"Year One" - parental advisory

Snozzle

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Reviewers of "Year One" have mostly nearly panned it, picking out a few good bits. Then there was this:

IMDB Strikes Crude with 'Year One' Sex Advisory - Watching the Watchers

IMDB Strikes Crude with 'Year One' Sex Advisory

by Rogers Cadenhead

Monday, June 22, 2009 at 01:46 PM

The movie reference site IMDB has a parents guide feature that's useful when determining whether a movie contains sexual content that would be inappropriate for your children. (Like most Americans I'm much more comfortable exposing the younguns to movies that contain bloodshed than any film that makes even the slightest reference to sex. I blame my Catholic upbringing and spaghetti Westerns.)
The feature is edited by users in the manner of Wikipedia and does not get editorial oversight from IMDB.
When considering whether to see Year One this weekend, I found that the users had been incredibly thorough in describing scenes that had anything to do with sex or nudity. Here's the full text of the warning, which looks like it spoils at least a dozen scenes:
A large orgy is shown on screen: over 50 people are shown engaging in sexual acts, passionately rubbing against one another, laying on one another, groping and kissing, as half-dressed people are shown walking about the room. Two people are shown in a passionate embrace, kissing then falling to the ground, off screen, and sexual moans are heard, as well as the man asking if he should remove his underclothing; the two emerge later and announce that they had just had intercourse and that it was enjoyable and they would like to have intercourse again. A man instructs a woman that they should kiss with their mouths open. A man erotically licks the face of a woman. A woman is shown licking the face and ear of another woman. A man and a woman are shown in a passionate embrace, kissing. A man and a woman are shown kissing passionately. A man and woman dance together suggestively. Two men are shown lying in the same bed, after a man offers that they can "lay" with one another. A shirtless man demands that a young man pour oil on his body and rub it in with his hands and genitals; the young man pours oil on his chest and rubs his chest with his hand as the man moans and makes sexual and suggestive comments. A man states that he has sex with animals and is later shown trying to have sex with an animal. A statue is shown bearing an exaggeratedly large erection, a man closely inspects the statue, places his hand on the erection, accidentally snaps off the statue's genitals and then tries to hide the broken parts. A woman is shown running her hands up and down two spears in a purposefully suggestive fashion, which two men discuss as being blatantly sexual in nature. A woman leans over, her cleavage exposed, and two men are shown ogling her breasts. Men and women look at one another in a very suggestive manner. A man looks at a young man and licks his lips suggestively. A man stands before a woman with his leg up, and it is implied that the woman can see his genitals and she smiles. A woman is shown erotically eating and licking a banana and two men talk about the sexual nature of her eating the banana and a man tries to imitate her by erotically eating a chunk of meat. A man jokes about incest, saying that it was awkward the morning after he had sexual intercourse with his mother, so he would not have sexual intercourse with his sister. A woman is asked how she can be "had." A man offers his daughter for sex, saying that people need to be fruitful and multiply. A man tells a woman that he wants to have sex with her and makes two crude references to erections. A woman rebukes a man's advances for sex, saying instead that she is sexually interested in women and that she is a practicing lesbian. A man is told, "sodomize this" and is pushed into a rioting crowd. A man speaks in a suggestive manner to a young man, stating that he would like to see the man perform sexual acts. A man says he just received a "rub and scrub." A young man discusses how his body was painted by another man, with a focus on his genitals. The phrase "where sinners are winners" is used after a discussion of free sex, orgies, and over-consumption of alcohol, including a remark that any ill behavior that takes place will not be discussed once leaving the city. People discuss prostitution and the practice of sodomy, encouraging participation in open sex (both homosexual and heterosexual) orgies, and sexually transmitted diseases. People discuss how virgins are pure of sexual mark, and a man talks about being a virgin himself. A man introduces himself as a eunuch and explains the process of how he became a eunuch, including retaining a portion of his male genitalia which he keeps in a pouch. A man is shown with hair on his hands and mentions that the hair was pubic hair as well as chest hair from giving another man a massage with oil. A man mentions that he had just had a "long, wet, hot" bath with another man. People discuss a fertility dance and how it would be an excellent opportunity to dance with a person who they are sexually interested in (the dance is never shown on screen). Two men discuss "laying" with a woman, implying having sexual intercourse. A man advises another man that he can simply hit a woman over the head and then drag her back to his house to have sex with her, even if she shows no interest in doing so, and then adds that women like it that way. A man says he does not want to wake up his parents while having loud intercourse. Men repeatedly speak of "lying with" women meaning intercourse, and a person asks where babies come from. A man makes a crude reference to masturbation. A man tells another man that he would be happy if the man produced many children with his sister. A man says that he will use his "short spear" to "straighten out" a group of men (while he means this as a violent threat, the implication of his speech is sexual). A man discusses how he will perform circumcision on three other men, he explains in detail the actions required to perform circumcision, including crude and vulgar terms for parts of the male genitalia. People discuss, at length, circumcision and the sexual implications of circumcision, including making crude references to the act of circumcision and male genitalia and the appearance of male genitalia after circumcision. When being attacked by a snake, a man is instructed to stick a finger in its "hole" (the man does not do so). A man holds up the cooked carcass of an animal and asks a question implying that the carcass resembles the nude female figure. A man offers to kiss another man. Women are shown wearing low-cut tops, shirts which expose bare mid-drift, and short skirts.
Maybe I will see it, after all.