You are never too young for safe sex

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by helgaleena, Nov 5, 2010.

  1. helgaleena

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    10-Year-Old in Spain Is Not the First or Youngest Child Mom – TIME Healthland

    I have a sinking feeling that babies giving birth to babies is a consequence of child abuse. The ones knocking them up are at least in their teens. How sad for a female to have a child before she has has a period. It cannot be from having sexual desires of her own, or can it?

    I myself do not remember having sexual feelings before puberty. But some children masturbate even as toddlers.

    How old were you when you first had desire for sexual activity of any kind? How old were you when you found out what things lead to a baby? How can a six year old Peruvian girl be fertile? And how can someone put her in the position of discovering it? :sad:
     
  2. HiddenLacey

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    Masturbation I have to say elementary school, not sure the exact age. Sex, I read a trashy romance novel when I was in middle school, so I understood the whole "where babies come from," talk when it happened.

    I was definitely curious in my early teens, but I was way to nervous and shy to even consider it.

    I've never understood the whole babies having babies thing. I agree with you, I think the majority of cases are child abuse cases. I don't understand the sexual attraction to someone that age and I really don't want to. I say JAIL TIME.
     
  3. helgaleena

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    My children learned about male plus female from our pets. But they did not show any inclination to emulate them before the teen years and the one with autism still has no interest in dating despite being asked by girls!

    Is it wisest to explain what sex is even to pre-adolescents who think it's icky?
     
  4. HiddenLacey

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    I don't know the answer to that. I think every child is different. Honestly thinking about it I have no idea where I learned masturbation from at that age.

    The only thing I knew at that age is that my Mom said I was never to let anyone touch me and to tell her if they did.
     
  5. strike_3

    strike_3 Member

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    Well me I started masturbation early too I don't remember when exactly I remember going to the doctor for a physical
    And when she would grave my dick it would get as hard as a rock I've alway known about sex and where babies came
    From cause of my mom she would tell me before anyone else would she said

    And bout kids having kids sorry me my self got my girl pregnant at 17 and we have a wonderful baby and we love her
    We were forced to grow up mentaly since we were both spoiled so yea
     
  6. AlteredEgo

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    I had a warped idea of how babies were made when my mother gave me a thorough, and clinical explanation of why I couldn't get a little brother or sister without having a father in the house. I was two. Before her explanation, I was indignant when told the answer was no, because there wasn't a man in the house. I thought, if Grandma and Auntie were good enough for me, what was so important about these unborn siblings that they deserved real fathers. Her explanation was good, but a bit above my level, and I got all of the names of the organs (other than penis and vagina which I knew) wrong, and also didn't quite get that the penis actually had to go inside. Subsequent discussions with other precocious friends filled in some blanks.

    I knew from toddler-hood how good it could feel to play with my privates, and I was always curious about anythign which was (or seemed to be) labeled "adults only" such as French kissing, and being naked with members of the opposite sex. In nursery school, I had like-minded friends of both genders. We showed each other what we had, how we liked to touch ourselves, and our games of house were not g rated.

    In elementary school, I talked many girls into doing things to which their parents might have objected. As I got older, and entered middle school, I became a lot more conservative. Interestingly, a very small number of younger acquaintances grew quite bold with me, though I'd never approached them in a remotely sexual way. One such girl stimulated me to orgasm, while kissing me very roughly. I was excited and afraid, but mostly excited. I was confused by her aggressiveness, especially considering her age. I was also still not sure what to make of my orgasms yet. I'd not figured out what they were, and confusion about the intense sensations, and the deep contractions put me off masturbating for a whole year. Anyway, we were nearly caught by an adult cousin of ours, and it was hands off for the rest of the evening. I never saw her again. We had cousins in common, but were not ourselves related.

    I do think it entirely possible for children to have sexual desires of their own. I certainly did, and so did the children to whom I was closest, except for one girl a year older who never gave any indication that she was interested in those kinds of games. I think there is nothing wrong with like-minded children deciding to explore together, but no one who isn't their peer should ever be involved!
     
