Yes or no sir, yes or no ma'am

BigBadWolf84

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Lately, I've been getting men and women feeling annoyed by my politeness. Yes, you read that right. Nowadays if I respond with "yes sir" or "yes ma'am" that person 95% of the time will go "please don't say that, I'm not that old." What makes them think I'd even consider that? My parents raised me to say that out of respect, not age. Age has nothing to do with it. It's a southern thing, I guess. Being nice only gets you so far in this world. I've learned that the hard way.

Side note: I wanted to ask both men and women and there is no category for that, so I'm using this etc thing. Whatever.
 
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I'm not even remotely Southern and I was raised to refer to strangers as Sir or Ma'am. The parents of my friends were Mr or Mrs last name. My parents aren't even remotely Southern, either. I wouldn't say it's a Southern thing. Us Northerners are polite too. Some of us. Just like any other demographic, really. It's just generally an "old fashioned" manners thing at this point, in my opinion.

I'm exceedingly far from anything religious but I still say "bless you" if someone sneezes around me. If I get to a door before someone, I hold it open for them. It doesn't matter if they are male, female, or other. It doesn't matter that I'm female. When using public transit, I will give up my seat if someone seems to need it. Whether they are my elder, a pregnant woman, or just a person carrying a bunch of stuff, whatever.

What were common courtesies seem to now be archaic manners by modern society's standards. I write thank you notes for job interviews and write in cursive. I use whole words and write complete sentences with punctuation when sending a text message too. On the other hand, I spend a lot of time online and am fairly tech savvy due to my love of video games. Manners seem to have largely gone out the window for many people. I may be a kinky perv, but courtesy is still something I consider important.
 

BigBadWolf84

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I'm not even remotely Southern and I was raised to refer to strangers as Sir or Ma'am. The parents of my friends were Mr or Mrs last name. My parents aren't even remotely Southern, either. I wouldn't say it's a Southern thing. Us Northerners are polite too. Some of us. Just like any other demographic, really. It's just generally an "old fashioned" manners thing at this point, in my opinion.

I'm exceedingly far from anything religious but I still say "bless you" if someone sneezes around me. If I get to a door before someone, I hold it open for them. It doesn't matter if they are male, female, or other. It doesn't matter that I'm female. When using public transit, I will give up my seat if someone seems to need it. Whether they are my elder, a pregnant woman, or just a person carrying a bunch of stuff, whatever.

What were common courtesies seem to now be archaic manners by modern society's standards. I write thank you notes for job interviews and write in cursive. I use whole words and write complete sentences with punctuation when sending a text message too. On the other hand, I spend a lot of time online and am fairly tech savvy due to my love of video games. Manners seem to have largely gone out the window for many people. I may be a kinky perv, but courtesy is still something I consider important.
I would say "thank you" but never get a response. Except from a few cool people I know but still weird. I don't even know how to approach people anymore on this planet lol.
 
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I'm not even remotely Southern and I was raised to refer to strangers as Sir or Ma'am. The parents of my friends were Mr or Mrs last name. My parents aren't even remotely Southern, either. I wouldn't say it's a Southern thing. Us Northerners are polite too. Some of us. Just like any other demographic, really. It's just generally an "old fashioned" manners thing at this point, in my opinion.

I'm exceedingly far from anything religious but I still say "bless you" if someone sneezes around me. If I get to a door before someone, I hold it open for them. It doesn't matter if they are male, female, or other. It doesn't matter that I'm female. When using public transit, I will give up my seat if someone seems to need it. Whether they are my elder, a pregnant woman, or just a person carrying a bunch of stuff, whatever.

What were common courtesies seem to now be archaic manners by modern society's standards. I write thank you notes for job interviews and write in cursive. I use whole words and write complete sentences with punctuation when sending a text message too. On the other hand, I spend a lot of time online and am fairly tech savvy due to my love of video games. Manners seem to have largely gone out the window for many people. I may be a kinky perv, but courtesy is still something I consider important.
I could not have put it better . As per usual , a pertinent , wise answer , from one of my favorite posters . I conduct myself in much the same fashion , and find it somewhat unsettling , that common decency & basic good manners seem to be dying . Fortunately , it appears that my illness,s might spare me the more severe manifestations of this sad trend , but I worry a lot for those left behind . Thank you for yet another excellent post . . Question ? How are you doing with your AR- , project .
 
