) and it's important not to confuse the two.

    for every white guy who turns you down for being black , there will be a black guy that's disappointed because you're looking for contrast and a white or latino boy who'll be jumping for joy coz he's bagged some black dick....it all evens out in the end
     
  17. petewentzlover

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    im black and latino and i have no racial hang up at all
     
  18. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    Where do you get that "everybody but whites are allowed" bullshit?
    I suppose we could excuse your comments, and say he's only 19 and dumb yet. But this is an inherently white view.
    Perhaps you should check out the racism thread in etc., if your truly interested, in knowing the answer to your question,kid.
    Not to mention it's off the op's topic.
    Also ibreak, when I was looking for a partner,I specified that i didn't want republicans or guys with blue eyes,to contact me.As a rule people are just weeding out what they don't want in a lover/partner. Why these guys needed to add" no blacks" obviously speaks to their racist tendencies.Even though it's wrong to treat people that way,when you are looking for a lover,you want what you like physically. No more no less.
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  19. northwestone

    northwestone New Member

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    biscuit the thing about racism is that it's about oppression by the dominant community, so whilst it's not very nice that white men sometimes get a hard time from oppressed minorities, it's seen as slightly less damaging to us because it's almost exclusively white men who make the laws, control the economies, direct the armies, make the news enslaved nations and wrote history......we get the spoils and as a consequence are required to be tough enough handle the backlash
     
  20. ibreak4LARGE

    ibreak4LARGE New Member

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    thanks for not turning that into some bs. you are completely right, and I just want to get past the fact that this is what i seem to encounter on a day to day basis
     
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