  7. AlteredEgo

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    DOn't you think that's different from 6 and 10 year olds?
     
  8. petite

    petite New Member

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    I'm always a little bit paranoid about answering these questions because it makes me worried that someone will use our stories for wank material or to irrationally justify evil behavior. :sad:

    For that reason, for a very very long time now I've kept all sexual revelations here to things that happened since I've turned 18, and I've been very careful with my wording to make it clear that I'm talking about experiences that happened since I turned 18.

    I'll answer the question this time, just because of who's asking and who else has answered. I discovered my clitoris when I was 5. It's an experience I actually vividly remember! I think I masturbated every day after that. Discovering the physical sensations of clitoral stimulation was not a product of abuse for me at all.

    Discovering my clitoris was totally innocent. It was very pleasurable but not what I would necessarily call "sexual" since I didn't feel desire for someone else to do it and I was completely innocent about penises, or how babies were made, or anything having to do with adult sexuality. I think it was like desiring something sweet to eat, just a physical sensation that I liked, unconnected to what I now think of as sex. I don't think I had a real crush on a boy until two years later, and my under the covers activity wasn't mentally connected with that crush. Honestly, all I wanted was a kiss, and a very innocent one. It wasn't long after that when I developed crushes on male celebrities of all ages and went totally boy crazy, but I still didn't know anything about PIV sex. I just knew that certain boys drove me wild. That's not to say that I can't imagine some innocent exploration with a boy, but that never happened. The boys I wanted to kiss me didn't want to kiss me, so I didn't get kissed. Even my first boyfriend at the age of 10, who used to call me about once every two weeks and invite me to go roller skating or go to the movies, not even he kissed me, even though we "dated" for almost a year. He was the first boy to ever drive me crazy because he'd act like he liked me when he called me, then he would ignore me the entire time we were on our "date" and for the next week or two I was sure that he hated me and then he would call me and invite me out again and I'd be so happy and excited and the whole thing would happen all over again, over and over again. It was my first learning experience with the opposite sex. He never once kissed me. :redface:

    As far as learning about actual sex, a boy my age showed me his penis when I was 6. It was for about 2 seconds and I didn't understand what I saw. Frankly, I was still totally innocent. I learned about the technical aspects of the birds and bees around the age of 11, but it wasn't until a girl across the street from me showed me one of her mother's porn videos when I was 12 that I finally really understood what the technical description left out. It was the first time I ever saw an erect penis. I was fascinated and curious, but not aroused. I still just wanted a boy to kiss me.

    Like you I have a hard time imaging how such a young girl could be fertile and become pregnant. I also have a hard time imagining a boy that young being able to achieve an erection or being fertile himself. The entire story is disturbing.
     
    #8 petite, Nov 6, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2010
  9. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I think it often is. Sometimes it's a direct consequence. Sometimes it's because the children have been exposed to sexual matters way younger than they should have been. A common response to abuse is a willingness to engage in sex, either in a conscious sense (often as a way of taking control) or because the person has essentially been trained to behave as a victim.

    Of course there are people who mature early in the absence of abuse.


    When I was tiny my mum taught me that there were good and bad touches (bad ones were ones that made me feel uncomfortable) and to tell her immediately if anyone ever tried to give me a bad touch.

    I can't remember when I first learned that sex lead to babies, but I already knew the basics when my mum bought me a detailed book on the topic at 11. The book was great! It built on all the little bits I already knew to give me a fuller picture. Except that it neglected to mention that the man actually MOVES once he has his penis inside. I didn't figure that part out until years later. :redface:

    My sexual feelings didn't start until I was in my teens. I had 'boyfriends' from the age of ten, but I never even THOUGHT about kissing them. We held hands and that was it.