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I'm not even remotely Southern and I was raised to refer to strangers as Sir or Ma'am. The parents of my friends were Mr or Mrs last name. My parents aren't even remotely Southern, either. I wouldn't say it's a Southern thing. Us Northerners are polite too. Some of us. Just like any other demographic, really. It's just generally an "old fashioned" manners thing at this point, in my opinion.

I'm exceedingly far from anything religious but I still say "bless you" if someone sneezes around me. If I get to a door before someone, I hold it open for them. It doesn't matter if they are male, female, or other. It doesn't matter that I'm female. When using public transit, I will give up my seat if someone seems to need it. Whether they are my elder, a pregnant woman, or just a person carrying a bunch of stuff, whatever.

What were common courtesies seem to now be archaic manners by modern society's standards. I write thank you notes for job interviews and write in cursive. I use whole words and write complete sentences with punctuation when sending a text message too. On the other hand, I spend a lot of time online and am fairly tech savvy due to my love of video games. Manners seem to have largely gone out the window for many people. I may be a kinky perv, but courtesy is still something I consider important.
I have to agree with all of this. Excellent post. I’m glad it was something that those that mentored us felt that these were important life skills to be learned and put into practice. Perhaps it is generational but I see no need or have no intention to change. Most people still appreciate courtesy and good manners and are delighted when they are extended their way.
 
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I have to agree with all of this. Excellent post. I’m glad it was something that those that mentored us felt that these were important life skills to be learned and put into practice. Perhaps it is generational but I see no need or have no intention to change. Most people still appreciate courtesy and good manners and are delighted when they are extended their way.

I do think it is at least partially due to the generation of the individuals and their parent or guardian. I'm in my 30s and my parents were born in the 1950s.
 

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I don't say yes/no ma'am/sir... my parents don't say it either. It's also not something I consider rude of people to not say. I don't care if someone calls me ma'am or not. It literally couldn't matter less to me.

I don't get pissed off when people say it to me. If someone calls me ma'am I don't think twice about it.

I'm guessing the people who tell you *not* to say it have literally no worries in life other than not being able to stay 19 forever. Stuck up is what that is.
 
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I'm not even remotely Southern and I was raised to refer to strangers as Sir or Ma'am. The parents of my friends were Mr or Mrs last name. My parents aren't even remotely Southern, either. I wouldn't say it's a Southern thing. Us Northerners are polite too. Some of us. Just like any other demographic, really. It's just generally an "old fashioned" manners thing at this point, in my opinion.

I'm exceedingly far from anything religious but I still say "bless you" if someone sneezes around me. If I get to a door before someone, I hold it open for them. It doesn't matter if they are male, female, or other. It doesn't matter that I'm female. When using public transit, I will give up my seat if someone seems to need it. Whether they are my elder, a pregnant woman, or just a person carrying a bunch of stuff, whatever.

What were common courtesies seem to now be archaic manners by modern society's standards. I write thank you notes for job interviews and write in cursive. I use whole words and write complete sentences with punctuation when sending a text message too. On the other hand, I spend a lot of time online and am fairly tech savvy due to my love of video games. Manners seem to have largely gone out the window for many people. I may be a kinky perv, but courtesy is still something I consider important.

I'm NOT American and not southern but I do have what might be called old fashioned manners.
My parents are European/ Italian so manners were a must or I got corrected at the end of a cane or strap
or the back of a hand.
The punishment was worse if I was rude or forgot my manners with household staff.
At the VERY strict catholic private school I attended the same mores applied.
Thrashed on morning assembly with a cane in front of the entire school body for breaches
of discipline.
My parents were notified of the correction and chances were very good there'd be another
correction administered when I got home.

When I ran my own company I insisted on being present with my foreman
when interviewing new employees.
Any who walked into the interview and forgot their basic manners
were dismissed without a call back.
I expected the same manners out on the work site as well.
 

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I do not say "Yes sir" or "Yes Ma'am" to anyone who is not in a position of authority over me.

"Yes, please" is my typical response to questions from the masses.

I do say "Sir" or "Miss" or "Ma'am" if trying to get a stranger's attention.
 
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I be 60. It had been years since I was on a bus, littleown a crowded one at the time teenagers get out of school.

Came to a bus stop and an elderly lady...older than me :) got on with a walking stick. All of the seats were taken up by teenage highschool students, and younger adults.