    My first sexual feelings that were REALLY sexual feelings (as opposed to a childish desire to have a boyfriend and do some kissing) were probably triggered by my first kiss at 13. At 14 I had my first opportunity for sex. I said no because I wasn't ready yet, but boy did I want to! Every part of my body wanted it, but I knew I wouldn't feel happy with myself afterwards. After that I turned into a virginal little sex maniac. I'd happily kiss and play with anyone I could get my hands on. But I didn't judge myself ready for sex until I was 16 (and legal, coincidentally).

    So I guess I did have sexual feelings before I had sex, but certainly not before I hit puberty. Although I have known some people who did. My sister masturbated even as a toddler - mum had to put in a fair bit of effort to teach her that that was something you do in private. I don't know that the feelings are really 'sexual' at that age though. To the kid it just feels nice. Just like a massage feels nice or a cuddle feels nice. Just because their body can feel pleasure, it doesn't mean that pleasure is sexual in nature.
     
  10. AlteredEgo

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    I forgot. When I was 4, I saw Debbie Does Dallas, and scenes from another porno. My best friend's father subscribed to Playboy, and she and I would steal them every month. He also got the channel on cable, and very late at night, we'd watch as much as we could get away with. We got caught once, but pretended to be asleep, and escaped punishment. The channel was canceled days later.
     
  11. strike_3

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    @AlteredEgo
    I guess u can't compare 6 or 10 with 17 but tell me. At what age are u mentally ready to have kids I know I wasn't At 17
     
  12. AlteredEgo

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    I suppose it would vary from person to person. My only point is you may have been (may still be) quite young, but you are certainly no child. There is ZERO in common between you and a six year old mentally.
     
  13. helgaleena

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    At least we hope so! :tongue: I was the product of a teen marriage myself, and I know on my own skin that my parents were not grown-ups. Thankfully they lived with my grandparents. Best of luck to you and your baby mom, and do put your dear child first and be there for her as much as you can.

    Back on topic: There is family nudity in the Finnish American culture I grew up in, because of sauna. Also many doctors and visual artists, which took away some of the false prudery attached to bodily exposure. I saw male equipment since my earliest memories, and not just on farm animals. And surely I understood what it was for too. It was for making calves, and getting dogs stuck together so you had to pour a pail of water on them.

    OTOH it is not a culture that encourages cuddling, even of children. Pleasure sensations from my own body was a very weird idea to me until I was a teen. Having to involve somebody else in producing those sensations still strikes me as fraught with risk.

    There has to be a middle ground somewhere, that allows children comfort and self-comfort as well as common sense about biology. Two years old? Maybe if you can speak well your little brain can take in facts of life.
     
  14. AlteredEgo

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    Oh, I could speak very well at two. And my mother really had no choice but to explain. Without her explanation, my feelings really were hurt, and my self esteem was in jeopardy.

    I started nursery school in June of 1981, so I was about 15 months. I started going full-time that September. I was making lots of new friends, and their families were not like mine. Some of them had no fathers either, but they didn't have an aunt and grandmother like I did. Meeting more traditional nuclear families made me realize that the families I saw on television were "normal", and mine was different. My concerns were answered with explanations that I didn't need for my father to come home, because I could get all the love I'd ever need from my grandmother, aunt, and mother. I was a lonely only child. I always longed for siblings, especially a sister. I asked almost daily, and was told "no". One day, I thought perhaps the reason my mother wouldn't give me a sister because she didn't want another girl in the house. So, I asked for a brother. Again I was denied. After asking a few times for a brother, I finally asked why I couldn't have one, despite my loneliness, and was told that I couldn't have one because my family did not include a father.

    This was the source of my hurt feelings. How could it be that it was okay for me to have a weird family with no father, but that this set up wasn't good enough for the "new" baby? What was wrong with me that I deserved a family that wasn't as good as everyone else's, and so good about these siblings that didn't even exist that they should outright require something I couldn't remember ever having: a relationship with my father? Screw those usurpers! If anyone was going to know and get love from my father it would be me. But anyway, in the mean time it made me feel like my earliest suspicions about our situation were true, and we were a family configuration that just wasn't up to par.