I stood up to let her sit down....none, absolutely none of those young people ever even looked like standing...too busy with their phones, social media, their selfish little conversations. It's very interesting to watch, to see how privileged they think they are.

I smile when I think, yup, and who is going to look after you when your old and grey. Your mobile phone? :)

Keep your manners OP, do not worry what others say or do. It all bites them in the arse one day. Put good stuff out there.
 
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As a military brat, I was raised to be respectful. Especially to my elders, as well as people in authority, like my teachers, my parent's friends, my work superiors, etc.

Unless one gives me a reason not to be polite, and those type of interactions for me are few and far between. I just don't usually let myself go there. Not that I haven't though, lol. I still will usually give someone the benefit of the doubt. Usually, but not always. Dictated by circumstances.

I'll hold a door for someone behind me, regardless of his/her age. It's just part of who I am. And I'm not looking for any feedback. A thanks is nice, but that's not my motivation. It's just the right thing to do. I guess I just want to treat others like I would like others to treat me. That doesn't always happen. That's life.

And that's okay. Cuz I learned a loooonnnnngggg time ago that I can't control how people are gonna act. Or react to me. I try and focus on the positive(s) in my life, and not let something I consider trivial bother me. And someone thinking my politeness is a negative or inappropriate, meh, that's their problem. I'm just gonna keep doing me. It's what I'm best at.
 

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I use yes/no, sir/ma'am in formal and polite settings with strangers mostly.

I sometimes use it with family, but it's a more relaxed delivery. "Yes, ma'am, I'm on it!" I will chirp to my sister as I grab the bread she has asked for from the shelf.

I don't use it at work, it seems weird. Even with my boss.
 
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I never say sir or madam. Let alone ma'am, which is exclusively reserved for the aristocracy in the UK.

These sort of terms are really bound up with the class system in the UK, and this is related to your birth, more so than money. Society is still pretty class-ridden in the UK. So personally, I don't like to use these terms. The last time I think I used them was shortly after finishing school.
 

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I was raised by a Texas Cowboy and a Brit Mum. We weren't taught manners. We lived them.

Even the newest ranch hand was referred to as sir and mister.

Now I'm referred to as "Miss Ellie" by all of the crews, even men who are older than me. As much as I'd like to buddy with them I do not correct them. But I will likewise refer to them as sir and mister when I can.

It's all a sign of respect, and I will respect anyone and everyone until they give me a reason not to.
 
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I be 60. It had been years since I was on a bus, littleown a crowded one at the time teenagers get out of school.

Came to a bus stop and an elderly lady...older than me :) got on with a walking stick. All of the seats were taken up by teenage highschool students, and younger adults.

I stood up to let her sit down....none, absolutely none of those young people ever even looked like standing...too busy with their phones, social media, their selfish little conversations. It's very interesting to watch, to see how privileged they think they are.

I smile when I think, yup, and who is going to look after you when your old and grey. Your mobile phone? :)

Keep your manners OP, do not worry what others say or do. It all bites them in the arse one day. Put good stuff out there.
Dead right . Those arrogant , self absorbed , smarmy pieces of shit , might , just might , get old one day , or become ill , or perhaps have an accident ; whatever . Experience has taught me , time and time again , that you generally " get what you give " in life , and that " aches & pains/infirmity " comes to us all with age . I don't spend a lot of time snivelling about what is happening to me , because I know & accept that I thoroughly deserve at least some of what's going down , due to some of the shit that i did when I was young . I chose the " fuck the world " , " kiss my ass " , lifestyle of my own free will . I would be pretty spineless of me , if I cried about it now .
 

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I don't generally say Sir or Ma'am, but generally stick to proper etiquette, otherwise.

I taught at a college for a while and my students would invariably refer to me as "professor," even though I wasn't one. I stopped correcting them after a while because it didn't help.

My wife teaches at a college and will accept "professor," "doctor," "Ms.," her name, but absolutely can't stand it when students call her "ma'am." Like, "'scuse me, ma'am? Ma'am?"

I get flack from people because I never felt comfortable with kids calling adults by their first names, and all of the kids we know call my wife and all the other adults by their first names. Except for me. They call me Mr. Twoton. And I get harassed about it because I'm some old, out-of-touch, uncool square. And I never insisted on it being that way, I just sort of hinted that it didn't sit right with me.