    My mother had no choice but to explain properly why a father was biologically necessary for more of us to exist, and reiterate that his absence was not a poor reflection on me, or the rest of our family. It was bath time Christmas eve when I asked my awkward question. Refusal to answer would have destroyed my holiday. In my case, two years was old enough for the truth. Sure it took me several more years to get a good handle on all of that information, but it needed to be said when it was said. Explaining it so soon did not make my mother less inclined to explain it to me several times more during my upbringing.
     
  15. D_Rosalind Mussell

    D_Rosalind Mussell New Member

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    I definitely agree that these young pregnancies are the results of abuse. A 10-year old does not have the maturity or latitude of understanding to make such a decision. It breaks my heart to see these young girls, their lives have been altered in ways that should never be.

    Like Petite, I haven't really spoken about my sex life as a teenager or younger, and for the same reasons. I came from a home with mixed messages. My sex education wasn't all that informative, and when it was it seemed I got the right info at inappropriate times.

    I can look back and remember my first sexual stirrings. I was 10 years old and had already started developing (boobs and pubes at 9, period at 11). While my young mind couldn't identify the feelings I had, all I knew was there was one boy I couldn't stop staring at. He was in a different class than mine, but every day at school I would look for him and stare at him for as long as I could. I was so very much attracted to him and it was like my body lit up. In my innocent mind, I liked the way I felt when I looked at him and I wanted to kiss him because of it. It never occurred to me that sex had anything to do with it. I knew the mechanics of sex (how babies were made) but I was not aware of any connection between how I felt and the sex act itself. Consequently, I didn't know that it was desire I was feeling, although I recognize it now looking back.

    When I got to junior high a lot of kids talked about sex. I knew a lot because of my sisters speaking so freely around me (they were teens when I was a kid). I was more aware of the connection between my boy craziness and sex by that point but it wasn't something I wanted to do. Fast forward to 12 years old and I'm losing my virginity to my bff's 17 year old brother. That moment changed me for life and not because of the sex. I don't speak about it much because it's an unresolved issue for me. I have forgiven what he did, but I will harbor an intense grudge towards him until I get to speak my peace. So, when I think about what happened with me...and those girls out there getting sexually abused and impregnated? I feel murderous rage. And fear. I have a 10-year old boy. The thought of him losing his innocence at 12 like I did scares the fucking daylights out of me. I have no problem saying that I would eviscerate any bastard that touched my son. Sorry, I'm a bit passionate about the subject. Child abuse is definitely a hot button for me. :(
     
  16. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    I think it's interesting from an evolution stand point. Women get their periods every month now because we have good nutrition and medicine. If we were all cave men this would be a non issue, we would all just sit in the cave and take care of each other. But, this is not the case. It is all very sad, I wonder why it was not terminated as soon as possible for the girls own good? Maybe they thought that would be even worse?
     
  17. helgaleena

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    I read other articles about the incident in Spain, and her family asserts that the father is her betrothed and he is aged thirteen! That is certainly a 'blast from the past' but it is acceptable within the context of her Roma ethnic group.

    In South Asia child betrothals are not supposed to be consummated until both parties are adults, under watchful eye of extended family. Still, it's not how they do it in mainstream U S of A.

    The one in Peru still bothers me horribly.
     
  18. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    I was only shocked my the 10 year old in Idaho. Can't hide behind the "different culture" excuse there. Where the fuck were the parents?
     
  19. helgaleena

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    The Associated Press: Romanian neighbors: Child mom much older than 10

    Okay, the neighbors agree that the Roma girl in Spain is actually at least thirteen. That means the human race is not achieving puberty that much earlier. But otherwise, all the caveats voiced in this thread to underage sexual relations, especially ones that could lead to fertilization, still hold.

    Oh, also traumatization of child sensibilities, not just those of those who post about the issue!
     
  20. D_Connor Condompopper

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    that and protection against STDs.
     
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